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Apple Lawyering Up On "Fake Steve Jobs"

An anonymous reader sends us to The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs for a developing situation. Daniel Lyons, a.k.a. Fake Steve Jobs, made a post earlier today revealing that Apple was offering him some money (in the wake of the ThinkSecret shutdown) to close down his blog. He said he was interested in taking it. A few hours later, Lyons posted again revealing that Apple's lawyers had contacted him angrily, saying the details of the deal were supposed to remain private. Fake Steve replied 'we either deal out in the open, completely transparently, or we don't deal.' A third post gives details of Apple's lawyers' next response, going totally medieval on him. Since then the situation has calmed down a bit.

42 of 346 comments (clear)

  1. I really think it might be a good idea ... by ScrewMaster · · Score: 5, Funny

    to boil a few of those kinds of attorneys in oil, just as a warning to others.

    --
    The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
    1. Re:I really think it might be a good idea ... by RHSC · · Score: 5, Funny

      While anything tastes good deep fried, fried lawyers would be pushing the limits of the medium

    2. Re:I really think it might be a good idea ... by shaggy43 · · Score: 5, Funny

      If you wrap it in bacon first, *anything* goes down smoothly.

    3. Re:I really think it might be a good idea ... by Tim+Browse · · Score: 5, Funny

      The Danes make the best bacon, IMO.

      Well, the Danes are certainly involved, but it's the pigs who are committed.

  2. It's also possible that fake Steve is being... fak by Markintosh · · Score: 5, Insightful

    It could just be a satirical fiction based around the ThinkSecret situation.

  3. sounds like some laws must have been broken by wakim1618 · · Score: 4, Interesting
    Apple's lawyers threatened the welfare of the guy and his family and proceeded to list his assets and their value:

    Their lists includes my home address, most recent assessed value of my house and all the information about my mortgage; a rental property that we own; my bank accounts and investment accounts, including the college funds for our kids, whose names are used; and our boat and two cars.

    Aren't US Banks and financial institutions legally obligated to protect your private information such as the terms of your mortgage and the details of your bank and investment accounts?

    1. Re:sounds like some laws must have been broken by jamar0303 · · Score: 3, Informative

      I believe that Apple will back down rather quickly now. The Reality Distortion Field can't be so strong that people won't notice Apple essentially stalking this guy... right?

      --
      OSx86 FTW
    2. Re:sounds like some laws must have been broken by Jah-Wren+Ryel · · Score: 3, Insightful

      You know how all those douchebags that like to say, "If you haven't done anything wrong, then you have nothing to hide?"

      This is a perfect example of just how wrong-headed that approach is to privacy. None of the information that the lawyer dug up on Lyons is embarrassing or evidence of illegal activities. But the implied threat that a MegaCorp of essentially unlimited resources knows where you live and who is dear to you and wants you to know that they know is enough to convince many people to just give the MegaCorp whatever they want and be done with it.

      That's bad on an individual level when it happens to regular joes. It's 1000x worse for society when it happens to people like journalists, whistle-blowers and politicians.

      --
      When information is power, privacy is freedom.
    3. Re:sounds like some laws must have been broken by cshbell · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Too bad this whole thing is fake and you're blowing the Orwell hysteria whistle into the wind. But yes, "MegaCorp" (or, Apple) can do whatever they want with their "essentially unlimited resources." 1000x worse, just like you said. You're one sharp tack, sir.

  4. I'm just glad... by Enderandrew · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I'm just glad that Apple isn't a big secretive powerful corporation that threatens to sue small people, pushes DRM, or anything evil like that.

    I'm sure someone is going to mod me for flamebait, but I never understand the people who insist Apple is the greatest company of the fan of the planet when there is plenty of proof that Apple is a corporation (for better or worse) on par with most corporations.

    --
    http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
    1. Re:I'm just glad... by ScrewMaster · · Score: 3, Interesting

      I agree. Apple sells popular products. The idea that they're somehow a better corporate citizen than any other, simply because they're popular, is sort of naive. That Apple has attack lawyers on staff, and is more than willing to use them, is readily apparent.

      --
      The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
    2. Re:I'm just glad... by Reality+Master+101 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      I'm sure someone is going to mod me for flamebait, but I never understand the people who insist Apple is the greatest company of the fan of the planet when there is plenty of proof that Apple is a corporation (for better or worse) on par with most corporations.

      They're not just "on par", they are one of the worst. I always get a load of crap when I point this out, but Apple is BY FAR the most evil computer company (there are certainly more evil non-computer companies). How many Bill Gates parodies are out there? How many Microsoft lawsuits do we see trying to crush them?

