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This Week's Government Cyborg Animal
Security writes "The BBC writes "The Pentagon's defence scientists want to create an army of cyber-insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and send transmissions. The idea is to insert micro-systems at the pupa stage, when the insects can integrate them into their body, so they can be remotely controlled later. "."
"Pentagon defence scientists want to create an army of cyber-insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and send transmissions", what could go wrong ?
I think someone at the Pentagon has been watching too many episodes of Lost...
I think everyone involved in cutting-edge military projects should be required to read a science-contract-gone-wrong fiction book their projects. The moment I read "army of cyber-insects" I thought of Michael Crichton's book, "Prey".
I mean, when does cyborg insects become a good plan for a means of communication? They've already developed a defense for that: A can of Raid.
May I be the first to ask: but do they have frickin' laser beams?!
Does this story bug anyone else? Is that my karma I smell burning?
This comment is fully compliant with RFC 527.
Well, that would help explain the the past two presidential elections.
So computerised military hardware mustn't have had enough bugs in it.
They should focus on Raid immunity for those insects first.
There you are, staring at me again.
*grainy, generic march music begins to play*
*A title appears: 'America on the March!'"
*The music tones down as a narrator speaks, as if from a tin can and the screen fades from black to black and white shots of marching soldiers seen from the knees down*
"America's army is on the march! Fighting a seemingly unwinable, eternal war against The Terrorist!"
*Scene shifts to a variety of different described settings, faded with the image of a stereotypical terrorist constant throught.*
"But our enemies could lurk anywhere! In your homes, your gardens, your playgrounds, buisness and even your schools! You may never know your neighbor is a terrorist until... Bam!"
*His words are accompanied by a cheese cartoon explosion and the letters 'BAM', scene opens to a nuclear family clutching each other in exgaggerated fear and surprise*
"But never fear! Our great leader, President Bush is at the helm!"
*Scene flips to shots of street riots and total chaos. An obvious mistake as the film interrupts with the message 'scene missing'*
*The narrator, obviously recorded before the film had even began to be assembled, carries on.
"And with him, some of the greatest scientific minds of our time are gathered, providing ever improving technologies to combat our invisible enemies. Here at the Pentagon, every day yeilds exciting new discoveries in the world of chemistics, internets, domestic spying, robotics, and cybornetics!"
*The film hastly flips to shots of each of these things, trying to get back on track.*
*Finally, the film settles back to normal speed and begins to move through the same shots as before the terrorised family was shown;now the dim outline of a superman-shaped soldier is present.*
"Now we have the ability to make soldiers that can be found everywhere The Terrorists can be! Gardens, playgrounds, and schools! No, we're not talking about you, Timmy."
*Stock footage is shown of a clearly disappointed 12 year old...who is looking down at his ice cream which has fallen from his cone to the sidewalk.*
"Tomorrows soldier is in countless supply! The army ant! Thanks to modern cybernetics, mother nature her self is mobilizing against the unyeilding threat posed by global terrorism! The Ants are coming, and they are on America's side; there's no other side to be on! So remember those immortal words, as America is on the March:"
*The Music begins to wrap up as the scene moves to a black and white photo of president Bush infront of an American flag.*
*The Narration yeilds to an echoy snipit of the Presidents speech.*
"If you do not stand by us, then your are with the Terrorists..."
*Scene fades to an image of the spinning earth placed on the back drop of an overhead view of the skull-like Stealth Fighter.*
*Music returns to full volume as it concludes.*
*The lights flick out as the music ends...*
Demented But Determined.
Take a really intelligent species that by all rights should be really pissed off with us and teach them how to kill us. I'll be the first to say "I told you so" if there's ever an uprising of mechanized land-walking dolphins...
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Coming this November: the Bush administration unveils cyborg voters from the Diebold Agency.
--
make install -not war
Stop blowing our tax dollars on this crap and develop something useful, like an army of trained monkey butlers (with cute little hats).
Are you kidding?
I'd get a cyborg monkey. If my parents ever complained that my basement was getting too messy all I'd have to do is add a cronjob.
I for one welcome our new Linux-running cyborg monkeys.
This reminds me of a Paul Bunyan story I heard once...
SO, Paul and the guys were logging in the Wisconsin area, when all of a sudden, the entire horizon fills with dark, ominous clouds. Well, not to be pushed around by some rain or maybe a little hail, the guys keep on working. But as the cloud comes closer, they start hearing these strange buzzing sounds. Finally, they realize that it is indeed not a storm, but a huge cloud of Giant Mosquitoes!
Well, the guys haul but into the tin huts, but the giant mosquitoes start punching holes in the roof with their stingers! Paul, always being a quick thinker, grabs a hammer and starts pounding on the mosquito stingers, and they get flattened to the roof. Now, some of the mosquitoes couldn't get in or out, and the rest called it quits.
Now, Paul knew that the mosquitoes would probably be back, so he sent young Tom down the river to St. Louis to bring back some of them Guard Bees he had heard about. Tom gets back a couple of weeks later, and the bees proceed to fly patrol around the camp.
That was all fine great and dandy, until the Mosquitoes actually came back. See, the mosquitoes and the bees liked each other so much, they flew off and got married. Sure enough, their bee-squitoe kids came back a couple of weeks later with stingers on BOTH ends!
In the end, their craving for sweets caused them to swarm a fleet of ships which were bringing molasses to Paul's lumbercamp. They ate so much molasses that they could no longer fly and soon they were all drowned. Paul saved two of the mosquitoes which he later used for drilling holes in maple trees.