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Will Apple Disappoint on 30th Anniversary?

An anonymous reader writes "We've seen the media get over-excited about an Apple launch before, but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday. CNET is concerned at the lack of any news from Apple: 'You'd guess that Steve Jobs will at least have to walk out onto the lawn in Cupertino, light a few fireworks and make some whooping noises. It's that or risk an international incident.' Is Apple going to keep a low profile for their 30th?"

25 of 321 comments (clear)

  1. Suicide Note? by eldavojohn · · Score: 5, Funny
    We've seen the media get over-excited about an Apple launch before, but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday.
    I wonder what application he'll use for his suicide note?

    I hope Chris Stevens and his wife don't have any anniversaries coming up. I guess she could always 'forget one' after taking out a lucrative life insurance policy on him.
    --
    My work here is dung.
    1. Re:Suicide Note? by eviloverlordx · · Score: 3, Funny

      I wonder what application he'll use for his suicide note?

      vi.

      --
      'Loose' is when your pants are three sizes too big. 'Lose' is when you misuse 'loose'.
    2. Re:Suicide Note? by Slithe · · Score: 4, Funny
      --
      ---- "XML is like violence. If it doesn't fix the problem, you aren't using enough."
    3. Re:Suicide Note? by WilliamSChips · · Score: 3, Funny
      and will transport you to the moon.
      If Apple made a product that transported tech columnists to the moon, it would almost make up for their use of DRM in the iTunes Music Store.
      --
      Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
    4. Re:Suicide Note? by catwh0re · · Score: 3, Funny
      *Begins Typing "Farewell cruel world .."* *Clippy Appears* Hi! It looks like you're writing a suicide letter?

      Would you like help in:
      Plotting your own death?
      Choosing a weapon of choice?
      Open the suicide letter template gallery.

  2. Didn't you know? by DebianDog · · Score: 5, Funny
    Apple is going to go OUT OF BUSINESS!

    Said Steve Jobs, "It has been a good 30 year run and, unlike most companies, we want to close the doors while we are still profitable"

  3. Apple 30th Anniversary commerative one-day sale by Randall311 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I would settle for a one day sale of 30% in celebration of 30 years. Every Apple product 30% off, then I would buy a MacBook Pro. They at least need to do an April Fool's joke. Like "We're making OS X available to install legally on all generic x86 harware." ... Gotcha! April Fools!!

    1. Re:Apple 30th Anniversary commerative one-day sale by stmfreak · · Score: 3, Funny

      A better April fools joke would be an OSX hack iso that allows install onto a modded XBOX.

      --
      These opinions guaranteed or your money back.
  4. Re:Wait by gEvil+(beta) · · Score: 4, Funny

    Of course there's a story here--there may be a job opening at CNET UK next week!

    --
    This guy's the limit!
  5. Not Quite... by waif69 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Apple plans on selling their portable computers to Lenovo and the desktop computers to Dell, following the leads of IBM and Alienware. Apple will then take the money from those two deals and purchase apple music thereby bringing a long-time battle to a close. Of course this will result in Beatles music being available in iTunes for 9cents per song, to spite Yoko Ono.

    Don't shoot the messenger, the voices told me this, they really did.

  6. Re:Wait by TopShelf · · Score: 4, Funny

    I think the story is, "CNET is desperately trying to fill space."

    --
    Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
  7. Re:Oh, cry me a river. by Thud457 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Apple Computer - proudly going out of business for thirty years"!

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  8. Apple will announce "Ipod Yocto" by digitaldc · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Ipod Yocto" - an Ipod so small that it fits into your inner ear.
    Once you buy it, you will instantly become the coolest technophile on the planet, but the downside is that noone will be able to notice that you own one.

    --
    He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
  9. Yes it is by itistoday · · Score: 3, Funny
    A suicide is not a light subject to be throwing it around like it's some joke...

    Are you kidding me??? You obviously don't know how to kill yourself like a man.
  10. Don't sue me but I know what will be announced... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    A range of leather cases for the iPod range. Nothing new I hear you cry? This time they come with a limited edition embossed logo.

    Remember, you heard it here first!

  11. Alternative to Fireworks by gluteus · · Score: 5, Funny

    Steve should bring out a wheelbarrow of newspaper and magazine articles about "beleaguered Apple" or "Apple going out of business" and light them up in the parking lot. And maybe send a get well card to Michael Dell.

  12. OT: converts by (startx) · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'm as much of an Apple fanboy as the next guy (3 Macs at home, 2 ipods, 6 converts)

    Thats one thing I've noticed all Mac users I know(including myself) keep track of...number of people coverted. I've only got 1 convert(wife), but she's already racked up 6, and they've converted a few more. All happy Mac users now.

    Are there any Mac users out there who don't keep track of the number of people who have "switched" after playing around with his or her computer for a while?

  13. Gettin' old by The+Famous+Brett+Wat · · Score: 4, Funny
    You'd guess that Steve Jobs will at least have to walk out onto the lawn in Cupertino, light a few fireworks and make some whooping noises.

    Nah. He'll walk out onto the lawn and yell at some kids to get off it.

    Disclosure: I'm thirtysomething.

    --
    proof, n. A demonstration that a conclusion is implied by certain premises and axioms.
  14. How do you want to be disappointed today? by pergamon · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is indeed one area where Apple lags behind Microsoft. Microsoft has the ability to not just disappoint on each and every anniversary of their founding, but most of the days in between as well.

  15. I heard differently. by MAXOMENOS · · Score: 4, Funny
    From what I've heard, Apple was going to shock the world by re-introducing their original Apple line of computers.

    That's right: the Apple \/, the latest successor to the wildly successful Apple ][ line, is on its way. This state-of-the-art machine features an amazing 8 MHz processor with a shocking 512 KB of RAM and built-in double floppy drives, to handle the computing needs of the 21st Century. This machine comes with an updated version of Apple DOS that gives you the power to create directories on your double-sided floppy disks (although I understand that NetBSD will also run on this machine). Order now and get a free 14" monochrome monitor and printer (your choice of dot-matrix or pinwheel).

  16. How thoughtful of them by Guppy06 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday."

    CNET? Heck, I'll chip in and buy the Kool-Aid!

  17. here's the scoop by Hellasboy · · Score: 4, Funny

    They've done small. Enough of that. Now they're gonna go BIG. Everyone will want one of these. ;)

    --

    "Tread softly because you tread on my dreams"
  18. This is what will happen... by tktk · · Score: 4, Funny
    Steve Jobs will send out a signal, all the white iPod earbuds will activate, crawl into the listeners ears and take over their mind. Steve's getting old and his natural RDF isn't cutting it anymore.

    That's why iPod earbuds are so uncomfortable. Even nanomachines in the white earbuds take up space. And you thought yesterday's iPod update was for volume control. It was really for control of volumes of people!

  19. Re:Whatever. by cpt+kangarooski · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yes, we all know that using LaTeX drives even real men to suicide.

    --
    -- This and all my posts are in the public domain. I am a lawyer. I am not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice.
  20. Re:Wait by VolciMaster · · Score: 4, Funny
    possibly the most content-free Slashdot post ever.

    Just wait till the dupe comes out