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Researchers Discover How To Make the Perfect Phone Call
Having made amazing discoveries such as how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, linking heavy caffeine use to sleeplessness, and figuring out where all the teaspoons have gone, science has made the greatest breakthrough yet. They have uncovered the secrets of making the perfect phone call. The perfect phone call clocks in at a mere 9 minutes and 36 seconds, easily 11 minutes shorter than any conversation I've ever had with my mom. Unlike a call to mom, the perfect phone call is almost devoid of any gossip about her divorced neighbor and her heavily tattooed daughter. Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex. What's left of your 9 mins 36 secs is a free for all.
In my world, a perfect phone call wouldn't involve my mother at all.
Just send an SMS.
"I'm just here to regulate funkiness."
If only they could discover how to make the perfect first post.
Facts are history now plebs have politics for religion on social media.
Is the heavily tattooed daughter single?
This is not science.
This is not "stuff that matters"
This is not "news for nerds"
Why the hell are you posting this crap?
You should call samzenpus up and have a good 9 minute 36 second disucssion about this.
Read my Very Short "Stories"
"Profane Muthafucka, It's for you"
"Tell them I'm on the toilet and if it's important they can send me an email."
Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
I doubt it would be a perfect phone call due to the 9 minutes of reaming.
There is no "-1 offended" or "-1 you don't agree with me" mod options for a reason.
And the king of calls is the Prison / jail call.
Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex
I am currently doing your heavily tattooed daughter, who I've meet at work, under pouring rain. There, covered, family, work, current affairs, weather and opposite sex. Should I hang up or use the 9 minutes 36 seconds on the details?
alias possession='chmod 666 satan && ls
I just read the lost teaspoons article and I have to admit it was actually kind of interesting and funny. If they had been able to draw any real conclusions it's almost IgNobel worthy. My favorite part came at the end, when they surveyed the people they had been researching. Of the people that responded to the survey, "Thirty six (38%) were male, 57 were female (61%), and one was undecided."
Hey guys!! Come look at this. There's a girl on /.
http://slashdot.org/~syousef
> Why the hell are you posting this crap?
They needed someplace to show off all of Shampoo's inventions.
When you dial a phone-sex line and talk for 9 minutes and 36 seconds before realizing the person at the other end is actually your mom...
In a similar breakthrough, scientists discovered the perfect Slashdot post consists of twenty-five words and contains a slight jab at the validity of the article.
Then needed one more excuse to use the Bush with the phone upside down picture before having to switch to the Obama one.