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Is the Do Not Call System Working?
BrentRJones writes "I signed up for the Do Not Call registry the first day I heard of it, and I have to say that I have gotten very few telemarketers calling over the past couple of years. However, there now seems to be more calls that start, 'This is a survey...' or some other such excuse. I do not mind getting a few charity appeals or calls from those I have done business with in the past, but I do wish that I could avoid the political phone calls. I am curious what other Slashdot folks are experiencing, and I am also wondering if I say, 'Please remove from any list that you have.' when I am called, will this do any good?"
All I do is say " OK I charge $25.00 for answering surveys.. Who do I bill." It's interesting the answers I get
Semper ubi sub ubi
i only seem to get phone calls from the police department asking for money. now that's scary...
Personally... when I get a telemarketer, I do my utmost to make their job as uncomfortable as possible... since they initiated the conversation, their time is now mine... If I'm rushed, a simple, "What are you wearing right now?" usually gets them to hang up...
You can also go for the phone-sex line style stuff... and start asking for a credit card number...
Nephilium
Be always drunken. Nothing else matters. If you would not feel the horrible burden of Time weighing on your shoulders and crushing you to the earth, be drunken continually. -- Charles Baudelaire, French poet
Politicians were careful to ensure that they could still pander over the phone. Among the other exceptions, the basic rules are that any business you have had contact with for X amount of time can still call you penalty-free. Most not-for-profits can call as well. I should hope that many file complaints on truly irritating or repetative solicitations that don't meet the requirements of the program. You need the company name, phone number, and the date of the offending call.
I have found that rudeness can be pretty effective in stopping future calls, but these are my two favorite methods:
1:
Telemarketer: "Well hello Mr. sporkme, how are you this evening?"
Me: "I am soooo glad you asked. First, I was late for work because my kids made off with the car keys and I had to spend ten minutes digging through a toybox full of legos. Then I got a speeding ticket on my way in. My back has hurt all day, and I'm honestly hoping that you're selling a hemorroid cream of some kind. How is your day going?"
2:
Telemarketer: "Now what would it take to get an order from you today?"
Me: Well, honestly, sales have been down at work. Are you aware that our BXK-31-R is capable of tolerating well over sixty rads per cycle and still produces results within tolerance? This is well in excess of industry standard and we offer free support and service for the first sixty seconds of your contract. How many can I sign you up for?
To the point, It seems to be difficult to find statistical information about the success of the registry. Indiana was one of the first states to implement such a program, and several other states have separate registries (many have merged with the federal one). All I really could find without making a job of it was information on Indiana's success with the state program, and registration numbers for the federal one. Also, here is a summary chart of nationwide complaint volume.
FairTax baby!
is to use the counterscript (assuming I don't hang up).
...itwillonlytake63secondsandonebreathformetoblurt outayesornoquestion...
I just got one of these last week asking for my opinion about the film and tv ratings systems. When I started to actually say what I thought about the system ( three digit body count = PG13 while a nipple = NC17 ) she hung up without even bothering to cut me off. I may have spent as much as 40 seconds discussing the issue with dead air and I was very disappointed that I wasn't really given a chance to string her along for as long as I'd have liked.
The police and fire department charities are a bit more pleasant to work with. My best for a police call was when I asked if they'd found my car yet. My best fire call, I had a friend nearby to help me with this, I set off the smoke detector with a cigarette, dropped the phone on the counter and yelled at my friend for not watching the stove while I got the phone. That one went through some cursing, clanking and the sound of me unloading a bottle of shaving cream next to the phone (to simulate a fire extinguisher) before I picked up the phone asked "who are you again?" and then following their response with "Oh.. thank you for calling but I think we have it handled."
My God! It's full of eval()'s.
A few months ago, I went out and actively solicited calls from telemarketers. How? By signing up to a mortgage website, giving a false name (Jack B. Morocco), a false address, but a valid phone number. Why? Because those running the mortgage website spammed me, and I was interested to follow the money back to the bona fide mortgage companies that were financing the spammers.
A few days after I signed up, the phone calls began. Usually, when the caller asked to speak to Jack, I would tell them that I would fetch him to the phone. I would then set the handset down next to the phone, and get back to work. They would typically stay on the line for around 10 minutes, before they hung up.
However, on some occasions I used the cheese method. Basically, to whatever question I was asked, I replied cheese. A sample conversation:
Him Hi, may I speak to Jack?
Me Cheese.
Him I beg your pardon?
Me Cheese.
Him Did you just say cheese?
Me Cheese.
Him I'm trying to speak to Jack.
Me Cheese?
Him Look, I don't have any time to waste
Me Cheese.
(The last remark was particularly funny, in light of the huge amounts of others' time this company had wasted by funding spammers).
On one special occasion, I was called by someone in an overseas call center. They stuck religiously to the script, despite the fact that I was cheesing them at every turn. Slowly, it became clear to them that something was not quite right -- but it took them a while, because I don't think their grasp of English was perfect. Eventually, they ended the call with "OK, Jack, you really sound good, I'm sorry to bother you, goodbye."
To which I replied cheese.
If you want a slice of the action, why not reply to the next mortgage spammer yourself? Make sure you give a fake address but a real number, so that they can get through to you. Oh, and it would be fun if you signed up as Jack/Jane B. Morocco. And don't forget the cheese!
