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Is Corporate Speak Invading Your IT Department?

Worse than Political Correctness asks: "With several years of system administration under my belt, I am moving toward a slightly different role at my company. I am going from a straight system administration role to more of a high-level systems architect for a mid-sized company. There have been several promotions in our department recently, and use of this slang is growing faster than a Dave Chappell bit. Right now, I feel like unless one studies and masters the use of these pretentious buzzwords and phrases, he/she will be run over by people with worse ideas but a nicer-sounding delivery. Is corporate speak a necessary evil? " "I have noticed that as I deal more and more with upper management, selling them on products and direction, as well as with hardware/software vendors, the dreaded corporate speak slang is becoming part of my daily life. No longer is there more work to fill an already full plate, now there are 'opportunities for growth'. There are no company layoffs, there are 'realignments'. Difficult people are merely referred to as 'more challenging' than others. I dislike this non-speak as much as any person bred from a technical background. However, in order to match my new colleagues in the give and take of business life, phrases like 'functions', 'deliverables', and 'value-add' are finding their way into my vocabulary."

Is this just something one has to cope with in order to climb the corporate ladder? If you've found yourself in this position, what things did you do to cope?

89 of 490 comments (clear)

  1. You have to fight.. by Ckwop · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I feel like unless one studies and masters the use of these pretentious buzzwords and phrases, he/she will be run over by people with worse ideas but a nicer-sounding delivery. Is corporate speak a necessary evil?

    No it is not, in fact, it should be resisted at all costs. Corporate speak is the opposite of language. Language is used between people to discuss ideas and express their emotions to each other. Corporate speak is used for precisely the opposite, to cloud ideas behind a vineer of self assumed intellect. Often coporate speak can be decomposed in to concepts so simple that they're essentially obvious.

    An example from one of my previous rants on this topic: "You can use the leviathan forces of attention and enthusiasm that are swirling around Web 2.0 these days as a powerful enabler to make something important and exciting happen in your organization."

    This is a fairly typical management-speak sentence but what does this actually mean? The sentence essentially boils down to a simple statement: You can use new technology as an opportunity to improve the operation of your business. I think most would agree this is an obvious, uninteresting statement and this is precisely the point I'm trying to make. People who use this language are trying to sell you something that's obvious; to sell the emperor his own clothes. If somebody can't make their point in plain english then they likely don't have a point that's worth hearing at all.

    So how do you fight it? I find the following techniques work:

    1. Ask them to explain what each term means. Example: What is Web 2.0 anyway? I haven't seen a new W3C standard called Web 2.0.
    2. Repeat what they just said in English. Rather than agreeing with what they said get them to agree to your formulation of the statement instead.
    3. If your in a position of power, if anybody submits a proposal to you using flowery terms, get them to revise their language. Tell them why you think clear language is important.

    I love our language and I love the mutual heritage shared across the many countries that speak it. Work with me to remove this cancer from our workplaces because our language is part of who we are. We simply can not allow something so abhorent to become part of our definition.

    Simon.

    1. Re:You have to fight.. by thewiz · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Corporate speak is basically the same type of "Rah-Rah" speech you here at Amway/Mary Kay/etc conventions. It's just for pumping up peoples emotions rather than conveying useful information.

      --
      If "disco" means "I learn" in Latin, does "discothèque" mean "I learn technology"?
    2. Re:You have to fight.. by timster · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Language is used between people to discuss ideas and express their emotions to each other. Corporate speak is used for precisely the opposite, to cloud ideas behind a vineer of self assumed intellect.

      The problem is that the veneer is an important part of one of society's Big Lies: that people know what they are doing. The truth is that most people, even in technical fields, have no clue what they are doing and never will. Given our economic structure it is necessary to employ these people lest society collapse.

      This is most true the higher up the corporate ladder you go. An average executive could go on and on about their qualifications, but nothing they succeed at is actually hard and most of what they fail at is actually easy. How many of you believe that you could have done a better job of running HP than Carly? Personally, I think most of you are right.

      For those of you who DO know what you're doing, understand that when people talk in corporatespeak, they are trying to believe that they have skills. There's no way to win by talking corporatespeak back, as it's cleverly designed to prevent people with skills from standing out.

      I remain without a solution to the problem that corporatespeak squashes all of my great ideas, but it has occurred to me that possibly I don't know what I'm doing either, so maybe it is for the best.

      --
      I have seen the future, and it is inconvenient.
    3. Re:You have to fight.. by sexyrexy · · Score: 4, Interesting

      No it is not, in fact, it should be resisted at all costs. Corporate speak is the opposite of language.

      This is not always true. Corporate speak can be used to obfuscate, confuse, impress, overwhelm, or it can simply be a particular lexicon. Just like legalese can be used to frustrate or to clarify in a way no other mode of language can.

      What if the roles were reversed? Suppose the poster is a business major who has been thrust into the IT/S division of his company, asking us business folk if he should have to learn these ridiculous technical terms in order to communicate with the people he has to deal with every day. Your advice in that situation translates to: Hell no! Fight those socially inept geeks who try to confuse the real issue by loading up on technical terms and all that garbage. Whenever a network administrator submits his network health analysis report, hand it right back to him and tell him to use plain English. We'll not be having all this "TCP/IP" garbage. What the hell does that even mean, anyway? Why can't you use an easy word we all understand, like "traffic"?

      The language of business means real things to the people who deal with it, just like technical terms mean real things to others. You make the mistake of assuming all lexicons outside your own are devoid of meaning because you don't know the meaning.

      --

      Rex is 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
    4. Re:You have to fight.. by Otter · · Score: 4, Interesting
      Ask them to explain what each term means. Example: What is Web 2.0 anyway? I haven't seen a new W3C standard called Web 2.0.

      No offense, but I'd rather deal with MBA-speak than Annoying Nerd Sarcasm any day.

      And for anyone who doubts that "deliverable" is a useful term, check today's interviews with Bruce Perens and with the new Debian leader to see what happens when that concept is missing.

    5. Re:You have to fight.. by sirket · · Score: 4, Insightful

      No tech I know of wants to utter the letters/words TCP/IP around a management type. We know it won't end well so we don't go there in the first place. Tell us what you want in plain english and we will tell you if we can deliver it, the costs, and the time frame. If there are particular technical reasons that we can't make it work then we will tell you that. We can't help it if you ask for the technical reasons and then you completely fail to understand when we explain them to you.

      -sirket

    6. Re:You have to fight.. by AuMatar · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Having worked at HP under Carly- I *know* most of them are right. It takes a special kind of incompetence to cut stock prices in half, destroy profitable divisions (calculators), bribe investors to go along with your plans (the bank of germany changed from a anti-merger to a pro-merger vote 15 minutes before the election- coinciding with a 1 billion dollar revolving loan from them), sink employee morale to all time lows, freeze raises for 4 years, have no real bonuses for 4 years (while talking about how great the numbers were), and blame it all on the employees not delivering to her vision. Oh, and have the market cap of the company go up *4 billion dollars* on the day you're fired.

      What?!?! No, I'm not bitter. I was one of the lucky ones- I got offered voluntary severance in the program the interim CEO put into effect. I consider the 5 months severance pay compensation for 4 years without a raise.

      --
      I still have more fans than freaks. WTF is wrong with you people?
    7. Re:You have to fight.. by Theatetus · · Score: 5, Insightful
      What if the roles were reversed? Suppose the poster is a business major who has been thrust into the IT/S division of his company, asking us business folk if he should have to learn these ridiculous technical terms in order to communicate with the people he has to deal with every day. Your advice in that situation translates to: Hell no! Fight those socially inept geeks who try to confuse the real issue by loading up on technical terms and all that garbage.

      Rubbish.

      If someone doesn't know what TCP/IP means or what a CNAME record is, I can direct him to appropriate RFCs that define them.

      Now, I wouldn't actually direct an MBA to an RFC, because his eyes would glaze over about the time he got to "this memo has unlimited distribution." But what matters is that I can direct him to such a document, because such a document exists. Tech-speak is done with well-defined terms that have standardized meaning, and it is used to clarify how we talk to each other.

      If you can point me to a document or documents standardizing terms like "Web 2.0", "enterprise", "solution", "mission-critical", "partner", etc., then I will admit my criticism of corporate speak is wrong. However, I don't think you will be able to, because those documents don't exist. Because these words' meanings are not standardized. They mean to the speaker what he imagines he means, and they mean to the listener what he imagines he hears. That, I think, is what business types don't understand when they compare themselves to techs: what we say means something, because we had to learn something objective, verifiable, and repeatable to get where we are, while they didn't.

      --
      All's true that is mistrusted
    8. Re:You have to fight.. by matt21811 · · Score: 3, Interesting

      "You can use new technology as an opportunity to improve the operation of your business."

      There was a time when the word opportunity was a management buzword. I still hate the word. It seems to have become part of the business vocabulary even of people that hate corporate speak. Look:

      "You can use new technology to improve the operation of your business."

