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Calorie Burning Coke Coming Soon

The Fun Guy writes "Coca-Cola and Nestle are getting together to introduce a new beverage "proven to burn calories". Enviga will be in the U.S. Northeast in November, nationwide in January 2007. How does it burn calories? With green tea extracts, calcium, and caffeine. No word on how many milligrams caffeine per can. "

24 of 383 comments (clear)

  1. Cancer by otacon · · Score: 5, Funny

    Otherwise known as cancer

    --
    In a world of acronyms, the words are the real victims.
    1. Re:Cancer by skarphace · · Score: 2, Funny
      So it does make you "burn" energy, but doesn't cause any weight loss. It's the perfect product!
      Meh, make your own 'perfect product'. Guaranteed to loose weight!
      --
      Bullish Machine Tzar
    2. Re:Cancer by Cr33pybusguy · · Score: 3, Funny

      There's also a coke that burns calories. It energizes, maximizes, and all around kicks ass. You don't drink it and it's not a suppository. (Any one know some fat cokeheads??)

      --
      Hee Hee The drinking bird does all the work!
    3. Re:Cancer by justin12345 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Drink enough diet coke and you'll at least be running to the pisser every five minutes.

      --
      Cool art gallery, if you're into that sort of thing.
  2. Who came up with this name?! by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Enviga + Viagra = Senior Citizen Health Plan

  3. I've discovered a calorie burning beverage! by purpledinoz · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's called water. If this works, this will be coca-cola's greated scam.

  4. Re:Bogus... by slidersv · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hey! Their words are enough for me. Off to McDonalds to tripple my Big Mac input, and then drink myself stupid when this product comes out, all while lying on the couch.
    It's one can of the drink for every Big Mac I eat to balance calories out.

    --
    there is no issue with my network
  5. Old news by not+already+in+use · · Score: 5, Funny

    We've had calorie burning coke for a while. Apparently this new product isn't as hard on the nose.

    --
    Similes are like metaphors
  6. No Pain No Gain by decipher_saint · · Score: 2, Funny

    The can weighs over 50 lbs and periodically yells slogans at you.

    "Feel the burn!"

    "Go for it!"

    And soforth.

    --
    crazy dynamite monkey
  7. Re:Bogus... by Lumpy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Look, the only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you consume.
    I know a tapeworm that says you are wrong.
    Also dysentary is another solution to lose weight without exercize and reducing your calorie intake.

    --
    Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
  8. Re:Bogus... by SamSim · · Score: 5, Funny

    No no no. You have to eat the can as well. That burns more than enough calories in chewing energy. Strengthens your teeth, too.

  9. Dear Coca Cola by pandrijeczko · · Score: 3, Funny
    If I may correct your advertising for one moment:

    1. Coca Cola delivery trucks are not, to my knowledge, equipped with Tesla-coil like devices capable of illuminating light bulbs by some kind of electrical induction the moment that they drive past them - even during the Christmas holiday period.

    2. Having performed an experiment with a dead goldfish and a can of Coke, I can confirm that it indeed does not, as you so like to state, "add life".

    3. I just wondered how the "Teaching The World To Sing" campaign is getting on since the heady days of the 70s? I realise that this vast undertaking will take a long time to complete but could I ask that you bump Britney Spears up the list a bit?

    Having said all that, I'm afraid I must ask that you prepare yourselves for something of a shock - after many years of analysis and experimentation I'm afraid I have to conclude that you product is nothing more than a fizzy drink.

    Kind Regards

    A. Consumer

    --
    Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
  10. Re:Bogus... by mgv · · Score: 4, Funny

    Look, the only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you consume. It's calories in versus calories out and Enviga, metabolically will not let you magically burn more calories by consuming it unless it can somehow short circuit the electron transport chain or mitochondrial respiration and that is dangerous as hell.

    There is a much more simple way to lose weight - the cold water method

    Remember that a calorie is the energy used to heat one ml of water by one degree celcius. No the calories mentioned with weight loss are actually kilocalories, so 1 Kcal is the energy needed to heat 1 litre of water one degree celcius.

    So far, so good. So to lose a Kg in weight, you need to burn about 7000 calories; so you could raise 1 litre of water to a very hot temperature, or 7000 litres of water just 1 degree.

    Just as dieting is balanced, I would reccommend taking a balanced approach here. You could raise about 200 litres of water 35 degrees and that gets you over the "magic" 7000 figure here.

    How? Easy. Just take one large bath tub. Fill with water. Add ice and straw. Drink.

    Voila! An easy Kg of weight loss, no exercise required.

    Your bodies natural regulatory mechanisms will maintain your temperature at 37 degrees, and the ice will keep the water at 0 degrees, easily maintaining a >35 degree differential.

    And it doesn't get any more natural than water; no nasty chemicals involved.

    Remember who told it to you first .....

    Michael

    --
    There is no cryptographic solution to the problem where the intended receiver and the attacker are the same entity.
  11. Re:Bogus... by Fozzyuw · · Score: 5, Funny
    What about celery, then?

    That's why I eat celery all the time. Celery with Ranch dressing, Celery with peanut butter, etc. It works great!

    cheer,
    fozzy

    --
    "The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became truth." ~1984 George Orwell
  12. Re:Bogus... by slidersv · · Score: 5, Funny

    In fact, forget the celery!

    --
    there is no issue with my network
  13. Re:Ive seen this before...... by IcyNeko · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is a violation of the Starfleet Temporal Prime Directive. You aren't supposed to be talking about future artifacts.

  14. Re:Bogus... by Rude+Turnip · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Feel free to check out my formal CV any time you would like..."

    That can't really be you....your Slashdot ID # doesn't appear anywhere! :-)

  15. Re:Bogus... by OldeTimeGeek · · Score: 2, Funny

    I get my cellulose through wood pulp and wheat chaff. Not much difference, after all...

  16. Re:Bogus... by Dog-Cow · · Score: 4, Funny

    "It means exactly what I intended it to say..."

    In other words, you intended to say nothing, since that is what that sentence means.

    "...and you should know earning it obtained reading..."

    That does not mean anything in English. Obtain means to acquire, not require.

    Also, trying to use a double-negative is probably not what the other poster was talking about. Good job on sounding like a pretentious asshole, though.

  17. Flatulence by Brown+Eggs · · Score: 3, Funny

    I don't know about the rest of you, but my farts already smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls

    1. Re:Flatulence by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      I don't know about the rest of you, but my farts already smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls

      Remind me not to shop at your bakery.
  18. Re:Bogus... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Oh, no! Now he's getting you to name-drop his degree, too!

    By the way, I love delicious irony in the post where he claimed to have used an expression from the 1600s to avoid sounding pompous. Isn't that about like owning a castle to avoid appearing extravagant?

  19. Re:tapeworms by Swanktastic · · Score: 3, Funny

    Parasites in the brain are a baaaad thing and not as uncommon as you might think.

    Around 90% of French have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a nasty little parasite that infects the brain and is suspected to cause changes to the host's personality.

    This explains a lot.

    (Disclaimer: some facts may have been omitted to make a joke about the French)

  20. Re:Bogus... by Vr6dub · · Score: 2, Funny

    All that cocaine must have cost you a fortune!!!