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10th Annual Wacky Warning Labels Out

autophile writes "It's official: M-Law's 10th Annual Wacky Warning Label Contest is over. First prize has gone to a washing machine label urging not to put people in washers. Started to promote awareness of excessive litigation, the contest highlights common sense warning labels, such as the one that warns not to dry cellphones in microwave ovens. Companies find it necessary to stick crazy warnings on their products because of previous insane lawsuits: 'A front loader (washing machine) is just at the right height — speaking now as a mother and not a corporate spokeswoman — for a four-year-old,' said Patti Andresen Shew of Alliance Laundry Systems. Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels."

20 of 445 comments (clear)

  1. bash.org says: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Oblig. bash.org quote:
    <xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

    1. Re:bash.org says: by waveclaw · · Score: 4, Interesting
      FTA:
      a warning he found on the cover of his local Yellow Pages book which cautions users: "Please do not use this directory while operationg [sic] a moving vehicle."


      I'm sorry. When I'm driving a car, I am driving a car. Much like any technology that can kill people (e.g. chainsaws) you really should be multitasking only two things: do your job and don't kill people (unless it's a gun, which is meant to kill people anyway.)

      When driving a car I am not:
      1. Drinking Booze like I'm at a frat party
      2. Taking a nap like I'm in bed at home
      3. Having a four-course lunch as if I'm at a restaurant
      4. Yacking on my cellphone like I'm at the salon getting my hair done
      5. Reading the bleeding Yellow-pages to call someone on my cellphone


      No. You are not good enough of a driver to do these either. If you are, why aren't you a professional race-car driver? (And many pro race-car drivers will tell you not to do these things either.) If you want to eat, drink, yack and read take the bus or a train that serves breakfast. Voice mail exists so you don't have to carry on a 5-way conference call while swerving down Interstate 40 on your way to hell.

      (This rant has been brought to you by the letters G, E, T, A and the word 'clue.')

      I suspect this is not people being clueless, though. It's people willing playing a deadly game to 'be productive' and make up for playing WoW / serfing pr0n at 4am.

      --

      "You cannot have a General Will unless you have shared experiences. You cannot be fair to people you don't know."
  2. My personal favourite by JanneM · · Score: 5, Funny

    My first bike (a ten year old Honda CM400T) had the warning, prominently placed on the tank, not to engage the steering lock while you're riding it.

    The steering lock itself was located to the left and below the trunk bundle of wires going to the front panel and instrumentation, and needed the key that presumably is in the ignition (or you would not be driving it) or the backup key. Fair enough.

    But the steering lock would only engage when the front wheel was engaged fully in one direction or the other. Which was a seriously tight turning radius. If you are able to actually keep your balance and keep the bike moving while gong full tilt to the right, and at the same time find and push-twist the key sitting under a bundle of cables below your line of sight and to the left then you do not need a warning label - you need a contract to perform at a motor circus, as you have just found your true calling.

    --
    Trust the Computer. The Computer is your friend.
  3. Knowledge is Power by El+Torico · · Score: 4, Insightful

    stupid people + clever lawyers = trouble

    Should there be warning labels? Of course.
    Should there be warning labels as a replacement for a basic level of education? Of course not.

    --
    In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is usually crucified.
  4. Lawyers aren't the entire problem by gravesb · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The law generally is that the company must warn against unintended uses that a reasonable person would forsee. The problem is the reasonable person standard is determined by a jury. If juries would stop awarding such verdicts, then lawyers would stop suing. As long as juries continue to say a reasonable person would forsee someone putting a wet cell phone in a microwave, lawyers will continue to file suit. Talking to one juror about a malpractice case, they said they really didn't see that the doctor was negligent, but the plaintiff was suffering, the insurance was the only one who was going to pay, the insurance company had money, so why not give the plaintiff $400,000? The thing they didn't see (other than their conduct being against the law) was that everyone pays increased medical costs to cover the increase in malpractice insurance that the doctor must pay. If jurors were more responsible and more intelligent as to the consequences of their actions, the legal culture would have to change. Don't expect the lawyers to change the system, they have too much of a vested interest, and they are legally bound to look after their client's best interests within the law. People need to change the system.

    --
    http://bgcommonsense.blogspot.com
  5. We've had this for a while ... by richg74 · · Score: 4, Funny
    Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels.

    About twenty years ago, I bought an electric pencil sharpener for my office. It came with a set of safety warnings, prominently including "Do not attempt to sharpen ball-point pens." My thought at the time was that someone stupid enough to do that most likely had a problem that wasn't going to be solved by reading warning labels.

  6. So why is it bad to put a cell in the microwave? by notthepainter · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Yes, that is a rehtorical question because if you read /. you know why.

    The real question is, how would an average person know? Most look like they are made of plastic which is of course microwave safe. If you've immersed your phone, drying it out with heat can fix it. (I know, I baked a friend phone in my oven at 150 degrees to bring it back to life.)

    So no, I don't think we need labels, there are so many they aren't read anyhow.

    How can we make it obvious that this is a bad idea? Or better yet, how can we make it possible that no damage will occur to either device then this happens?

    This is one of the challenges that engineers face. How do you make your products work well, be bulletproof, be easy to use, do what the customer needs doing, and yet not cost a fortune.

  7. Re:Crowbar by s20451 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Many crowbars today are printed with the warning label: "Do not use to pry."

    Does that mean we're only supposed to use them for their other intended purpose, to beat?

