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Spoiler-Free Review of Indiana Jones
Following last week's sour review of Indiana Jones, Seamus123 links us to
"A spoiler-free review of the brilliant new Indiana Jones film, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Much has been made of the revival of the series: is Harrison Ford too old, is Shia LeBeouf any good and can it live up to the three previous movies? All these questions — and some surprising answers — are found in Den of Geek's review." Personally I'll see it no matter what.
I can deal with LeBeouf in this Jones movie but I've already heard (and I hate to sound like Entertainment Tonight) that Spielberg has asked LeBeouf to carry on as the main character in a string of potential sequels.
Could this be good? Maybe. But I sure will lament the loss of Ford. In any event I hope to god that LeBeouf's character doesn't assume Indie's role or character or name directly in the coming movies. I haven't seen Crystal Skull yet so I can't say if they're setting us up for that the end (I hope not).
You know, I love the attitude of Indiana Jones and everything about the character but I'm going to get tired of it if you keep rehashing it. You know, it's ok to try out new things and introduce new personalities. In fact, it's almost required for the audience not to lose their interests. Hell, I wouldn't even mind if Lucas kept stealing high level plot lines from Akira Kurosawa films--so long as I don't get the same thing in 6+ movies of a diluted film franchise.
I joked with my roommates that we're not far from Lucas re-releasing a "Special Edition" of The Last Crusade where River Phoenix is superimposed with the image of Shia LeBeouf for continuity (a la Anakin Skywalker's apparition in Return of the Jedi). I know he's not the young version of Indiana Jones but I'm so sick and tired of that kind of stuff. Where's Drew Berrymore so she can step in and convince Lucas we should take this chance to replace all the scary whips in Indiana Jones with licorice sticks.
My work here is dung.
Meesa no wait for poodoo reviews! Meesa gonna give bigsa clink-clink to franchise rightawaysa! What could go wrongsa?
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
It's a shame there won't be a Marcus Brody role in this one, as the actor died a few years after the Last Crusade. One of the funniest scenes in the trilogy was from this one:
Elsa: It's perfectly obvious where the pages are... he's given them to Marcus Brody.
Henry: Marcus?! You didn't drag poor Marcus along did you? He's not up to the challenge.
Donovan: He sticks out like a sore thumb. We'll find him.
Indy: The hell you will! He's got a two day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.
(next scene)
(Brody disembarks from the train along with the other passengers, a cross-section of Arabs and Turks.)
Brody: Is there anyone here who speaks English? Or maybe even ancient Greek?
> Personally I'll see it no matter what.
Then the terrorists have already won
When I do know the ending from hearing it from others, it has no affect on my enjoyment of the movie. Great film making is great film making. Everyone knew the ending of "Titanic" but it is the biggest blockbuster ever.
I want to know everything about the movie before I go a spend $10 on a ticket to see it. Nothing pisses me off more than going out with the wife and spending $20 on shit.
"A conscious decision in production was made to steer clear of CGI effects when possible and perform stunts the old-fashioned way"
Thank god. CGI made Star Wars 3 one of the worst movies I've ever seen. "This chair doesn't look quite right, can you paint it orange?" "I'll just make a quick 3d model of it instead. You know -- to ensure the movie doesn't look too real."
Whale
Indiana Jones wins and the villain loses.
I have no doubt this movie will be a huge cash cow.
However, I have absolutely no understanding why.
Please can someone explain to me, why that when the 1st Star Wars Prequel was widely regarded as a crime against celluloid, and the 2nd Prequel proved, if anything, to be even worse that the 1st, that anyone at all went to see the 3rd Prequel.
George Lucas is a filmmaker that has made an extremely large amount of money based on a very small number of good films made more than 20 years ago, while the majority of his work is very poor indeed. One might also say that for Spielberg too.
If you have high expectations for this movie, then might I suggest that you are possibly suffering from amnesia, or are 5.
Personally I'll see it no matter what.
Why? Just because of the first two words in the title? That, frankly, is a piss-poor reason to see a movie.
Yours is the exact attitude that causes movie studios to continue producing terrible sequels and re-makes instead of movies that are worth watching. Why innovate when you can imitate for cheaper and people will eat it up anyway, right?
the coolest club on
You've been on /. this long and you're just now noticing that we bitch about everything?
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Dah-nuh-da-da!
*whipcrack*
*wisecrack*
*swiiiiiiing*
*punchpunchpunch*
INDY!!!
Dah-nuh-da-da!
Is it just me, or is everything WAY too positive in this 'review'? This is less a critique of the film and more of a plug for it.
Things like -
He's really old, but that's a GOOD thing!
- just wear thin on me.
that's a vomit-inducing puff piece. I only managed to read the first three paragraphs before my gag reflex kicked in and I had to look away for a while.
I can only take so much sugar in my reading material.
Business/App ideas are like arseholes: everyone's got one, they're mostly shit, but very rarely they contain a diamond
You call him "Doctor Jones", doll!
Potato chips are a by-yourself food.
Most if not all of the Crystal Skulls are fake artifacts. All of the ones tested date to the 19th century.
The most famous one, the Mitchell-Hedges skull has not been allowed to be studied, but it was reportedly found in Lubaantun in Belize (when it was British Honduras). The problem is, no one acknowledges the finder, Anna Mitchell-Hedges was at the dig, though later her adopted father said in his autobiography (I think) the skull was at least 3600 years old. I severely doubt that it is authentic and believe it is more of a money/attention grab, but it fits well with Indiana Jones since all of the movies have been about mythological objects that may or may not be real.
Huh? The movie itself gave away the ending in the first ten minutes.
Can you be Even More Awesome?!
"...Crystal Skull is an absolute triumph, and a picture-perfect tribute to one of cinema's great action franchies..."
OMG by bullshit detector just exploded.
Lars T.
To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck