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Instant Messaging For Introverts
adamengst tips an article up on TidBITS that explores the persistent reluctance of many nerds to embrace fully new communications media such as IM and Twitter. In this thoughtful article Joe Kissell explores, from the inside, the mind of the introvert and how this personality style often struggles with new "always-on" media. The result is a sometimes exasperated incomprehension on the part of the more extroverted. Well worth a read.
was about the most boring thing I've ever read. I couldn't bring myself to read the second half; perhaps it was more interesting.
NEWSFLASH! Some people don't like IM! Film at 11. *yawn*. Bring on the pink ponies.
Yeah? Well I think you're overrated too.
Twitter and things like that add useless noise to the Web 2.0. Who's sick of some idiot twittering what they're up to all the time and drowning out all the more thoughtful status updates on Facebook? I don't think even extroverts want to know what everyone is thinking or doing all the time, for fear of realizing how dilute their thoughts really are... it's like those really noiesy couples that talk all the time, but if you ever listen in they're talking about jack all and it deteriorates into whining.
Actually maybe I shouldn't have been so extroverted as to post this. Alright everyone, let's not post at all in protest of extroversion...
Wait, so you mean the name isn't an explicit metaphor likening its users to mindless birds, sharing every tiny, half-formed thought that crosses their pea-sized brain to everyone within ear-shot?
And because I don't want to hear it, they're trying to frame this as something wrong with me?
I definitely recognise myself in the article's description: I generally write 2 or 3 versions of an email before finally sending it and I really don't get on with IM-style communication.
The problem I find with IM at work is that some people use it instead of doing their own research. I frequently get IM'd work questions that could have been solved with 1 google search or 30 seconds with the source tree and grep. Instead, because it's so easy, they interrupt me.
Have fun "getting things done" while life passes you by. A virtual life is a fine replacement for a real life, but you have to communicate somewhere or you're living out some phychological damage or something...
The reverse may be true. While the majority of the population is amusing themselves online the introverts will be off in their corners reading their books without fear of interruption.
If they don't listen, that's what the block button is for. Pretty much all of the current generation IM systems have it.
I am trolling
I think you missed part of the article (or, being /., all of it!) where it said that introverts aren't necessarily shy. Introverts are people who are tired by social interactions and would rather be doing things alone.
Depending on how they play WoW, they may still be being introverted while playing - grinding on their own or whatever. The fact that they're playing an MMORPG on a PC rather than multiplayer gaming at someone's house on a console is more of an introverted preference.
"Nerds" don't want to be bothered.
"Nerds" are the ones who realize that it is a waste of time
"Nerds" don't need to be in constant communication to feel reassured
"Nerds" don't want to waste their money on these services, unless it comes with really really cool hardware. And even then, the hardware must have cool software, and all of it must be modifiable.
"Nerds" understand that being extroverted isn't the same as being popular, and don't care either way.
"Nerds" understand that twitter, constant IM'ing and such are appealing to control freaks and teenage girls who have to checkup on their boyfriends, constantly. Or want to talk on the phone non stop...
What part of "building an app, family..." is a virtual life?
If "Real life" is my ex-girlfriend wanting to tell me about last night's "American Idol" party or My brother ranting about the Giants'/Yankees' performance... yeah, I have no problem letting those pass me by.
Don't assume that because something involves another ugly bag of mostly water, that it is somehow worthwhile. I find that, short of sex and wii bowling, that is rarely the case.
You may not like it, thse IM pop-ps may be annoying, but it beats answering the phone. At least with IM, I can interact with the person when I feel like it and/or have time. With the stupid phone, it's the other way around.
Yes, I believe the telephone is productivity's worst enemy.
Keep in mind that there is a distinction between being an introvert and being shy. Introverts actually WANT to be be left alone. Shy people on the other hand may enjoy being with and communicating with people but have inhibitions in doing so. You can be shy and extrovert.
I had occasion to leave the cube a while back and spend a few days working around a conference table with a bunch of other folks in a very busy environment, the control room of a very large conference with thousands of people from all around the country.
