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Bill Gates' Plan To Destroy Music, Note By Note

Posted by timothy on from the too-insane-to-ignore-forever dept.

theodp writes "Remember Mr. Microphone? If you thought music couldn't get worse, think again. Perhaps with the help of R&D tax credits, Microsoft Research has spawned Songsmith, software that automatically creates a tinny, childish background track for your singing. And as bad as the pseudo-infomercial was, the use of the product in the wild is likely to be even scarier, as evidenced by these Songsmith'ed remakes of music by The Beatles, The Police, and The Notorious B.I.G.."

55 of 659 comments (clear)

  1. This is just awful. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I checked the links. Now I feel so dirty.

    Hey Microsoft, will you please stick with the business that you are good at? You know, Operating Systems?

    Oh, nevermind.

    1. Re:This is just awful. by LinuxGeek · · Score: 5, Funny

      That ad makes me think the only one making any money from MS research is the crack dealer...

      --

      Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
    2. Re:This is just awful. by flyingsquid · · Score: 4, Funny

      Oh, come on people; this is an obvious hoax. It's a clever scheme by the marketing department at Apple, aimed at portraying Microsoft as a bunch of uncool, clueless, out-of-touch dorks. Nobody could really be as lame as the guy in this video.

    3. Re:This is just awful. by oldspewey · · Score: 5, Funny

      Poll

      Songsmith is to music as:
      (a) Goatse is to erotica
      (b) Professional wrestling is to sports
      (c) Darl McBride is to humanity
      (d) Ants are to a picnic
      (e) No, it's worse ... much, much worse.

      --
      If libertarians are so opposed to effective government, why don't they all move to Somalia?
  2. Sadly, I guess I was reading /. by Sebilrazen · · Score: 5, Funny

    The day the music died.

    --
    "There are no facts, only interpretations." --Friedrich Nietzsche.
    1. Re:Sadly, I guess I was reading /. by BSAtHome · · Score: 2, Funny

      You could actually try to feed the lyrics into the software. It just might interpret the text correctly and go on deleting itself from the harddisk permanently. That song I'd like to watch.

    2. Re:Sadly, I guess I was reading /. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Feed this into this into this.

  3. No! No! No! by zotz · · Score: 5, Funny

    What is needed is to do some of the worst songs ever like those were done and see if improves the worst ones.

    drew

    --
    FreeMusicPush If you want to see more Free Music made, listen to Free
    1. Re:No! No! No! by CrazyJim1 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Stop! Collaborate and listen. Gates is back with a brand new invention.

      --
      God spoke to me.
    2. Re:No! No! No! by ddillman · · Score: 1, Funny

      I don't think even this could make Shatner sound good...

      --
      Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse. -- L. Long
    3. Re:No! No! No! by david.given · · Score: 3, Funny

      I don't think even this could make Shatner sound good...

      Aaargh! No! Now someone's going to go and do it!

      (I'll see your Songsmith Shatner, and raise you a Songsmith Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.)

  4. Oh lord by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    And I quote from the demo video...

    "Now I'm gonna sing a demo song, it wont be short and it won't be long! Ohhh I'm gonna sing a demo song for youuuu hoooo"

    Please don't listen to it, you won't be able to unhear it. It's like audio goatse!

  5. Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Music Software - check
    Portable Music Players - check
    Gaming Consoles - CHECK
    Search - check
    Online portals - check
    Commercials - check
    Mobile Phone OSes - check

    1. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by morgan_greywolf · · Score: 5, Funny

      Microsoft Bob -- Checkmate!

      --
      My blog
    2. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by keeboo · · Score: 3, Funny

      I don't want to see the day Microsoft launch food products.

    3. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by an+unsound+mind · · Score: 2, Funny

      Where the actual hardware design is competent, fitting it into that case created a nightmare and Microsoft is hemorrhaging money over it.

      Or in clearer terms - where it's a competent gaming device, it's unreliable, loud, expensive, works as a space heater and they aren't making their money back from it.

    4. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by morgan_greywolf · · Score: 5, Funny

      Half-decent? The Zune is brown. It's like they hired product designers from Canonical.

      --
      My blog
    5. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      So? It's still a solid device with an impressive feature set given the price, and I, for one, liked the look of the first-gen brown Zune, and was disappointed when they switched to a more generic design with later models.