      Take the word out and the sentence has lost no meaning. That should be the definition of corporate speak.

    9. Re:You have to fight.. by LithiumX · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I think you're missing the point of that corporate-speke sentence.

      One of the biggest reasons why techies misunderstand C-Speke so often is because they are playing a different game. They want performance, they want efficiency, and they apply skill and acumen as a business tool. Therefore direct non-abstract literalism is the preferred (and for their line of work, only) medium of exchange.

      Now put yourself in the mindset of a business strategist. He was not saying that applying a particular technology will improve their business. The most literal meaning would be "We can make use of the hype around this new technology, the nature of which may be irrelevant to our concerns, to do things marketing-wise that are bluntly obvious to everyone in this room but that we don't want to say on the record.".

      C-Speke is very rarely about the technologies or concepts it talks about - it's a way for a different industry (marketing, analysis, and general business operations) to invoke shared abstractions without having to spell out the complexities on the spot. It's to a great extent a set of euphemisms that describe the realities of business without the perceived vulgarity of clearly stating the obvious. It's also very often a means of incorporating technical concepts that you cannot assume the target has an understanding of, and instead allows you to skip to the applicable part - the results.

      For instance... without business speak, many innocuous statements would be forced to say exactly what they mean... such as:

      "It is the belief of our marketing department that the tactics we will shortly propose will take advantage of the inherent weaknesses in the judgement of our clientele, as per our extensive research and marketing experiments, driving a wedge between them and our competition. Such a result can be taken advantage of with quick manuevering and specifically targetted activity. This action is quasi-legal according to our legal department, but with enough obfuscation we can get away with it. Covering this up requires a significant change in our business practices, which we must find a confusing means of portraying in a positive light."

      The fun part for the rest of you is to convert that honest statement into classic Corporate Speke. Remember, other C-Speakers should be able to get the gist of it, but you can't actually SAY what you mean.

      --
      Do not confuse "Freedom of Choice" with "Free Will".
    10. Re:You have to fight.. by Karma+Farmer · · Score: 5, Funny
      Some definitions:
      Web 2.0: Snake Oil
      Solution: Expensive Snake Oil
      Enterprise: Very Expensive Snake Oil
      Mission Critical: Indispensable Snake Oil
      Partner: Snake Oil Salesman
    11. Re:You have to fight.. by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 5, Funny

      You forgot "And look like a totally hot MILF the entire time." I think that HP might have downsized, but I certainly was feeling upsized whenever I got a gander at her. Yummay.

      --
      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
    12. Re:You have to fight.. by nasch · · Score: 2, Insightful

      If what you say is true, then it doesn't improve anything. Now I object to c-speak because it's slimy, not because it's stupid. If you're doing something you're ashamed of, don't find some way to talk about it that masks your shame, stop doing it. If you're doing something you're not ashamed of, don't be afraid to talk about it clearly.

    13. Re:You have to fight.. by meme_police · · Score: 2, Insightful

      But it's not all rah rah. One of the words mentioned in the question, deliverable, is something that IT forgets about and is why many projects never meet deadlines or actually get finished. I cannot begin to tell you how many projects I see floundering because the developers don't know that they have to deliver something.

      --

      The meme police, They live inside of my head

    14. Re:You have to fight.. by LithiumX · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The usual result of letting morality get in the way of (regular) business is... bankruptcy, or at the very least being surpassed. This doesn't include outright immoral acts (such as Enron, etc), but anyone with a soul would feel bad abusing human weaknesses, twisting the truth, and spinning alternate logic. However... because of those weaknesses, the best products and the best services can (usually) only compete with even grossly inferior ones if they get their hands at least a little dirty. The larger the scale, the more extreme the methods tend to get just to stay afloat.

      The fact that most of the larger corporations seem to revel in C-Speak might suggest that while C-Speak might have it's flaws, the mindset it produces seems to be a better competitor than wholesome from-the-heart lets-do-business, or the more direct (and vicious) eat-their-lunch mentality that dominated the 80's.

      Of course, it could just as easily be that C-Speak is just a social disease that carries best in a corporate environment.

      Either way, when a "consumate professional" abuses C-Speak to communicate better with his peers than the direct but more communicatively challenged (oh lord now I'm doing it) techie who's behind a project, and does so to steal that tech's thunder... it is the tech's job to quietly and efficiently demonstrate how the C-Speaker's hijacking is detrimental to the morale (and more imporantly, loyalty) of the technicians that even most middle-managers (silently) realize is what's driving much of their company.

      --
      Do not confuse "Freedom of Choice" with "Free Will".
    15. Re:You have to fight.. by cruachan · · Score: 2, Insightful
      If you can point me to a document or documents standardizing terms like "Web 2.0", "enterprise", "solution", "mission-critical", "partner", etc., then I will admit my criticism of corporate speak is wrong.

      Just because a word or phrase doesn't have a standardized definition doesn't mean to say it's not useful. Quite the contary in fact. For example you cannot point me at a document that gives a standard definition of the phrase "In Love". I'm also sure it has subtly different meanings for different people, nevertheless this is an extremely useful concept that is a major driving force in human society.

      In fact fuzzy concepts are generally much more important than precisely defined ones. "Freedom" perhaps. "Duty" might be another one. "Honour" has fallen out of favour of late in the west but wars were fought because of it. Dozens of others too - "Justice", "Liberty", "Fairness" etc. etc.

      Which isn't to say that much corporate speak isn't bullshit - of course it is. However a concept that is fuzzy at the edges can be useful precisely because it isn't well defined.

    16. Re:You have to fight.. by jschrod · · Score: 5, Insightful
      Mission-Critical
      Buzzword. Use "Urgent" "Immediate attention" etc.
      At those IT shops where I do consulting, the terms "mission-critical", "business important", or "business foundation" are defined very precisely in the Service Level Agreements, as categories of systems with defined availability demands, defined maximum outage times, and defined RTO/RPO for disaster recovery. The category "mission-critical" has often additional associated service level requirements, e.g., maximum answer times for end users.

      And this is quite standard in most current SLA contracts that I have seen. So, while the OP and you think that these are buzzwords, in well-run IT shops they have very specific and very precise meaning.

      --

      Joachim

      People don't write Manifestos any more -- what's going on in this world? [Frank Zappa]

    17. Re:You have to fight.. by iserlohn · · Score: 2, Informative

      You'll want this book -

      Why Business People Speak Like Idiots : A Bullfighter's Guide (Hardcover)
      by Brian Fugere, Chelsea Hardaway, Jon Warshawsky
      ISBN: 0743269098

    18. Re:You have to fight.. by snuf23 · · Score: 3, Funny

      "If you can point me to a document or documents standardizing terms like "Web 2.0", "enterprise", "solution", "mission-critical", "partner", etc., then I will admit my criticism of corporate speak is wrong."

      Lol n00b! Like you even understand the Internets.

      Web 2.0: This is when Microsoft made the new Internets with Internet Explorer. Because the bearded old people who made Web 1.0 all died and no one can understand UNIX any more without them.

      enterprise: Ever heard of Star Trak????? This was teh first shuttle spaceship, it lasted 3 years out a five year mission then crashed into Florida.

      solution: if you had contacts you would realize this is what you put in your eyes to keep them wet, but nope you sure are to be a four-eyed geek! oh noes the nerds!

      mission-critical: the movie with Tom Cruise doing spy stuff. Come on this is really important to know about because of the terrorists. How can you do security if you don't know the secrets?

      partner: yeah no wonder you don't know - cus you never had one! except your hand!

      omgwtfbbqroflcopterslollercoasters

      --
      Sometimes my arms bend back.
    19. Re:You have to fight.. by GFunk83 · · Score: 2, Insightful
      New technology is an "opportunity" to improve one's business. It is not necessarily an improviment in and of itself.

      The problem with your statment is that "new technology" may not improve your business by itself. It probably needs to be implemented correctly, staff needs to be trained, etc.

      This is not to say that I disagree with you, I just think that's a bad example.

    20. Re:You have to fight.. by ScrewMaster · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Put it this way: would you want your physician communicating with your heart surgeon about your upcoming quadruple-bypass operation using corporate-speak? Odds are they'd part you out by accident. Doctors also have their own dialect, just like most professions. Those specialized terms exist so that practitioners of a particular discipline can communicate quickly and efficiently with each other. Yes, jargon is often confusing to the uninitiated ... but it can be an effective form of verbal shorthand.

      Corporate-speak is the diametric opposite of true jargon, being composed of terms designed to prevent effective communication at all costs, to present an impression of meaning when in fact there is none. This has the added benefit of making the corporate-speak user virtually immune to any form of accountability, since he didn't actually say anything.

      --
      The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
    21. Re:You have to fight.. by tech_man563 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      A few years back I was working for a big company and IBM wanted to present a change to their product line that would impact a major project we were working on. The technology was about to change drastically and I got us an invitation to their development center. When IBM asked our president who from our company should participate he said not to invite me because "he'll only ask a bunch of technical questions and we'll get bogged down". This was a technical briefing we were supposed to attend. Obviously I don't corporate speak.