My tablemates were utterly confounded that I had no IMs, one of my cell phones was often off with an outgoing message of "I don't pick up these messages, so don't bother", that I never sent any text messages, that I used an old-school one-way pager, and that I actually checked incoming email "only" every couple of hours or so. They thought I was a complete neanderthal. Yet I was the IT guy for the conference. In fact, I had been specifically requested by the head of the planning team; he had worked with me before and valued not just my willingness to work long and hard but my ability to communicate face-to-face with the hordes of hyper managers and executives who inevitably showed up with work-stopping computer problem and have to be "handled" properly while they get their problems fixed.
I got the assignment mostly because I was seen as a good communicator. Yet the entire rest of his staff (who I met for the first time at this event) thought I was nuts to be so out of touch.
I've never thought that avoiding distractions and interruptions made for poor communication. Indeed, my attitude is quite the opposite. It also seems to be increasingly rare these days.
Odd. To me, this is really, really odd.
And yes, I am strongly introverted.
Introverts have a high level of cortical stimulation, they dont _need_ external events to stimulate them, they like quite time.
Extroverts have a low level of cortical stimulation, they need external events to stimulate their tiny^W minds, leave them in a quite room (or a library) for a few hours and they go crazy.
I expect extroverts would enjoy having people call them and give their brain something to do.
The status message can help decrease the number of interruptions. For example, status like "away" may bring people to stop writing to you altogether. The "online" status is a green light to any meaningless conversation, and complaining that I don't reply. That's why I prefer to keep my status on "Eating grapefruits" with a busy icon, always. If there is anything important - they attempt to reach me, but I get the freedom to decide if I continue the conversation. If there is nothing important, they would ask me "Why are you always eating grapefruits?" - in such case the conversation gets politely avoided.
If your message is at all worth reading, it'll be worth reading in two hours when I have time for it. Sod instant messaging, I usually keep my phone turned off and somebody else answers my doorbell.
It's not called being an introvert. It's called being a grownup, with work to do.
I piss off bigots.
More to the point : what could possibly be more important than paying attention to the people you're with ?
And what could possibly be more rude than to temporarily ignore them to accept an interruption ?
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
Very true, and I think nerds are the worst at recognizing this. All those people who spend hours on WoW, leading guilds, doing raids, and conversing over VOIP with their team are most likely NOT introverts, even if society makes them feel that way.
I truly am an introvert, which is why I can't play such games (I'm more of a Si, and prefer to only use asynchronous forms of communication for everything. All these "sociable" nerds, however, are likely not introverted.. just "first world" shy!
It's basically made having any face-to-face conversation with a lot of people all but impossible. It also forces me to listen in on any number of conversations that have no place in public (much less at work). Do I really need to hear a dozen teenagers talking to their boyfriends/girlfriends about fucking every time I go to the store? DO I really need drivers not paying attention to the road because their wife can't wait until they get home to discuss where they're going to eat that night?
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
I believe the definition of introvert from wikipedia is a better one than "someone who is shy". I know I am very introverted. It's not that I can't go out and talk to people, in fact I'm quite comfortable with mingling at parties and such, I just find more value in having a lot of "me time" and that's usually what I do. Going out to parties, constantly being in contact with people, and all that stuff wears me down. Before getting a girlfriend I was perfectly content with not having any substantial human contact for weeks on end, then going out to a concert or party with some close friends.
I've never had a problem with IM. It's an easy way to communicate with friends who don't live around me anymore. I fail to see how it's a "fully new communications media" though as I've been using instant messengers for at least a decade now. Twitter is new, but I honestly don't see the point in it. I don't even see the point in blogs, of which I've only enjoyed reading two extremely esoteric ones. I'd use either if I saw some benefit, but as far as I can tell they're a complete waste of time. In the past two months I've had one notable thing happen which I would "tweet" if I were into that, and that was when I got hit by a car walking to class. Sure that dinner I had while I was in Georgia was really good, but not "tell everyone" good. I also find things like facebook and myspace to be a waste of time. I already know my friends' cell phone numbers, house phone numbers (if they have one), IM handle, e-mail address, mail address, and physical house address, do I *really* need another way to contact them?