    6. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      what about MFC? (Microsoft Fried Chicken)

    7. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Vacuum cleaners - finally something Microsoft can make that won't suck!

    8. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by The+Redster! · · Score: 4, Funny

      Aerodynamic chairs - check

    9. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by The+Redster! · · Score: 5, Funny

      Try brand new "DEADBEEF(tm)!" And delicious "BAADF00D(tm)!"

    10. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by 13bPower · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'd be more worried about after you eat it. Brown Splats of Death.

    11. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Volvogga · · Score: 2, Funny

      ._.

      "A problem has been detected and your bowels have shut down to prevent further damage to your body."

      Yeeaaaaah, I can live with out that as well.

      --
      Vol~
    12. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by _Sprocket_ · · Score: 4, Funny

      You tell them! There's nothing wrong with the Zune or Xbox! They're PERFECT products produced by a PERFECT company!

      Damn you Slashbots. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE MICROSOFT ALONE?!

    13. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Chris+Kamel · · Score: 1, Funny

      I own a PS3 and run it (literally) for 2 weeks at a time
      Oh come on, it doesn't take that long to install a game on the PS3.

      --
      The following statement is true
      The preceding statement is false
    14. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by Yoozer · · Score: 5, Funny

      It tastes like someone DEFEC8ED on my plate :(.

    15. Re:Microsoft Sucks Checklist by DeathCarrot · · Score: 4, Funny

      Bringing new meaning to 'Red Ring of Death'. D:

  6. Re:you think that's bad...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    you haven't heard my wife in the shower

    I have. She's not that bad

  7. Re:Come on by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    This is supposed to be a news site. Is there any purpose to this article other than blatant Microsoft bashing?

    Slashdot = News for TURDS, Stuff that SPLATTERS!

  8. This actually comes at a good time... by heretic108 · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... with President Obama's executive orders banning torture by US forces and requiring the closure of Guantánamo Bay, there's a dire need for alternative interrogation tools.

    2 hours of those absolutely inhuman renditions of 'Roxanne' and 'Sgt Peppers', together with the MS infomercial, would be enough to break even the staunchest jihadist.

    "Please, PLEASE NOOOO!! I'll give you current GPS coordinates for Osama bin Laden! Just turn it off PLEASE!!!"

    --
    -- In the beginning was the WORD, and the WORD was UNSIGNED, and the main(){} was without form and void...
    1. Re:This actually comes at a good time... by John+Hasler · · Score: 4, Funny

      > 2 hours of those absolutely inhuman renditions of 'Roxanne' and 'Sgt Peppers', together
      > with the MS infomercial, would be enough to break even the staunchest jihadist.

      And if that didn't work you could threaten him with the originals.

      --
      Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
  9. Re:That laptop in the infomercial... by justindarc · · Score: 5, Funny

    also.. how ironic is it that the girl's name is "Lisa"!?!?

  10. Coltrane + Songsmith = ??? by detox.method() · · Score: 4, Funny

    Someone should plug Coltrane's "Giant Steps" into Songsmith, and see if their computer explodes. (I'm not volunteering mine.)

  11. Re:Oh... who gives a fuck?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    You will not besmirch the mighty Shiva from Accounts Receivable!

  12. Re:that cant be real can it? by larry+bagina · · Score: 2, Funny

    no, it's real. They're having a contest to see who can make a worse video than the Bruce ServicePack one.

    --
    Do you even lift?

    These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

  13. Re:That laptop in the infomercial... by TubeSteak · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's inconceivable to me out they could let something like that slip thru.

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

    --
    [Fuck Beta]
    o0t!
  14. Re:Can't Possibly Be Worse Than Wii Music by Hurricane78 · · Score: 5, Funny

    It is far worse!

    If you have no strong heart, do not try watching the Songsmith Infomercial.
    I REPEAT: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WATCH THE SONGSMITH INFOMERCIAL!

    --
    Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
  15. It couldn't be worse by Philip+K+Dickhead · · Score: 2, Funny

    than shit by Weezer.

    --
    "Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell
  16. Who knew that Men Without Hats saw this coming by Yohahn · · Score: 4, Funny

    Have a look here:
    http://www.menwithouthats.com/micro.html

    Men Without Hats knew this was coming.

    Pop goes the world!

  17. Re:Vocaloid is better by ColdWetDog · · Score: 4, Funny

    Why do you know this stuff?

