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Denon's $499 Ethernet Cable

Guysmiley777 writes with what looks like a very late (or very, very early) April Fool's joke: "Denon's $499 Ethernet cable 'brings out all the nuances in digital audio reproduction.' Sure, that seems plausible. After all, nuances in digital signals are so subtle. Oh, and 'signal directional markings are provided for optimum signal transfer.'" Considering that $499 will get you a competent laptop these days, I wonder how big the market is for such a thing — then I look at Stereophile magazine's annual list of recommended components. The "view more images" link shows that they take cable porn seriously at Denon.

42 of 719 comments (clear)

  1. It's worth every penny by Marcion · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...until your cat chews through it.

    Ah well, there is a mug born every minute. I start selling $500 USB cables, anyone want one?

    1. Re:It's worth every penny by sakusha · · Score: 5, Funny

      ..or until you pull the end through a snarl of cables and the plastic tab breaks off.

    2. Re:It's worth every penny by Blakey+Rat · · Score: 4, Funny

      My audio cables are temporally-shielded to prevent interference caused by the EM wake of time travelers. A steal at only $800. An inch.

    3. Re:It's worth every penny by Usquebaugh · · Score: 4, Funny

      In free advertising for Denon

      1 Advertise cable with crazy price
      2 Post story to /.
      3 Hordes click to laugh
      4 Some buy other cables
      5 $$$

    4. Re:It's worth every penny by fm6 · · Score: 5, Funny

      So, you just secure it in place with duct tape. And for that, you want high fidelity duct tape...

    5. Re:It's worth every penny by donguru · · Score: 5, Funny

      There is, however, a significant difference between using two point and four point barbed wire for speaker cables. Per http://www.tinaja.com/glib/marcia.pdf

    6. Re:It's worth every penny by niko9 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Don't laugh.

      Check this out: http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2008/03/300_audiophile_grade_power_cable_is_really_worth_15-2.html

      And the actual thread at Head-Fi: http://www.head-fi.org/forums/f21/my-cat-tore-up-my-virtual-dynamics-power-3-a-293165/

      What's surprising about this is some of the comments made by the company rep.

    7. Re:It's worth every penny by markov_chain · · Score: 4, Funny

      I'll buy one - just tell me it will it make my 1.1 ports run at 480Mb/s.
      It will make your 1.1 ports run at 480Mb/s. *holds out hand*
      --
      Tsunami -- You can't bring a good wave down!
    8. Re:It's worth every penny by flappinbooger · · Score: 5, Funny

      I bet it has something to do with the nature of the cable. It is probably the twisted pairs. They are hand twisted by hot 6 foot tall blond virgins with phd degrees.

      That way you're guaranteed the best and most precise twistiness for your twisted pairs.

      See, they don't tell you that in the ad because it's a trade secret. The other cables are just twisted by a machine or something, thus the mundane pricing.

      --
      Flappinbooger isn't my real name
    9. Re:It's worth every penny by Robber+Baron · · Score: 5, Funny

      I bet it has something to do with the nature of the cable. It is probably the twisted pairs. They are hand twisted by hot 6 foot tall blond virgins with phd degrees.

      That way you're guaranteed the best and most precise twistiness for your twisted pairs.

      See, they don't tell you that in the ad because it's a trade secret. The other cables are just twisted by a machine or something, thus the mundane pricing. Even if they were twisted out of 6 foot tall blond virgins' pubic hair, it's still not worth it!
      --

      You're using her as bait, Master!

    10. Re:It's worth every penny by SMS_Design · · Score: 5, Funny

      No, I'm saving up for a gold-plated toilet.

      Gold plated? Peasant.
  2. Cthulhu by Frosty+Piss · · Score: 5, Funny

    Cable porn. Is that a sub category of tentacle porn? A giant Cthulhu-like monster made of Cat-5?

    --
    If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
    1. Re:Cthulhu by cthulu_mt · · Score: 5, Funny

      I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      --
      Virginia is for lovers. EVE is for griefers.
    2. Re:Cthulhu by spazdor · · Score: 5, Funny

      OK, I'm invoking Rule 34. Provide links.

      --
      DRM: Terminator crops for your mind!
    3. Re:Cthulhu by Nullav · · Score: 5, Funny

      Would those be Monster cables, by any chance?

      --
      I just read Slashdot for the articles.
    4. Re:Cthulhu by Oktober+Sunset · · Score: 4, Funny

      A giant Cthulhu-like monster made of Cat-5? I think you just described what's behind my desk.
  3. What happens when everything is wireless? by linzeal · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will they try selling us higher quality air to shoot the EM signals through?

