Slashdot Mirror
Ted "A Series of Tubes" Stevens Found Guilty
techmuse writes "According to a series of tubes sites, Senator Ted Stevens has been found guilty of lying about free home renovations that he received from an oil contractor. He faces up to 5 years in jail, and the outcome of his current reelection bid is now in doubt. 'The conviction came after a tumultuous week in the jury room. First there were complaints about an unruly juror, then another had to be replaced when she left Washington following the death of her father. Finally, jurors on Monday discovered a discrepancy in the indictment that had been overlooked by prosecutors. Jury deliberations in this historic trial have at times been as contentious as some of the proceedings The Justice Department indicted Stevens on July 29, and the Alaska Republican took a huge legal gamble and asked for a speedy trial in order to resolve the charges before Election Day. Judge Emmet Sullivan complied with Stevens' request, and in less than three months from the time of his indictment, Stevens was found guilty.'"
Well, it will be a series of tubes going up his cornhole.....
Monstar L
Now when will it be Palin's turn, or will they just simply say that they didn't have the authority?
Twitter supports and protects racists - by smearing their critics with the "Hate Speech" label.
You didn't just... seriously... describe the Reagan defense as "good"? Please, seriously?
The "Either I'm guilty as all fuck or I have no idea what even my senior people are doing" defense?
There'll be enough signal as well as noise regarding felony conviction vs. senate election and so forth. I've got a different angle:
If Stevens is guilty, then the oil company/lobby/unnamed source is too. Said 'too' is undoubtedly backed by big money (of at least buy-a-Senator amounts). As a sentence, whether from the senate building or a jail cell, Stevens should be made to administer an agency that uses money from 'too' to renovate everybody else's houses. To add a touch of irony, the covered renovations should only be those which reduce oil consumption.
Sure it's silly. So's the assumption that Stevens will suffer any ill effects of any sentence. He's too rich for that to happen.
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid." -- Bishop 341-B
"Hanging people in the street" is considered insightful on slashdot.
This is a pretty lowbrow crowd.
"series of tubes" is just a funny sound bite. The real point is that this imbecile was opposing net neutrality and this was his justification:
"There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.
But this service isn't going to go through the interent and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.
Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?
I just the other day got, an internet [i.e. email] was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?
Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.
So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.
We aren't earning anything by going on that internet. Now I'm not saying you have to or you want to discriminate against those people [...]
The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time. [?]
They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.
It's a series of tubes.
And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.
Now we have a separate Department of Defense internet now, did you know that?
Do you know why?
Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.
[...]
Now I think these people are arguing whether they should be able to dump all that stuff on the internet ought to consider if they should develop a system themselves.
Maybe there is a place for a commercial net but it's not using what consumers use every day.
It's not using the messaging service that is essential to small businesses, to our operation of families.
The whole concept is that we should not go into this until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a violation of net neutrality that hits you and me."
Oh yea, Ted is getting busted for some crime or another. Everyone talks about it. Yah, look at another one of those evil capitalist exploiter Republicans. But when Democrats do something bad, like Obama hanging out with Reverend "God Damn America" Wright for 20 years ("Oh, you're taking his words out of context" says Obama), or with Bill "Nanna nanna boo boo I got away with Terrorism scott-free" Ayers (a "university professor" who was a bad boy "when I was 8 years old") for 20 years, or having dinner with Rashid Kalidi (a connection to Yasser Arafat, a really nice guy), nobody talks about it, and if they do, then oh, you're taking it out of context. I don't know about you, but I'm voting for John McCain so he can save Joe the Plumber, Mike the Carpenter, Bill the Transmission Fixing Guy, not Obama who won't even put his hand on his heart when the Pledge of Allegiance is being said. Yeah, Obama, Mr. the constitution is a piece of shit and let's restructure the supreme court to make it easier to take YOUR wealth away and distribute it to whomever HE decides. I don't know about you but where I come from, there is a name for that sort of thing. It's called THEFT! Vote for John McCain. So Ted messed up and he's gonna pay the price. But you know what? We need to vote ALL the incumbents out of the Congress and put brand new people in there. That's why the House of Representatives is changed every two years. The Constitution of this country is one of the most ingenious documents in history and it is NOT outdated. Obama's ideas are NOT fresh and new ideas. They are the ideas that got millions of people killed in the Communist USSR behind the iron curtain. Karl Marx's works were wrong then, they are wrong now, they are NOT fresh and new, they are GARBAGE. Proletarians versus the Bourgeoisie. Bullshit. I have a better idea. It's called Capitalism. You work for your own success. Your achievements are YOUR doing, they are not predicated on someone (certainly not the Federal Government) giving you a handout. And there is no limit to how successful you can or should be. The sky is the limit. That is what made America great. Put a cap on personal success and this country will look like the Soviet Union. What a shame to do such a horrific thing to such a wonderful and great country. God Bless America.
This story belongs in the political section at best.
Sure does.
I haven't seen YRO articles on Cold Cash Jefferson blah blah blah
You can whine about a lack of balanced coverage when the Democrats have caught up to the Republicans on corruption. You can name three corrupt Democrats? Whoop de fuckin do. There are dozens of Republicans sitting in jail, right now, and if we ever have investigations of the Bush Administration's crimes, we'll have dozens more.
Your party is corrupt. Your party is rotten. Your party is morally and intellectually bankrupt. Sad say for you.
It doesn't matter. It happend when Bush was in office. That's all people know and care about. When it comes to politics, rational/logical thought goes out the window.
But hey, I can't wait till Obama is sworn in. America will get to jump from the frying pan and into the fire.
Life is not for the lazy.
Old Ted had better be watching his ass, lest his own tubes get clogged.
Ancient Chinese proverb: There is small difference between popping a cherry and unfolding some wrinkles.
But seriously, sentencing is scheduled for February of next year, so Bush will surely pardon Stevens, along with Scooter Libby, in his last great "fuck y'all" of his lame duck days, before he rides off to choke on pretzels and clear brush in his 200,000 acre Paraguay ranch, on top of one of the largest fresh water reservoirs in the world. Always the last laugh, that nutty guy.
Lil' Thindime, lilting a lacrimose lament, krashes the kwaint konfines of Kokonino Kounty
You aren't by any chance the author of this documentary piece, are you?
Question: seeing as Americans are overwhelmingly supporting the guy promising universal healthcare, do you see this as (a) people wanting universal healthcare or (b) the tireless work of secret trotskyite sleeper cells?
Just kidding. It's obviously (c) people hate Bush and they want revenge even if it means making the same damn mistake (letting one party have a majority in Congress *and* the presidency).