Slashdot Mirror
Celebrity AD&D Character Sheets
GnomeIllusionist writes "In their continuing tribute to Gary Gygax, Wired has created character sheets for nine celebrities. Apparently, Stephen Hawking can do 10D6 radiation damage to his enemies and Rick Astley is a 20th-Level bard. Steve Jobs' black turtleneck is actually magical armor with +6 against edged attacks." Most of them are kinda cheesy and obvious- I wonder if you can do better.
Web Master
Chaotic Basement Troll
Strength: Pi
Intelligence: 4
Wisdom: 12
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 1
Special Abilities: Posses the inability to discern between 'there' and 'their' while at the same time lacking any clue of what news is.
My work here is dung.
Hawking has to roll every time he gets near a flight of stairs in a melee or takes the tumble critical hit..
This is my sig.
Bill Gates Grants Self 18 Dexterity, 20 Charisma
REDMOND, WA--Microsoft head Bill Gates, already considered by many to be among the most powerful men in the world, further increased his powers Monday, augmenting several of his key statistics to near-immortal levels.
Let's see... William Shatner has the ability to randomly pause; if you roll a 13 on a 13-sided die, he pauses and in spite of looking ridiculous, he is miraculously unharmed by any attacks for an entire round. Also, every round, he gains experience points through sleeping with every non-human female currently in play.
:-D
Check out my sci-fi/humor trilogy at PatriotsBooks.
to being rick-rolled
Rick Astley's character sheet neglects to mention a few things -- he is under a permanent Geas of loyalty. Rick is unable to abandon party members for any reason (although his party members may choose to leave him if they initiate the separation). In addition, he is unable to speak any untruth which causes emotional anguish to another.
Rick also has a compulsion to explain to others his emotional state and how he is feeling, which results in a penalty to all rolls involving deception (except vs. ducks). However, this feature is not a Geas and is merely a personality trait.
Aristocrat (Neoconservative) 10/Clr2 of Jeebus
Str: 13
Dex: 8 (choked on a pretzel)
Con: 14 (able to stomach sight of Laura Bush)
Int: 8
Wis: 9*
Cha: 14 (people still like him)
HP: 10d6+2d8+24
Skill points: 13*2 (Ari) +2*1 (Clr) = 28
Profession (failed businessman) +3
Craft (ridiculous speeches) +4
Knowledge (torture methods) +5
Knowledge (religion) +2
Knowledge (pseudoscience) +3
Perform (monkey faces) +7
Neocon Bullheadedness (Ex): Analogous to the Madness rule for clerics of Tharizdun (see RttToEE), Neoconservatives add half of their Neocon level to their Wisdom for the purpose of Will saves and any checks related to avoiding changing one's mind, but subtract this number from their Wisdom for all other purposes except spellcasting. Neocons who worship Jeebus count their cleric levels as Neocon levels for this purpose.
Cause Fear (Ex): By invoking the sacred name of Terrism, Bush can cause a disturbed fearful state in those who hear his speeches. Anyone hearing such a speech for five consecutive rounds must make a Will save (DC 18) or be shaken for 24 hours. In addition, for the next four months the victim must make a Will save (DC 13) upon future mention of Terrism, or be shaken for 10 minutes. Listeners with Intelligence 12 or greater are unaffected; listeners with intelligence 16 or greater are highly amused.
Feats: Courteous Theocracy (background feat), Dodge Draft, Thrall to Demon (Karl Rove), Weapon Focus (flag lapel pin), Dodge (for hunting with Cheney)
Typical cleric spells prepared: **can't cast spells, Wis10**
Some people seem to feel that ADHD is critical to being a geek somehow.
There - fixed.
no disrespect to Mr. T, but Chuck Norris would have been much better. Chuck Norris Lawful Good Superhuman Strength: 20 Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 12 Constitution: 16 Dexterity: 18 Charisma: 15 Special Abilities: Tears cure all afflictions. Roundhouse kick, if rolled higher than 1d4, defeats enemy. Beard has special powers not yet seen.
