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Cutting out the Naughty Bits Ruled Illegal
An anonymous reader writes "Some of you may recall the lawsuit brought by several Hollywood directors against companies which edit movies for sex, language, and violence. The companies would trade consumers an off-the-shelf DVD for an edited one. Well, the CBC is reporting that Judge Richard P. Matsch has found that this practice violates U.S. copyright law, and 'decreed on Thursday in Denver, Colo., that sanitizing movies to delete content that may offend some people is an "illegitimate business." [...] The judge also praised the motives of the Hollywood studios and directors behind the suit, ordering the companies that provide the service to hand over their inventories.'''
This reminds me of the classic question of what happens to all the donut holes...
To allow the uber-religious folk to watch movies with the bad parts cut out. Of course, this made Pulp Fiction about 30 seconds long, but oh well.
Regardless, soon we'll hear from (R)s (and some D's like Clinton and Lieberman) about activist judges and restoring something of something.
The Doormat
If you're not outraged, then you're not paying attention.
Now wouldn't it be cool if you could apply this decision to Lucas for having Greedo shoot first - now that's offensive!
The Court also handed down several companion rulings:
First, that closing one's eyes or looking away during commercials, previews, gratuitous violence, sex, or nudity is an abridgement of copyright as it results in a derivative work without the consent of the copyright holders.
Secondly, that because going to the bathroom during the boring parts (and the court in no way implies that there are boring parts in Hollywood movies) also results in the creation of a derivative work, it is also forbidden by law.
Thirdly, that because some persons have been known to talk over or about the soundtrack, dialog, or events of movies, thus creating an unauthorized derivative combination of commentary and the original cinematic release in violation of copyright, movies may only be watched by persons without mouths.
Any now for your viewing pleasure. Some naughty bits.
B*m
T*ts
Kn*ckers
Semprini
Haaa! Now I think I understand why the last time I bought a dvd at walmart, it was only a bunch of short clips of plumbers going to a girl's house, then some vacuum cleaner seller... I was thinking... why did my friend told me to buy that wacko movie. Now I get it! They cut out the violent fighting scenes.
I think I got the same movie!
What was the deal with the pizza delivery guy going to that one chick's house to deliver a sausage pizza? Did they ever get around to eating the pizza? My copy had that part cut out for some reason (another fight scene?).
Still. the soundtrack was pretty cool.Sort of like that funky old rock music from 70s porn.
It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
If I want to have sex before marriage, how does that affect you?
Provided you're doing it in private, it doesn't affect me at all. Doing it in front of my children is another matter...
So, its okay for me to have sex with my wife in front of your children?
What would remain? A plumber going to the house of a young lady... next scene he goes home. A traffic cop pulling a young lady over... next scene she drives on.
I can already see the ad for it: 100 of the best porn movies on one DVD!
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Yes, they did get to eat it: the chick shared the pizza with the pool cleaner guy. I didn't actually see them eating the pizza (apparently edited out due to time constraints) but there was part of a scene where the chick and the pool were smiling at each other and there was cheese dripping from the corner of her mouth.
(It must have been really good pizza, they were both making 'mmmm-mmmm' sounds.)
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!