    1. Re:What happens when everything is wireless? by mikael · · Score: 4, Funny

      Will they try selling us higher quality air to shoot the EM signals through? We Introduce our latest product, the Acme professional EF signal booster. Scientific studies have proven that high humidity levels reduce signal quality of EM signals. After years of painstaking research, our scientists have designed and patented a foolproof system for maximising the quality of EM signals within a internal area. Using our patented process of filtering the air molecules within a building, our system removes all impurities and excess humidity that would reduce the quality of EM signals in your building. Our system also reshapes the air molecules as well as adding specially designed EM friendly molecules which guarantee that your electronic equipment will always receive and transmit the highest quality EM signals wherever you are.

      Our system is available for immediate purchase. Just visit our website and select the number of filtering units that you require (ideally one unit should cover every 20 square metres, or one unit per corner of a room), and your order will be despatched within 24 hours.
      --
      Vintage computer adverts: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads
    2. Re:What happens when everything is wireless? by DarkOx · · Score: 5, Funny

      Not EM, but I let me take a crack at the audio/air biz.

      Are you looking to recreat the concert experience at home? Have you already asembled the stero system proffessionals dream of but can't understand why it still just won't sound like its live? The problem is the air in your home. Sound waves propogate through air from the speaker to your air differently depending on the exact chemical make up of the air. If you really want your live recordings to have that same special POP you heard at the concert you need to recreate the air. For only $500 our company can have a air delivered to your home form all major us cities representive of almost any time of day! You can finally recreate that perfect sonic experience you enjoyed at the club last year. Once our custom built to preserve, air canister arrives all you need to do is open the easily turn valve and you can immediatly start enjoying more prefect reporductions of live concerts! Its that easy!

      Still need that little extra? Well we also have special modifier canisters availible, that can be added to your order for only a small additional cost. These include botique air qualites such as smoke, and stale beer, which can also subtly change the way sound waves porogate and may be requried for the ideal experince. Stop trying to play your recorded sound into a medium it was never ment to be played in, start enjoying your recordings in the air they were ment for today!

      --
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  4. Hey, there's a market for this by Skee09 · · Score: 5, Funny

    What's the point of using an $800 HDMI cable to connect my media center PC to my HDTV if the content I'm streaming over my network isn't in the high fidelity I can only get with this $499 Ethernet cable?

  5. There is more by gotw · · Score: 4, Funny

    While they're at it they should just purchase this wonderful device to demagentize your CD's.

  6. Re:Audiophools by hack++slash · · Score: 4, Funny

    You have just described every collector of Star Wars action figures.

    --
    To do something right, you often have to roll up your sleeves and get busy.
  7. What a Brilliant Technical Innovation by OzTech · · Score: 5, Funny

    These cable will be a great leap forward for Digital Audio.

    The arrows to indicate direction will mean that the Electrons wont have to look around before knowing which way they are supposed to be moving. This will allow them to get to their destination quicker and even take a moment to go back and get any stragglers who can't keep up. The end result being that all of the electrons will arrive at the intended destination and as you can imagine this will mean a much better signal.

    The next generation of these will probably contain filters to stop those pesky noise electrons making their way down the cable. This will really help the signal to noise ratio, although the commercial development of this is still a little way off yet.

  8. Re:datasheet by ozamosi · · Score: 4, Funny

    So a huge markup for a very small piece of tin foil and some cloth. Whee! That makes you think... How about high fidelity tin foil hats?
  9. Re:datasheet by sjf · · Score: 4, Funny

    You're forgetting the signal direction markings: who knew that electrical signals could read ?
    I know that before I put little arrows on my cat5 a lot of my ethernet packets were getting lost.

    Now I'm going to see if I can do traffic shaping by putting "Slashdot, this way ->" on them.

  10. Signal directional markings by Myria · · Score: 4, Funny

    Additionally, signal directional markings are provided for optimum signal transfer.

    That statement is quite correct. The plugs have arrows pointing in both directions.
    --
    "Screw Sun, cross-platform will never work. Let's move on and steal the Java language." - Visual J++ Product Manager
  11. Re:Audiophiles by belmolis · · Score: 4, Funny

    Oh, yes, please! Only a high-quality wooden volume control can convey the subtle warmth of audio amplified by vacuum tubes. :)

  12. Re:datasheet by sjf · · Score: 5, Funny

    Oh God no. You'll just have greater clarity in the upper octaves and your porn will be more nuanced.

  13. Re:...This got greenlit? by erudified · · Score: 5, Funny

    Man, maybe I'm a terrible person, but I absolutely love these kinda scams.

    Every time I see something like this, I really wish I'd thought of it.

  14. Re:Wow. by mikael · · Score: 4, Funny

    One branch of ComputerWorld used to sell boxes of 10 3.5" pre-formatted floppy disks for 100 pounds/box. This particular branch was next to an oil company headquarters.

    --
    Vintage computer adverts: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads
  15. Re:Audiophiles by gardyloo · · Score: 4, Funny

    Perhaps. What's it go to?

  16. Confession: by regular_gonzalez · · Score: 5, Funny

    I actually own one of these. Unfortunately it got bent and now some of the 1s get stuck because they don't slide through the bent area as easily as the 0s :(

    --
    Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am master of my fate and captain of my soul.
  17. Re:...This got greenlit? by maxume · · Score: 5, Funny

    You could always start selling cables that cost $599.

