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The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time
Ant writes "An article at the Radar lists the ten most dangerous toys of all time, those treasured playthings that drew blood, chewed digits, took out eyes, and, in one case, actually irradiated. To keep things interesting, the editors excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm." My favorite: 'Feed Me!' begged the packaging for 1996's Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid. And much like the carnivorous Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors, the adorable lineup of Cabbage Patch snack-dolls appeared at first to be harmless. They merely wanted a nibble--a carrot perhaps, or maybe some yummy pudding. They would stop chewing when snack time was done -- they promised. Then they chomped your child's finger off."
"It's unclear what effects the Uranium-bearing ores might have had on those few lucky children who received the set"
Exactly. It has the N-word in it so it must be dangerous, right? I highly doubt kids who played with this would have even got a fraction of the dose that they normally get from naturally occurring radon. But any risk is too great, right?
Part of the reason the world is so anti-nuclear is that simple science educating toys like this are banned and exaggerated anti-nuclear views (like that of the author) remain unchallenged. Perhaps my generation was the last one where parents normally bought their children electronics and chemistry sets. Today we would fear that the child would be shocked or chemically burned (regardless of the probability).
Do not reach into Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid with remaining fingers.
The problem with (America) is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, let's just remove the warning labels from products and let the problem solve itself.
And yea, after reading the article, hehe. Wow. I wish I'd had the Atomic lab. Oh the fun I'd have had with that! Those bastards that snapped my bra in high school would have MAJOR issues now...
*Maniacle laughter followed immediately by a chase scene involving a bunch of men in white coats*
Happy FUN BALL!
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* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
* Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Happy Fun Ball
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
"We may face a scorched and lifeless earth, but they're accountable to their shareholders first."
Talk about someone with a grudge against Americans. Sure, make fun of them when they earn it (which is often, I will concede), but this is a bit much. Considering the target market is between 4 and 10 years of age, I think expecting a constant level of common sense IS a bit much to ask. That's why children are treated like children.
Oh, honestly. It's people like you that make it so that we can't have cool toys anymore.
Have you looked in a chemistry set lately? They've taken all the fun stuff out. What fun is a chemistry set supposed to be when you don't even have any potassium nitrate? Lame.
Now, you can't even get an alarm clock with radium dials on it anymore, because "oh noes, the terrorists will get it!" Well, let me tell you: if a kid can't play with radioactive materials in the privacy of his parents home anymore, the terrorists have already won.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available."
It's sad, before even opening the article I knew that lawn darts would rank #1 on the list. I guess it mildly annoys me because they aren't that dangerous if you know how to use them properly. Just make sure that there's nobody down range, and don't do anything stupid with them (like throw them straight up over your head) and no one gets hurt.
I remember playing with Jarts as a kid (<10 years old) many times over. No one ever got hurt from it. There was enough common sense to keep people behind the shooter when playing the game. I guess it seems silly to me that people keep picking on Jarts because there are so many other "dangerous" things out there as well. Jarts is in a small way, a slow form of archery (sharp objects propelled at a target down range), and know that it can be made relatively safe if the proper precautions are taken. I suppose that even something as innocent as playing horseshoes could be dangerous too, should someone take a blow from a heavy chunk of metal to their head. But it's always Jarts that gets picked on. According to a wikipedia article the incident that led to the banning of lawn darts was mostly a result of the combination of lawn darts and beer. That's frequently a bad combination of anything.
Of course without lawn darts, we wouldn't have neat T-shirts about them. The rest of the list is interesting too. I'm surprised at how many kids that mini-hammock (ranked #3) has managed to strangle over the years.
-Through the server, over the router, off the firewall... Nothing but 'Net!
Do you realize that smoke detectors contain americium-241, which is radioactive? I doubt the minute radioactivity in the kit would have been more dangerous than, say, a dental X-ray. While some other toys on the list were genuine death (or finger-)traps, I think the inclusion of the inclusion of kit on the list is merely a result of confused paranoia.
I'm kind of surprised that chemistry sets and wood burning kits failed to make the list. Nothing says child safety like hot sharp iron and alcohol burners.
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
For some reason I'm thinking of the following exchange in "Hogfather":
The mother took a deep breath.
"You can't give her that!" she screamed. "It's not safe!"
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather, IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
"She's a child!" shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
"What if she cuts herself?"
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
Uranium-238 generates no alpha-radiation, it generates BETA radiation. You know, same stuff that the Potassium in you generates. U-238 is about as unsafe as lead for the same reasons (being a heavy metal), but radiation is not one.