    --
    Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
  18. Funny you should mention Obama... by denzacar · · Score: 3, Funny

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN9pGgg8YlQ

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  19. Let me know when it can make quality like this.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Even crap can be turned into a silk purse with the right artistry .... witness (NSFW)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQp5l4-sfFA&annotation_id=annotation_802743&feature=iv

  20. SongSmith by emaname · · Score: 2, Funny

    I think this would work really well for a group of children that hang out with a large purple dinosaur.

    --
    An effective "democracy" creates the illusion the people have a say in their government.
  21. Re:Come on by ScrewMaster · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is supposed to be a news site. Is there any purpose to this article other than blatant Microsoft bashing?

    Um ... should there be?

    --
    The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
  22. Let me fix that for you... by denzacar · · Score: 4, Funny

    1. Come up with something better than that chintzy MIDI backup.
    2. Build a few songsmith boxes
    3. Profit from your new crap music empire
    4. ????
    5. Die in remorse

    ??? part goes BEFORE "profit" part.
    There is no step 5.
    It is all sex and coke parties after the profit part.

    Rainier: My new movie is me, standing in front of a brick wall for 90 minutes. It cost 80 million dollars to make.
    Jay Sherman: how do you sleep at night?
    Rainier: On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  23. MS concepts applied to music instead of software by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Microsoft gained fame and fortune by putting office automation software into the hands of inexperienced users. In theory, anyone can learn to use MS Office. Having no talent is not that much of a drawback. The product does a pretty good job of concealing the cluelessness of the user. Life is good when your target market is dummies.

    Then they put development tools into the hands of inexperienced people. No talent? No English? No problem! If you can click a mouse, you can be a database designer or network admin (well, kind of). Find cheap people, put them through a few classes and BAMMO! A fresh batch of Mouse Clicking Solutions Experts ready to work for anyone who pays more than Walmart.

    As the IT industry has been dumbed down, outsourced, and off-shored, it became inevitable that these concepts would be applied to something other than IT. Like music. And who else to do it but the company who specializes in enabling people to use computers to try something for which they have no talent?

    I can't wait to go out and get a copy of Songsmith. I hear they have a whole genre of this stuff in R&D: Flightsmith, Medsmith, Boatsmith, CEOsmith, not to mention the beta version of PresSmith (Obama has had the country fooled for months!)

    MS Rocks! WhoooHooo!

  24. Re:Haha yeah. by supernova_hq · · Score: 4, Funny

    please be joking. please be joking. please be joking. please be joking.

  25. Dad is pornstar by WiiVault · · Score: 3, Funny

    Seriously guys, I'm pretty sure I just saw the dad in a porn movie. He certainly acts like it.

  26. Clack. The sound of ones Jaw hitting the Floor. by upuv · · Score: 2, Funny

    With stunned disbelief in what I just saw I have suffered serious injury.

    It appears my jaw has become unhinged and smacked the tilled floor in my flat.

    I am grateful for this tragic injury as it is now impossible for me to even be forced to use this product.

  27. Randy Newman... by WiiVault · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...must have gotten a pre-release version decades ago.

  28. Re:Can't Possibly Be Worse Than Wii Music by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Sometimes it's dark
    But you still need to get dry
    Our towels rock
    * OH YEAH! *
    You can see them anytime

    This might be a part of Microsoft's plot to kill Google. Along with the animated gifs and myspace, this thing could possibly ruin the internet for everybody - taking Google down with them!

    Everyone, lets panic!

  29. About time... by KingAlanI · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...About time Apple started copying Microsoft "features".

    --
    I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.
  30. This is just grate! by PrescriptionWarning · · Score: 4, Funny

    I for one applaud Microsoft, now everyone can finally catch up to the synth music eternalized in the 80's! All you require is a dual core computer wit 2GB of RAM with Windows Vista Genuine Ultimate Edition and every last shred of your human dignity. And if you have no dignity left, no need to worry, they can loan that out since they know you'll be paying it back with interest when Windows 7 comes out!

  31. Re:It couldn't be worse (oh, yes it can) by conureman · · Score: 2, Funny

    I usually RTFA, but that was heinous. 44 of the worst seconds of my life, and I blame you.

    --
    The cost of that cleanup, of course, will be borne by taxpayers, not industry.