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Heroic IT Dept Less Likely to Steal... Lunches?
An anonymous reader writes "According to an article in the Houston Chronicle concerning lunch theft, people from IT are least likely to steal lunches because they are a "hero department." The most likely? Accounting and Customer-Support... "
If you want the IT guys to steal lunch, you've got to bait them with something caffeinated and something sugary. Try some Bawls, Mt. Dew, and Skittles.
We're supposed to pay $0.25 per cup for coffee at work. I only pay for maybe 1 cup in 20. Of course, I guess I can be hero, because I'm stealing from The Man and not my coworkers, right?
I am not left-handed, either!
Unfortunately, I'm certain that if I made a special lunch sandwich with razorblades, and some bastard stole it and hurt himself, the police would come after me.
What I really want to know is who the fucker is who deliberately pees all over the toilet seat and floor at work. I know people might hate their job and feel frustration, but is there any reason to take it out on everybody else?
Regards,
--
*Art
Also because the higher-ups are used to stealing!
Thank you, I'll be here for a bit.
Send email from the afterlife! Write your e-will at Dead Man's Switch.
...are you saying that IT workers are allowed to eat lunches?
That changes everything...
- RG>
Hey pal, this isn't a pleasantforest, so don't waste my time with pleasantries!
I am getting sick of all these incomprehensibly esoteric articles. I like science, but sometimes the posts on slashdot are just too technical for me. This article on stealing lunches is a case in point. The pages and pages of analyses, the incredibly detailed social models that they used to arrive at their conclusions, the dogs eating lunches... it's a bit much for the layperson to grasp in one sitting. Editors: could we please get something a little lighter next time?
Magnatune: Quality (DRM-free) MP3/FLAC/
Oh yeah? I have to grow the coffee myself, then pick it. Then I grind it with a stone, put it in a bowl (hewn from stone) with water (reclaimed from the air and heated on servers) and I filter it with old AC filters. Then coworkers usually steal the coffee.
Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. And you don't want to get any on you.
That's cause a hungry baby has lots of supporters waiting nearby to feed it with their own portion rather than see it go hungry, whereas the CFO has little or no supporters and must fend for himself or die.
A fool throws a stone into a well and a thousand sages can not remove it.
Some jackass kept stealing my tuna sandwich...I mean once in a while would still be annoying, but EVERY damn time was just an open declaration of war. So I made a big fat tuna sandwich with a healthy amount of "FancyFeast". I used chicken and liver flavor to make sure the point got across. So in the fridge it goes and I came back an hour or two later and it was gone. The next morning, I found an anonymous post-it note on the door of the fridge asking people to please discard "old and potentially rancid" food from the refigerator since it was a "health hazard."
:)
Since then, my sandwich has been safe. Nobody ever owned up to the thefts or the note.
Back in my day, we had to smash hydrogen and oxygen atoms together to make our own water. Then some high mucketity-muck would come along and steal it. We tried substituting deuterium and tritium instead of hydrogen but they never did steal enough to self-destruct.
Infuriate left and right
After the last time my lunch was stolen out of the break room fridge, I thought that perhaps next time I would put in a bit of bait food that was laced with blue dye. Food coloring, of course, so it would be harmless. Then for the next couple of days at work we could all easily identify the lunch thief by the blue stains around his mouth. LOL.
Haven't tried it yet, though.
You could just use the scarecrow technique. Just put the brownies -- no exlax, no poison, just plain brownies -- in there and attach a sticker to them: "WARNING: one of this brownies contains cianide." I guess nobody would have the guts to try and guess if the warning was true.
Unfortunately, there is a countermeasure to it. Someone else could attach another label to your snack: "WARNING: there are now TWO brownies with cianide."
ELOI, ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI!?
It's just that IT departments tend to have the highest percentage of employees who remember being beaten up and having their lunch money taken from them!
"It is our blasphemy which has made us great, and will sustain us, and which the gods secretly admire in us." - Zelazny
"I want that 2 minutes of my life back."
/. journal at 3am on a Friday and you want 2 minutes of your life back?
You post to your
no.
We had a problem with stealing food at work, someone was stealing this guys apple, orange, etc. Whatever fruit he had brought for lunch and left in the fridge went missing. So after a few emails asking that the thief stop went unheeded, we simply sent an email informing the last fruit stolen had spent the night before in mens urinal. That stopped the stealing cold.
I can't even trust you people to type in your password without forgetting to turn off capslock, and now I'm supposed to trust with you something like food prep?
I don't think so, Tim.
Use both laxative and Jalapenos,
and replace the toilet paper in the bathroom with rabid gerbils.
Few things are as painful as wiping your burning anus with a rabid gerbil.
Within the realm of probability, IT is least likely to steal your lunch, however, I have reasonably good sources confirming, AS WE SPEAK, that IT is the most likely to shake people down for milk money. Where are the hall monitors when you need them? Unscheduled bathroom breaks and they're ALL OVER YOU. Some real crime going down and you can hear crickets chirping.
maybe they didn't have any change
my password really is 'stinkypants'
We have to regularly lynch a random member of our IT department as a message to the rest to keep those Microsoft-loving bastards in line. We used to put their heads on pikes but the county health inspector told us to quit it.
I'll take your word for it.
I find your ideas interesting and think you should subscribe to my newsletter.
Ultimately, it's high time the incompetent 80% that's had a free ride to date either got with the program, or got cut off from the rest of the productive members of society. Perhaps some sort of giant space-ark is in order? (with apologies to D. Adams)