Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Ted "A Series of Tubes" Stevens Found Guilty

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the now-a-series-of-cells dept.

techmuse writes "According to a series of tubes sites, Senator Ted Stevens has been found guilty of lying about free home renovations that he received from an oil contractor. He faces up to 5 years in jail, and the outcome of his current reelection bid is now in doubt. 'The conviction came after a tumultuous week in the jury room. First there were complaints about an unruly juror, then another had to be replaced when she left Washington following the death of her father. Finally, jurors on Monday discovered a discrepancy in the indictment that had been overlooked by prosecutors. Jury deliberations in this historic trial have at times been as contentious as some of the proceedings The Justice Department indicted Stevens on July 29, and the Alaska Republican took a huge legal gamble and asked for a speedy trial in order to resolve the charges before Election Day. Judge Emmet Sullivan complied with Stevens' request, and in less than three months from the time of his indictment, Stevens was found guilty.'"

8 of 565 comments (clear)

  1. A Series of Metal Bars by Jackmon · · Score: 0, Redundant

    Prison's not a dump truck. It's more like a series of metal bars.

  2. Poor Senator... by Phizzle · · Score: 0, Redundant

    Instead of getting "gifts" he should have taken money wired through a "Series of Tubes" to an dummy company somewhere in Panama.

    --
    I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.
  3. That's five years on each count. by richardkelleher · · Score: 0, Redundant

    If you check you will find that that is 5 years on each count. I haven't seen anyone report how many counts there are, but the implication is that the number is greater than one. He will of course not spend a day in jail. If need be, such a friend of the oil industry will be pardoned by the great tool of the oil industry, Dick Cheney who will pull the appropriate string on his puppet and have Bush issue a pardon.

  4. Damn my sense of decorum by lemur666 · · Score: 0, Redundant

    I wonder if his fellow prisoners will come to view Mr. Stevens as "a series of..." It's a joke that begs to be made. But I just can't...

    Let's just say I hope Mr. Steven's enjoys his new position on the Cigarette Appropriations Committee" and leave it at that.

    --
    Corollary to Hanlon's razor: Any significantly advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice.
  5. Re:The sad thing by rautell · · Score: 1, Redundant

    Crazy, Felons can't vote in many states, but they can still hold federal office.

  6. Ted Stevens is a series of crimes by thetoadwarrior · · Score: 0, Redundant

    Please let him go to jail where he'll find out all about big fat tubes.

  7. You see, Ted, your anus is not like a big truck by melted · · Score: 0, Redundant

    You see, Ted, anus is not like a big truck. It's more like a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

    * only the first sentence is (partially) mine. :-)

  8. How fitting... by Guspaz · · Score: 0, Redundant

    He will now be sent to a series of jails where he will be raped by a series of new friends.