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Hilarious Antique IT Advertisements
PetManimal writes "Computerworld has gone back through forty years worth of magazines, and came up with some entertaining IT-related advertising gems from decades past. Highlights include The Personal Mainframe, an image of the earliest screenless briefcase portables, and Elvira hawking engineering software. From the article: 'Remember Elvira, Mistress of the Dark? Besides appearing on TV in features like Elvira's Movie Macabre Halloween Special, Elvira also invited Computerworld readers to "cut through paper-based CASE [computer-aided software engineering] methods with LBMS" software. "The scariest thing about CASE is the several hundred pounds of books that land on your desk and for which you've paid fifteen gazillion dollars, when you buy off on a CASE development methodology," she writes. Can you guess what year Elvira appeared in this Computerworld ad? Headline hint: "IBM delays notebook arrival in U.S."'"
man and woman on the couch, soft music playing she look into his eyes and says...
"Can I see your Wang?"
Damned best computer Ad ever... and it was pulled because it was too sexual.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
"Worried about software costs? People who use it say The Personal Mainframe is the easiest system they have ever worked with. The DBMS complies with COASYL specifications. All the languages, from COBOL to FORTRAN are highly interactive".
I should lay that one on my fiancee next time she complains about something being wrong with the PC.
I remember when blazing fast 1200 baud modems came out, and I replaced my 300 baud modem. The text (there were no graphics to be concerned about) would scroll by so fast that I couldnt read it. I figured there was really no need for faster modems than 300 baud, because I couldnt read faster than 300 baud anyway. Guess thats my version of the "No one needs more than 640K Memory" quote.
Marketing dept guy #1 : How the hell are we going to sell this LBMS?
: Hmm.. Our customers are all sexually frustrated geeks. Let's put Elvira(R) on there. She's sexy and the kids seem to like her.
: That's a great idea.
: "The most overwhelming aspect of CASE is the several hundred...LBMS will address these issues. Their Project Engineer(TM) and On-line Method(TM) toolsets will reduce development backlog."
: Wow, that sounds boring as hell. It'd sound way cooler if we made Elvira(R) say it. Try this :
... heh heh ...Texas. Let them show you how their totally automated Project Engineer(TM) and On-Line Method(TM) toolsets can cut through development backlog." signed, Elvira(R)
: You're a genius. That sounds way more interesting. I've got wood.
Marketing dept guy #2
Marketing dept guy #1
(Marketing dept prepares a mock-up. Marketing dept guy #1 reads off the text)
Marketing dept guy #1
Marketing dept guy #2
"The scariest thing about CASE is the several hundred...So how's about calling LBMS in
Marketing dept guy #1
I guess a 20 MEG hard drive should be enough for everyone...
Riker selling some software...
I remember seeing an ad for the IBM PS/1 when it came out as a successor to the PCjr marketed as a consumer-grade PS/1. The computer was sitting on a desk in the background wasting electricity and there was a family enjoying each others company in front of it, paying no attention to it at all. The ad had a tag line that I vaguely recall as "the first computer that knows you have a life" or something like that. I almost ran out and bought one but then I controlled myself and decided that if I could wait just a few more months I could buy a computer even worse.
My 286 had 1000k, only because i broke 3 8k chips when i took them out to put 2 1mb chips in, and one wasn't working, so had it replaced, replacement didn't work so i got my money back and put all the 8k chips back in, and 3 weren't working.
...was a two-page advert from Sun, featuring Sally Struthers.
:D
The gist was something like, "Thinking of switching to NT? Isn't there enough suffering in the world?"
I'd LOVE to find out where that can be found online...
When politicians are involved, everyone loses.
One word: Shitcock.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
My favorite ad was one I received in the mail from Genicom back in 1992 or 1993. It consisted of a medium-size green box with the following text on the front: "I dunno what happened. The printer was working just fine a minute ago". Open the box, and there was a real Stanley ball-peen hammer fastened inside, and "Deny everything" on the inside of the box lid. I still have the hammer, BTW. :-)
Please stand clear of the doors, por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas
And, you probably remember, Radio Shack was the place to get all the parts you needed, and the guy behind the counter knew how to building an oscillator and could look at your hand drawn schematic and know what it was you were doing.
Now, its some snot that doesn't want to help you find a pot because he makes more money selling cell phones to geezers who don't need them.
Oh, sorry, nurse says its time for my meds and a then I get to sit in the garden.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong fix.
...where a Prime computer told him to marry Lala Ward. I'm not sure which happened first - they split up or Prime went belly up, but I can't help but think that codependence on a buggy mainframe explains a lot.
It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
So basically, we need to hunt them down, break their fingers, shoot them in the knees and then gut them and leave them to dry in the sun. I'm in.... :)
(Voices in unison): Hi Anonymous Coward!
... and then they built the supercollider.