      Isn't Apple supposed to be hip company with a sense of humor, and Microsoft the faceless robot terminator?

      I really wish Apple fans would wake up and hold Apple to a higher standard. They get away with this kind of arrogant crap because they're not held accountable.

      --
      Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
    3. Re:I'm just glad... by stephentyrone · · Score: 3, Informative

      Apple doesn't "do this bullshit" either. If you bothered to actually do any research, it would be obvious this story is fake. (The fact that it's posted on the "FAKE steve jobs" weblog should be a big smoking clue, too). It's more like: 1 - 14. Various defense contractors 15. Sony (willful evilness) 16 - 99. Members of RIAA/MPAA, Utility companies, etc 100. Microsoft (stunning incompetence) 101 - 499. Energy companies, smaller defense contractors that you've never heard of 500. Google ("don't get caught doing evil, or turning over bloggers to totalitarian regimes") 1000. Apple ("Oh noes, they sued a blogger!!11one")

  5. Control? by pdbaby · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I'm always confused by Apple on matters like this; a lot of these people are key in building & maintaining hype in Apple products. If Apple (apple legal?) had their way, it seems like there'd be... well... Apple.com and a few keynotes every year as the only way people would learn details of (and think of?) new products.

    I'm a big Apple fan & I love their approach of using/contributing to open source software where it makes sense to improve their products - but their marketing and PR people seem at odds with their engineering attitude (especially with their solution-oriented attitude recently with iPhone, Apple TV compared to their key skill as a superb platform (NB. this point was blatantly stolen from Wil Shipley's blog)). I know PR people think about things completely differently from engineers but you'd think that was a company attitude, not just with the people making the magic

    --
    Global symbol "$deity" requires explicit package name at line 2. - If only $scripture started "use strict;"
  6. Actionable Items by Enderandrew · · Score: 3, Insightful

    From the article: ...he feels it is his duty to inform me that Apple's lawyers have identified at least three posts in my archive that they "deem to be actionable."

    Since when was parody actionable?

    --
    http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
  7. Guys... It's probably a joke. by Jugalator · · Score: 5, Informative
    Read the comments on the "I'm feeling a bit better" page.

    One from the real Steve Jobs:

    Joel said...

            RSJ just responded to my email, saying, "I think this is a joke."

            I'm a bit annoyed by this, since I was defending you, and now look something of a fool. And another who had mailed the same:

    Diogenes said...
    I wrote a bit of an inflammatory email to sjobs@apple.com, and actually got a response.
    Here is the text of the conversation (read bottom to top, of course) ...

    I think this is all a joke. And I think you fell for it.
    Steve

    On Dec 22, 2007, at 2:35 PM, Gary Baldwin wrote:
    I'm not sure who I've reached here, but in the interest of finishing what you start, this is what I'm referring to:
    http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/2007/12/thanks-for-your-support.html

    On Dec 22, 2007, at 5:29 PM, Steve Jobs wrote:
    What, praytell, are you talking about?

    On Dec 22, 2007, at 2:01 PM, Gary Baldwin wrote:
    I'm an admitted Apple fanboy, but I can't say I admire this. I would have thought you all would have appreciated the affectionate satire rather than being unaccountable assholes.
    Gary Baldwin The amazing part to me here is that Steve Jobs is replying to mails in person. With a short delay, at a Christmas-y time like December 22nd...
    --
    Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
    1. Re:Guys... It's probably a joke. by ravenspear · · Score: 3, Interesting

      It's well known that all mail to sjobs@apple.com is handled by a team of secretaries and few messages sent there are ever read by Steve. I have written one or two emails there myself expressing my opinion on certain Apple policies at times and have gotten responses as well. The responses are signed Steve but they are most likely not from him.

    2. Re:Guys... It's probably a joke. by jcr · · Score: 4, Interesting

      It's well known that all mail to sjobs@apple.com is handled by a team of secretaries and few messages sent there are ever read by Steve.

      You are mistaken. Steve reads his mail, and has been known to rebuke Apple VPs who don't. It's Bill Gates who has the team of flacks to filter his mail for him.

      -jcr

      --
      The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
    3. Re:Guys... It's probably a joke. by jcr · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I've written to him on several occasions over the years, before, during, and after the time that I worked at Apple. To date, I've gotten replies from him on four occasions, including his message tonight regarding this joke by FSJ.

      -jcr

      --
      The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
  8. Re:It's also possible that fake Steve is being... by Jugalator · · Score: 5, Informative
    --
    Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
  9. Re:god by commodoresloat · · Score: 3, Funny

    apple seems WORSE than other companies when it comes to this legal bullshit

    thats enough for me to say NO to future purchase of any apple products! yeah, me too!!