Great Intellect...
Bleah... Americanised list. Softy toys for softy boys all of them (except the darts)
As far ast the U238 set, I would say that it was a safe toy compared to my "Junior Chemist" chemistry set which I got when I was 8. The thing had the lot - KMnO4, NaOH, NH3 solution, S, HCl and many other wonderfull things. In reasonable quantities and concentrations (where in solution). The floor of my room kept the scars from some successfull experiments for years to come.
Same for the cannon - it is a joke compared to my neighbout T34 remote controlled battle tank (my parents bluntly refused to buy me one). That thing could shoot plastic rounds circa 5 mm in diameter and move. Both on remote control. Ideal toy for an eight year old and a six year old to chase the family cat. The only advantage the cat had was that the tank while remotely controlled had a manual reload so we had to fetch it after every shell to pull the reload lever. The fun continued until the cat found out that he should attack the person with the remote, not the tank. After that we called a truce.
Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
http://www.sigsegv.cx/
One thing that was somewhat surprising was that a few girl toys made the list (cabbage patch and sky dancers).
Also, the motorcycle one that jams the throttle sounds really dangerous. The kids didn't do anything wrong - it was just defective.
I'm surprised the Honda Kick and Go didn't make the list. I remember that I got one of those as a kid just before they were pulled off the market because they were dangerous (I'm not sure exactly why they were dangerous.)
My parents still have mine, I think. The last time I was at their house, they had my daughter riding it and I was like "no way - those things were recalled" and they were like "you rode it and you are still alive" and I was all like "yeah, and you guys kept a vicious dog that mauled children and I have scars on my face to prove it, so I'm not interested in hearing parenting advice from you".
So, there you go.
Avoid Missing Ball for High Score
Considering the target market is between 4 and 10 years of age, I think expecting a constant level of common sense IS a bit much to ask. That's why children are treated like children.
i.e. the supid ones need to be weeded out early. It's not like we don't have fun making more of the little bastards. Wanna put some common sense into little Johnny's head, assuming his head is capable of holding such?
Just look him right in the eye and say, "Go right ahead. It's not like you're my only one."
Knowing that mommy and daddy not only will not always be able to protect you, but knowing that they won't even necessarily try teaches you to bloody well look out for yourself.
Maybe we were just funny that way, but back in the day we thought that being able and willing to take care of yourself was something of a survival trait.
But what did we know.
KFG
I am actually disappointed that the old model rockets did not make it onto the blacklist! Those freaking things really were dangerous. I had a quad-E engine 2-stager that could lift several hands full of nails over 500 feet into the air, and then dump them when the chute was deployed. Don't ask me why I know this... ask the local police. I also used them as "nukes" in bottle rocket fights with the other one-eyed freaks in the neighborhood. Counterbalance a duct taped egg onto one of those babies and gauge the trajectory properly, then you were invincible!
FairTax baby!
I used to have the cheap hammock when I was a kid - is was great, because without a bar you really could wrap it around yourself like a cocoon and then have someone swing you for a full 360 loop. I'm rather surprised they were strong enough to hold...
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
You've got to be kidding me. I think your brain shut off the second you heard nuclear and radiation. I am astounded that the first thing you think of when you see this isn't, "children might swallow the slightly radioactive material, and get sick from heavy metal poisoning." but, "terrorists are going to buy a whole bunch of these kits, and then use the marginally radioactive material to slightly irradiate people with a small pipe bomb! ZOMG!!11 TERRORIRST!!"
Do you remember those steel Tonka Trucks? The ones that were big enough you could bend over as a small kid and 'drive' them around?
When I was a kid, I remember this kid named Don who lived down the street from me. One afternoon he drove his dump truck over to another neighbor's house who happen to be baby sitting me and my siblings. He came running up the sidewalk leaned down with his head tilted up looking at us screaming his head off as he was faking running us down with his truck. He didn't notice an uneven step in the sidewalk and it caught the front tires of the truck and stopped the truck cold. Since he wasn't expecting it, his arms buckled and he fell teeth first onto the back of the truck slicing his lip just under his nose and removing several of his top front teeth.
When he stood up, and it was like slow motion, his upper lip fell down below his lower lip, but still connected on either side. He made a spitting motion and what looked like bleeding cicklets fell on the sidewalk. He looked down and then up and wiped his mouth and when he moved his hand, I could see his tongue exploring the hole where is teeth and lip used to be. And then it was just like a fountain turning on, everything went very bloody and he began to scream. He cupped his mouth with both hands and ran home with a very distinctive trail of blood following him. Later, his mom returned to collect his teeth so they could be reinserted, but the teeth were wrecked. Most of them weren't even connected to the root(?) anymore, but sheared clean off.