    22. Re:You have to fight.. by plover · · Score: 2, Interesting
      Actually, we use "mission critical", but only because we mean it. If our software were to fail on a large scale, it would be bad for our company. Redundant data paths, communications paths and backup databases help, but our application has to run even when completely offline.

      I don't know if your mythical business communications classes exist anymore. I haven't seen enough clearly written communications lately to believe such advice was ever given!

      I've recently read two really good books about corporate-speak. The first was "Death Sentences" by Don Watson, and the second was "Your Call Is Important To Us: The Truth About Bullshit" by Laura Penny. Penny's book points out the pervasive use of bullshit in our culture -- how the lies are indeed being repeated by the liars so often that they don't even know when they're lying any more. It's fairly entertaining in a depressing sort of way; it points out a lot of problems in our society, but offers no real solutions. It has a very leftist slant -- I don't know if that's because the writer is leftist, or because the current administration happens to be right wing.

      Watson's book, on the other hand, pleads for us to clean up our writing, and offers useful advice. Of the two, I'd highly recommend Death Sentences if you're interested in improving your own writing. I'd recommend Penny's book only if you'd rather explore the lies our culture seems to be built upon.

      --
      John
    23. Re:You have to fight.. by midknight32 · · Score: 2, Informative

      A perfect example disassembling similar obfuscation in writing, and political writing in particular is this one from George Orwell.

    24. Re:You have to fight.. by frank_adrian314159 · · Score: 4, Insightful
      "You can use new technology to improve the operation of your business." Take the word out and the sentence has lost no meaning.

      I can do even better! Look:

      Technology can improve your business!

      I win!

      However, by shortening the sentence, I make it easier for someone to understand the meaning and say, "But it might not help your business, either." In the long form, one must attack the "new" and the "operation" before they get to the "improve". Corporate speech, rather than being useless, is a highly structured artform used to deflect potential attack and responsibility. Anyone in business will eventually need to engage on this field of battle. As such, it should not be shunned, but recognized and mastered for the useful tool it is.

      --
      That is all.
    25. Re:You have to fight.. by colinrichardday · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I'll give some of them a go:

      Bandwidth -- the rate at which data can be transmitted through a channel, usually expressed in some multiple of bytes per second.

      Function -- A piece of code that does (ideally) one task.

      Assembly -- A language for programming closer to a processor. Used for speed/size at the cost of portability.

      Reboot -- Turning the computer off and on again.

      OS -- A program or set of programs that underlie the computer's functioning, generally including memory management (making sure that applications don't write over each other's data), file management (maintaining files), and device drivers.

      Real-time -- Of an OS, an OS with short latencies (time to respond to input). Generally used to regulate devices in the absence of human intervention.

      Hard-real-time -- As above, where the latencies can be guaranteed to be no more than a certain amount.

      VRAM
      Volatile RAM -- RAM that requires power.

      Virtual RAM -- The use of disk space as a substitute for (physical) RAM, cheaper but slower.

      I/O constrained -- Of a process, that the process waits for data to move around, as opposed to waiting on the CPU, or waiting for RAM.

      Memory leak -- A (bad) condition where a program takes more and more memory without giving it back.

      Jiffy -- The minimum amount of time that a computer can deal with.

      People, start your flamethrowers ;-)

    26. Re:You have to fight.. by Anonymous+MadCoe · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I have to agree, most techs don't have the mindset of a business strategist. These different people just speak a different language, just like Techs and finance people speak a different language. All these languages serve their own purpose. Keep in mind that whenever a senior manager talks to techs he wonders about why these techs alwais have to talk techspeak :-)
      If you can't deal with the language barrier, I guess you're in the wrong place, I speak both and don't see the differences as a problem.

      Acually I think the negative comments on C-Speak shows that people don't understand it and judge it from some misplaced kind of technical elitism (but hey I have been wrong before).

    27. Re:You have to fight.. by fallenangel150974 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I'm sorry but I can't help but disagree, the rough ideals behind the words you mentioned are extremely important but because of the associated words inherent fuzziness they can be easily hijacked and used to justify truly horrendous actions. Those emotions and ideals do make the world a better place but it could be argued the lack of a clear definition for them makes the world a worse one. Why else have linguists poets and philosophers been trying to tie them down since the dawn of language?

    28. Re:You have to fight.. by Dephex+Twin · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Actually, you have named some extremely good examples of words that have been misused a great deal in recent years because of their imprecise meaning.

      Take "freedom" for example. Did our invasion of Iraq bring "freedom" to the Iraqi people? Is the US really the land of "freedom"? Just what are "freedom fighters", if the very same group of people who had that label in the 80s are the ones who supposedly "hate us for our freedom" now? This word has an automatic positive undertone to it in America. Who doesn't like "freedom" after all? So you attach the word to things like "Operation Iraqi Freedom", and who is going to say it is bad?

      What exactly makes this word any more useful than corporate BS, and what makes a word like this more important than those which would accurately describe the people and situations in question?

      --

      If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan
  2. You have to decide for yourself. by east+coast · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I know in my company I've seen a member of another IT group move up fairly quickly and he speaks corporate lingo pretty well. Not to say he doesn't have talent but I can see where his "speaking the jive" helped him along with upper management.

    The question seem to be "who do you want to align yourself with (in the company) and can you get to your desired position with them?" If you want the position you're going to have to play their games to fall into their good graces, otherwise you can hold your head proudly high as you muttle through a job you'd rather not have.

    Or you can just move on altogether and hope for better.

    --
    Dedicated Cthulhu Cultist since 4523 BC.
    1. Re:You have to decide for yourself. by jemenake · · Score: 2, Interesting
      The question seem to be "who do you want to align yourself with (in the company) and can you get to your desired position with them?" If you want the position you're going to have to play their games to fall into their good graces...
      This is a common sociological phenomenon, actually. If you're not willing to do any work to assimilate into the new group, the message this sends is that inclusion isn't important to you... and that you can be expected to behave accordingly when the group needs you. It's the same reason that hazing works with fraternities. If you're willing to go through all of that toil in order to get accepted, then the other members are comfortable that you'll "have their back" the next time they need you (as an alibi for a date-rape charge, I'd figure).

      You encounter this every day, too. In general, society has unspoken guidelines like: don't wear just one shoe, don't wear your clothes backward, and don't stab others in the face with a knife. So, when you see some dude walking down the street with his clothes backward and with one shoe missing, it reflects a lack of "buy in" on their part. Whether it's due to their being truly insane or just unconventional, they're advertizing that adherence to these social guidelines is not a priority for them.... which gets you wondering if they adhere to some of the bigger ones (like not stabbing people), so you instinctively tend to keep your distance from them.

      So, I guess I'm saying that, if you're going to change things, your best shot is probably to do it from the inside. Learn the lingo, hobnob, get brought into the fold, and then start asking folks "So... just what *is* a multi-tiered vertical paradigm shift, anyway... and how is it different from the horizontal kind?".
  3. Alcohol by krgallagher · · Score: 5, Insightful
    "If you've found yourself in this position, what things did you do to cope?"

    I find a martini helps.

    Seriously though, I can remember when I was in my early adult life calling my older brother a yuppie and a sell out as I heard corporate speak creep into his vocabulary. Now, years later, I am as bad as any one. We all learned geek speak and tech speak in order to communicate with our peers. This is just another vocabulary to learn. If you want to be understood by non-IT coworkers, you have to speak their language.

    --

    Insert Generic Sig Here:

  4. Some yes, some no by mccalli · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Some of the language you used in example, such as "opportunities for growth", is plainly nonsense in that context. However, some of them are every bit as technical and specific a term as, say "object" would be to an OO programmer.

    Take 'deliverable', for example. Nothing double-speak about that term, it's a business technical term with a specific meaning. 'Function' - though this one has the possibility for misuse, again it's a specific technical term to describe separation of responsibilities if applied to people, or specific capability if applied to a computer system (which may include both hardware and software).

    Don't dismiss all of it, because some of it is exactly the kind of jargon you'd be used to in, say, programming. But keep an ear open for someone who's plainly speaking gibberish though.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  5. Coping by Otto · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you've found yourself in this position, what things did you do to cope?

    I cursed a lot. Instead of calling somebody "more challenging", say he's an "asshole". It helps.

    --
    - Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set him on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
    1. Re:Coping by jamesbrown1000 · · Score: 3, Funny

      From a language standpoint, I picked the low-hanging fruit and strategized into a win-win position for myself and my clients.

      Wait. What was the question again?

      --
      Mindy: "Well...desserts aren't always right." Homer: "But they're so sweet!"
  6. When in Rome... by TopShelf · · Score: 4, Insightful

    While it makes for great material for Dilbert, the fact is that a lot (not all) management speak does actually have a purpose and meaning.

    Let's look at some of these examples:

    There are no company layoffs, there are 'realignments'.
    Very rarely do layoffs simply mean reducing the number of people performing a particular function. Often, there is a fundamental change made to an existing business process, so people and organizations do indeed need to be "realigned" to support the new environment.