    At least, until the iPhone comes out in lime green...
  10. Ah yes, Dan Lyons... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    This would be the same Dan Lyons that faked a take-down note from Apple in order to stop writing Fake Steve Jobs before his management found out about it. He didn't want his management to know because technically he was violating his contract with Forbes, but fortunately for him they didn't mind.

    Not exactly a paragon of virtue himself... and not above conducting business in public when it suits him, and in private when he can get away with it.

    This guy also thought SCO was a sure winner and wasn't very polite about the Linux community.

  11. EFF? by ilyag · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Apparently, the guy tried to contact EFF and was turned down (see bottom of the link) because the EFF didn't like some of his posts.

    Assuming that this is true, this doesn't shed too good a light on the EFF. Isn't the EFF supposed to help bloggers that are being attacked by large corporations, regardless of what is posted on the blog and, in particular, of whether the person likes the EFF? At least, isn't that what people who donate to the EFF expect it to do?

    1. Re:EFF? by 1729 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Apparently, the guy tried to contact EFF and was turned down (see bottom of the link) because the EFF didn't like some of his posts.

      Do you really believe that? Parts of this hoax were believable, but the EFF part was obviously a joke.
    2. Re:EFF? by ntk · · Score: 4, Informative

      Dude, it's a joke. We'd never say that. We'd probably not take the case, either, because there's really nothing there that would affect online rights or set precedents in general. But we'd at least try and point him in the right direction for finding out his rights, and maybe seek out an affordable lawyer for him. We might even gently ping the lawyers at Apple to explain what a costly publicity nightmare this would be for them.

      Speaking personally, I do prefer Daniel Lyons when he's writing fiction like this, to when he's acting as a journalist and penning articles talking about the dangers of anonymous blogs, and how you should shut them up by using the DMCA or by suing them. That wasn't funny advice to give to businesses, and could have got them in non-fictional legal trouble real fast.

  12. Is everyone on Slashdot a frigtard? by stephentyrone · · Score: 4, Insightful

    C'mon people, think! It's the FAKE Steve Jobs blog. Did it occur to you that the stories there might be FAKE? This is satire, and you're all fools.

    1. Re:Is everyone on Slashdot a frigtard? by Liquidrage · · Score: 4, Funny

      No, actually. Because I didn't read it on his blog. I have no history reading his blog. I read it on /.
      You're barking up the wrong tree. I expect stories posted here to be accurate for the most part. I'm not expected to be an expert on the stories, enough to call "BS" on them. You're post is utter crap. If this is a fake, the onus is on this site, not us that read this site.

  13. It's a hoax. by jcr · · Score: 4, Informative

    Guys,

    Dan Lyons had me fooled, since he was not in character as FSJ, and really did sound scared. I sent an e-mail to SJ about it, expressing the concerns that any shareholder would have if this situation were true, and he replied.

    He told me, quote:

    I think this is a joke.

    Steve


    -jcr

    --
    The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
  14. Seriously, people by MattW · · Score: 4, Insightful

    (1) Even Apple's lawyers don't just whip out kid's college fund numbers.
    (2) The EFF would never say that.
    (3) If Lyons has a contract to continue the blog, then his employer would most certainly be fielding the lawyers, because if anything were actionable, they'd be liable too. (duh) So his "I've already paid a ton for a lawyer" was another giveaway.

    What's hilarious is that Real Steve Jobs (or at least someone acting on his behalf) took the time to reply to a few angry readers who emailed him.

    Nice posts though. FSJ rocks.

  15. Re:god by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

    So if I started a Fake Bill Gates blog and made up crap like this about Microsoft lawyers, would you boycott Microsoft? If I started Fake Linus Torvalds and pretended to make kernel devs look like assholes, would you boycott Linux?

    Actually, scratch that. Linux kernel devs *do* look like assholes.

    I do think it's kind of cool that one unsubstantiated blog rumor can make it to the front page of slashdot, and then get people to swear off buying products from a company. I hope that the small company I'm working at will someday be as loved/hated as that!

  16. Re:It's also possible that fake Steve is being... by ceoyoyo · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I think Fake Steve Jobs has stepped over the line from hilarious satire to nasty slander. Libel? Whichever.

    If it's a joke, which it appears to be, I think Apple would be completely justified in going after him.

  17. Re:Slashdot has a complete absense of humor by ceoyoyo · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Parody is a right that comes with responsibility like any other. When you step out of character on your parody blog and say you're being sued, and give nasty details, if you're lying that's not parody anymore, it's just lying.