Tubal-Cain smokes the white owl.
When I get a call from a telemarketer I tell them that I will listen to their entire pitch but *only* after they fulfull my "needs" through a round of phone sex. Its priceless to listen to their reactions!!
I recently received a number of automated calls from a doofus by the name of John Murtha who evidently thinks he belongs in the Wisconsin legislature. You can guess the impact on my vote.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
My favorite line for police type charities (usually selling tickets to charity events or raffle tickets or what not) is, "Thanks, but I get enough tickets from cops without buying more of them."
what if I kick a telemarketer's puppy? (just kidding!)
"wouldn't know if I ever got a call like that because I never let a telemarketing call last that long. I've been squacking the same phrase at telemarketers for the last 5 years or so: "Please add me to your do-not-call list and never call this number again." I politely say it at the first break in conversation I get from them, or I interrupt them after just a few seconds if they begin their shpiel without a pause. Usually I get an "OK", at which point I hang up; but some times I get an argument or a question from them, at which point I enunciate the phrase in a less-friendly voice and wait for a positive confirmation before hanging up."
Which works fine unless the call is some automated recording. They are not usually very good listeners...
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
That's why I just ask them to hold on and then put the phone down and walk off. Sometimes it takes them 10 minutes to work out nobody's going to talk to them...
10 minutes? Shit, that's nothing. If you say something that makes them think you might buy, they'll stay on the line for much longer than that. My personal record is an hour and a half (I could have gone longer, but I needed the phone). A friend of mine claims seven hours.
Telemarketer (T): Hello Mr Spoilsport may I call you Ralph?
RS: I own you...
T: Sorry?
RS: I own your soul...
T: You own what?
RS: I am Sataaan... I know you to the Soooooul... You are mine....
T: May I interest you in (product)?
RS: Come to Sataaaaan... Come to me.... You are mine... I own your soul...
T: (Agitated) Does this sound like something you might be interested in?
RS: Come to Sataaaan... I own your soul... You will rot in hell with me.... Come to me...
etc.
Once this black woman called and I did the Satan routine and she FREAKED OUT. She started crying and hung up. I scored 30 points for that.
Another favourite tack on these creatures:
RS: WHAT?
T: Hello? Is this Mr Spoilsport?
RS: FUCK YOU!
T: What?
RS: FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHORE OF A MOTHER WHO IS SUCKING MY COCK RIGHT NOW YOU SCUM SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
(click)
I get 20 points for that - It's a brute force approach. It's not that creative and it's kind of mean, so you only get 20 points for it.
Also: there's the classic:
RS: Bobo!
T: Hello? Is this Mr Spoilsport?
RS: Yabba! Tengo bleck nock! Curby flipwitters!
T: Do you speak English?
RS: Me me me speak English!
T: Would you be interested in (product pitch)?
RS: Ama watamela eatie foo!
T: What?
RS: yumma cunt swabber! Peenie drip bubby! Yumma buttlicker!
T: What?
RS: shibby shops! Peeface! Yabba Peeface!
etc. If yo ucan get them to hang up, you get 40 points, because talking like an idiot with a straight face long enough to get them to hang up is pretty hard.
Then there's always:
RS: Yes...
T: hi is this mr Spoilsport?
RS: What's it to you, motherfucker?
T: Sorry?
RS: I'm coming to your house, and I'm going to kill all your pets.
etc. whatever tey say, just march over it and make weid fucked up pseudo threats, like "I'll steal all your garbage" or "I'll pee in your garden" or "I'll get your dog knocked up" etc.
Telemarketers were put on this earth to be abused.
RS
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
Likely they have three lists:
Undecided - Call this person every day to try to make her decide on our candidate.
Enemy - Call this person every day to try to change his mind.
Friend - Call this person every day to encourage her to vote.
/usr/games/fortune
I have always had an unlisted, unpublished phone number, and never give my number to stores, websites, etc. Additionally, whenever it is required that I provide a real phone number (such as credit card companies), I always insist on written confirmation that the number will not be sold (a habit that is quite common in the credit card industry especially). I receive no more than 1-2 unsolicited phone calls per year, that (according to the clown on the other end of the line) was randomly generated by a computer (as opposed to having been on a list). I was very skeptical of providing my name and number to a government-controlled list in order to not be called, so chose to not sign up for that. I know a few others who have similar habits (unlisted, unpublished phone numbers and never give their number out) who did sign up for Do Not Call. Their results have been mixed - some have received a few non-profit solicitations (which hadn't been occurring before), others have not. The ones who are receiving new calls are convinced that Do Not Call is the source. I haven't researched who has access to the list, but if non-profits are exempt and they have access to the list, then this could be the case. For now, if you are receiving calls and wish not to, I recommend changing your phone number and requesting that it be both unlisted and unpublished, practice strict control of to whom you give it, and stay off of Do Not Call (it is both unnecessary and risky given the unknowns of which exempt organizations have access to the list).
I've been doing this for years. I got so brazen I'd use names like "Sham Fraud" "Vagina Troutstinker" or "Honk Trousers"
My mailman must get a chuckle from all the names.
It's interesting to see what companies sell names. The only drawback is explaining things if they need my real name for some reason. "Sham Fraud isn't my real name."
Man, you really need that seminar!