Slashdot Mirror
Stephen Hawking Looking for Assistant
An anonymous reader writes "Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required.
Renowned astrophysicist and best-selling author Stephen Hawking has announced he is looking for a graduate student to work for him for one to two years. Dust off those CVs, kids!"
(goodbye, karma! :)
I can't wait to see NBC's new reality show, The Assistant starring Stephen Hawking. Now, that would be good television.
I don't know anything about physics but dude, I will get you laid. And you're probably all like, "but I'm paralyzed." Dude, you don't even know. The bitches I know don't give a fuck. I'm tellin' you man they're crazy!
Hope to hear back from you!
hello dear sirs my name is jamesh i are india (bihar) can u guide me install red had linux 9?
"Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required.
*sniff*
Mommmeeee!
He should run a TV show to find his next apprentice...oh, whoops.
-- Sig meltdown immine...
the chances of getting the job are astronomically low. Besides, you're thesis will probably just get black-holed. Perhaps it's worth getting the position still, for all the star-power?
Sorry, couldn't resist. I understand if you have to mod me down.
My firefox tabs loads: Stephen Hawking Looking for Ass...
Graduate Student A: I can't. This matrix is too big
Stephen Hawking: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.
Stephen Hawking: Why wish you become physicist?
Graduate Student B: Well, mostly because of my father, I guess.
Stephen Hawking: Ahh, physicist. Powerful physicist was he. Powerful physicist.
Graduate Student B: How could you know my father? You don't even know who I am. Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here! We're wasting our time!
Stephen Hawking: [Looking away from Graduate Student B] I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
Albert Einstein: He will learn patience.
Stephen Hawking: Much anger in him... like his father.
Albert Einstein: Was I any different when you taught me?
Full Tilt
Your dyslexia got that part backwards. "Applicants must provide their own Star Wars voice addresser when changing Mr. Hawking".
no matter smart you are, everyone will immediately think of you as pinky in pinky and the brain, as compared to your boss, so please have a healthy ego
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
...and was currently battling some sort of trouble on the moon.
I am very small, utmostly microscopic.
must look really hot in lab coat
PHP is the solution of choice for relaying mysql errors to web users.
The guy studies supernovae and black holes, and probably has user accounts on every particle accelerator out there - you think he'd lower himself to just firing someone?
It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
Just remember that if you get the job, the words "My daleks are supreme" are your cue to pull the plug.
Actually, that's technically pulling an Occam, as it's a variation on Occam's Razor [wikipedia.org]. Yeah, yeah, Holmes said it like that, but Occam's razor is generally thought to be the foundation for Holmes' theory. Er...Doyle's theory, as it were.
ya well... no shit, Shirlock.
He holds the Lucasian Chair. Isaac Newton was a previous holder of this chair, but it was not motorized back then. It is of course named for the benefactor of the chair, George Lucas.
Oh shit! I forgot to click "Post Anonymously"...
...he does prefer them female and attractive. Why anyone would put a request about this here on Slashdot is a mystery to me.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power multiplied.
It would be more like EX-TER-MIN-ATE. EX-TER-MIN-ATE the assistant.
Obviously trying to avoid listing fees by releasing it as a "story".
Nah. He should post it on Monster.
He can get tens of thousands of cookie-cutter CVs that say "I studied Java, which is a lot like Cosmology. No one understands it either."
"I did some C#, which is a lot like Creationism."
Discuss.
But, as for reading eye movements and guessing words etc, he's obviously after a male who's been married for years. That should get me modded down by half the population. :-).
But seriously, eye and facial (of which, SH must be slowly loosing both) movement is a significant slice of communication and more so with people who know each other well/long. What's gotta be troublesome is communicating complex ideas like physics. Baffled as to how he can continue to work.
From the job offer:
The Head of the Group is Professor Stephen Hawking who is disabled and communicates using a computer system and speech synthesiser. If you were accepted for the post you would be responsible for maintaining and improving this computer system as well as other pieces of support equipment.
#$recorded_msg_1 = Synth.Say("Good bye");
$recorded_msg_1 = Synth.Say("Asta la vista, baby!");
#$recorded_msg_2 = Synth.Say("Yes, please");
$recorded_msg_2 = Synth.Say("Go ahead punk, make my day!");
Oh... priceless!!!
Whats the point of holding a chair? Chairs are designed to sit on. I'm surprised even Isaac Newton didn't figure this out. He seemed pretty bright otherwise.