  18. If that doesn't tell you it's a joke... by svunt · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Seriously. First, he's talking about Apple's lawyers presenting him with a list of his assets as a covert threat...bullshit - in an email? I really, rally don't see Apple putting that on paper. Now the EFF has said they only represent people they like? They've represented spammers, for fucksake. It's like everyone's critical ability has been washed away by the promise of Apple bashing, or corporate bashing.


    Shame on the lot of you. This is supposed to be a smart crowd here. Don't let your bias get to the point where you just look foolish. It's xmas, it's the weekend, but Apple lawyers are firing off quick replies that are increasingly brutal despite their previous emails all going directly public via FSJ? Come on, nerds, use your brains.

  19. A clarification or retraction is called for by rsidd · · Score: 4, Insightful

    It appears, from various comments above, that this is a joke by Daniel Lyons, in very poor taste. Given how widely Slashdot is read, I think there should be a prominent clarification in the headline and story, IMMEDIATELY, that the story is dubious.

    Apple does enough things that genuinely warrant criticism. Inventing a story like this, and publicising it as fact, is unconscionable.

  20. This guy just pulled off the biggest April Fools by theurge14 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...and it's not even April.

    Not only has he baited those of us who read the FSJ blog, but he has also baited every Microsoft fanboy and Apple fanboy who read his blog, who don't read his blog, and now Slashdot.

    If the Internet ever gave out trophies, this guy deserves at least 5. Maybe 6.

  21. Re:I've said ti before and I'll say it again by theurge14 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I am constantly amazed with the people who flock to Apple when they do the same thing at the hardware level that Microsoft does at the software level and that is product line lock in.

    Really? I run Mac OS X and Windows XP on my Mac, and if I wanted to I could have my pick of Linux or BSD variants that work on Intel on my Mac.
    And since my iMac is really nothing but a glorified Intel-based laptop on a stand, I'm not exactly sure what part of the hardware locks me in. Perhaps it's these proprietary USB and Firewire ports on the back that only allow me to attach Apple-only peripherals. Perhaps it's the built in Pioneer DVD-RW that Apple nicknames the "Superdrive" that allows me to only burn on Apple branded discs to Apple-only formats. (If only I could manage to read ISO files, perhaps even go as far as to mount them as a new drive when I double clicked on them). If only Steve Jobs wasn't such a channel-controlling, OEM bullying monopolistic control freak...

  22. Re:and when he shuts down...the fake steve jobs 2. by NoodleSlayer · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Relatively recently?

    I remember back in the System 7/8 days when in a 0.0.x update they modified the CD-ROM driver to no longer work with non-apple CD ROM drives. All you had to do to "fix" it was go open the driver in ResEdit and change two bytes, but still.

    Apple has always been about proprietary, closed in, locked down platforms. They've generally wanted to be Microsoft, but control the hardware too. None of this is new---nor should it be surprising.

  23. Re:god by Lars+T. · · Score: 3, Insightful

    [This legal bullshit is] enough for me to say NO to future purchase of any apple products!

    I agree. Whenever any Apple-using friends of mine trot out the line that "Apple is a better company than Microsoft", I just point out stuff like this. And they'll reply: "You fell for that and call us stupid?"
    --

    Lars T.

    To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck

  24. It is simple, people need heroes by SmallFurryCreature · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Humans are simple creatures, we need the world defined in goodies and baddies, that often means having to make the choice of the lesser of two evils, and not always getting it right.

    Godwin time perhaps, in WW2 who are the goodies and who are the baddies? You have the axis and the allies. Well Japan and Germany clearly belong in the baddies groups, these are evil nations whose people have not a single redeeming quality. The role of Italy and and Austria is slightly more complex. Italy often seems to be able to shrug of the worsed of the holocaust.

    But the goodies? The US of A? Hitler went to the east for lebensraum, the americans trekked to the west and killed the people already living there. What is the difference between a sign that says "Geine Juden" and "No Blacks"?

    England? Talk about a country bend on taking over the world, it made an empire out of astraucities. The soviet union/russia? Well at least Stalin could never be called a racist, he had entire populations wiped out of all sorts. Equality of a kind I suppose.

    Yet we must pick and in popular culture that often means we gloss over the "truth" to present one side in a better light. You might have noticed that in the recent WW2 tv series Band of Brothers absolutly no mentions is made of the US army policies regarding blacks or those with ancestors from Japan?

    Part of the final solution was to deport jews to remote areas where they could be controlled/wiped out. Explain to me the motivations between Indian reservations and the rather diminsied population figures of native americans?

    In WW2 there were only baddies, just that some at that particulair time were not as active as others and depending on your own background some weren't intrested in being very bad to you at that moment. Why string up a jew when blacks are so much more fun?