I don't have a problem with people, I have a problem with being in constant contact with everyone I have ever known every day of every month of every year. Not only that but now I have a written account of what they had to eat July 16th, 2005, who they got together with in August, and when they broke up a month later. Hell, pretty soon the government won't have to spy on you and tap your phone lines, they'll just let you survey yourself.
I didn't read TFA, but I still think I can provide some interesting insights.
First of all, I have my own reasons for not wanting to use certain "new" communication methods.
A particularly strong one is resentment. Many "new" communication methods do the same thing
that existing methods do, only worse. For example, the new method might be technically inferior
because they use the wrong tool for the job, they might be limiting because they only allow
certain types of use, where the existing tools were more flexible, or they might use proprietary
protocols where the existing tools used open protocols.
I don't like it when the new, inferior solution gets hugely popular, and then people think I'm weird
for not wanting to participate. It is they who didn't participate in the existing system when it was
there - and it is _because_ they jumped on the bandwagon of the new, incompatible system that this
is even an issue. If people had stuck with the existing system, or if the new system had been
compatible with the old system, or if the new system had been so much better that users of the old
system all jumpd ship, there wouldn't have been any issue.
For some reason, people don't understand this. They just expect me to sign up with the cool, new thing,
or be left out. Not that they would be willing to try the existing, old thing...why jump through
all the hoops to start using this thing that nobody else uses, when all it will do is give you _two_
accounts that you have to maintain and all that? I understand that point very well, of course,
the more because it is often the exact same situation _I_ am faced with!
Sometimes, I quit bitching and just sign up already. I, too, want to stay in touch with friends,
after all. Sometimes, I moan and rant until people get so annoyed they never bring up the
subject again. And, on rare occassions, I actually manage to convince them that my way is really
better. But, usually, it's a lost cause. Once enough people have started using the new system,
there is no going back, because they are locked in. And me, I just feel like a grumpy, old, bearded
hacker who thinks he knows better than everyone else - but all he's ever accomplished is
alienating himself from many who might otherwise have been his friends.
But hey, it's not all gloom and doom! I have a job that I love, where I get to use Debian and work
with open source all day, and people actually appreciate my insights. Because, in business, you
may stay afloat by doing the same thing as everybody else...but you only _really_ win by being
_better_. And no, I don't have the illusion that my ideas are always the best - but, I try hard
to make them as good as they can be, and sometimes, that leads to new insights that improve things
for everyone. That is something that really makes me a _happy_ bearded hacker.
Please correct me if I got my facts wrong.
I think there's larger implications to technologies like Twitter. Do you really want a public record of your comings and goings out there for the world to see?
I'm not an introvert, but I also don't really care for people knowing everything about me either. And honestly, I'd don't really want to know about whatever nonsense my associates are up to. IM is a really good tool IMHO, but the newer stuff like twitter doesn't seem to have much of a practical application other than among students who actually care about their friends trivialities.
Conformity is the jailer of freedom and enemy of growth. -JFK
Instant messaging for introverts is pointless as it takes away any sense of solitude. I used to loathe being a slave to the land line at work and actively and successfully fought off getting a mobile phone (don't you know it cooks you brain and basically doubles your chances of getting a brain tumour, true or not it effectively kills of a work mobile phone).
Besides the new ego trip is not having to carry a mobile phone and not having to be on call or in the case of instant messaging, being able to provide answer when it suits you, sometime in the next week or so. For introverts their only job is to convince extroverts why they should be on call and ready to provide replies 24/7 some body has to answer all those messages.
Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
Finest minds? Politics?
Seriously though, many of the finest minds in those fields were eccentric, not necessarily extroverted. Eccentricity sometimes seems like the epitome of introversion: a near-complete disregard for the opinions of others.