Don moved a few years later but I hardly ever saw him again. His face was really disfigured and the wound was obvious. He was self conscious of it and I know he got made fun of.
I just remember how popular those toys were. I had the grader, but it wasn't as good for 'driving' around so I never did. Considering what happened to Don now that I'm grown-up, thank dog.
Actually, most of the playgrounds I see today are made out of metal coated with rubber, which is much more durable than wood. The only plastic parts are slides, roofs, and some of the toys (beanbag toss, slats in log bridges, etc.)
And I have to say the metal playgrounds are miles better than the "awesome wood playgrounds" they replaced. Wood playgrounds were shitty--they were built small, often very unimiganitive design-wise, they splintered terribly, and they were never maintained.
As for gravel--that's the second worst to use on a playground* and I've never understood why people would choose it. Sand is much better, and I see sand a lot more often than I see rubber mats (which are actually quite hard) or shredded rubber.
Of course, my experience with playgrounds may not be representative, since I live in a pretty affluent area and thus we can probably afford more expensive gear.
I'm not entirely sure why you're so hostile about it. It's a playground. Get over it.
*The first worst is woodchips. Yes, I've seen it once. It didn't last long because the kids kept scraping the shit out of themselves.
Wham-O had at least two products that should be good candidates for the above list, but I didn't see them.
First (and more obvious), the Slip N Slide, and all of its various incarnations and copycats.
Second, was a sort of tetherball variant they sold in ~1985 called "Zing Zang". It featured an adjustable steel pole with a spike on one end (designed to be inserted into the ground), and a wire coil on the other end, onto which a cord with a captive tennis ball was attached. The tennis ball cord would theoretically start in the middle, with each player (holding a hard plastic "raquet") assigned a different direction (clockwise or counterclockwise). The goal was to get to the top or bottom of the coil to win. But most kids I knew would just swing the pole around like a giant two-handed flail, bringing down tennis ball torture on opponents... while trailing a steel spike behind them that would often go forgotten until it lodged in someone else's knees or groin or chest.
Excuse me, but each of these samples was likely far less irradiating than an average depleted uranium bullet. All the terrorists have to do is to pick american bullets shot all over their country, grind them to a powder and voila, a dirty-bomb irradiation material, many tons of it, for free. As opposed to 3 small samples which would likely have to be placed directly in contact with your skin for 5 years to increase risk of cancer, and totally useless for a dirty bomb, because the explosion would spread it so thinly that they wouldn't be stronger than background radiation.
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
I remember a toy that I had around 9 years old... it was called Mr. Football (and had a catchy jingle) and it was basically a device that threw football passes. Unlike some modern air gun versions that work only with soft foam footballs, Mr. Football was simply a timer and high-powered spring catapult. I begged for it, and my parents got it for me. But they realized it was dangerous and kept it locked up in the shed, only allowing my friends and I to use it while they were around. So of course I had to steal the key.
This took only a day or two, and soon my friends and I had Mr. Football out and operating without any adults around. This was wonderful because we knew well that a football was about the least interesting thing you could load into a catapult. We started with rocks, then open soda cans, and eventually insects. It was extrodinarily fun. Until the accident.
While trying to launch a caterpillar, we were waiting for the catapult to go off, when the little creature managed to get to the edge of Mr. Football's powerful plastic hand. With the timer only a couple seconds from going off, one of my friends went over to make sure the caterpillar didn't escape. I warned him to get away from the thing, but too late -- it went off and smacked him right in the face. He fell to the ground and was crying. We went over to check him out. He had a bright red abrasion on his cheekbone and brow, but he seemed okay at first. Then we noticed that his eye was filling with blood. Specifically the iris; the white was normal save for being a bit bloodshot, but the bottom half of the iris was filled with blood. He said he could see but that it was blurry. We sent him home and told him not to tell his mother or we'd all get in trouble.
Of course we all got in trouble. He had to go and get several surgeries on his eye to correct the damage, and I was told it wouldn't ever be 100% again. He moved away a year later so I don't really know. A lawyer or someone like that came by once later to pick up the device, because I think there was a class action suit, though my family wasn't involved in that. I don't think the item was on store shelves a year later. Not sure how much my friend's injury had to do with that.
Anyways, I was sort of hoping to see it on the list, but no dice.
Cheers.
