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IBM Files Patent For Bullet-Dodging Bionic Armor

An anonymous reader writes with news that IBM has filed a patent for "Bionic body armor" that would protect a wearer from long-range gunfire by detecting the incoming bullets and administering small shocks to the appropriate muscles required for moving out of the way. Quoting the patent: "When a marksman (such as a sniper) is attempting to fire a projectile from a firearm, the marksman typically prefers to be as far away from the target as possible, thus giving him or her a head start for the escape after the firing. As an example, the longest reported sniper hit was from a distance of about 2500 meters, resulting in a time of flight of about 4 seconds for the projectile/bullet. Had the target been aware of the inbound projectile, avoiding it by simply walking away would have been possible." After detecting the projectile, the armor would calculate the trajectory and "stimulate the target to move in a predefined manner ... sufficient to avoid any contact with the approaching projectile."

25 of 379 comments (clear)

  1. Sign me up! by WiiVault · · Score: 5, Funny

    I get so much shit thrown at me at the daycare everyday I could really use this.

    1. Re:Sign me up! by TheGratefulNet · · Score: 4, Funny

      you type very well and you even spell well for someone in daycare. you must be in the advanced track.

      --

      --
      "It is now safe to switch off your computer."
  2. Yes! But will it... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Finally! Now everyone will be able to fight Agents and not just that hack Keanu.

    1. Re:Yes! But will it... by supernova_hq · · Score: 3, Funny

      AC, you are the two.

  3. New sniper rifle patent by Shadow+of+Eternity · · Score: 2, Funny

    simulates projectiles in a manner which causes the aforementioned bullet-dodging armor to deliver stimulus which directs it's wearer to repeatedly and fatally strike him or herself in the genitals.

    I predict this to be added to the hague conventions in short order.

    --
    A bullet may have your name on it but splash damage is addressed "To whom it may concern."
  4. Re:Mechanism of detection? by aliquis · · Score: 5, Funny

    Throw a handful of gravel against a group of military personel and watch the fun :D

  5. brilliant! by jipn4 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Since bullets typically travel faster than sound, you first get hit by the bullet, and then you get an electric shock on top of that. What fun.

    What will those IBM guys patent next?

    1. Re:brilliant! by flewp · · Score: 3, Funny

      I wasn't aware that electromagnetic radiation traveled at the speed of sound.

      --
      WWJD.... for a Klondike bar?
  6. Title... by Tubal-Cain · · Score: 4, Funny

    IBM Files Patent For Bullet-Dodging Bionic Armor

    Reading that title, I got a mental image of body armor sensing incoming bullets and dodging them by jumping off of the wearer.

  7. We can Rebuild him. We have the technology. by CranberryKing · · Score: 2, Funny

    We can build the first 700 Billion dollar man. Da da-da da! Da da da da da da da da daahh

  8. Sorry...won't work by hyades1 · · Score: 4, Funny

    The sniper was Canadian, so I'm pretty sure the armour wouldn't have saved the target in the long run. The sniper was told that the guy he killed was responsible for blowing up ten skids of imported microbrewery beer. If the rifle didn't work, that sniper would have run down there with a dull, rusty spoon, cut the guy's balls off and beaten him to death with them.

    It's the Canadian Way.

    --
    I've calculated my velocity with such exquisite precision that I have no idea where I am.
  9. Radar-armor means we need... by dfsmith · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... $20M stealth bullets that have the radar signature of a mosquito. Yay!

  10. Re:Stimulate to move... by Z00L00K · · Score: 5, Funny

    New goal for terrorists - trigger the response in the armor making the wearer look weird and become exhausted.

    --
    If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker would destroy civilization.
  11. Who would have thought... by Lavene · · Score: 3, Funny

    Shampoo is working for IBM!!

  12. Re:And how's it deal with multiple shooters? by Fumus · · Score: 4, Funny

    How about a chair?
    Will it allow the wearer to avoid being hit by a flying chair?

    If yes, then IBM might actually be able to sell it to a few people.

  13. BUT... by capebretonsux · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...will it work with thrown shoes?

  14. Re:Mechanism of detection? by Joce640k · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...or use a hornet's nest to make a whole military base start jumping around uncontrollably while you just stroll in and set the charges.

    The possibility for pranking is endless.

    --
    No sig today...
  15. Snatch by Xiroth · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Boris the Blade? As in Boris the Bullet-Dodger?"
    "Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?"
    "'Cause he dodges bullets, Avi."

  16. So what are they saying? by rantingkitten · · Score: 3, Funny

    That I can dodge bullets? Or that when I'm ready, I won't have to?

    --
    mirrorshades radio -- darkwave, industrial, futurepop, ebm.
  17. Re:Mechanism of detection? by Fizz753 · · Score: 2, Funny

    One well made virus and a good sound track that would be one heck of a dance party..

  18. Re:Stimulate to move... by farmerpoe · · Score: 5, Funny

    jump to the left ... ooops!

    and then a step to the right!

  19. Re:And how's it deal with multiple shooters? by VagaStorm · · Score: 2, Funny

    In other news; Bush has patented the "anti shoe move" :)

  20. Re:Mechanism of detection? by zer0that · · Score: 3, Funny

    Then we can name it something impressive like shrapnel.

  21. Re:Great - Throw 'em around during a firefight by Dr.+Hellno · · Score: 2, Funny

    think president on inauguration day or pope

    In a world... where Mecha Saddam and his Robo-Muslims threaten your mom... and apple pie... and FREEDOM...
    Only two men have the magic dancing armor that can save the day.

    Bionic Barack
    and
    Powerpope
    in:

    "Church and State 2: Best Friends Forevarrr!"

  22. Re:Stimulate to move... by eonlabs · · Score: 3, Funny

    I can see the headlines now:
    IBM sued when bodyarmor snaps wearer's spine.
    Bodyarmor electrocutes soldier in field
    New body armor provides new technique for weightloss
    Can't touch this, hammer time

    --
    I wouldn't consider the mad hatter mad. Just reality impaired. He sure can make a mean cup of tea.