    "Functions" should be pretty obvious - what activity is an individual or group performing in support of a given process?

    "Deliverables" - these are the tangible results that are to be achieved through a given project or activity. Nobody cares whether you're 67% of the way done, or 72% - they want to know when the Deliverable can be expected, so they can then act upon it.

    "Value Add" - this is when you take a strip down a process to its bare bones and examine where the benefit to the company or customer is truly being applied. Steps along the way that don't increase that benefit are candidates for elimination or automation.

    These are actually pretty powerful terms, and it's important to have a common vocabulary that can be used when bringing together managers from varying fields like sales, IT, operations, finance, etc.

    --
    Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
    1. Re:When in Rome... by Rob_Bryerton · · Score: 2, Insightful

      There are no company layoffs, there are 'realignments'. Very rarely do layoffs simply mean reducing the number of people performing a particular function. Often, there is a fundamental change made to an existing business process, so people and organizations do indeed need to be "realigned" to support the new environment.

      Oh, so they're not laid off, they're realigned. But they're still out of work. That's called a euphamism, useful for propaganda. So let's put this in plain English: There are no company layoffs, there are company layoffs.

      Use whatever euphamisms you like, but a turd by any other name still smells as bad...

      "Deliverables" - these are the tangible results that are to be achieved through a given project or activity. Nobody cares whether you're 67% of the way done, or 72% - they want to know when the Deliverable can be expected, so they can then act upon it.

      Again, instead of saying "Product" or "Service", which is *exactly* what we're discussing here, you'll use the Web 2.0 version, namely "Deliverable".

      Your post proves the OP's point: you're simply whipping out the thesaurus (for lack of a better term) to try to snow or impress people. It's really that simple.

      These are actually pretty powerful terms, and it's important to have a common vocabulary that can be used when bringing together managers from varying fields like sales, IT, operations, finance, etc.

      I'd say it's more important to convey ideas in plain english without resorting to flowery/trendy language to sound 'hip' or 'with it'. I guess I'm just old fashioned though... (not meant as a troll)

      Now please hold on while I put this on my Action/Item list :rolleyes:

    2. Re:When in Rome... by radish · · Score: 2, Insightful

      No, a deliverable is what (might be) generated as a result of a task.

      Method = task
      Argument = resources
      Return value = deliverable

      Easier?

      --

      ---- Den ene knappen er powerknapp, den andre er Bender voice knapp "Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"

    3. Re:When in Rome... by radish · · Score: 2, Informative

      Oh, so they're not laid off, they're realigned. But they're still out of work. That's called a euphamism, useful for propaganda. So let's put this in plain English: There are no company layoffs, there are company layoffs.
      You're missing the point. The realignment is the process, the layoffs are the (potential) result. The department I work in recently had some realignments due to fundamental changes in how the business we support worked. How many layoffs? Actually none - we're hiring like mad. Realignment means change, the results can vary.


      Again, instead of saying "Product" or "Service", which is *exactly* what we're discussing here, you'll use the Web 2.0 version, namely "Deliverable".

      Deliverable != product
      A deliverable may be an application, or a document, or a memo, or a picture, or a class library, or a building. It's a generic term to mean "thing which you're delivering to me, the customer". Generic terms are not uncommon, and are not a bad thing. Deliverable has also been around a looooong time.

      I'd say it's more important to convey ideas in plain english without resorting to flowery/trendy language to sound 'hip' or 'with it'. I guess I'm just old fashioned though... (not meant as a troll)
      Sounding hip has nothing to do with it. I think it's important to convey ideas in a language the other people will understand. My business manager doesn't care that I'm 30% done with the db schema and that the initial cut of the GUI is being coded up by the swing guy. She want's to know that I'm on track with the deliverables. That's shorter, to the point, and gets the message across easily. It also lets her know that I'm concentrating on actual tangible things of value to her business, not padding my resume with trendy Web2.0 crap. See how the tables can turn?

      --

      ---- Den ene knappen er powerknapp, den andre er Bender voice knapp "Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"

  7. What you need to do: by TheGrapeApe · · Score: 5, Funny

    Start thinking "outside the box". You need to take a more solution-oriented approach to your problem and focus on your deliverables.

    I think you'll find that if you shift your paradigm a little bit, your growth intensity will increase by orders of magnitude.

    Just create a win-win big picture for yourself and you're success strategy will manifest itself with "positive team margins" for everyone around you.

    1. Re:What you need to do: by Xyrus · · Score: 2, Funny

      *bluaaaaarrrrrrrrrffffffffffffff*

      Thanks for making me puke on my keyboard. You owe me a new one.

      ~X~

      --
      ~X~
  8. Let me work on my execuspeak by Tweekster · · Score: 2, Funny

    Dont YOU worry about blank, let ME worry about blank... or Blank? BLANK!?! you are not looking at the big picture.

    --
    The phrase "more better" is acceptable English. suck it grammar Nazis
  9. The Dark Side of Semantics by Crash+Culligan · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Unfortunate? Yes. Ugly? Absolutely. And some folks are aware of just how bad it can get. But it may also be unavoidable in the rarified air of the management environment.

    Communication is, among many other things, using terms and phrases that others understand. And some management-speak ("deliverables," "work-products," etc.) has precise meaning within the work environment. Not everyone knows what those terms mean, but in the shop that uses them regularly, not only will they be recognized, but for instance if you ask them what the difference between deliverables and work-products are, they can tell you. (I picked those two because, having worked in the office of a process improvement consultancy, I know what the difference is too. Or at least, I know a reasonable-sounding set of definitions.)

    It may be an odd dialect they speak, but they don't do it just to confuse people. They do it to communicate, and it's worthwhile to learn it even if it does sound stupid.

    --
    You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert until you read it in the original Klingon.
  10. Know the lingo, but you don't have to use it by dankney · · Score: 3, Informative

    You're going to have to know the corporate lingo in order to survive in that culture. That doesn't mean you have to use it.

    Be aware, though, the jargon evolved for a reason. While doing contract Sarbanes-Oxley work for a major telcom, I found that meetings that used jargon were far more efficient than the meetings that didn't. That doesn't mean that everyone uses it meaningfully and responsibly, but when you're in a room with a group that does, it can be amazingly efficient.

  11. Read the Wall Street Journal for guidance by Animats · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Read the Wall Street Journal for guidance on how to talk about business. The Journal covers most aspects of business, yet there's very little "corporate speak". If you follow their style, you'll come across well to upper management, all of whom, unless totally incompetent, read it daily.

  12. Sir, it depends just on you, nobody else... by Maljin+Jolt · · Score: 2, Funny

    Is corporate speak a necessary evil?

    Nah, dude.

    --
    There you are, staring at me again.
  13. Mod parent up. by khasim · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Corporate speak is basically the same type of "Rah-Rah" speech you here at Amway/Mary Kay/etc conventions. It's just for pumping up peoples emotions rather than conveying useful information.
    Bingo!

    When you listen to two people chattering away in corp-speak, all they're doing is trying to convince each other and/or themselves how great they are or this option is or whatever.

    Sometimes it is used to pretend that the problems aren't really problems, or that they aren't as bad as they really are.

    Finally, it is used to assign blame for failure (althought "blame" and "failure" are not the words used).

    A. You can talk about exciting opportunities to align the company with industry leading visionaries ...

    B. Or you can say "it will cost $5,000 and take 2 people 3 months to implement and increase our sales by $2 million a year".

    When you don't have "B", you talk "A".

    It's all about selling, inside your company, outside your company, your project, yourself, your soul, your loyalty, you ideas, your lies, your co-workers down the river.

    Corp-speak is what they use when they don't have anything else and they need to persuade themselves and others.
    1. Re:Mod parent up. by 'nother+poster · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Or you can be talented at what you do. I don't make as much money as I could if I was willing to put up with more crap at work and not point up managements faults, like using corpspeak. They haven't gotten rid of me after all these years. Want to know why? Because when the shit drops in the pot, I can make really tasty shit stew. When they make a totaly unworkable app and roll it out I'm the one that finds the problems and tells them how to fix them. I am a poor programmer, but I understand how computers work and can find the faults in the application design. I am very unliked where I work, and as soon as they can find a replacement for me, my ass is going to bounce on the pavement when they kick me out, but they haven't found a replacement in ten years yet.

    2. Re:Mod parent up. by lrichardson · · Score: 2, Insightful
      Two other things regarding corp-speak.

      First and foremost, virtually every group develops its own language of obfuscation. It identifies who is in the group (and understands it), and who isn't. Which becomes a self-reinforcing form of validation. The unfortunate side-effect of that is the tendency of people in a given group to discount anyone who doesn't speak the lingo.

      Second, corp-speak is intentionally vague and general. If something goes wrong, and the person who f*!@ed up points the finger at you, you can always say "I didn't tell him to do that! He misinterpreted my statement!"