It has to be the bicycle, no? I distinctly remember my friends and I doing head on collisions on purpose on our bicycles. It was a form of jousting without the lances, I think. Man, the things you can get away with when you're under 100 lbs.
Anyways, I think we should ban bicycles.
Just kidding.
you may have already seen this, but fyi http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Hahn
While you have a point. . .
Exactly.
When your mother laid your egg, did she leave you to fend for yourself completely?
Leaving my egg on a mountaintop taught me to fight off the wolf cubs for best tit and made me the man I am today. A flea bitten cur.
KFG
Two of my favorite all-time toys were M80's and H100's (quarter stick of dynamite). Me and my friend would spend a whole day trying to see how high we could blast a coffee can into the air. At the time it seemed normal and fun. Now I look back and think about how no one in our suburban neighborhood seemed to care that we were methodically blowing stuff up all day long in various places.
Another "toy" that was a fad: burning plastic. Yes, just the simple fun of watching pieces of plastic combust and form sizzling, bubbling, congealed masses dangling from the end of a stick. I remember my friend moronically started whizzing the stick around with the sizzling plastic dangling and some flew on his hand causing a blister.
Buy maybe our ultimate crazy passtime required no toy whatsoever: one summer it was all the craze with the kids on our block to hyperventilate. All it took was one kid knowing how to do it and very quickly the "technique" was transmitted among all us kids as though it were some kind of esoteric rite, and we were all doing it. How fun to breathe heavily and then hold your breath and then suddenly wake up moments later after having lost consciousness.
Oh yeah, I also remember the time in gradeschool when I "discovered" this really cool powder in a cabinet - if you left it on your skin it would cause it to become dark for a really long time (like a few days). It was silver nitrate.
Look at the laws being enacted, the charges and/or suits being filed and the way our school system is run.
t m
http://www.thememoryhole.org/edu/school-mission.h
Sure wouldn't have wanted people with these attitudes today back when me and my friends played chicken in the park with our ever present pocket knifes.
I used to carry mine to school. Not only was I not considered armed and dangerous, but I was considered one of the "good little boys," who didn't stir up any trouble; unless a grownup did something downright stupid. Then they were in trouble. I homed right in on stupid.
Frankly we have been going downhill for years.
Ya wanna know how the terrorists are going to win? Well, oddly enough, I'm willing to tell you how they're going to win.
No dirty nukes, no poisoning the water supply.
They're just going to sneak into all of our homes and place a pea under each mattress; after which we will simply whine ourselves to fucking death.
Why yes, I did take an extra spoonful of curmudgeon this morning. Why do you ask?
KFG
Wow, you're rude, an idiot and got modded insightful. Congratulations.
First of all, being made of wood doesn't make a toy awesome. You can make a plastic replica of any toy and it will be exactly the same. Except it won't be wood. Big deal. Half my toys were wood, the other were plastic. I din't care, I didn't even notice. I was too busy playing with them.
You don't like the plastic toys from today? I think that has more to do with you "growing up" from an imaginative child into a cinical adult.
By the way, there are lots of reasons for using plastic. For example it's easier to produce (and color), cheaper, cleaner, lighter. Especially early plastics were not safe at all and ALSO splintered.
The same applies to rubber mats. Much easier to clean, easier to use.
Oh, and yes modern materials are safer. How unfortunate! If you think that taking risks is essential to having fun (and life in general) then something is wrong with your head. Personally, I like to not having to fear for my life all the time. There are plenty of other challenges left.
Also, of course parents should look after their own children. But doesn't that also mean providing a safe environment for them?
Oh and one more thing, guess what material the toy in question was made of?
What happened to the idea of kids playing to practice for the real world?
That's the purpose of play for the rest of the animal kingdom, with the various wild cat species being the best example (play centers around hunting skills and establishment and maintainance of heirarchy, when they grew up those innocuous activities became "real", and because they had practiced in youth, they make better decisions)
people are too sheltered now.. and even i was when I was a kid. This is one of the things I dislike about my fellow liberals.. it's one thing to be egalitarian when people ask for it and truly need a helping hand or protection from active disenfranchisement.... its another to overprotect and thereby deny real life lessons to both kids and parents. In real life you will often handle or live around objects which can cause you harm, and parents should realize that if their toys don't do it they can rest assured their kids will manage to get other everyday objects to serve that function. At the same time, making toys which are not idiot proof will teach kids how to take proper precautions both in everyday movement and when handling tools with similar risks.
