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Researchers Discover How To Make the Perfect Phone Call
Having made amazing discoveries such as how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, linking heavy caffeine use to sleeplessness, and figuring out where all the teaspoons have gone, science has made the greatest breakthrough yet. They have uncovered the secrets of making the perfect phone call. The perfect phone call clocks in at a mere 9 minutes and 36 seconds, easily 11 minutes shorter than any conversation I've ever had with my mom. Unlike a call to mom, the perfect phone call is almost devoid of any gossip about her divorced neighbor and her heavily tattooed daughter. Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex. What's left of your 9 mins 36 secs is a free for all.
This is not science.
This is not "stuff that matters"
This is not "news for nerds"
Why the hell are you posting this crap?
And as you tread the halls of sanity, You feel so glad to be, Unable to go beyond. I have a message, From another time..
In my world, a perfect phone call wouldn't involve my mother at all.
If only they could discover how to make the perfect first post.
Facts are history now plebs have politics for religion on social media.
Is the heavily tattooed daughter single?
Has "perfect" taken on a new meaning? The summary didn't explain, and neither did the freaking article as to what they mean by "perfect" or "ideal." Is this merely what the researchers themselves prefered? "9:36 is the ideal time, because that's exactly how long it takes me to walk from my lab to my house."
NOT SCIENCE DAMNIT!!
"Profane Muthafucka, It's for you"
"Tell them I'm on the toilet and if it's important they can send me an email."
Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
And the king of calls is the Prison / jail call.
Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex
I am currently doing your heavily tattooed daughter, who I've meet at work, under pouring rain. There, covered, family, work, current affairs, weather and opposite sex. Should I hang up or use the 9 minutes 36 seconds on the details?
alias possession='chmod 666 satan && ls
I just read the lost teaspoons article and I have to admit it was actually kind of interesting and funny. If they had been able to draw any real conclusions it's almost IgNobel worthy. My favorite part came at the end, when they surveyed the people they had been researching. Of the people that responded to the survey, "Thirty six (38%) were male, 57 were female (61%), and one was undecided."
Hey guys!! Come look at this. There's a girl on /.
http://slashdot.org/~syousef
That may be a perfect phone call for chicks, but 9:36 is WAY too freaking long for guys.
Perfect guy phone call:
*ring*
Guy 1: Hello.
Guy 2: Hey man, I'll meet you at the *bar/your place/bowling alley/casino/strip club/etc.* in 30 minutes.
Guy 1: Cool.
*click*
In a similar breakthrough, scientists discovered the perfect Slashdot post consists of twenty-five words and contains a slight jab at the validity of the article.