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The 5 Most Laughable Terms of Service On the Net

Posted by timothy on from the until-you-cry dept.

nicholas.m.carlson writes "According to these five terms of service and EULA, Google owns any content you create using its Chrome browser and can filter your Gmail messages if it likes. Facebook says it can sell its users' uploaded images as stock photography. YouTube can keep footage of your kids forever, even after you've deleted it from the site. And AOL can ban you for using vulgar language on AIM. Funny, right? That's why Valleywag calls them 'The 5 most laughable terms of service on the Net.'" Reader dlaudel writes, regarding the previously-mentioned Google EULA for Chrome, "According to Ars Technica, Google's EULA for Chrome was just copy-and-pasted from its EULA for other services, a practice that is apparently common at Google."

21 of 399 comments (clear)

  1. Verizon DSL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I skimmed the terms of use when I started my Verizon DSL account several years ago, and I'm quite certain it said something about downloading pornography being prohibited. Um, yeah, sure -- click "agree" to continue...

    1. Re:Verizon DSL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Once when I registered for a porn star's discussion forum the terms of use said I couldn't post comments of a sexual nature.

    2. Re:Verizon DSL by Workaphobia · · Score: 5, Funny

      You realize you're not allowed to use Verizon's services to defame them in any way, right? Careful what you say.

      --
      Evidently, the key to understanding recursion is to begin by understanding recursion. The rest is easy.
    3. Re:Verizon DSL by joemck · · Score: 5, Informative

      That's true of many porn and hentai message boards. Seems to be in the default TOS that comes with a lot of forum software.

  2. while funny, by mistahkurtz · · Score: 5, Interesting

    what happens if these companies decide to try enforcing the EULAs?

    --
    not only is time travel possible, it's irrelevant.
    1. Re:while funny, by Darkness404 · · Score: 5, Insightful

      It loses in court and EULAs die and the world becomes a happier place.

      --
      Taxation is legalized theft, no more, no less.
    2. Re:while funny, by SatanicPuppy · · Score: 5, Insightful

      EULA's are really more for protecting them from liability than they are for trying to steal our junk.

      I mean, vis a vis the Facebook thing, there are vast quantities of precedent regarding copyright and liability which make it a bit unlikely that they could actually follow through on some mass appropriation of content...Just as an example, say I'm a professional photographer and someone else puts one of my images on Facebook...does that mean that they own all the rights to my photo? Seriously unlikely; those laws have wicked teeth, and there are very specific things that have to occur for you to transfer rights to your own copyrights to a third party.

      --
      ad logicam Claiming a proposition is false because it was presented as the conclusion of a fallacious argument.
    3. Re:while funny, by SplinterOfChaos · · Score: 5, Funny

      Such an optimist! May I have your autograph? I don't see people like you very often.

      More realistically, they try and the consumer has no clue about their rights and they succeed. But even more likely, they never do anything.

    4. Re:while funny, by DittoBox · · Score: 5, Insightful

      No designer in their right mind would use even an nth of the shit uploaded on Facebook everyday.

      --
      Good. Cheap. Fast. Pick Two.
    5. Re:while funny, by compro01 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Don't worry. There are plenty of designers who aren't.

      --
      upon the advice of my lawyer, i have no sig at this time
    6. Re:while funny, by Docboy-J23 · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Before software, the idea of agreeing to any terms before you even saw the product was ludicrous. Anything that might begin "Upon the opening of this package..." would have been called a "grift."

  3. They're supposedly changing the Chrome EULA by Dude+McDude · · Score: 5, Informative
    http://www.mattcutts.com/blog/google-chrome-license-agreement/

    In order to keep things simple for our users, we try to use the same set of legal terms (our Universal Terms of Service) for many of our products. Sometimes, as in the case of Google Chrome, this means that the legal terms for a specific product may include terms that donâ(TM)t apply well to the use of that product. We are working quickly to remove language from Section 11 of the current Google Chrome terms of service. This change will apply retroactively to all users who have downloaded Google Chrome.

    Rebecca Ward, Senior Product Counsel for Google Chrome

  4. Re:funny? by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 5, Funny

    the DMCA is laughable too, and we're not laughing

    We are. HAR HAR HAR!
    Sincerely yours,
    the R.I.A.A.

  5. Re:Indeed. by Hecatomb00 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lol 3rd Pots! err opst ...stop Fuck it.

    Content created with Google Chrome. By reading this post you acknowledge and agree that Google (or Google's licensors) own all legal right, title and interest in and to the post, including any intellectual property rights which subsist in the post (whether those rights happen to be registered or not, and wherever in the world those rights may exist). You further acknowledge that the post may contain information which is designated confidential by Google and that you shall not disclose such information without Google's prior written consent.

  6. Re:laughable? by Man+Eating+Duck · · Score: 5, Informative

    The facebook one is blatantly taking a right that it doesn't have a legitimate reason to take.

    From their EULA:

    "By accessing or using our web site at www.facebook.com or the mobile version thereof (together the "Site") or by posting a Share Button on your site, you (the "User") signify that you have read, understand and agree to be bound by these Terms of Use ("Terms of Use" or "Agreement"), whether or not you are a registered member of Facebook."

    My emphasis.

    --
    Are you a grammar Nazi? I'm trying to improve my English; please correct my errors! :)
  7. Oh the 5 most...? by euice · · Score: 5, Funny

    Tomorrow we'll see the 10 fastest ... and then the 20 worst ... and then the 100 funniest ...

    And on the day I read a headline like "the 50 hottest nerds" on the frontpage, I'll digg that story. (and promote it on every other page I can find too).

    Slashdot will need it, by then. Sigh..

  8. Google Lawyer must be a plush job by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Copy-paste copy-paste copy-paste

  9. Re:laughable? by sexconker · · Score: 5, Insightful

    So how do I read the Terms of Use?

    Go to facebook.com? If I do that, I've already agreed to it!

  10. Notable Omission by creature124 · · Score: 5, Funny
    I personally have always got a kick out of this particular clause from the iTunes EULA:

    You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.

  11. Re:Something tells me YouTube is not to blame by AmiMoJo · · Score: 5, Interesting

    This is why anonymity is so important on the internets. If you hold a magnifying glass up to anyone's life you are bound to find something objectionable if you look hard enough. So, multiple identities and anonymity is the only way to remain safe online.

    --
    const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
    SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
  12. No problem... by msauve · · Score: 5, Funny

    I always make it a point to alter the EULA to my terms. Really, if a forced, non-negotiated contract can be valid, I've got them by the balls.

    A simple yellow Post-It note with my terms stuck to the screen allows me to click "OK" to the presented terms.

    I'm not sure how I'm going to get Google to send me all of their 2008 profits in exchange for testing their browser, though.

    --
    "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law