      I span a couple of groups with their own language - programmers, accountants, lawyers, and doctors. I still trip up on the occasional buzz-word/phrase that means completely different things to each. Band. Debug. Clamp. Sudden Death ;). The first time a relative used the term MI in a description of her day, I made the connection. However, unless one is familiar with terms like Myocardial Infarction, you'd be left in the dark ... which is one way doctors use to justify rather high salaries ("You don't understand. I'm a doctor, and went to school for many years to learn this stuff!")

      The original question was whether one needed to learn it. God yes! If you don't understand it, you will be treated as an outsider; get blind-sided by things you should have known ("But no-one said anything!" "What do you mean? We've been elevating the risk assessment of that challenge for weeks!"); and all sorts of other issues.

      Learn to swim with the other sharks, or they'll turn on you. It's that simple.

    3. Re:Mod parent up. by Daniel+Wood · · Score: 2, Funny

      Bingo!

      Exactly!

      What the OP should do is this: At the next meeting they have, play buzzword bingo.

      How to play: Before the meeting, make a bingo sheet of buzzwords. As the meeting progresses and people use the buzzwords you mark your bingo board. Once you have a bingo you do as you would in any bingo game!

      I actually had a supervisor of mine (a LTC) do this once at a briefing. It was priceless.

    4. Re:Mod parent up. by Andre+Alessi · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Actually, the "assigning blame" thing is a bit simplistic. Corporatese is often about eluding responsibility so it lands on other people, preferrably lower order peons or the customer. That's simply what "ownership" means. When managers say they want their employees to take ownership of their clients'/customers' issues, what they mean is that they're not going to take any responsibility for stuff ups themselves, nor are they going to do anything to change the systemic failures that led to said issues in the first place. Because their employees are being "empowered to take ownership" of things that they can never prevent and can only rectify with difficulty. Another good one is "empowering our customers". That's exactly the same thing as ownership, except you blame the customer, not the employee.

    5. Re:Mod parent up. by anothy · · Score: 2, Interesting
      you've just illustrated exactly how most engineers just don't get what's going on here. to start:
      ...all they're doing is trying to convince each other and/or themselves how great they are or this option is or whatever.
      um, yeah. and convincing people that some option is worthwhile isn't a useful goal? sure, it's not the only goal, and people (especially technical people) who can't effectively communicate on in other ways as well - like investigation, reporting information, and so on - are missing a vital part of communication, but convincing people of something is an entirely valid goal.

      take, for example, your A and B examples. you've suggested that A is essentially a way to cover up perceived deficiencies in B. but it's not. they're saying very different things about the same topic. B is about cost, in both money and time. it's the way project managers think, or technical folks who rise above just pure implementation. but A is about why that cost is worth it. A conveys different information than B; in your example, A suggests that the players in the industry with the most future-looking plans are doing "whatever", and are likely worth following (presumably based on past performance). it also makes use of emotive words, something that frequently grates on engineers as "unanalytical" or some such. but for people - particularly people with a less analytical mindset, but really for any mentally healthy human - emotion conveys an encapsulated set of information. the information in A - the information conveyed by means of emotive lanugage - is the type of information that decision-makers use to decide what they'd like to do. B - the cost - comes later.

      none of this is to say that it can't get out of control. sure, sometimes bad business folks want to use one mode of language to replace the other. and that's not good, because it obscures information. but just as frequently bad engineers want to use one mode to replace another, and that's just as bad; it just obscures different information.
      --

      i speak for myself and those who like what i say.
  14. Speaking in code by The+Fun+Guy · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Is this just something one has to cope with in order to climb the corporate ladder?

    When you are just an IT guy, speaking with other IT guys, you can say, "Alice is lazy." or "Bob is a selfish asshat." or "Charlie is overworked." without any fear of reprisal. Who cares what you think?

    Once you become a suit, however, you can't say things like that to your fellow suits (at least not in public) because when Alice, Bob or Charlie gets fired, doesn't get a promotion, files a greivance, or feels their bonus is too small, your comments will be held against you. So, Alice becomes "externally motivated". Bob becomes "independent and self-reliant". Charlie becomes "a key asset". Who the heck talks like this? More importantly, who the heck would *want* to talk like this?

    Why, other suits, of course. Suits want to be able to communicate with each other, but not necessarily communicate with non-suits. So, they use a thousand words of double talk to avoid answering a simple question, because if they were to give a real, informative answer, it would get them in trouble. What do you say when any answer, including dead silence or "No comment." would cause wild rumors in the department and mass defections, or cause your stock to dip, or make the IT guys revolt, or otherwise tie your hands at some point in the future? Why, you use a weighted cost benefit analysis strategy to rationalize the ROI for all the relevant options, and leverage those key insights into a forward looking strategy for addressing the primary mission tasks in a teamwork-based approach.

    And while everyone is trying to figure out what you just said, you slip out the side door.

    When your words carry more weight, you use them more carefully.

    --
    The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. - Mark Twain
  15. Pot Meet Kettle... by trix_e · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Kettle Meet Pot...

    As much as you apparently abhor "corporate speak"... its just slang (as you point out) specific to a particular culture. You seem perfectly comfortable using euphemisms ("an already full plate" vs. "too many things to do"), these are just new ones. Every culture and group has it... think of how many you use in the IT world. Would one of your non-IT corporate wonks understand if you told him you'd ping someone and get back to him?

    Oh stewardess! I speak jive... Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.

    (and don't even get me started on Gladiator movies)

    --
    No man is an island, but Gary is a city in Indiana.
  16. Can't... Resist... by VP · · Score: 3, Funny

    Surely you meant to write "ghastly", didn't you?

  17. It's just language! by stienman · · Score: 4, Insightful


    Each of those phrases, and many others you run into, have real meaning. Others in this thread have already commented on the specific phrases you bring up.

    The reality is that people speak in terms that are common to their field. If you read any of the literature that your business peers reads, run in the same circles that they run in, and even think about the same problems they think about, you'll find yourself adopting their terminology.

    It will make sense to you to do so, for the terms they use are actually more precise in their intended meaning than the replacements you give. You are tending to describe the main action or effect of a particular phrase, but the phrase actually encompasses much more. A realignment is exactly that - it may have the effect of layoffs, hires, and other movement of people, but it doesn't necessarily involve all or any of those things.

    When they speak to you about a realignment, and you say, "Oh, you mean layoffs?" they will simply tune you out.

    If they were to come into your field and choose not embrace your language you would certainly feel as though they don't really understand, and you would subsequently marginalize them and their work.

    -Adam

  18. NAS and NFS by hackwrench · · Score: 2, Informative

    NAS (Network Attached Storage) is hardware that connects to the network with minimal computer components.
    NFS (Network File System) is a Filesystem layer exposed to clents for connecting to storage on the network, be they NAS or server-based storage.

    There isn't necessarily a clear line between NAS and server-based storage, but there is a clear difference between NAS and NFS.

  19. You at least need to be able to translate it. by jonadab · · Score: 2, Insightful

    You do NOT have to start speaking corporatese yourself, at least, not mostly. You may occasionally have to demonstrate the ability to do so, but on the whole you should express yourself clearly in plain English. However, not being able to decipher the unclear speech of the higher-ups would be a significant problem. However lame their lingo may be, you'll nonetheless want to learn enough of it to be able to understand them at least as well as they understand one another. And, I should note, this sort of language is not very hard to learn. It's much easier to deciper than e.g. legal verbiage, or even some of the weirder corners of academia.

    --
    Cut that out, or I will ship you to Norilsk in a box.
  20. Just remember... by J'raxis · · Score: 2, Funny

    You merely have to remember that objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

  21. So? by theonetruekeebler · · Score: 4, Informative
    Somewhere there's a BBS, maybe it's called "managedot.com", and there's a bunch of managers on there bitching about how IT Speak is invading the management sphere. They complain about "certificate authorities" and "throughput" and how their network was having "collsions." How instead of printers, they now have queues. That they have to use a "proxy" and "configure their SSL." It's all alien and a waste of time.

    All specialized realms have their own jargon. Managers deal with a corporation's resources, and employees are a resource that has to get hired, paid, evaluated and either promoted or fired. "Realignment" doesn't strictly mean "round of layoffs," but managers understand that realignments often result in layoffs. Management speak has its share of euphemisms: Sometimes managers have to do unpleasant things that will affect other people's lives. But for the most part, it is nothing more than a specialized vocabulary for dealing with resource issues.

    But don't say "paradigm" if you can avoid it. Or "synergy." Finally, don't hesitate to use your pre-existing specialized vocabulary to bullshit your way through bullshit situations.

    --
    This is not my sandwich.
  22. Test a company's credibility online: by Futurepower(R) · · Score: 4, Interesting
    Test a company's credibility online by doing a Google search for an overused word or phrase. Limit the search to the company's web site using the "site:" prefix. For example, try the word "solution", as in "We don't sell products, we sell solutions." At the time I did the test, Google showed 640 hits for the word "solution" on the QWest Communications web site.

