Slashdot Mirror
Steve Jobs Takes Leave of Absence From Apple
An anonymous reader writes with this excerpt from Network World: "A number of sites are reporting that Apple's CEO Steve Jobs is taking a leave of absence till June at least. Speculation over Jobs' possibly failing health has run rampant in the past few weeks. Prior to the recent MacWorld show, Jobs said he had a hormone deficiency that had caused him to dramatically lose weight. In a memo today Jobs told workers his health issues are more complex than he thought." Reader Bastian227 adds a link to this letter from Steve Jobs on Apple's website, which also says that Tim Cook will be responsible for daily operations, though Jobs will remain involved with major strategic decisions.
He had to lose weight and do hormone therapy before all of the bionic implants could go in...
He's not dead yet!
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
I bought AAPL at $50 a few years ago, it's the only individual stock besides AMD (which I got burned on in the late 1990s) I have ever purchased. For a while there AAPL was touching $200 and my wife and I said that our stock in AAPL is going to pay for our daughter's college education someday.
With the way that AAPL has been going lately, I think she's going to have to go to a community college :/
having the keynote delivered by a head in a jar?
Would it be safe to say that there is a Jobs opening at Apple?
Or would that be Steve closing?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
He's not dead yet!
He doesn't want to go on the cart.
That's why it's "Get well", not "RIP".
æeee!
This is all just part of the build-up for what will be the most astounding corporate marketing stunt of all time: the death and resurrection of Steve Jobs.
... Apple now has the thinnest, lightest CEO on the market.
Life is hard, and the world is cruel
"Jobs said he had a hormone deficiency that had caused him to dramatically lose weight..."
In related news...
Shareholders show that a Common Sense Deficiency(CSD) causes them to dramatically lose faith in Apple whenever the mere thought of their beloved Steve leaving in any way, shape, or form is mentioned...
Now they can get ready to slide Stevie boy in the company freezer next to Walt.
"I guess the moral of the story is, don't paint your airship with rocket fuel." -- Addison Bain
And, yeah, 'teh iPhone'. Millions of emo Starbucks drinking retards posting their unboxing vids on youtube and looking for every single possible way they can somehow work their phone into their conversations to try to make it clear just how 'special' they are.
Fuck. This is totally why I hide my iPhone from view when I'm on the bus or in public in general. It was the best, cheapest option (seriously) for me to get an effective browsing/email client on the road (BBs are crazily expensive and the iPhone 3G was having a launch sale) but I'm deeply embarassed to be seen with it.
It's a great device. It does what I need it to do. I'm happy I own it. I just wish nobody else knew that I own it.
He doesn't want to go on the cart.
The Apple cart?
Weeks of coding saves hours of planning.
Inverse snob.
Oblig.:
The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
Steve Jobs: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
Steve Jobs: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
Steve Jobs: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
Steve Jobs: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
Steve Jobs: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
Steve Jobs: I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Collector: I can't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Collector: Thursday.
Steve Jobs: I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
Steve Jobs: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences Jobs with his a whack of his club]
Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much. ...
The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Body: Right.
Too soon?
I should stop drinking at work.
"I guess the moral of the story is, don't paint your airship with rocket fuel." -- Addison Bain
...We need MORE POWER to the REALITY DISTORTION FIELD, now!
Please people think of the iSheep...
Let me get this straight: you let the opinions of the type of people who post semiliterate anonymous screeds on Slashdot dictate when, where, and how you use a useful piece of equipment? Wow.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
Wrong Steve you idiot! I said the one whose company makes personal computing a living hell, not the cool dude whose company gave us the MAC and the iPod!!
Yes, but he said "folks" which automatically makes his post a trusted authority.
The iDroids dream of them.
On the other hand, if you think AAPL is not strong without Jobs,
Well, I am a whiney apple fanboy, so of course I believed Apple's statements saying Jobs was in good health & thought he'd be running the company for years to come....
There are shills on slashdot. Apparently, I'm one of them.
A sports car? Seriously? Look man, the MacBook won't get the "transform into a vehicle" feature for at least another 20 years, and then it would probably be a lame ass Vespa or something like that.
Then again, I'd rather not ride the XP version and crash...
Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
If you're Dell, you car a lot.
Do we have to bring car analogies into everything?
... and then they built the supercollider.
I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly an American icon.
I suggest you read Slashdot
Dude, you can't spell out your cool obscure reference to an awesome book just because someone modded you troll, that ruins it. You just have to trust in the idea that there are cool people on /. who will get your hip shit and mod you up just to stick it to the less nerdy mods. You'll just have to live with the mod-kipple, for some day all moderations will be filled with kipple, and we'll be consumed by it.