My friends: "What do you mean, you don't want to go out for drinks?"
Me: "I mean, I had a rough week, and I'm entirely wiped out."
Friends: "Exactly, that's why you should come out to a noisy social environment where you can be surrounded by random strangers who want your attention."
Me: *shudder* Alright, but only if you can get me drunk enough to deal within 5 minutes of arrival.
Friends: Deal!
Add the iPod to the mix and it's just a disaster waiting to happen.
Naturally, I offer to drive as much as possible.
Buckle your ROFL belt, we're in for some LOLs.
Instant Messaging...
You just described email.
Deleted
So it seems along with the massive uptake of IM, facebook, myspace et al. mostly by all the teens and twentysomethings that we coming to the point where if anyone of any age choses not to be connected to everyone else ALL the time, then they are now labelled as introverts, the implication being that they are somehow deviant or have a psychological problem.
This is very bad advice. That's not to deny there's a serious issue involved here, which is balancing the uses you'd like to put your attention to with the uses others want to put it to.
My stance on this is that people deserve FULL attention. Which is why I don't let them demand a piece of my attention any time they please.
The best practice, I think. is to have ground rules and make sure people around you know what they are. These are the times/places/situations in which you can demand my attention, and these are the times/places/situations in which you can't. Reasonable exceptions of course apply: "I am about to commit suicide" or "the house is on fire" or "I'm pregnant" for example.
On the other hand when it's open season on your attention, you have to be ready to let them have it ALL.
The reason your brother is annoying you when he tries to engage you in a discussion about sports is that you are working at cross purposes. If you are prepared to set aside the other purpose for the moment, then the annoyance goes away. If you really listen to him, it won't feel like you are wasting your time. You may also find that people talk about different things if you really listen to them. Your brother may lay off sports because you ask a lot of stupid (ane therefore often difficult to answer) questions. Or you may find yourself learning something new, which is never a waste of time.
People are sloppy about this, because most of the time people just want a little attention. If you have the gift of small talk, it's not hard to satisfy this, and life goes smoothly and you'll make lots of friends. If you don't have the gift of small talk, it's worth cultivating it because it does a real service to other people, some of whom (presumably) you care about.
So separate the blocks of time that belong entirely to you, and the blocks of time you are willing to let others take pieces from. Then when your girlfriend wants to yammer about some television show, set aside whatever you are doing, turn to her, and treat this moment as if there were no conceivable purpose more interesting and important than to spend it talking about what she wants to talk about. Whether you are hot on the trail of a cure for cancer, or a proof that P=NP, or the reason her favorite performer got voted off the TV show, you could not possibly give her a jot more attention, nor what she has to say an iota more serious consideration.
This should be worth trying just for the prank value.
But try setting aside time for yourself and time for other people, just for a few days. Then ask yourself: the problem is really that people bother you with useless information, or that you are blaming others for your own failure to manage your own attention span?
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
because it was so long ago, but historians say that when telephones were first installed in houses, they were considered an incredible invasion of privacy. People hated it when they rang. I kind of feel the same way about cell phones, except that caller ID tells me whether I should answer or not. Text messaging seems less invasive, but I haven't used it because my fingers are too big to even properly dial in those prescription numbers to Walgreens.
What I'm saying, among other things, is that good listening elicits good conversation.
You don't go fishing expecting to hook the largest fish of your life every time you go. There's a saying among fisherman, "It's called fishing not catching."
Getting pissed with somebody because they interrupted some task you were doing with something that doesn't meet your standards of conversation is like dumping your motor oil in the fishing hole because you didn't catch a big one today. Tasks don't do themselves, so you need to set aside time away from interruption. But one good thing about tasks not going away is that they'll still be there after the interruption. That's not true of people. People give up on you.
Even stupid conversation is more tolerable if you aren't constantly telling yourself you'd rather be doing something else. And you're a very poor listener if you can't steer a conversation in more profitable directions with a few well placed questions. It's a skill. "Boring" conversations are practice.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.