    Here are the first 25 hits on 08/02/2005, when I wrote this story:

    1. Whole House Digital Solution
    2. Uniform Access Solution (UAS)
    3. premises-based solution
    4. network-based solution
    5. Solution Providers
    6. Internet Port solution
    7. VoIP solution
    8. long-term solution, software solution
    9. Comprehensive Voice Solution
    10. hosted solution
    11. complete on-line trading solution
    12. VoIP solution set
    13. Web-Based Contact Center Solution
    14. Troubleshooting Guide Problem Solution
    15. Repeated: network-based solution
    16. national voice over Internet protocol (VoIP) solution
    17. iQ Networking solution, security solution
    18. preset solution
    19. e-Solution
    20. complex integrated ASP solution
    21. carrier-grade solution
    22. Repeated: Internet Port solution
    23. Business Solution
    24. Government Technology Solution, Centrex PRIME solution
    25. Qwest solution

    This is not a complaint about QWest, which seems to have good telephone and DSL service. But their marketing language may need reconsideration.

    If you need a list of over-used terms, visit the Bullsh**t Bingo web site. There's a Bulls**t Bingo movie, too. I think they should do a re-make of the movie in which, once Bingo is reached, the speaker is required to leave the room immediately. (Remember to put quote marks around phrases. We respect the ownership of any trademarks on the list.)
  23. Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by clambake · · Score: 2, Interesting

    When you hear this kind of stuff, call people on it. They will be amazed, if you are charismatic enough.

    Right in the middle of the meeting, assuming everyone around you is part of the company and not clients/customers, say "Hey Bob, hold up a second. Why exactly did you say 'revirtualization of the engagement parameters' instead of 'come up with a new plan' just there? That sounds a bit like a buzz word babble. Now I don't have anything against you personally, but I don't think that kind of talk is appropriate for the workplace. It just leads to confusion of terms, and unclear communication, and when you don't have good, clear communication, you fail as a business."

    1. Re:Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by cruachan · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Bob is of course an idiot.

      But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. Bob is going to hate your guts for making him look like an idiot, the Friends of Bob around the table are also going to hate your guts for making their fried look like an idiot, and the ones left are going to think your a smartass and hate your guts in case you do it to them next. And they'll all be looking for a way to take you down a peg or two next time they get the chance - which as you're going to have to use techie jargon at some point is likely sooner than later.

      If you don't understand basic human nature at a level that can anticipate this then there's no way you should be let out of the techie corner except under close supervision. Charismatic? Ha.

    2. Re:Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by clambake · · Score: 2, Insightful

      But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. Bob is going to hate your guts for making him look like an idiot, the Friends of Bob around the table are also going to hate your guts for making their fried look like an idiot, and the ones left are going to think your a smartass and hate your guts in case you do it to them next. And they'll all be looking for a way to take you down a peg or two next time they get the chance - which as you're going to have to use techie jargon at some point is likely sooner than later.

      Sounds to me like the kind of people who aim for failure. If you find youself in that position, it's best to walk away. But still calling people on it. "Hey, you guys are trying to take me down a peg or two because of what I said to Bob. Look, you can't do that and expect to survive as a company. I'm afraid I have to go look elsewhere..."

      WHY? Because there ARE companies that exist that don't have these kinds of silly politics and infighting. They DO exist, I have worked at them, they make money...

      Of course, they might be in Japan.

    3. Re:Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by asuffield · · Score: 2, Informative

      Too complex. I listen to their babble, look thoughtful for a moment, and then say:

      "So what you're saying is, you've got a new plan?"

      I don't bother telling them that they're being an idiot. I just make it very clear that I am going to reduce their twenty minutes of babble into one or two sentences. Furthermore I then proceed as if that's all they said - it's what the minutes will contain, if we're bothering to keep any, and it's the message I'll pass on to other people.

      I find that pretty soon, people catch on to the fact that spending twenty minutes talking to me is a waste of both our time, and they learn to abbreviate themselves. If they want to tell me something complicated, they write it down (if you can't explain yourself in five minutes then I'm not going to remember what you said anyway) - and I send them back a much shorter version with a note attached: "Is this what you mean?". And the short version is the one I always refer to after that.

      Basically, when people realise that all their noise is going to get filtered out right away, they stop delivering it. Probably because they don't want management to ask them why they needed an hour-long meeting to convey this paragraph of information. Bullshit cannot survive when it has to compete directly with clarity.

    4. Re:Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by GnuDiff · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Funny thing, of course, is not that Bob is an idiot, but that "you" (the speaker) aren't.

      Frankly, I am just as pissed at hearing someone described as "an idiot" as when he is described as "challenging" or "externally motivated".

      Both of these descriptions seem to share something - viewing people as flat cartoon things.
      Everything is mowed down to the level of the speaker. All too often, _whatever_ Bob does it is explained as done _because_ he is an idiot. Or "challenging", or "challenged", whatever you prefer.

      And it doesn't matter which of these he is called, as long as the speaker make the assumptions automatically, it's just as bad.

      I don't think we should fawn over people who do stupid things - we do what we got to do about them. However, all too often I can see and hear fellow people written down carelessly, by people who are not really any much better - but probably need to feel they are.

    5. Re:Be the Charismatic Straight Talker by c64k · · Score: 2, Insightful

      they sure as hell aren't in Japan.

      But your 'I'm much smarter than all of you' attitude will get you quickly fired from any company, clear communicating or not. Not because you were wrong in calling people on their fuzzy talk, but because you choose the most aggressive and antagonistic method of doing it.

      --
      CIA Industries - Running the world for fun and profit
  24. Nicer sounding delivery by 91degrees · · Score: 3, Insightful

    A lot of people like a straight talker. People who avoid flowery language give the impression of honesty and reliability. You don't need realignments. You need layoffs! Otherwise you're lying to people. Which is completely pointless because you're not actually deceiving anyone, so you're a bastard and a liar rather than just a bastard.

    Avoid buzzwords, and avoid metaphor. Use jargon if neccesary, but only if it's absolutely clear from context or general use that everyone knopws what the jargon means. Learn the difference between jargon and buzzwords.

  25. When they don't know or care they talk nonsense. by Futurepower(R) · · Score: 3, Informative

    'Corporate speak is basically the same type of "Rah-Rah" speech'

    "Corporate speak" in technical companies is often due to the speaker not having much understanding of the technology, and not wanting to learn.

    See this comment posted later in this story to test a company's credibility online.

    I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "Bullsh**t Bingo". There is a link to it at the bottom of that comment.

    --
    Before, Saddam got Iraq oil profits & paid part to kill Iraqis. Now a few Americans share Iraq oil profits, & U.S. citizens pay to kill Iraqis. Improvement?

  26. Bad news... by troff · · Score: 2, Interesting

    ... although I agree with every single straight-shooter and plain speaker (heck, "agree" isn't the word, so much as "scream hell yeah"), there are a couple of problems.

    Somewhere above, Theatetus spoke about being able to direct an MBA to an RFC and wanting to see a document that defined the buzzword bingo-like terms.

    Unfortunately, there IS such a document. Worse, an entire library of such books and three national-global standards.

    I'm planning, today, to apply for a job of senior tech support.

    One criterion was "experience in using job tracking tools". Which sounds pretty innocuous in and of itself.

    But not when you realise two more of the selection criteria were to have an understanding of "ITIL" (the Information Technology Infrastructure Library) and "AS8018 aka BS15000" (which is also "ISO20000").

    Oh. And specific and very detailed job-tracking is a critical component of ITIL / ITIL v3 / AS8018 / BS15000 / ISO20000. So much for innocuousness.

    These are, sadly, standards which basically bring the (netherhell)world of Business Process Management, right down to specific processes... right to what they so charmingly term "Information Technology Services Management".

    Try looking for information about it. Your brain will melt and seep through your tear ducts. Wikipedia, fortunately, has it written at least somewhat less confusingly.

    To make the whole damn thing even MORE blatantly neurotoxic?

    The standards, being ludicrously specific and anal (and expensive to obtain), still only claim themselves to be a "framework"... and freely acknowledging that a great deal of customisation is required to tailor it to a specific workplace.

    Meaning you're STILL screwed because you almost may as well just build your whole IT standards base on your own damn self. ... we let managers in the front door. And now they've replicated and infested. The Fifth Sherman Tank of the Apocalypse.

  27. Risk Averse by umbrellasd · · Score: 5, Insightful
    What you are describing is a Culture of Fear. Many companies and indeed our society as a whole is moving toward the fear and lack of freedom end of the social spectrum. In my last job, I saw this. It was virtually impossible to provide negative feedback directly, even if it was done in a very polite way. The mere notion that something a person did was a mistake, or even more delicately, was done in a way that could be improved upon in a future iteration, was anathema.

    What is happening here is that people are terrified of failure. Usually it comes from the top, as managers and manager's managers set the tone and culture and reinforce it by their actions. But if you work in a Culture of Fear, everything most be portrayed in a positive light or people become fearful and then they start scheming to protect themselves, which in turn causes fear in others around them and then it snowballs.