    Yet we need to have a hero, and so we make one, by putting on blinders.

    Steve Jobs is a figure in IT, there are many others, but he can be very closely linked to Bill Gates, an obvious baddy (although once seen as a hero freeing us from the evil IBM, a company that is now often seen as a goodie).

    What really is the difference between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates apart from income? It is a well known part of computer history that it was Steve Jobs own (what is the word, incompetence, arrogance) that handed Bill Gates the PC market. Apple, IBM, Commodore, Atari etc etc all screwed up at a crucial point leaving Wintel to rule the market. A lot has been written about it already, including on slashdot.

    But just imagine that Steve Jobs hadn't made what ever mistake it was he made and that Apple had come to rule the PC market, what then? Would it have been any better? Imagine that the holocaust had never happened, would the US be the evil country for its treatment of blacks, would it have continued like South Africa? How much did the realization of the holocaust change american opinion on its own treatment of a part of the population?

    Apple has never been any more open with its software then Microsoft has. While MS software has always been bug prone, I have to say that the most crashy PC I have ever seen was running OS9. Supporting DRM, are we talking about Steve "Disney" Jobs here? Sony is often a villain when it comes to consumer rights, but when did Apple ever fight a legal battle FOR fair use?

    But we need a hero, and so we make one, reality be damned. The sad part is that we got real heroes in IT, Stallman in front, but that person is WAY to much of a hero. People often insultingly try to compare him to Jezus but I personally see that as a rather important clue as to real heroes who truly stand for something. The person of jezus, if he was real, was a real pain in the ass for the powers that be, even his own followers. Really read the bible and you find a guy who was kicking against a lot of pedastals and upsetting people. Very confenient he was killed and that the pleps couldn't read and that the powers that be could tell their people what Jezus had RE

    --

    MMO Quests are like orgasms:

    You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.

  25. Real Dan Lyons can kiss my ass. by the+saltydog · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Fake Steve Jobs? That's not the only thing he's faked being...
    How about fake journalist? Fake analyst? Fake intellectual?

    The guy is firmly attached to the corporate teat, and things like
    Linux scare him to death, because he can't figure out how to make
    money on it. When Fake SCO came along, he started spouting anti-Linux
    vitriol at every turn; here's just a sample;

    "In other words, like many religious folk, the Linux-loving crunchies
    in the open-source movement are a) convinced of their own
    righteousness, and b) sure the whole world, including judges, will
    agree."

    http://www.forbes.com/2003/06/18/cz_dl_0618linux_print.html

    Of course, when it turned out we Linux supporters had it right all
    along, Dan jumped off of the SCO bandwagon while it was hurtling
    downhill at warp speed, and he nearly broke both of his ankles in the
    process. His "apology" basically blamed Darl McBride, saying all Dan
    did was repeat what Darl and company told him. Excuse me? You're
    trying to pawn yourself off as a journalist, yet you take the word of
    a litigious, all hat, no cattle wannabe cowboy, and then fail to
    research the whole story?
    If anything, Dan Lyons is an even worse shill than Rob Enderle - at
    least Rob has the decency to reply to people directly, as he has done
    with me on several occasions; Dan is too chickenshit to admit he was
    wrong, on his own accord.
    (I'd bring up the poor quality of his "blook" here, but that would
    mean I'd have to detail all of the material he blatantly stole from
    the regulars of the Yahoo SCOX message board, which I don't have the
    time for right now; I will say that when you read the material there,
    you've gotten exactly what you paid for; I don't see how Dan can live
    with himself for trying to *charge* for it in print!) -saltydogmn on
    Yahoo SCOX

    P.S. Dan, if you're reading this, make sure to have Darl send me my $699/cpu invoice for running Linux on my computers; I have 3 of them, including this IBM laptop; 2 running Kubuntu, and 1 Xubuntu. Where should I send the check, and, more importantly, WHY? kthxbye

  26. Cue real lawsuit in 3... 2... 1... by Just+Some+Guy · · Score: 3, Interesting

    It was all fun and games until he started flat-out lying about Apple and the EFF (just like he'd already flat-out lied about SCO and Linux). I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find either of them really suing them now, say for libel and defamation of character. Way to go, dumbass.

    --
    Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?
  27. Apple doesn't bother with this - it's a hoax by walterbyrd · · Score: 3, Insightful

    It's just Dan Lyin' Lyons. I doubt Apple cares one way or the other.

    But it sure gets danny a lot of free publicity. Danny is a pure fiction writer. Danny is laughing up his sleeve right now, because of the slashdotters he fooled.