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Man Robs Convenience Stores With Klingon "Batleth"
mnovotny writes "Colorado Springs police are looking for a man who hit two 7-Eleven convenience stores, armed with a Klingon 'Batleth' sword inspired by the Star Trek science fiction series.
They did appear more human in the original series."
only outlaws will have batleths...
is one of the Rites of Ascension. While it is inevitable that a boy becomes a man, what is not inevitable is whether a man becomes a warrior. That is, until he robs a 7-eleven.
It's not a "Batleth", it's a "Bat'leth". Without the apostrophe it just looks ridiculous.
Spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and stupid comments are intentional.
Yes, we must ban replica weapons that are only made for killing large numbers of people! Protect the children!
These "assault swords" have features like extra cutting edges, and allow the evil person using one to swing it in both directions, thereby killing more people.
The user's hands are placed a little differently than on traditional swords, meaning the user can swing with more power and hit more people at once.
They're made of cheap metal, which is more dangerous than regular steel because it's more powerful and stronger than a real sword!
And they have engravings in an unknown foreign terrorist language, which tells the user how to be deadly assassin. And there's obviously no need for engraving on a sword.
And obviously, if we ban them, they'll all magically go away, because we know that criminals who like to commit acts of violence will be scared of the law that bans their swords. Nobody will ever make one themselves, or sneak one in through the black market, and there are no legitimate uses (such as movie props and reenactments) for these weapons.
The meek may inherit the earth, but the strong shall take the stars.
Combining robbery and nerdery since '09!!!
We can start with the delightful observation that both clerks (Clerks?) recognised it as a Bat'Leth, and better, that the second one had the nuts to tell this honourless p'tak to go screw a goat. Even Star Trek nerds aren't afraid of other Star Trek nerds.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
...and I never will. I can never forgive them...for robbing my 7-11.
1 (short ton / firkin) = 89.1432354 slugs / keg
I wonder if the investigating police showed up in Enterprise Uniforms. 'This is highly illogical, Leutenant'
This is my sig. There are many like it but this one is mine.
WWAKD (What Would A Klingon Do?)
Rob a 7-11, apparently. How else does a warrior fund a Bird of Prey in this economy?
"Who modded this informative? Whoever it is must've been smokin' some of that martian pot!"
Yeah, it's just a shame neither of the clerks were in red shirts!
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Does it seem surreal to anyone else that, according to the article, both clerks recognized what a Bat'leth was? Colorado Springs: where Trek nerds control all the local convenience stores. For best results, RTFA while listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U
Gamertag: WyleType
Randall: Worse than getting robbed by some f'n Star Trek geek?
Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Prisencolinensinainciusol. Ol Rait!
can we all cross our arms and turn around now?
DRM-free indie games for the PC and Mac: Positech Games
Yeah, it's just a shame neither of the clerks were in red shirts!
If they had been the headline would be: Man Commits Murder With Klingon Bat'Leth
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
I was hoping to make a big impact when I start robbing stores with my lightsaber, but it looks like some trekkies stole my thunder.
No problem look for the glow of video game screens coming from mom's basement and you will find the culprit.
"Kam'cha chime CHEK!"
(If he were a TRUE Klingon, he could reply with, "You swear WELL in Klingon, human clerk...")
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
don't you mean that he should be stripped of his grandmother's basement and his MMORPG accounts?
*he* has brought nothing but *dishonor* upon his family and himself.
his heart must not be *truly* klingon.
(insert another dickhead buzz-kill reference...)
will he be considered and "Ex-KAHN!"?
Sig Follows: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain
When asked if he had a smooth or ridged forehead, they refused to comment.
This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
Turn in your geek card and spell it correctly!
And your mother has a smooth forehead!
$> man woman $> Segmentation fault. (Core dumped)
I'm rather disappointed he just wore a plain black mask and regular clothes...
The story would have sounded a lot better if he had gone in a full klingon costume.
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I'll take his Batleth, thank you.
If his grandmother bakes excellent cookies, I'll take her too.
I'm glad you linked to Michael Dorn because nobody on /. would have known who he was if you hadn't ;)
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Anybody? Anobody? Bueller? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Star_Trek#Bat.27leth
Every convenience store should have a few Tribbles around.
"The ferrets, they're every where I tell you!"
No Lirpa?
The mods are without honor and should be stripped of their karma and titles, face discommendation, and sent to work the mines on Rural Penthe.
Free Martian Whores!
*BEGINS CHANNELING JACK THOMPSON*
This proves that watching Star Trek makes a person violent! We must ban all Star Trek in order to protect our children and our 7-11's.
*ENDS CHANNELING JACK THOMPSON*
And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wash out my brain... with some hydrochloric acid.
My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
You can keep it inside any convenient Romulan corpse.
Dark Reflection
don't you mean that he should be stripped of his grandmother's basement and his MMORPG accounts?
And he should be stripped of his "Chewbacca is my copilot" T-shirt immediately!
Ugh! Oh God! That was a mistake. Put the shirt back on! Put it on! You can keep it, I'm sorry.
The enemies of Democracy are
I am glad but slightly nervous that got marked insightful. Glad that there are such nerds, but nervous that they might actually be klingons... which I now just insulted...
sincerely,
Bob Smith in montreal canada.
I hear the 7-Eleven is going to start requiring all clerks to keep Tribbles behind the counter, in case of future attempts.
(I blatantly plagiarized this from one of the comments below the article)
If someone came at me with a Bat'leth all I'd be thinking is 'Is today a good day to die?'
Conservation of angular momentum makes the world go round.
We actually have a good story on Idle. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.
There is no -1 Disagree mod. Slashdot.org/faq defines mod options. USE IT.
Since pain sticks weren't available for his initiation he had to settle for brain freeze.
Back in college, I had a friend who was into the Society for Creative Anachronism thing. He got burgled one night while he was home, and sent the intruder to the hospital with wounds from a broadsword. You don't see that every day.
Apparently he was stark naked when he attacked, too. Dunno if he bothered to cover himself with woad before the battle.
Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he'll say "WHERE'S MY FISH, YOU IDIOT?"
did he grab any prune juice while on the way out of the store.
Threats from Paramount's legal department.
They claim copyright on the word "transport" and all derivations thereof.
If the masses can keep you down, you're not the Ubermensch.