Slashdot Mirror
Cotton Swabs are the Prime Suspect In 8-Year Phantom Chase
matt4077 writes "For eight years, several hundred police officers across multiple European countries have been chasing a phantom woman whose DNA had been found in almost 20 crimes (including two murders) across central Europe. It now turns out that contaminated cotton swabs might be responsible for this highly unusual investigation. After being puzzled by the apparent randomness of the crimes, investigators noticed that all cotton swabs had been sourced from the same company. They also noted that the DNA was never found in crimes in Bavaria, a German state located at the center of the crimes' locations. It turns out that Bavaria buys its swabs from a different supplier."
So they shredded a woman for swabs? I thought we were only good for barbecue, masks, book covers, lampshades and creepy garments.
Bet you'll find her at the end of the packing line completely unaware she's a highly adept and wanted criminal. Or what a brilliant cover if she was guilty ;)
Play me online? Well you know that I'll beat you. If I ever meet you I'll "/sbin/shutdown -h now" you. -Weird Al, kinda.
Obviously there's a woman on the cotton swab assembly line who leads a secret life of crime!
Q: What does the "B." in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot
Mega criminal mind
The handler of swabs really is a serial killer.
http://michaelsmith.id.au
It's a new spin off!
CSI: You're Doing It Wrong
First thing I was taught in my high school class on problem solving. Always state your assumptions, right underneath stating your explicit goal. We were also taught that if you start running into dead ends, circle back to your assumptions and review them critically to see that they are 1) all inclusive, and 2) actually true. Oh, and never use contaminated cotton swabs. I think that was day two.
I suspect a highly secretive and powerful organization known only as the GNAA.
Yours truly,
Slashdot Troll.
I hate printers.
Wait... Are you bitching that you can't read the article? As in, you wanted to read the article before making a post?
I feel... like I've seen a unicorn or something...
This guy is using Slicehost for his blog or whatever. Apparently, he didn't pay for a big enough slice.
If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
Inconceivable!
[b.belong('us') for b in bases if b.owner() == 'you']
This sounds similar to the case of Ireland's most reckless driver.
"I bless every day that I continue to live, for every day is pure profit."
It took them eight years to find out what CSI could have found out in one episode! Reality is so unrealistic.
This reminds me of the "Prawo Jazdy" story. The Irish police were looking for this dude "Prawo Jazdy" who accumulated a very large number of speeding tickets. He kept committing infractions all across Ireland but always got away whenever he was stopped by giving a different address each time. They thought they had a supercriminal fugitive speeder on their hands until someone noticed that his name was Polish for "driver's license".
We should NEVER have developed human-cotton hybrids.
My blog: http://www.seebs.net/log/ --- My iPhone/iPad app: http://www.seebs.net/seebsfrac/
I'm pretty sure that there'd be about 96 billion ways to disprove each individual charge.
All points bulletin: be on the lookout for woman with extremely clean ears!
The Coen brothers are set to do a CSI spin-off, Crime Scene Incompetence, sort of like Fargo meets Scary Movie.
I wish I wasn't kidding, that would be a riot!
"Officer Grissom, are you concerned about the security of... your shit?"
War as we knew it was obsolete
Nothing could beat complete denial
- Emily Haines
In other news, Irish police, working on the theory that such a well-travelled criminal may have been been provided with transport by an accomplice, have apparently identified her driver:
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/frontpage/2009/0219/1224241418104.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7899171.stm
It took a lot of conversation to reach this insight.
All intents and purposes. Not intensive purposes.
The truth is she's a very smart serial killer who managed to get herself hired at the coton swab factory with the sole intention of contaminating them with her DNA so that if caught she could use it to get any trial against her dismissed... brilliant!
Doesn't cotton have DNA?
... YOU are a COTTON plant."
I always think that when they take a swab on CSI.
CSI_Stokes - "Sir, I am afraid to tell you this, but,
- I live the greatest adventure anyone could possibly desire. - Tosk the Hunted
Yeah, that's why I leave my semen in every room I every visit, and on every person I meet.
CSI rule #3: do some pretty VB interface to reverse lookup the IP address 273.54.163.341
Of Code And Men
Maybe the judge was just unable to get past this question:
"If you're so smart, Mr. Jordan, why weren't you smart enough to intentionally score low enough to get the job?"
Liberty uber alles.
"Officer Grissom, are you concerned about the security of... your shit?"
Oh, you're talking about Crime Scene Incontinence?
You are using English. Please learn the difference between loose and lose; they're, there, and their; your and you're.
There's a song about you and what you did to some poor captain's wife - http://www.paulandstorm.com/lyrics/the-captains-wifes-lament/
You are using English. Please learn the difference between loose and lose; they're, there, and their; your and you're.