I'd also say 16 isn't his rolled CHA score; he couldn't possibly have rolled more than 12. At best. All the rest is the doing of a few magical items, circumstance bonuses and followers. Impossible, the Diebold optical scanner validated his character sheet. And you are just a sore loser.
Football Odds
"22th-Level Evolutionary Biologist"
how about 22nd..
looks like an editor just failed an intelligence check.
I can't believe they forgot to mention his favorite spell:
"Fear and Confuse"- This spell has a nation wide area of effect causing any creatures with below 14 INT to see enemies in every shadow and to believe that the caster is their best hope of salvation. Any mage attempting to cast a "Dispel Fear" will immediately be lynched by the effected creatures. Duration: each effected creatures rolls 2d4 for number of years under the spell.
We are all just people.
Everyone knows that as soon as you introduce the Chuck Norris character into the game, it ends as all the other characters get roundhouse kicked into another alternate universe.
Also, Chuck Norris always wins, even with a 1. Nobody else dares roll the dice to counter. It is said that someone tried once - they rolled a blank - the pips on the die had turned white in fear of Chuck Norris.
"Good and evil need no explanation" ... if you've figured out what's good and what's evil in this crazy world, please share!
Augh!
Slashdot is an awesome place to find out about the latest Internet Explorer vulnerabilities and the hippest Linux distros. But it's a truly dreadful, forsaken, necrotic place for getting legal advice and for finding the funny.
Funny is embedded in an underground cavern on the dark side of the moon from Slashdot. Funny is being cryogenically frozen in carbonite while Slashdot looks on and taunts funny with the voice of James Earl Jones. Funny is imprisoned in Florida, recounting hanging chad from the 2000 election, while Slashdot rules the country for eight years and mispronounces the word "nuclear".
King of the Hill, My Name Is Earl, Wonder Showzen, Look Around You: all funny! Linux startup scripts, Microsoft patent trolling, packet sniffers going 1.0, DVORAK keyboards, anything written to be sung to the tune of anything else, parodies of Magic cards depicting tech moguls: all not funny!
There exists a damned fine reason why the Slashdot moderators are making millions writing PHP and perl scripts, and not making millions writing Hollywood sitcoms. 'CAUSE SLASHDOT IS NOT FUNNY!
Now I'm going to be moderated a troll by someone who writes parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Sigh.
If he is riding a mountainbike he has to roll a 20 to prevent a 10d6 chin bash.
If pretzels are in the room he must make a saving roll or suffer 1d8 choking.
When running for election he gets +2 votes every time he rubs his diebold device.
All members of his party suffer a -1 constitution drain per day, unless they resign.
When speaking to world leaders he loses 10 charisma and all exit doors become illusions.
JCx
But if I hurt Cmdr Taco's feelings, I'll make it up to him:
eldavojohn
Slashdotter
Narcotic Basement Sheep
Strength: i
Intelligence: 3
Wisdom: 4
Constitution: 18
Dexterity: 19
Charisma: 2
Special Abilities: Will suck dick for karma. Extreme dexterity gives him ability to stick foot in own mouth. Often acts like a know-it-all about topics he has no right commenting on. When challenged, often flies into frenzied rage and adds +7 to defensive rhetoric with a tree hugging hippy slant to it. Member of Slashdot hive mind mentality.
Christ, if you can't laugh about everything what's the point of living?
My work here is dung.
Ron Paul's constitution should be at least 25, if not something like 100. You know what I mean.
Colin Dean Go a year without DRM
I would suspect that he is now unable to 'get over' anything. He was probably killed by mysterious roundhouse related injuries within seconds of his post being submitted.
"Physics is to math as sex is to masturbation." -R. Feynman
he gains experience points through sleeping with every non-human female currently in play.
Won't somebody please think of the tribbles?
Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.