    Most people can't take the truth. Most people will not get far in life because of it. In work, in martial arts, in every aspect of life, you will see the people that are terrified of fucking up, and then you will see those that are not. And you will rarely--very rarely--see those two kinds of people together.

    Those that take mistakes in stride and realize that a mistake is a real growth opportunity and is desirable, will avoid the risk averse because the risk averse are suffocating to them. Those that are risk averse will avoid those that thrive on the learning opportunities provided by mistakes because they are terrified by anyone that makes mistakes in their vicinity and even worse will own up to it, confront it, and deal with it.

    If you work for a corporation, you have to speak their language. But you can choose which corporation you work for. Not all corporations are Cultures of Fear. If you don't want to speak that language, seek out a corporation with management and leadership that speaks your language. If you see these things now, your eyes are open to it, and when you speak with new companies you will see what you would not have seen before.

    You will recognize fear and you will recognize courage. Your choice.

    If you work in a Culture of Fear, yes you have to speak their language. Otherwise you are going to terrify them with your openness and honesty and that is going to be bad for them and for you. If you decide to stay in that environment, your best bet is to find those that are courageous and work toward bringing them into your circle of existence (there are always wonderful people at a company, even if it is not readily apparent).

    From a practical approach, if you can take it. Speak the language, get the promotion and the experience that goes with it, and then go find a great job at a company that is based on courage rather than fear.

  28. Necessary evil? Absolutely not! by Chuqmystr · · Score: 2, Funny

    Just yell "SPEAK THE KING'S ENGLISH! Speak the good king's English, I command thee fool!" whilst beating the perpetrator about the head, neck and chest with a rolled up TPS report.

  29. Don't like the shoe on the other foot, eh? by aiken_d · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Welcome to how corporate types have felt for years about techie jargon.

    Management-speak, like tech speak, is a specialized jargon which, when properly used, simplifies and clarifies communication between peers. However, just like geek talk, it can be abused by the pretentious and self-promoting.

    You know how you always cringe when someone in a movie talks about reversing the binary encryption bus, and everyone around you nods? Well, that's how (real) management types feel when they hear someone talking about synergistic upmarket brand dilution. There are poseurs in all fields, and fakes *love* jargon.

    Just like some geeks actually know what they're talking about and can communicate in english when needed, if you give it some time you will find that there is a place in the world for management speak.

    And, just like geek speak, don't hesitate to ask for an explanation. Just like pretentions geek wanna-be's, smarmy management wanna-be's can't explain what they just said because they're just buzzwording. And if they *can* explain, they're knowledgeable enough that you can stand to learn from 'em.

    -b

    --
    If I wanted a sig I would have filled in that stupid box.
    1. Re:Don't like the shoe on the other foot, eh? by Technically+Inept · · Score: 2, Interesting
      Thanks for this. A million mod-points to you. I'm one of Slashdot's Most Maligned: an MBA corporate manager for an offshore outsourcer. A significant proportion of technical discussions here include material that is over my head, but I have just enough residual geekiness from my high school days to enjoy visiting every day.

      Whenever people on Slashdot complain about "corporate-speak", I see ridiculous examples that have just got to be made up because they don't make any sense to me, the target audience of such language. But if you transcribed real examples of "management speak", odds are many or most would have precise meanings understood by the people to whom the communication was intended. There are plenty of examples of misuse, of course, but any competent "management type" looks down on such misuse and isn't fooled by it.

      I'm as amused as anyone by the Bullsh*t Bingo cards, but I can tell you that phrases like "Total Cost of Ownership" and "Turnkey Solution" have specific meanings that, absent those phrases, would take many more words to describe.

      --
      Now watch me hit this drive.
  30. Self-assumed intellect has impacted me too! by Dystopian+Rebel · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm glad you pinged Slashdot about this messaging challenge so we could touch base and send a heads up. This kind of meme is gaining mind-share. The metrics are showing more than just a blip, it's a sea-change!

    Moving forward, I think it's clear that we need to leverage our wins and make them part of the overall story. I know that we can wrestle this problem to the ground and dominate several emerging ecosystems if we prioritise and deliver best-practices through the channel. Execution is key.

    I really need your front-end alignment on this! Can you get your people on board?

    --
    Rich And Stupid is not so bad as Working For Rich And Stupid.
    1. Re:Self-assumed intellect has impacted me too! by 19061969 · · Score: 2, Funny

      You are SO nineties...

      --
      bang goes my karma... again...
  31. Been on both sides. by Leon+da+Costa · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Well... I guess I am in the position to comment on this one. Depending on your viewpoint, I may be a corporate sell-out, a nerd without spine or just someone who goes where the challenge is.

    I'm a CCIE, so I have at least some credibility in the tech department. I spent years working on some of the most interesting projects a CCIE could dream of - network planning, (re)design, troubleshooting, working with Cisco and other vendors to develop next generation features... Yeah, it was interesting and 98% tech-related. After a few years, though, I kind of lost interest. I found that the "next generation" complex system after BGP wasn't RPSLng but instead systems of people. Once you get the RFC, working with the system is simply a derivative. However, there's no RFC for "how companies work" - and there are so many more facets to understanding the system of how people work within a company than within even the most complex network. Maybe it's different if you program java, but for me, I found the interesting challenge elsewhere.

    Most of us wonder why the heck our stupid managers make some of the decisions they do. Yes, maybe they are plain stupid. Maybe, though, "they" understand something that we do not - and I wasn't going to let the arrogance of "knowing better because I am a geek" tell me that managers are stupid. I wanted to find out what made them tick.

    I am now enrolled in a part-time MBA program at a good institution (and recently recertified for two more years of CCIE-dom while doing it). I've had a job as a "pre-sales consultant" so I could begin to understand how this whole evil sales process actually takes place. I've always wondered why someone with money to spare would give it to someone who, to us geeks, obviously has so little brain as a sales guy.

    No, the answer is not that people with money to spare are by definition stupid. The answer is not that sales people are necessarily shallow. The answer is not that earning money is evil. The answer from the IT department should not be "I READ YOUR EMAIL! FEAR ME!", as this is probably the best excuse I can think of to recommend outsourcing to the next CIO I meet.

    I'm now at the point where I have taken up a relatively new concept within my company and can make it work partially because I understand the technological concepts underlying it AND because I can explain to companies why it is important for them to invest in my concept. This requires me to speak some of the lingo - and yes, I do talk about adding value to a company's core business processes with the use of our business solution. I talk about the benefits of RFID for supply chain management. I wear an expensive suit and describe the opportunity for growth in a certain market which can be enabled by this-or-that network solution. So, yes, the 'speak' is important if you want those who are likely to make decisions to hear you.

    However, having said that, the 'catch' is that there is a lot of BS going around in the corporate-speak-world. If you discuss a routing protocol, there can be no dispute - in the end, look up the RFC or reproduce whatever you're trying to prove. Discussing a company's marketing strategy or trying to make a business case for unified messaging is a lot more shaky. There's no undisputable book or testlab to point to and say "look, you're wrong, see - that's not how it works!". I can quote the latest book or article I read about the latest trend in strategy. I blurt out page numbers of Harvard Business Review articles. This is not proof, though. The guy to which I am talking can always blurt out some Sloan Managment Review article which declares exactly the opposite. Or worse, he will pretend to know it better - and he just might. There's no way to prove it. Professors have been wrong - unlike a routing protocol, which just "is".

    This is exactly why corporate BS'ers get away with BS'ing - and why it's so difficult for most of us with a technical background to work with a system that apparently allows tolerance for nonsense.

  32. Corporate Speak at the LinuxWorld Expo by lightyear4 · · Score: 2, Informative

    Corporate speak is basically the same type of "Rah-Rah" speech you here at Amway/Mary Kay/etc conventions.

    That's for damned sure! I attended the LinuxWorld Expo in Boston last week and - unlike previous years - it was actually quite a challenge to find anyone willing (or able) to speak in any real detail. Indeed, the reason for such a phenomenon was quite clear: the exposition floor was crawling with company representatives from PR and Marketing, and knowledgeble technicians were, on the whole, those attendees asking the questions. The technical aspect (i.e. the real, worthwhile content) of the exposition has been contaminated with nothing but "corporate speak." **

    Technical information and performance can be distilled through a proper treatment of words to be well understood by those unacquainted with the details. However, language becomes a barrier for efficient communication when forced into a mode of artificial superficiality and generalization.

    This is a message to the business world: Do away with the idiocies of corporate marketing dialogue and provide the information required by interested parties, and you will win more customers than otherwise. Please.

    - - - - - -

    **An example: Early tuesday, just after Intel had finished getting situated, a friend and I sat down for what must have been one of their first presentations. The speaker was clearly an articulate man with many years in one of Intel's engineering divisions -- who had, of course, been elevated to management or marketing. However, while you might think that such experience would be invaluable to present a product, the result was anything but a lucid presentation of Intel's latest and greatest. Visibly uncomfortable, the rep rambled along, spouting an alphabet soup of acronyms intended to convey the latest Intel strategy to provide integrated products in all business areas, from storage and servers to office equipment and web presence. Fifteeen minutes later when the presentation concluded, I still didn't know what the hell he was trying to say other than 'we are planning to make things easier for businesses by making everything work smoothly together.'