    How could they *not* be better?

    --
    Nerd rage is the funniest rage.
  18. they are amazing by speedtux · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm an audiophile, and I have to tell you, these cables are AMAZING. They bring out nuances in the sound that you never knew were there. Listen to a recording of the Brandenburg Concertos in the classic 1972 vinyl recording with the Berlin Philharmonica, and you'll swear you're sitting there with Christian Ludwig right in the room, hearing his every borborygmus and flatus. These cables are so subtle that they even allow you to separate the overtones from the bass notes of his snart! And the Goldberg Variations with Glenn Gould... just breathtaking. You hear every note he sings (and the piano is pretty good, too).

    Usability is great, too: you'll never spend half an hour wondering which way to plug these things in, since the marking on them finally make it clear that it doesn't matter; now, why didn't anybody think of that before?

    If you're an audio professional, these cables will pay for themselves in a week. And if you're a serious amateur, they'll give you an audio experience you won't soon forget.

    (-; for the humor impaired)

  19. Re:...This got greenlit? by maxume · · Score: 5, Funny

    I store them in gold lined boxes to prevent space radiation from degrading them.

    Also, they are manufactured in harmony with the orbit of the moon, so the lunar cycle does not impact the quality of audio fed over them.

    Finally, the meteoric metal mixed into the alloy used for the cables gives them the power of the universe, preventing them from aging.

    --
    Nerd rage is the funniest rage.
  20. Read the Amazon reviews, they're hilarious by John+Jorsett · · Score: 4, Funny
    It gets me closer to the Lord:

    If I could use a rusty boxcutter to carve a new orifice in my body that's compatible with this link cable, I would already be doing it. I can just imagine the pure musical goodness that would flow through this cable into the wound and fill me completely -- like white, holy light. Holding this cable in my hands actually makes me feel that much closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. I only make $6.25/hr at Jack In The Box, but I saved up for three months so I could have this cable. It sits in a shrine I constructed next to my futon in Mother's basement.

    I only gave it four stars in my review because I can't find music that is worthy enough to flow through this utterly perfect interconnect.

    Disappointing quality

    I was disappointed. I consider myself an audiophile - I regularly spend over $1000 on cables to get the ultimate sound. I keep my music-listening room in a Faraday cage to prevent any interference that could alter my music-listening experience. Sending any signal down ordinary copper can degrade the signal considerably. While ordinary listeners might not notice, to somebody with even a rudimentary knowledge of sound, the artifacts are glaring. Denon should have used silver wiring (hermetically sealed inside the rubber sheath to prevent any tarnishing, of course), which has a significantly higher conductivity than copper. Furthermore, Denon needs to treat the wires they use in the cable with a polarity inductor to ensure minimal phase variance.

    Needless to say, I returned the cable and wrote an angry letter to the so-called engineers at Denon.

  21. Re:Nope, no typo, just a thinko :) by GumphMaster · · Score: 5, Funny

    Curiously though, they'll only ship this cable within the US because either:

    • Only US residents are stupid enough to part with this amount of cash for common or garden variety twisted pair (which I seriously doubt), or
    • The cable needs to be specially counter-wound for use in the southern or eastern hemispheres. Even a casual inspection shows that the electrons need to be up-down corrected for the south, and self-censored for the Chinese market.
    --
    Patent litigation: A doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction... in which everyone seems willing to push the button
  22. Re:Audiophiles by Alsee · · Score: 4, Funny

    I want my knobs to go to Pi.
    I know, it's an irrational desire.

    -

    --
    - - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
  23. Re:Free with Vista Ultimate. by Bloater · · Score: 4, Funny

    Don't forget "RAM Doubling driver" - $49

  24. Re:Nope, no typo, just a thinko :) by WGFCrafty · · Score: 5, Funny
    The comments are great too.

    M. Anderson says: Don't buy these cables. Gold and silver are not good enough. If you're a serious audophile, superconducting cuprate-perovskite ceramic materials cooled to 60 kelvin is what your after. My MP3 collection never sounded better.
  25. Re:Nope, no typo, just a thinko :) by knutkracker · · Score: 4, Funny
    Tags amazon customers have associated with this product:
    • snake oil (91)
    • waste of money (62)
    • ripoff (61)
    • unconscionable (54)
    • throwing your money away (52)
    • stupid (48)
    • pure garbage (28)
    • cheat (25)
    • immoral (20)
    • denon (10)
    • harry potter (6)
    WTF? I can't even think of a stupid reason for tagging this 'Harry Potter', let alone a serious one.
  26. Re:Nope, no typo, just a thinko :) by LordVader717 · · Score: 4, Funny
    From the Amazon Customers Review:

    A caution to people buying these: if you do not follow the "directional markings" on the cables, your music will play backwards. ROFL