Details and Rumors of iPhone Restrictions Emerging

We're getting indications of the ways the iPhone will be sold (or not sold) and restricted by Apple and AT&T. Reader thefickler writes, "An anonymous AT&T store manager has told blorge.com that users will get their WiFi when they sign a contract locking them into a data plan and EDGE. Kiss your dreams of WiFi reliance goodbye." And our own CmdrTaco found an article up on AppleInsider reporting that the iPhone will not be sold through established business channels — forcing Cingular business customers to stand in line for their goodies, as individuals, at Apple stores. An AT&T Business Division rep told one customer, "There is no ETA on the [ending of the] sale ban to business."

Comments

uh oh...

[sumi-manga]

more like, iPwned

obv

[Anonymous Coward]

I for one welcome our forced-into-a-locked-contract overlords!

But...

[mattgreen]

I thought the iPhone was going to be REVOLUTIONARY! I've never felt so empowered about a product launch! (Well, there was that one time when I was really big into Rage Against the Machine, and I considered myself acutely aware of the injustice around the world.) Maybe I need to stop reading RoughlyDrafted so much...

Steps to Get an iPhone

[Cr0w T. Trollbot]

Important: You Must Follow All These Steps in the Precise Order to Obtain Your iPhone. Failure to Do So Will mean Being Denied Entry To the Kingdom of Jobs

1. Take a number from the iphone number dispenser at the front of the store.
2. Proceed to the Coolness Evaluation Station. There you will be evaluated on your dress, apperance, and general coolness to determine whether you are worthy of having an iPhone. Among the criteria: A.) If you have a goatee, you may not have an iPhone. Those are so last year. B.) If you are a white man with Chinese or Japanese symbols tattooed on any part of your body, AND you can't read the language it's written in, you may not have an iPhone. Posuers are so lame. C.) If you are wearing a NASCAR shirt, a mullet, or carrying a can of Skoal, no iPhone for you, Cletus. D.) If you've ever owned, or even touched, a Zune, you may not have an iPhone. What's wrong with you? Finally, E. Any woman carrying a small dog with her as a fashion accesory may not have an iPhone. Get a life, Princess.
3. If you have passed the Coolness Test, you may proceed to the Icon of Jobs in the center of the store. Kiss it thrice and ask for Jobs to bless your purchase.
4. After kissing the Jobs icon, proceed to iPod/iPhone Acclimation station, where your iPod and your iPhone will be introduced to each other to see if their peronalities are compatible. If you have forgotten to bring your iPod, you may, at the acolytes' discression, buy a new one.
5. Finally, proceed to the Wallet Weighing Checkout station. Your wallet will be weighed, and must weigh more than a feather, but less than a duck. If it passes these tests, your wallet will be taken and you will be allowed to have your iPhone. No, you may not have your wallet back. Your bank will be able to issue you new credit cards.

Crow T. Trollbot

Re:DOA -- Bookmark! Bookmark! Bookmark!

[repetty]

Quote:

Then the iPhone is dead on arrival ... and it is that simple.

I'm bookmarking your quote, dude!

I'll enjoy reading it again in the future, right after I re-read about how the iPod is dead.

--Richard

Apple's secret recruiting plan

[El_Smack]

"iPhone will not be sold through established business channels -- forcing Cingular business customers to stand in line for their goodies, as individuals, at Apple stores."

Yeah, man. Like, you gotta wait in line with the rest of us. Hey, you mind if I blaze up? Thanks man. *fffffffttttt* Sure, I can spare a spliff. *fffffttt* Sure, I'll show you my Powerbook, man. Check out that widescreen.

And another business PC user is converted.

Re:Welcome to reality

[Bemopolis]

Speaking as an Apple lover, I don't despise Microsoft because they are Microsoft. I despise Microsoft because of what Microsoft is: a company that is unable to make anything except for wonky, artless crap. And if that were the end of it that would be fine; but their crap is ubiquitous, and sometimes a requirement.

To use a non-car analogy, Microsoft is like....Celine Dion. I mean, sure, I can concede that she's a gifted technical singer, but she has the aesthetic sensibility of a third-grade dropout Appalachian bootlegger who lost 90% of his hearing in a still explosion, with the rest of his faculties addled by methanol poisioning and a dose of the clap he got while stationed in the Pacific theater fighting the nips. (Hi, Grampa). Now, there are some people whose palate Vann diagram overlpas well with this, and more power to them. As for me, I won't allow that meliasmic dog sick in the house. And if that were the end of it that would be fine. Now imagine a world where you go to work and they pipe Dion over the PA; and after work you go online to your bank website to pay your credit card, and there's a banner that says "Sorry -- you must be playing 'My Heart Will Go On' to access this feature"; and then your so-called friends keep sending you email with attachements that plays a mashup of 'Ce N'Etait Qu'un Reve' and 'To Love You More'; and then, to get a grip on sanity you turn on the news and Rene Angelil is on Letterman talking about how Celine Dion is spurring 'innovation' by requiring the vast majority of mp3 player manufacturers to include 'Miracle' and 'On Ne Change Pas' pre-installed, along with preview tracks of 'D'Elles' that can, in some instances, cause malware to take over your player and play 'Power of Love' repeatedly at full volume.

So yeah, I hate Microsoft. That's The Way It Is.

Re:Not so

[Anonymous Coward]

I call bs on your zealot status. We all know you can't be a true zealot until you will and have blown Steve.

I hear every iPhone comes with a tool

[elrous0]

...the guy who bought it.

Re:Welcome to reality

[ovidus naso]

Your comprehensive knowledge of Céline Dion's oeuvre is disturbing.