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ISECOM's Top 10 Real Computer Crimes

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the internet-stds dept.

thelordx writes "ISECOM, the Institute for Security and Open Methodologies, has just posted their Top 10 Real Computer Crimes for 2007 and Beyond. This list runs the gambit from poorly designed patches to chlamydia! It's entertaining, but also scary, as many of us could fall victim to some or all of them."

20 of 155 comments (clear)

  1. Crimes against the English Language by plover · · Score: 5, Insightful

    #11. Incredible run-on sentences that are in a difficult-to-read font and are not punctuated and sometimes written in the second person familiar and sometimes they changed tense and ended illogically disconnected from their premises even though you read them through to the end.

    --
    John
    1. Re:Crimes against the English Language by GigsVT · · Score: 2, Insightful

      That post had more run-on sentences than the article, but was actually 100 times more entertaining. Thanks.

      --
      I've had enough abrasive sigs. Kittens are cute and fuzzy.
    2. Re:Crimes against the English Language by Antos700 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I think you need to do a little re-reading. That particular point was just saying that if you are willing to browse dodgy websites, then expect the same results as associating with easy partners (i.e your gonna catch a virus.)

    3. Re:Crimes against the English Language by jacquems · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Chlamydia from a computer? Erm, no. Those folks need to do a little reading.

      Ok, not directly from the computer itself, but I can see how this scenario could happen. Teens are using instant messaging in astounding numbers these days. I also recently found out that the incidence of STDs among teenagers is way higher than I ever imagined it to be (and many teens don't know they're infected, further spreading STDs). So, here's how it could happen: two teenagers meet and start flirting through instant messages (or other chat). They decide to meet in real life and have sex. One of them has an STD (let's say chlamydia), and now the other one is infected. Granted, they may or may not have met each other in real life without the chat, but in this case the computer was where the relationship started, and therefore it is indirectly responsible for teen #2 getting chlamydia.

      I should probably point out that I met my husband on IRC, and I have my own story about how computers literally changed my life. I probably wouldn't have ever tried IRC if I hadn't been interested in the demoscene. I wouldn't have known about the demoscene if I hadn't met my first boyfriend. I wouldn't have met my first boyfriend if I didn't call BBSs. I wouldn't have called BBSs if I wasn't interested in computers. I wouldn't have been as interested in computers as I was if we didn't start using them at school when I was in the first or second grade. So in a very real way, if it hadn't been for computers (and especially IRC), I would not be married to my husband, and our daughter would not exist.

  2. hwah? by yagu · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I don't know much about ISECOM, but aside from being virtually indecipherable reading, I don't find their list: 1) to be crimes (necessarily) and/or b) credible.

    Consider #7 (a short and sweet one):

    Your bank will add more small print and find new ways to charge for internet-enabled things they save money on but they call it a new service so you pay more for it.

    I have had more distaste for the banking industry over the last ten years... but banks are in a competitive market (so far), and are fairly tightly regulated. Their internet-enabled "things" may or may not save them money, a lot of times maybe not, but more fairly would be described as poorly implemented and hardly worth paying for. Banks, OTOH, are allowed to charge for their services, poorly implemented or not.

    Also, consider "crime" #9:

    The sweet girl from procurements with the pink-laced keds gets caught selling toner cartridges on E-bay which she stole from your office printer and she tells the boss that she didn't know it was from there because you gave it to her and when they go to investigate they find some work documents on your personal USB key drive that you needed to move files to another computer in a department with a printer that still had toner along with a file full of MP3s and spreadsheet full of numbers you'd been toying with to see if it's feasible to start your own competing business.

    Consider it not so much for considering as much as for just plain interpreting it... aside from the fact it's a multi-runon (I think) sentence and it's a hundred words (give or take), I'm not sure what it's saying.

    This article probably shouldn't have been posted. (Nor, I guess, should this post... sigh.)

    1. Re:hwah? by russotto · · Score: 2, Insightful
      The sweet girl from procurements with the pink-laced keds gets caught selling toner cartridges on E-bay which she stole from your office printer and she tells the boss that she didn't know it was from there because you gave it to her and when they go to investigate they find some work documents on your personal USB key drive that you needed to move files to another computer in a department with a printer that still had toner along with a file full of MP3s and spreadsheet full of numbers you'd been toying with to see if it's feasible to start your own competing business.
      Consider it not so much for considering as much as for just plain interpreting it... aside from the fact it's a multi-runon (I think) sentence and it's a hundred words (give or take), I'm not sure what it's saying.

      Allow me to interpret. Basically what happened to this poor guy is

      1. The printer in his department was out of toner, so
      2. He used his personal USB key drive to copy files to another department's computer (i.e. sneakernet); he then printed the documents on that department's printer
      3. The reason the printer was out of toner was that someone from procurements -- identified as a "sweet girl with pink-laced Keds" -- was stealing them and selling them on eBay
      4. Said "sweet girl" fingered (the implication is "falsely") our protaganist as the source for the toner cartridges, and denied knowing they were stolen from his department's printer
      5. The company investigated and found out about the work documents on the personal USB key (presumably a policy violation)
      6. The personal USB key also contained MP3s (probably also a policy violation) and a spreadsheet which he had made up investigating the feasibility of starting up a competing business (definitely something to be fired over). It's implied the company investigators found these too.