For example:
When I was 7 I was given the gi joe crusader..
this thing had articulated everything.. including landing gear.. which was made of thin hard and jam-prone plastic with way too much spring tortion.
one day this gear jammed, and in the process of being freed literally ripped off my thumbnail.
But guess what.. nobody sued..
My nail healed, and I learned the importance of handling with care anything which could potentially jerk uncontrollably by experiencing a relatively minor injury.
I mean, imagine if I had made this arguably inevitable mistake with more "adult" tools.
Getting hurt, just like copyright infringement, is a question of "when" in life, not "if". If you prevent one means people will inevitably encounter another through which to learn these lessons.
That said.. this list is far from accurate.
There are antiques i've seen from the turn of the century which have such gems as open flame, boiling substances, and serious electrical hazards.
it should really be read as "the 10 most dangerous toys produced since 1950"
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
It's not just this. I remember a Christmas special a year or two ago called "Merry F***ing Christmas" or something along these lines that demonstrated the true purpose of Christmas:
Natural selection through Christmas presents. Got a kid that was dumb enough to stick his hand in an EZ Bake oven? That one's a moron. Better try again! What about another boy who ducks when someone aims a BB gun in his direction? That's a keeper!
The real terrorists aren't the ones with bombs strapped to their chests. They're in our law firms, preventing our children from blowing themselves to tiny bits with their "Actual Working Holy Hand Grenade" when they don't listen and count to 4. This is not what God intended. God gave us Jesus and Christmas and all that so we could kill off our dumbest kids and raise only the smartest.
Let me tell you, the terrorists have already won, my friends. They won long ago...
Damn ad-heavy split up articles.
1. Lawn Darts
2. Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab
3. Mini-Hammocks from EZ Sales
4. Snacktime Cabbage Patch Dolls
5. Sky Dancers
6. Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun
7. Creepy Crawlers
8. Johnny Reb Cannon
9. Battlestar Galactica Missile Launcher
10. Fisher-Price Power Wheels Motorcycle
So it seems they missed the latest threat:
The Nintendo Wii
- http://www.wiihaveaproblem.com/
Example injuries from that site:
- Girl Dislocates Knee While Playing with Wii
- Attack on Girlfriend Proves Fatal to Boyfriend's Wii Privileges
Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
I'm wondering if it really chomped the fingers OFF
Yup. 35 fingers and one penis. Uhh, don't ask...
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
True story:
After begging and pleading with their parents for years, my friend Pete and his older brother finally got BB guns one Xmas.
Of course, the first thing they did was go into their room and had a shootout. Pete's brother nailed him direct in the eyebrow over the left eye. Pete scraped the BB our of his eyebrow, at which point a little fountain of blood began flowing. Pete's first words were "I'm going tell!"
Since they both knew that they would lose their precious armaments, negotiations ensued about how things could be amicably worked out. In the end, Pete settled out of court for the opportunity to shoot his brother in the ass three times.
Where is the Bag O' Glass? Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set? Mr. Skin-Grafter? General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit? Doggie Dentist? How about Johnny Switchblade, Adventure Punk or the Teddy Chainsaw Bear?
What kind of kist is this?
Waitasec... Under the "SkyDancers" entry, it mentions "broken ribs". I can see the other mild forms of damage, particularly eye injuries, but how the hell would six ounces of plastic and foam, even spinning as fast as its little plastic launcher can make it, manage to break bones?
I took issue with a few other entries as well, but it seems like many of these "dangers" don't really involve the toy itself, much like "injury while under the influence" - The alcohol doesn't hurt you, your actions while drunk hurt you.
Some stupid kid probably launched one of these off the roof to see how far it could go, then proceeded to fall off the roof. Do we blame the toy for that?
I agree with your post overall, but --
the US military claims it's harmless and has not trouble using it around civilians in large amounts
Speaking as a Gulf War vet who has seen many of his fellow vets suffer from GWS, and has also observed the stonewalling they've received (first the military denied that the disease existed at all, and when that stopped working, disclaimed any responsibility) I have to say, that's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
Let me tell you, the terrorists have already won, my friends.
And just so you can spot them, they wear three piece suits and like to use code words in Latin for critical parts of their communication.
Is it just my observation, or are there way too many stupid people in the world?
You're thinking of Denis Leary's Merry F#$%n' Christmas Special. I think it was on last year. They have some clips from the show on the Comedy Central site, but not the segment you're talking about.
You are in a maze of twisty little relative jumps, all alike.
Oh, that's a college level course these days. 500 or 600 level in most places. 8th graders have to pass tests these days. No time for learning.
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
oh crap! My priest is a terrorist!