  33. Mission critical... by ktakki · · Score: 2, Insightful
    I lament the dilution of the phrase "mission critical".

    Once it was used to describe systems that were mission critical, where failure could lead to significant financial losses, property damage, injuries, or loss of life. Remember the part of the MS Windows EULA about Java?

    JAVA TECHNOLOGY IS NOT FAULT TOLERANT AND IS NOT DESIGNED, MANUFACTURED, OR INTENDED FOR USE OR RESALE AS ON-LINE CONTROL EQUIPMENT IN HAZARDOUS ENVIRONMENTS REQUIRING FAIL-SAFE PERFORMANCE, SUCH AS IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, DIRECT LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES, OR WEAPONS SYSTEMS, IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF JAVA TECHNOLOGY COULD LEAD DIRECTLY TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.


    That's what I call mission critical. Also, that's some world-class snark on Microsoft's part. Java-based weapons systems? Sounds reasonable to me.

    But instead of being restricted to, say, the oxygen tanks on Apollo 13 or the software that controlled the Therac-25 radiation therapy machine, the definition of mission critical has been extended to corporate networks. True, there can be financial losses if a corporate network is down or its security is compromised, but significant financial losses?

    No, what really happens when the network's down is this: the salesdroids have to work the phones instead of having their noses in Outlook all day (or Solitaire), the CEO is pissed because his niece can't e-mail him pictures of her new kitten, and everyone else is thrown off their routine of chatting on AIM or playing stupid Yahoo! games all day.

    Okay, maybe a system whose failure ends up with the whole company massing with torches and pitchforks outside the door to the IT department counts as "mission critical". But I still lament the devaluing of these words.

    k.
    --
    "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank
  34. eduspeak is the same way by chocolatetrumpet · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I have worked as a professional educator and "eduspeak" is exactly like "corporate speak."

    "Risk averse" seems to explain it quite well - it's basically a way of being really, really nice when speaking about students who may occassionally encounter cognitive challenges when attempting to complete their coursework.

    I don't think eduspeak is *all* bad; it's basically an expression of the belief that all students are worthwhile human beings, and that all people need each other.

    The problem comes when you build up a child's self esteem too much. I worked in a school where 100 was good, 99 was ok, and 98 was perceived as "failure" to many students. My fear is that when they finally do ever encounter a genuine difficulty in life, they are going to fall apart. :-\

    --
    Spoon not. Fork, or fork not. There is no spoon.
  35. Unfortunately you have to "package" it. by gone.fishing · · Score: 2, Informative

    I guess the short answer is: Yes, corporate speak is necessary. My former boss compared a pitch to proposing to your girlfriend. Would you wrap an engagment ring in an old newspaper and just leave it out for her to find? Would you ask her for her hand in marriage while wearing your sweats?

    No, that would not be very romantic. You want to take her out to a nice place to eat dressed up, present the ring while on a knee and have it in a nice box, maybe even wrapped in a nice ribbon.

    Presenting any proposal to a group of your superiors is a bit like that. Not only do you want to have a good idea but you want to be able to sell it. The right words, the right time, and the right appearance will all help you to sell your idea.

    I have a strong dislike for terms like "Best Practices" and "synergy" but I manage to keep from gagging when I use 'em (and I do, but as little as possible). My current bosses like what they call "solid numbers" which are really hard to come by when you are trying to convince them that they need to spend money on something like spyware detection. How can I give them hard numbers on the money we can save if we prevent a theft of information that leads to a loss? How many millions could we lose if spyware captured information that could lead to their accessing one of our bank accounts (say the one that is used for payroll for thousands of people)? The obvious answer is millions but the hard numbers answer is impossible to come by.

    It all leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. It is a game that must be played by "their" rules even when you don't agree with them or know all of them. As an IT person, you are occasionally a salesperson for your team. When that role falls on your shoulders, you have to take the good with the bad and just do your best.

    There are some words that are important to use very infrequently - they have so much power that they are like pulling out a handgun. Use them very infrequently and only when all other words have been used and found to be too weak. Those words are "Ethically" "Morally" and most importantly "Fiduciary Responsibility." They are words that reach down into the core of the manager's and director's souls (VP's don't have souls).

  36. Re:"Deliverable" by jamesh · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Deliverable would mean (roughly) a unit of work in a project which, when completed, can be delivered to the customer and be useful to them. Product in no way means the same thing. It is also a word whose meaning could be pretty quickly derived even if you hadn't heard it used in that context before.

    It is the only word I picked up on in the article summary that wasn't just a longer word that 'laypersons' wouldn't understand used in place of a shorter word that everyone understands, which is what corporate speak is all about.

  37. Re:When they don't know or care they talk nonsense by dnoyeb · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Corporate speak" in technical companies is often due to the speaker not having much understanding of the technology, and not wanting to learn.

    Corp speak is also used when the person being addressed does not have much understanding of the technology, and does not want to learn.

    The problem starts with nepotism and cronyism.

  38. I disagree. by TheLink · · Score: 4, Insightful

    There is a big difference between field/industry specific "technical" jargon and buzzwords. The former is NOT obfuscation at all.

    Myocardial Infarction has a fairly specific meaning, and is very useful for _concisely_ conveying that meaning to medics. Whereas saying someone has a heart problem isn't specific enough.

    Same goes when you are saying a benchmark is an OLAP benchmark and another is an OLTP benchmark to some IT guy.

    Whereas when those people say something like "leveraging disintermediation paradigms" they are usually using a lot to say very little.

    I wouldn't even say it's the difference between info compression and info decompression, because often with business buzzwords, there is very little info.

    To me it's more like these people are expected to open their mouths and move them. But they know the more they actually say, the more they'd get in trouble (either because they don't really know much, or because they don't want to be pinned down on what they say later on), so they have to talk and say nothing much. Same for printed material - they have to fill column inches of a PR release or press interview.

    There's a significant difference between saying someone has Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, vs Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

    Whereas AFAIK there is very little difference in practice between:
    "envisioneer compelling synergies" and "architect impactful initiatives".

    Everyone with sense just watches what the person saying that sort of stuff actually _does_ after that. e.g. who gets sacked, who gets promoted, who gets dead-ended, and what policies change.

    And none of that might actually be related to what was said.

    --
  39. Re:When they don't know or care they talk nonsense by indifferent+children · · Score: 2, Insightful
    The problem starts with nepotism and cronyism.

    The problem usually starts with an MSCE and ends with an MBA.

    --
    Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. --Mark Twain
  40. People take it seriously by deuterium · · Score: 2, Interesting

    My prior boss at a lrage department within a State University was taken the the concept of XML many years ago when it first became a popular buzzword. "We've got to make everything XML!" he was often heard to say, and relishes the chances to demonstrate his knowledge of the term around higher-ups. As a result, all of the content for the web pages we were working on became text files in various folders. Some held one piece of data, some held hundreds. He essentially re-created the database using the folder tree as relationships. For this, he was promoted, and later stolen away by another company. I was left to maintain the sea of non-standard xml files of various names, and no-one listened to me because I obviously didn't undersatnd XML.

  41. precision by raygundan · · Score: 2, Funny

    There's a significant difference between saying someone has Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, vs Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

    Around here, we refer to both of those as "Opportunities for Synergistic Patient-Doctor Care Interaction."

    Precision is critical. Nonsense-crap like this accomplishes nothing except to hide the actual facts.

    1. Re:precision by dkf · · Score: 2, Funny
      There's a significant difference between saying someone has Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, vs Acute Myeloid Leukemia.
      Around here, we refer to both of those as "Opportunities for Synergistic Patient-Doctor Care Interaction."
      Surely you actually mean "Opportunities to Optimize the Synergistic Stakeholder Interrelation Interaction Index"? If you're going to spout this sort of rubbish, remember that it is important that nobody should have any idea what you're talking about since you're doing it to cover up the fact that you don't know either.
      --
      "Little does he know, but there is no 'I' in 'Idiot'!"
  42. Gotta Go Along to Get Along by PeolesDru · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I don't know - do you have to learn the secret handshake to join the Buffalo Lodge? Of course you do. Back in highschool, a friend of mine was angry about a perceived slight. See, she had interviewed for Yale and the next day a friend of hers interviewed with the same guy. Her friend had mentioned her and the Yale guy was like "Ohhh, the girl with the um..." and then pointed at his nose, referring to her nose stud. I related this tale of bigotry to my father who replied, "Hey, you don't try to join the Hell's Angels wearing a tuxedo." And that's the point: We humans naturally band together into clubs, packs, guilds and cohorts. Most professions have their own lingo - doctors, engineers, lawyers, waitstaff, etc. If you want to get into the higher-paid management "clique" in your company, you should probably emulate them to whatever extent the extra money is worth the whoring of your "true self".