    --
    Toronto-area transit rider? Rate your ride.
  8. Best floppy disk labels ever by hugg · · Score: 4, Funny
  9. Reason for this kind of warning by DavidV · · Score: 5, Informative

    An under-evolved hairless ape recently put an infant in the clothes dryer in Sydney because he thought it would be fun for the child. It may have been for the few seconds before the 3rd degree burns started developing. This kind of cretin is the reason for this kind of warning.

    --
    !sig
    1. Re:Reason for this kind of warning by MisterBuggie · · Score: 5, Informative

      Erm, why is this modded troll? This actually happened...
      Article here: http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/wet-baby-in-tu mble-dryer-man-charged/2006/05/30/1148754978203.ht ml

      We need better warning labels on the /. mod system ;-)

  10. Re:Well she has a point... by thewils · · Score: 5, Insightful
    The labels are pretty rediculous but they are for the parents


    Well, actually the labels are there for the manufacturers. They don't give a crap what you do with their product, if there's a warning label then your chances of successfully suing them are minimal.
    --
    Once I was a four stone apology. Now I am two separate gorillas.
  11. Not your usual warning label... by IpSo_ · · Score: 4, Funny

    This isn't your usual warning label on a pair of jeans.

    --
    Open Source Time and Attendance, Job Costing a
  12. Re:Excessive litigation better than the alternativ by Registered+Coward+v2 · · Score: 4, Informative

    I'm glad you brought up the hot coffee suit. I have something you'll need to agree to. A plaintiff sued McDonald's for selling him a milkshake, which he placed between his legs while driving (sound familiar?) Because of this, he temporarialy lost his ability to drive (so he testifies) and crashed his car, causing injuries and costs to the plaintiff. Now, he never won the case, but it seems to me anyone who is in beleif of hot coffee lady needs to write that judge RIGHT NOW and explain their absolute disappointment with him for not awarding several million dollars to the plaintiff for his injuries.

    After all, the situation is identical to hot coffee lady, except this time the drink is too cold.


    Hardly. The plaintiff was not driving, nor was the car moving when she got burned. She held the cup between her legs and was opening it to put in sweetener when it spilled.

    McDonald's had reports of injuries before this event; they even knew it was being served too hot to be consumed. McD's refuised to settle, and eventually lost to the tune of $500,000 - then they settled.

    This case is not, despite the FUD, a stellar example of lawsuit abuse; rather it highlights what the court system should do - hold people accountable on both sides. (The award was reduced 20% due to the plaintiffs actions being viewed as partly responsible)

    --
    I'm a consultant - I convert gibberish into cash-flow.
  13. Re:Well she has a point... by IdleTime · · Score: 5, Insightful

    These warning labels are a social curiosity found in USA.

    When I first moved here I was totally cracking up at all the stupid warnings you have on everything. Why are they there? Because of a horrible justice system and not because you want to warn people about the obvious but to avoid paying millions and millions to idiots.

    Your justice system is long overdue for a total overhaul, it is horrific at best.

    --
    If you mod me down, I *will* introduce you to my sister!
  14. It's a warning sign rather than a label... by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) · · Score: 5, Interesting

    ...but it is the funniest one ever.

    --
    Doesn't it make you feel good to know that our freedoms are protected by politicans, lawyers and journalists.
  15. Labels for the manufacturers by Harmonious+Botch · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Parent has a good point.

    The most extreme example I've seen is a box of Q-tips. So far, most of the labels menioned have been to prevent stupid use of a product. In this case, the manufacturer puts on a label to allegedly prevent the intended use.
    Everybody knows what Q-tips are used for: to clean the ear canal. They were designed for that. Yet the box currently has a warning in bold block letters: DO NOT USE SWAB IN EAR CANAL. The label also lists - with pictures! - all the things that their lawers think they should be used for: removing makeup, cleaning your keyboard, etc.
    This is all done just to protect themselves from lawsuits.

    1. Re:Labels for the manufacturers by MrHanky · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Well, you shouldn't use a Q-tip to clean your ear. It shoves the earwax further in, and does far more damage than good. No doctor would ever recommend Q-tips for ear cleaning. Yes, it's probably the originally intended use, but good intentions don't always give good results. Q-tips are still kind of neat for other uses, though.

  16. Re:Excessive litigation better than the alternativ by jc42 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    McDonald's had reports of injuries before this event; they even knew it was being served too hot to be consumed. McD's refuised to settle, and eventually lost to the tune of $500,000 - then they settled.

    Indeed. And a number of articles on the case have pointed out that McDonald's also served hot chocolate at the same scalding temperature as their coffee. Hot chocolate is mostly drunk by children. McDonald's management knew this, had reports of injuries from both the coffee and the hot chocolate, but failed to lower the temperature. Endangering children like this is a level of irresponsibility that's a bit much for even the most rabid Social Darwinists.

    Also, followups have pointed out that the lawsuit had the desired effect. McDonald's lowered their serving temperature for both coffee and hot chocolate to a more reasonable 140F (60C).

    Another footnote was that most of the settlement went to pay the victim's lawyers; she reportedly got less money than her hospital bills.

    [I tried to get a degree symbol into those temperatures, but none of the standard HTML "entity" encodings worked. ;-]

    --
    Those who do study history are doomed to stand helplessly by while everyone else repeats it.
  17. Scientific labels by Rashdot · · Score: 5, Funny

    Copied from news:rec.humor.funny.reruns

    From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup rec.humor.funny. Visit http://www.netfunny.com/rhf to browse the RHF pages and archives on the web.

    WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

    WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

    CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

    HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

    CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

    ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

    READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

    THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

    PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.

    NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

    ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

    NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.

    PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

    COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.

    HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.

    IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

    (The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of The Journal of Irreproducible Results. Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc. 3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141 Individual US Subscriptions $12.00 Reproduced with permission.)

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