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ISECOM's Top 10 Real Computer Crimes
thelordx writes "ISECOM, the Institute for Security and Open Methodologies, has just posted their Top 10 Real Computer Crimes for 2007 and Beyond. This list runs the gambit from poorly designed patches to chlamydia! It's entertaining, but also scary, as many of us could fall victim to some or all of them."
Many /.ers are victims of an STD? How did that happen?
If you must moderate, please moderate as irrelevent, not something bad, because I'm sure someone will find this interest
Yep, looks like they had a Christmas works party and then all got together and wrote this article while considerably boozed up. Gawd knows what this article is really about.
Chlamydia from a computer? Erm, no. Those folks need to do a little reading.
For those few of you who usually read the full article, this time, do yourself a favor and don't. It just hurts your head.
And the really bad thing is that, if this was a post-party post, there's not a single scan of the secretary's ass from the photocopier. So, I guess the party sucked too.
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.
John
So Im sitting here and Im trying to figure out whats so goddamn special about anime. Im still trying to figure that out. Theres got to be a free dose of heroin in every DVD or something. Because you know, I cant walk out of the fucking door without someone talking about Inuyasha, and holy fuck Trigun is just the bees knees. Im taking a dump; Im sitting on the toilet wiping my ass with bible pages (because thats what I use when I run out of toilet paper.) And someones going to be standing there talking about how big of a boner they get over Tank Police and Neon Jell-O Evangelist or whatever the fuck.
So Im thinking Wow gee hosifat, this anime stuff has got to be some nifty shit. There had better be some sliced bread out there that cant get work anymore over this shit. The last time people had this much fun they just discovered they could get drunk and beat their kids. So this shit had better be able to cure AIDS and kill nuns its that fucking great. Old people had better be turning off the I Dream of Jennie reunion to watch this shit its that fucking great.
So I sit down to watch anime. And its not that hard because its on every fucking channel. Six hundred and fifty trillion channels and their all playing anime twenty four hours a day. So I pick a channel and I sit down to watch it; and its not like I havent seen anime before you know, but every time I happen to mention that I dont personally like it, someones head will pop out from under the nearest rock and say But have you seen it lately? Its not like Sailor Moon anymore! Because apparently the last five years has done for anime what silicon did for Alyssa Molino, you know.
So Im sitting in my chair and I turn on the anime and Ive got my dick in my hand ready to jerk it to happy oblivion because apparently its that fucking important. And hey, check this out, its the same three-frame per second six-color crap it always was! You can watch this shit with Shockwave on a 486 and there wouldnt be any difference.
And its because we incinerated all of Japans in-between artists at the end of World War 2 I know it. They cant make an hour long cartoon with more than a hundred frames in it because theyve only got three mother fuckers left who can draw.
And I cant jerk off to this, my dick would never respect me again. But suddenly, everyones flooding in my room and theyre like Ohh youre watching Otagotcha Watamotigotchimona. This is the best show in all fucking existence. And now theyre jerking their dicks off, and all I can think is that they dont deserve their dicks. What the fuck is making everyone go so batshit over anime?
And then it occurs to me, its fucking El Niño. Yeah, thats what it is. Some guy gets caught raping a dead squirrel and someones going to blame El Niño for it. This is all El Niños fault because thats where the aliens live with their damn mind rays that are making everyone fucking retarded. Fuck South America!
So I fire a bunch of nukes at South America so everyones heads will suddenly be extracted from their asses again. And I do it anime style too, I narrate it as Im doing it. So, Im like Ohh, did you know that I would send the most powerful force in the universe to destroy you today, but now you know because Im the great warrior Anonymous, whos spirit was imprisoned by the god of penile dysfunction over a thousand years ago and have been waiting to be awakened this very day by the magical sound of the very last human putting his head up his ass, ohhh.
Because thats a wonderful story you know, thats what makes anime so wonderful its the story. Its the stories that make the anime so wonderful. The stories, thats what it is. You know, only their not stories! Ohh telling a thousand years of history in thirty seconds in the middle of a movie, when you do that, thats not a fucking story. Thats the fucking cincher OK? When you do that in the middle of a mental hospital theyre give you a fucking lobotomy.
So I launch the nukes at South America, and their like Anonymous you bastard! and
Please don't insult the seven year olds.
either that or you're just naive and unimaginative
the article attempts to be funny but only manages to be completely lame.
For the love of god please don't RTFA! It hurts.
Waking Up - There must be a better way to start the day.
Sure, The ideas aren't scary, but the number of grammatical errors is.
Getting Chlamydia requires intimage physical contact; I don't think there is much risk there for Slashdot members.
Googled "chlamydia"? Hmm? Hhhhmmmmm?
"All you have to do is be fragile and grateful. So stay the underdog." Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.
You are using your laptop in the toilet and then the toilet comes to life and eats your laptop and then you fight the toilet with a whip Indiana Jones style and then it wins and eats you and belches out the words 'Who's the boss?!' and then it wins an Emmy Award and becomes president of the United States of America.
Makes about as much sense.
Sarcasm is supposed to be funny.
For once, there's actually a reason for these comments. Usually they're just your average troll, but damn..
Also, the guy that wrote that piece of crap should read this --> http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/10/11
Scully: Should we arrest David Copperfield?
Mulder: Yes we should, but not for this.
Having read that list, I don't think any of them are likely to happen to me.
1. Unlikely. If my computer ever crashes, it does so for a reason. The software I am using has been independently audited. I've read the Source Code of some of it myself.
2. Unlikely. I know how to use locate.
3. Unlimited traffic. Static IP. Anything less is not a proper internet connection.
4. Bloody unlikely. I use a web browser, not a virus magnet. That's on top of an Operating System which is immune to viruses, spyware and adware -- by design.
5. I know how to turn off Bluetooth. So does anyone who has to pay for their electricity by the joule.
6. It's right there in the Terms and Conditions of my bank account: We will never ask you for personal information via the Internet. And it means what it says.
7. See 6. Anyway, there are only two ways my bank could add an "internet-enabled" service I'd actually use: let me take a photo of a pile of pound notes and coins, upload it and pay it into my account; or let me print pound notes on my own printer.
8. I don't buy software, I download it using apt-get. What is a CD key?
9. Bit far-fetched. Anyway, if anybody's going to be selling off the toner cartridges, it's me!
10. Unlikely. I don't travel by air anyway.
Je fume. Tu fumes. Nous fûmes!
To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it