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Researchers Developing Cancer-Fighting Beer

Posted by samzenpus on from the drink-your-way-to-a-better-you dept.

CWmike writes "Ever picked up a cold, frosty beer on a hot summer's day and thought that it simply couldn't get any better? Well, think again. A team of researchers at Rice University in Houston is working on helping Joe Six Pack fight aging and cancer with every swill of beer." Thank you science! Now we just need cigarettes that cure baldness.

18 of 283 comments (clear)

  1. Baldness by TheSpoom · · Score: 5, Funny

    I think if Star Trek has taught us anything, it's that baldness is one thing that will never be cured.

    --
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    - E. Debs
    1. Re:Baldness by geekoid · · Score: 5, Funny

      In Star Trek Appearance doesn't matter. Only disobeying rules at key moments matters.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:Baldness by grahamd0 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Curing baldness would probably be one of the evils that was abandoned after the Eugenics Wars. I'll note that Khan had a full head of hair. It's a slippery slope from Rogaine to genocide.

    3. Re:Baldness by lysergic.acid · · Score: 5, Funny

      that's a common misconception. they're actually killed by sudden intense bursts of high-energy gamma rays, which are invisible to the naked eye. the sparks are secondary effects added artificially by the ship's computer system to make the crewmen's deaths look more festive.

      this feature was deemed necessary to save doomed crew members from the shame of dying unceremoniously by innocuous-looking console malfunctions. in fact, before the pyrotechnic sparks and digital sound effects were added, many console operators' deaths would go unnoticed for hours, and sometimes even days. often Starfleet captains would unknowingly complete entire missions with a bridge full of dead crewmen sitting at their consoles--this is also why officers are now required to stand at the tactical station.

  2. Rice? by Hatta · · Score: 5, Funny

    Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

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    Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
    1. Re:Rice? by ArcherB · · Score: 4, Funny

      Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

      It it's from Rice, that makes it Sake.

      (duh!)

      --
      There is no "I disagree" mod for a reason. Flamebait, Troll, and Overrated are not substitutes.
  3. Spinal detachment by isBandGeek() · · Score: 5, Funny
    TFA:

    And they added that giving high doses to invertebrates extends their life spans

    So if we remove our spines and drink a lot of this miracle beer, we can increase our lifespans? Tell me where to get this beer!

  4. Alcohol, the cause of and solution to. . . by Apple+Acolyte · · Score: 5, Funny

    To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -Homer Simpson

    --
    Part of the hardcore faithful who believed in Apple long before it was cool again to do so
  5. Baldness is not a disease! by ODBOL · · Score: 5, Funny

    > Now we just need cigarettes that cure baldness.

    Now, cut it out! God made a few good heads. He had to cover the rest with hair.

    --
    Mike O'Donnell http://people.cs.uchicago.edu/~odonnell/
  6. Re:Guinness already does it... by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Yeah, the science is still out on 'Zapping' oxidants.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  7. Did anyone else... by resignator · · Score: 5, Funny

    read this as' "Cancer-Fighting Bear"? I was seriously concerned there for a moment.

    --
    "At first, we thought it was just another snake cult."
  8. Re:Wine by Ortega-Starfire · · Score: 4, Funny

    Ah, but who will metamod your moderations in drinking? I'm moderately worried about this.

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    ---- Liquid was a patriot ----
  9. Clinical Trials by AikonMGB · · Score: 4, Funny

    Where do we apply for clinical trials?!

    Aikon-

  10. Re:Making love in a canoe by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Any drink that becomes more palatable the colder it gets is not worth drinking in the first place. What next -- Bud Numb, with anaesthetics to dull your tastebuds while you desperately try to prove your manliness by downing the foul stuff without vomiting?

  11. Re:Guinness already does it... by NoisySplatter · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's because nobody wanted to drink the last little bit left in the bottle so they removed it preemptively.

    --
    In Soviet Russia meme tires of you!
  12. Re:So true by PinkyDead · · Score: 4, Funny

    Shit! How could I have been so wrong all my life! Thanks for opening my eyes. Nary a drop of that evil black stuff will pass my lips ever again, it's homebrew from here on in.

    One question, though, how long does it actually take before I'm a fully fledged member of the "Association Of Home Brewers and Other Tedious Arseholes That Sit At Home On Their Own Smugly Pontificating About How They Know Everything Society"?

    Get over yourself.

    --
    Genesis 1:32 And God typed :wq!
  13. Re:Making love in a canoe by Hotawa+Hawk-eye · · Score: 4, Funny

    Here's your lukewarm glass of water. If you want something else, we also have lukewarm milk.

  14. I apologize in advance... by BForrester · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hence motto, "to baldly go where no one has gone before."