      Just not his day.

      So the sentence may have been difficult to decipher, but it did pack a lot of information into a small space. Perhaps one day we'll be welcoming our intuitive stream-of-consciousness interpreting overlords?

  3. Missing: by Lord_Slepnir · · Score: 3, Insightful

    11. ISECOM using run on sentences on just about every point in that article making it impossible to read, leading to people who have competent english skills to go insane from the lack of a breaking point even though all ISECOM has to do is to look between the comma and the slash keys and press that damn button once or twice during the duration of thier insane rants that don't really make any sense anyway.

  4. Please.... by djupedal · · Score: 3, Insightful

    "It's entertaining, but also scary, as many of us could fall victim to some or all of them."

    Wow - entertaining, scary AND the possibility of victimization! All this story needs is some popcorn and gratuitous sex!!!

    For the record - the story is neither entertaining nor scary, and just because you're stupid enough to fall prey doesn't mean the general population is in the same boat.

  5. Useless by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Sweeping generalizations, unrealistic scenarios, and poorly written run-on sentences. This sounds like it was written by a 12-year old girl. Thanks for the heads up on yet another organization to completely ignore in the future.

  6. Wow by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Worst. List. Ever.

    I think my brain just screamed from the horrible, horrible sentence structure. What, was this written by a seven year old?

  7. # 0. by SpaceLifeForm · · Score: 1, Insightful

    Vista.

    --
    You are being MICROattacked, from various angles, in a SOFT manner.
  8. sounds familiar by illuminatedwax · · Score: 2, Insightful

    This article just keeps talking in one incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one could interrupt it was really quite hypnotic.

    (Tagged justkeepstalkinginoneincrediblyunbrokensentencemov ingfromtopictotopic)

    --
    Did you ever notice that *nix doesn't even cover Linux?
  9. What? by NineNine · · Score: 1, Insightful

    What was "this" article about, exactly? It made no sense, whatsoever. How are these "crimes"? What are the top 10 of? Why in the hell was this piece of crap posted?

    See, Slashdot is just another blog now. A big one. An old one. But now, it's just another plain ol' vanilla blog. Blogs live and die on popularity, and the popularity is generally related to the quality of the articles posted. If Slashdot continues down this long, editorial spiral of shit for much longer, I'm about to strike out to find some better reading.

    This is pathetic.

  10. Excellent article by joe_cot · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I now have this saved as the moment when slashdot jumped the shark. Now to see if I can find any prior art...

  11. Re:One of two things happened here... by Kabuthunk · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Oh, I saw that it was a joke site, and in no way serious.

    Just a really, really pathetic attempt at humour, and fails miserably. It's below medeocre no matter what level you look at it. Either for humour, or serious... this article fails horribly. I have no clue why someone slashdotted it.

    --
    Planet Zebeth - Metroid with a twist
  12. Not a serious article by HeadlessNotAHorseman · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Why are people criticising the article as if it is serious...it's obviously a joke. The run-on sentences, the crazy associations (bruised knee!) etc...it's funny! I suppose every person has a different sense of humour (I know people who think that "Little Britain" is funny!) but I'm surprised that people mistook it for a real article.

    --
    I like my coffee the way I like my women - roasted and ground up into little tiny pieces.
    1. Re:Not a serious article by rolyatknarf · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Nobody thought it was serious and nobody thought it was funny. It was just bad.

  13. It's a different point of view. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    It is about "REAL" computer crimes in which case it deals with people who care about technology in other ways than probably the normal Slashdot crowd. It is not exactly meant to be ha-ha funny or even all that sarcastic even though some of it can be. It is a collection of stream-of-thought "crimes" as seen by less technical people but do include technology. These are the complaints you can hear and see out in the "real" world where people are more paranoid of their phone getting ripped off (maybe rightly so) than of next-gen phone viruses. It actually does a good job at making fun of all those top 10 and prediction lists that are so full of themselves while also showing the widening gap of how we view security between technical people and the regular people we sell products and services to.

  14. Lame comments by stewbacca · · Score: 3, Insightful

    The only thing worse than the below-average attempt at humor in this article is the sheer number of slashdot people who don't even get it is a joke in the first place (even if the joke isn't that funny). Seriously, get out and get some air.

  15. Cretans? by Porchroof · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Wow.

    Most of the posts in this thread apparently were made by cretans.

    The article in question was obviously written as humor.

    The article in question was indeed funny.

    The long sentences are a device to show impatience, to show that the writer's mind is working faster than his typing fingers. (Has any of you ever heard the Old Philospher? Not the same, but a similar device is used: successive questions.)

    To top it off, some posters even found this thread as an opportunity to bash Microsoft!?! (I'm beginning to believe that most viruses, trojans and worms are written by *nix creeps in a misguided effort to prove that Microsoft is evil and that users of Microsoft products are stupid for using those products.)

    --
    Fata viam invenient.