AOL Digs Up Yard for Spam Gold

Registered Coward v2 writes "AOL is planning to dig in a MA couple's yard looking for buried gold and platinum owned by a spammer they successfully sued for spamming AOL. AOL said Tuesday it intends to search for gold and platinum bars the company suspects are hidden near the home of Davis Wolfgang Hawke's parents on two acres in Medfield, Massachusetts. The family said it will fight in court to oppose AOL's plans."

Comments

obligatory....

[LiquidCoooled]

23473437 Gold
23473437 Platinum
23473437 Me too!!!!11!!!one!!
23473437 Gold Rush
23473437 Pirates
23473437 Pirates -Caribbean
23473437 Plunder
23473437 Spam
23473437 Spam Gold
23473437 how to stop spam
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' backyard
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' frontyard
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' land
23473437 gold in Medfield fields
23473437 court fight
23473437 lawyers
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23473437 how to kill your wife
23473437 how to kill customers
23473437 poop

Re:obligatory....

[MoxFulder]

Dear Friend,

I know this letter may come as a surprise to you, but I am in desperate need and have heard that you can be trusted in these matters. I am Mrs. Susan Johnson Hawke, mother of Davis Wolfgang Hawke, who has been wrongly accused of spamming by the tyrannical United States government in concert with the scheming Internet giant, America Online.

A few months ago, sensing that the authorities were preparing to imprison him, my son Davis concealed a cache of precious metal bars on our rural Massachussetts property. He made me promise not to reveal their location to anyone except in case of greatest emergency.

Now, the health of my son Davis is in great danger. Prison authorities will not pay for his care, and demand that I do so. His h3@lth is bad and he is unable to 5.A.T.1.5.F.Y his lovers all night long with his man h00d... he desperately needs V1@grA and CailIs sofTabs. He is also gaining weight and absolutely needs some fat-burning Hoodia, now for low-price and risk-free for only $29.95.

Will you help me save my son??? I have dug up the metal bars from our land, but tragically they have been transformed from their original lustrous gold and platinum sheen, to a dull-gray color. I need to purchase a large quantity of special chemicals in order to transform the sticken ingots and restore them to their original condition, so that I may sell them and get the money I desperately need to help my son Davis Hawke.

If you can provide me with sufficient funds to purchase these chemicals, I will gladly reward you with 20% of the value of the gold and platinum bars once they have been sold. Please contact me if you are willing to do this, as it is a very urgent matter.

Blessedly,
Mrs. Susan Johnson Hawke

Nothing to hide?

[eddy]

I know this will sound like a stupid "If you've got nothing to hide...", but really, if there weren't anything hidden out there, and AOL could be made sure to fix any damage the do (grass, trees, etc).. why would you fight this? Wouldn't it simply be AMUSING to watch them flail blindly?

Re:Nothing to hide?

[Anonymous Coward]

You're totally right. Hell, a couple months ago, my wife was bothering me: "We need a new barn! It's falling apart, for Darwins sake!" I kept telling her that we don't have the money for a new barn. Then it hit me: Tip off the FBI that Hoffa is buried under it.

My, how they came in droves. Destroyed the barn, including the foundation. And now, they're rebuilding it at tax payer expensive.

Re:Nothing to hide?

[15Bit]

For some people reparations are not enough. If you put a lot of effort into your garden and it gets bulldozered, then no amount of fixing is going to make it the same. Some plants take years to mature, and a nice, flat, moss-free lawn can take a lifetime. For many a garden is a labour of love, not just a quick trip to the garden centre.

And using heavy machinery does seem a bit like overkill. If the guy did bury his ill-gotten gains there, then he did it with a spade. Surely an old fashioned metal detector would do the trick, and failing that one of those clever underground scanners the archeologists use.

Spammers vs AOL

[triorph]

man i don't know who to side against on this one, can't we rework this article to be like "innocent spam victim plans to take money back from evil spammer" or "AOL sues internet worker and destroys lawn looking for gold" man when the media isn't making it clear of what my opinion should be they're obviously not doing their job right

Oh well

[Billosaur]

Greenbaum said her husband and father intend to challenge AOL's plans to dig on the family's property and search the family's 3,000-square-foot home. She said AOL's lawyer notified the family that the company intends to use bulldozers and geological teams to hunt for gold and platinum on their property.

