RIAA Writes Its Own News For Local TV

I Don't Believe in Imaginary Property writes "Did your local news recently do a two-minute clip on music copyright infringement? If so, you can thank the RIAA. They sent out a video press release to local news stations as part of their 'holiday anti-piracy campaign.' In it, they warn people that the best way to avoid counterfeit music is to avoid 'compilation CDs that could only exist in the dreams of a music fan' and to trust their ears, because illegally copied music usually sounds 'atrocious.' Instead, they encourage watchers to buy ringtones for Christmas."

Comments

you mean like Mothership?

[croddy]

Hmmm... compilations... Track list encompassing exactly the finest output of Led Zeppelin... check Mastered so hot it sounds atrocious... check SOMEONE RING UP ATLANTIC. LED ZEPPELIN HAS BEEN PIRATED.

Re:you mean like Mothership?

[Anonymous Coward]

Holy crap! How'd the pirates get the grappling hooks up to the dirigible?

Gah.

[gardyloo]

The video then shows iTunes digital album gift cards and a cell phone, for which you can buy Christmas-themed ring tones. God bless us, every one.

Re:Gah.

[ArcherB]

The video then shows iTunes digital album gift cards and a cell phone, for which you can buy Christmas-themed ring tones. God bless us, every one. If someone buys me friggin ringtones for Christmas, I'm gonna be PISSED! Save your money and make me card made from macaroni!

Re:Gah.

[shark72]

"I never understood why you would *buy* a friggin ringtone. Most phones these days have usb plugs built in, or an transflash slot. A little sound editing and some technical jiggery-pokery later, and you have WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT as a ringtone."

I have no doubt that all of your friends are not only capable of the technical jiggery and the pokery, it's actually your hobby. You just love you some technical jiggery, particularly when it's with a side of pokery.

Next time you're at Walgreens, look at five people (your friends don't count, assuming you pulled your friends away from their jiggery and/or pokery sessions to get them to come with you to Walgreens). Any five people. The middle-aged cashier. The jailbait playing with the lipstick. The creepy guy in the photo section. These people just don't have the jiggery/pokery aptitude necessary to roll their own ringtones. Okay, maybe the creepy guy in the photo section does. But those other four people: they're the ones who are buying ringtones.

It's like that other question that boggles a lot of Slashdotters: why would anybody *buy* a friggen TiVo when with some spare computer parts, an IR blaster, a Linux distro and five troy ounces of jiggery/pokery, they could build their own? Sure, it smells like burned solder and you had to recompile the kernel a few times (the secret is "patch -pl -jiggery -pokery"), it doesn't have that cool lighting or the nice case or that bee-boop sound when you push the buttons, but you're STANDING UP to the MAN.

"Best thing in the world to get a phone call in a public area to have your phone shout, "My anus is bleeding...""

Interestingly enough, that's exactly what the creepy guy in the Walgreens photo section was shouting, too.

Of course!

[Wylfing]

compilation CDs that could only exist in the dreams of a music fan

Of course such things must be counterfeit. Everybody knows that the RIAA companies would never ever produce something that music fans would actually demand. 100% all good songs on an album, you've got to be kidding me!

That explains

[oahazmatt]

In it, they warn people that the best way to avoid counterfeit music is to avoid 'compilation CDs that could only exist in the dreams of a music fan' and to trust their ears, because illegally copied music usually sounds 'atrocious.'

So it sounds atrocious due to piracy, not the content itself. Interesting. That explains that burnt compliation: The Best of Yoko Ono.

Re:That explains

[MonoSynth]

The Best of Yoko Ono I usually buy that album in sets of 25 or 50, on a spindle.

Pirated News Clip!

[lilomar]

"...pirated products often appear amateurish..."
Um, I don't think this clip is legal guys... ;-)

Unbiased News Sources

[andrewd18]

It's stunts like this one that make me happy I get all my news from unbiased sources like Slashdot.

Re:Atrocious??

[Foobar of Borg]

I don't know about you, but there are few things more hellish and foul than a 30-second clip of a song encoded at 64kbps playing through a mobile phone speaker.

Yeah, that was my first thought. But there is something more hellish. Having an officemate who thinks ringtones are cool and has people calling him all the time. A promotion which gave me my own office is the only thing that staved off death for that abomination.

But you wouldn't...

[Jess (geek-chick)]

steal a baby!

I can just imagine the headlines

[tristian_was_here]

RIAA News Network:
Tom - "Today old lady steals millions of dollars worth or records we will send you to john for the full report"

John - "Well Tim what looks to be an old lady is really a monster while she was cashing her pension she was behind a organized syndicate of file sharers stealing hundreds of songs from Snoop Dogg, Britney Spears, Slipknot and many others, back to you Tom"

Tom - "Well that's one old lady who will be spending the rest of her days in prison"

Re:Assholes

[Anonymous Coward]

>If you fell like I do, please write to me

or sign my cast, and I'll sign yours.

Re:They're saying "if it's good it must be pirate!

[Butisol]

Legally bought RIAA music has electrolytes. It's what ears need.

Re:Disparity

[Arramol]

So by their logic, if the audio quality is good, it's probably legal, right? Boy, have I got some holiday downloading to do!

Re:Disparity

[shop S Mart]

No, they meant pirate music. "Pirate music sounds atrocious." Have you ever heard pirates sing? It's not good.

Re:Disparity

[Anonymous Coward]

The more you drink, the better we sound!

Rraw Rraw Rraw ...

Re:Disparity

[Walkingshark]

Hey, keep your Ninja Propaganda to yourself.

Re:They're saying "if it's good it must be pirate!

[fishbowl]

They actually know to back down when somebody has an answer to "Oh yeah? You and what army?"

Re:They're saying "if it's good it must be pirate!

[KDR_11k]

Naah, you heard them: If the recording quality is good it's definitely genuine!

Re:Atrocious??

[Atario]

"I love my cell phone. I love it. It's my friend. My cell phone was Bach, Beethoven, Wagner on it. Little snippets of classical genius being heard the way they were meant to be heard: on a small, handheld communications device, hundreds of years after the death of the composer. Have we no respect for genius? What the fuck! Beethoven wrote symphonies to be heard in symphony halls! What do we do with it? Beep beep beep buh [to the tune of Beethoven's Symphony No. 5]! Do you think Beethoven had any inkling in even the darkest recesses of his unconscious when he was deaf and sweating over his fifth symphony that one day it would emit from some idiot's pocket, and the response would be 'fuck, it's my mom'?"

-- Marc Maron, in a bit from 2001