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What Does Your Dead Man's Switch Do?

Posted by Cliff on from the in-the-event-of-doom dept.

LqdEngineer asks: "How many of you use or have used a Dead Man's Switch designed to perform some action if you don't check in for a certain amount of time? Recently, I decided to put one together using MySQL and some cron jobs, but I wanted to see what others have their switches set up to do in the event you fail to check in. E-mails to loved ones? Send encryption keys to friends/family? Hate mail to your boss? Has anyone ever been on the receiving end of the results of such a system?"

29 of 310 comments (clear)

  1. Wives and Other DMSs by P(0)(!P(k)+P(k+1)) · · Score: 5, Funny

    From TFS:

    I decided to put [a dead man's switch] together using MySQL and some cron jobs . . . .

    I'll counter with my own ask-ask-slashdot: why would you use MySQL? It's only one more component to fail after you've expired.

    My advice: lose the extraneous components; and get a wife, too: they come with a redundant dead man's mechanism.

    1. Re:Wives and Other DMSs by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 5, Funny

      they come with a redundant dead man's mechanism
      they come with a redundant dead man's mechanism
      they come with a redundant dead man's mechanism

      hmmm. Now I think I understand what's in the nightstand drawer.

      --
      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
    2. Re:Wives and Other DMSs by kjart · · Score: 3, Funny

      and get a wife, too: they come with a redundant dead man's mechanism

      You've clearly never been married or else you'd realize that the need for a dead man's switch rises dramatically in the years following ;)

  2. There's only one thing it should do by TodMinuit · · Score: 3, Funny

    Blow up the building.

    --
    I wonder if I use bold in my signature, people will notice my posts.
  3. My gas pedal... by ForestGrump · · Score: 3, Funny

    When I take my foot off, it slows the car to a halt. Just kidding, cruise control gets around the situation.

    Grump

    --
    Is it true that more people vote for the winner of American Idol, than vote for the president? -Ali G.
    1. Re:My gas pedal... by ajs318 · · Score: 4, Funny

      s/bus/milk float/
      s/55/4

      --
      Je fume. Tu fumes. Nous fûmes!
    2. Re:My gas pedal... by ultramk · · Score: 3, Funny

      "I would like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like his passengers."

      --
      You catch enchiladas by picking them up behind the head and holding them underwater until they don't kick anymore -VeGas
  4. Halo. by headkase · · Score: 4, Funny

    Duh. Activate the rings and release the black hole from it's omni-magnetic retainer so it can eat Earth. No traces left.

    --
    Shh.
  5. creates more deadmens switches by green+pizza · · Score: 5, Funny

    My deadman's switch is programmed to create a series of new deadmen's switches, each more complex than the last.

  6. First things first by antifoidulus · · Score: 5, Funny

    delete all the porn!

    --
    Monstar L
    1. Re:First things first by ElaborateCalculator · · Score: 5, Funny

      Mod parent up:
      +1 Solipsist

      --
      --darren
    2. Re:First things first by lukas84 · · Score: 3, Funny
      You are not the center of the universe. You are merely an almost infinitesimal part of the big, grand, large, larger than life universe.
      Correct. Thus, my death will have little consequence to the world as a whole.

      Whatever these little consequences are, they can't concern me anymore, since i'm already dead.

      Even the (hypothetical) people i love don't have any consequence to me anymore, since i'm dead. Death is The End.

      This thinking can, of course, lead to amoral decisions, and that's why we have invented religion :)
    3. Re:First things first by rawtatoor · · Score: 4, Funny

      Then they go back to find out more information and find volumes of porn,

      If they aren't down my life's passion of snuff films, poop sex and tentacle porn then let em starve.

    4. Re:First things first by Monkelectric · · Score: 4, Funny

      It is so rare that one solipsists meets another.

      --

      Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley

  7. Ironically... by Frogbert · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's hooked up to my personal suicide machine.

    1. Re:Ironically... by Patrik_AKA_RedX · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yes, but did you test it?

    2. Re:Ironically... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yes, but did you test it?

      Oh great...he hasn't responded. You, sir, are being charged with murder!

  8. Why not have some fun? by monkeypoo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why not make a system that, after you've passed away, pretends to be you from beyond the grave?

    Maybe it checks your email contacts (most people will know you've passed on of course) and sends out randomly generated messages about how great heaven is?

    "You'll never believe it! The Mormons were right!!"

    1. Re:Why not have some fun? by Workaphobia · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, if the system can pass a rigorous Turing Test and functionally replace you in all your roles, that may mean that you never even died. Either that or your life was so predictable and monotonous that a machine could live it for you.

      --
      Evidently, the key to understanding recursion is to begin by understanding recursion. The rest is easy.
  9. We need a new checkbox when posting to /. by Schraegstrichpunkt · · Score: 4, Funny

    [_] No Karma Bonus [_] Post Anonymously [_] Post Humously
    --
    http://outcampaign.org/
    1. Re:We need a new checkbox when posting to /. by nacturation · · Score: 3, Funny

      Dammit, you'll ruin the joke.

      --
      Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
  10. Jewish Mother Dead Man's Switch by LunchSpecial · · Score: 5, Funny

    If I don't check in with my Jewish mother every few days she'll go crazy and call everyone I might have once talked to.
    I didn't set this up, it was genetics.

  11. What if... by jones_supa · · Score: 5, Funny

    What if after your death your relatives just walk in and happily unplug your Linux boxes (having no idea how they even work) before your cool scripts even get a chance to run. :S

  12. Snow Crash by locokamil · · Score: 3, Funny

    Took my cue from Snow Crash and got my dead man's switch wired to a W80 warhead.

  13. Re:what I tell the guy with the gun by Barny · · Score: 5, Funny

    And after all that torture, all that pain and death, everyone who receives the message deletes it as spam....

    --
    ...
    /me sighs
  14. Re:What happens when you forget? by Ceriel+Nosforit · · Score: 5, Funny

    So you won't sell your account until you're dead, huh...

    Excuse me, I need to make a few phone calls.

    You've got a nice account, by the way. Very nice...

    --
    All rites reversed 2010
  15. Re:Feed the worms by kalirion · · Score: 5, Funny

    Maybe it will continue after your death, but considering the fact that the universe is merely a figment of my imagination, I predict that my death will have a greater impact.

  16. 16 Mexicans by solareagle · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Every Setpember, 16 Mexicans have a great party celebrating the revolution of Mexico but the fact is, that the revolution was not complete. " Is it the same 16 Mexicans every year? If you are one of only 16 Mexicans to attend this great party, you really need a Dead Man's Switch giving some one else your party spot!

  17. Not if I can help it! by Cybrex · · Score: 3, Funny

    I'm wearing a DMS of sorts right now. It's a bracelet that contains post-mortem instructions to chill my body to 10 C, do CPR, push an anticoagulant, and the 800# of the cryonics company with which I'm signed up.

    Of course, the most important single word on the bracelet is "REWARD". :-)

    I've also made sure that my wife (who is in the process of signing up) and my friends (some of whom are also signed up) are on board with this, and willing to go to bat for me if the coroner decides to get uppity.

    --
    Boundless Expansion, Self-Transformation, Dynamic Optimism, Intelligent Technology, Spontaneous Order- BEST DO IT SO!