AOL said it will try to accommodate Hawke's parents by not being too obtrusive.

As if bulldozers weren't obtrusive when they're tearing up your yard?

Is it possible for AOL to do anything even more stupid? Are they trying to set a record for stuipd things in a month? Never have the mighty fallen so far.

Re:Oh well

[kfg]

Are they trying to set a record for stuipd things in a month?

Well, the RIAA sued a dead person. Being number two I guess they feel they have to try harder.

KFG

Re:X marks the spot

[LiquidCoooled]

It'll be worse than an invasion of moles (or whatever the local burrowing creatures are.)

I believe the burrowing creatures you refer to are known as lawyers.

How things change

[DrXym]

AOL move from data mining to actual mining

Damages

[thelonestranger]

AOL will not offer to pay for damages caused. However they will give them a one time discount of 50% on an AOL Broadband Platinum account for the first 3 months (Subject to a 12 month contract, standard terms, conditions and fair usage policy apply)

property records, googlemaps, metal detector...

[anticypher]

Yes, this is the type of criminal that is hard to pin down. He hasn't been convicted of a criminal offence, he just lost a civil case for scamming. He was smart enough to convert much of his ill gotten gains into easily hidden and transported precious metals, he never drove a flashy car or bought property which could be seized. He analyzed the risks and knew that the worst that could happen to him was forfeiture of his gains in a civil trial, so he purposefully worked to hide those gains.

Assuming he was smart, he has already moved some of the gold to another country and is living outside the US. What he buried on his parents property was safe for a while, and he could always return and dig it up as needed. What he didn't count on was AOL's private investigators finding his receipts for gold bars, which gave them a lead to how he hid his wealth.

Now AOL is trying to force his hand. If a large portion of the gold remains on his parent's property, he'll need to return and dig it up before AOL gets a court order. Presumably the property is under surveillance by private detectives who will get a share if they can detect exactly where the stash is hidden and give the courts precise information allowing a less costly recovery. AOL probably doesn't care much about getting the money for themselves as denying the spammer access to it. It sends a message to other spammers that no matter how hard they try to hide their wealth, AOL and the courts will eventually recover it.

It should be entertaining to see how many treasure hunters find his parent's property and start prospecting in the middle of the night. I'd expect after national news coverage like this, tonight there will be several new holes dug in his parents property, and within weeks most of the property will have been scanned by 'passers-by' who just happened to have a sensitive metal detector while taking a short cut from A to B. If AOL doesn't get in there soon, the gold will certainly be gone, either the parents know where it is and will recover it, the scammer will return some night to get it, or a treasure hunter will eventually get lucky.

I'm on the wrong continent, so I'll just sit back and wait for the first /.ers to post exact details of the parents property and .kmz files of the property in question. It shouldn't take long now.

the AC
US$600,000 per month!?! Damn, I'm in the wrong line of work. Curse my parents for raising me with a sense of morality

Urgent business opportunity

[gsasha]

Dear Sir,

This is Davis Wolfgang Hawke, an ex-spammer that lost a $12 million lawsuit from AOL, who are going to seize my $6 million in gold and platinum bars that I've hidden in the area of Boston, MA.

I need to recover the gold bars as soon as possible, before the AOL investigators get a chance to dig them up, however, I am unable to come back to US in fear of being arrested.

To this end, I'm seeking your cooperation. I'm willing to provide you with 10% share of the fortune, which is $600,000 dollars (sig hundred thousand dollars) in gold and platinum bars. Please, this business is extremely urgent and I will need your cooperation soon. I know you are a honest person, because I found your name in one of my extensively verified spam-lists, and I would like to conduct this business with you. You can remain confident that this business is completely safe as there is no risk for you whatsoever, only gains to be made. If you are willing to make this business with me, contact me at grep_shmep_20143@yahoo.com.

Best Regards,
Davis

Fools

[Mephij]

They only got half the medalion! The staff was too long. They're digging in the wrong place!