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Hearing Voices? Could Be the Lasers

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the or-maybe-the-sharks dept.

An anonymous reader sends us to Wired for a piece about some declassified Pentagon research from 1998 that has been revealed in a freedom-of-information filing. Apparently the Pentagon has investigated lasers that put voices in your head, among other non-lethal technologies such as microwave heating. The report suggests the techniques could be useful for controlling crowds or in negotiations. There is no context for the research or any indication whether it has continued, although the microwave heating bit sounds rather like the Active Denial System we have discussed recently.

23 of 225 comments (clear)

  1. Real Genius by cthulu_mt · · Score: 5, Funny

    Kent: Is that you God?

    --
    Virginia is for lovers. EVE is for griefers.
    1. Re:Real Genius by Samgilljoy · · Score: 5, Funny

      Just wait until they sell the technology to the private sector. Instead of poor slobs standing on street corners waving signs, we'll have troops of unskilled laborers running around with laser devices trying to shoot everyone in the head.

      Laser Advertising: straight out your marketers' asses into your customers' heads.

  2. Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers. by Spectre · · Score: 5, Funny

    See, the tinfoil hats REALLY DO WORK against the orbital mind control lasers ...

    --
    "Flame away, I wear asbestos underwear"
    1. Re:Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers. by ZenDragon · · Score: 5, Funny

      A former Arizona governor used to wear tin foil hats and cover his windows with tin foil at the governors office (where I worked for a while). Everybody thought he was just crazy but apparently he knew something that we did not!

    2. Re:Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers. by Rei · · Score: 4, Funny

      I knew it! Conspiracy theories: 1. Regular theories: A billion

      --
      Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
  3. Finally! Help for Paranoid Schizophrenics! by F�an�ro · · Score: 5, Funny

    We should use this awesome technologie to help guide ill people.

    Especially Paranoid Schizophrenics.

    We can send them reassuring messages, like "you are not alone. we are there to get you (help)"

    or warn them of imminent dangers, like which bus drivers hate them.

  4. Voices by jumpinp · · Score: 4, Funny

    I knew I wasn't crazy.

    1. Re:Voices by spun · · Score: 2, Funny

      Wait, does this mean I'm not crazy? :( Well, what do the voices say?
      --
      - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
    2. Re:Voices by $RANDOMLUSER · · Score: 3, Funny

      You're just jealous because they only talk to me.

      --
      No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
    3. Re:Voices by PPH · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, what do the voices say? "Heeeeere's Johnny!"
      --
      Have gnu, will travel.
    4. Re:Voices by morgan_greywolf · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, what do the voices say?


      "Gates is a God. Only Microsoft software is secure. The GPL is a plague upon the world."

      Just the usual....

      --
      My blog
  5. Wild Goose Chase by prajjwal · · Score: 3, Funny

    Damn.. back when I had decided to investigate this, voices in my head kept telling me that it was a wild goose chase!

    1. Re:Wild Goose Chase by Architect_sasyr · · Score: 4, Funny

      Is this the appropriate time for a certain bash quote:

      <ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
      <ColdRage687> but then i realized
      <ColdRage687> pssssh
      <ColdRage687> look whats telling me that

      --
      Me failed English...
      FreeBSD over Linux. If my comments seem odd, this may explain...
  6. pkd by KrazeeEyezKilla · · Score: 5, Funny

    PHILIP K DICK WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG now we just have to wait for the pentagon to admit that we are living in the roman empire and that it's 79 AD

  7. Re:Someone's been reading Philip K. Dick by Ruke · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's the same thing that popped into my head.

  8. An obvious practical application by paulpach · · Score: 4, Funny

    There is an obvious application for this technology.

  9. Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough by Gat0r30y · · Score: 3, Funny

    The obvious use is of course to license the technology to Major League Baseball to tell everyone to buy more MLB merchandise (and of course for marketing research). You didn't think those congresional hearings were really about sterioids did you?

    --
    Prediction: The real iPhone killer is going to be sex robots from Japan. Think about it.
  10. Gay Bomb by Tablizer · · Score: 2, Funny

    They can use this in conjunction with the "gay bomb" (hormone tweaker) they were working on. Now voices can say, "It's okay, don't feel guilty. He's cute, go for it!".

    --
    Table-ized A.I.
  11. Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough by palegray.net · · Score: 5, Funny
    Why stop at beaming voices into their heads? We can achieve must more cooperation through the transmission of these fine symphonic works:
    • Britney Spears - Oops!...I Did It Again (can't stop playing these catchy tunes)
    • Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison (if you don't cooperate)
    • Blondie - I Touch Myself (with a loaded shotgun)
    • Backstreet Boys - I Want It That Way (we just want answers)
    --
    512 MB RAM, 20 GB disk, 200 GB transfer, five datacenters. $19.95/month.
  12. Microsoft by Tablizer · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Clippy followed me home from the office! Make it shut up, aaarrrrrrggghh!"

    --
    Table-ized A.I.
  13. Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough by somersault · · Score: 4, Funny

    Either that or some jerk in the crowd could laser in "YOU SUCK!" just as the batter is about to swing .. and I thought laser pens at the cinema were annoying :s

    --
    which is totally what she said
  14. Well at least we know what happened....... by edwardpickman · · Score: 3, Funny

    in the 2000 and 2004 elections. Thought control lasers make more sense than the election results did.

  15. Non-lethal Microwave Heating???? by woolio · · Score: 3, Funny

    non-lethal technologies such as microwave heating.

    I think many a feline would disagree about the non-lethality of a microwave oven.