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Spammers Say the Darndest Things
The Narrative Fallacy writes "Bill Sweetman has a tongue-in-cheek post about how a few years ago he started collecting some of the more outlandish and amusing email subject lines from the many thousands of spam emails he received promoting various 'solutions' related to his private parts. Sweetman, a Canadian internet marketeer now working for Tucows gets a guilty pleasure from the copywriting 'skills' of the spammers. 'Sometimes the writing is clever. Sometimes it is accidentally funny. And sometimes it's just plain bizarre.' Sweetman writes that it takes a certain twisted creative genius to make your spam message stand out from the rest. and gives us ten of his favorite spam subject lines as well as his would-be replies to the messages. Favorites spam subject lines include 'Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off' and Sweetman's reply: 'Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighborhood showing off the results.'"
I use Gmail, so the spam I get is nicely packed into the spam folder.
I don't just clear it though. An amusing minute can be had reading the subject lines they come up with before hitting the delete button.
A learning experience is one of those things that say, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.' - D. Adams
The rapture will come on a Sunday.
Psst ... hate to be the one to tell you, but it already happened. You got left behind.
Me, I didn't want to go in the first place, so no downside for me ...
http://www.spamusement.com/
Not really a webcomic, not really updated any longer, and I'm unsure if it's completely safe for work.
Like the author of the article, I too have been collecting the most poetic entries:
/cj
I hope the days of the spammer are numbered. Until then, at least we have can enjoy a good laugh at their expense.
But yet almost nothing is being done to actually stop people from sending spam. You can filter and whitelist/blacklist all you want, but that won't stop spammers from spamming. At no point does a spammer likely ever consider whether or not their spam will reach your box; it is a trivial cost for them.
Spammers will continue spamming as long as they can make money doing it. And a spammer poetry contest is equally as useless for impeding that as filters.
Damn_registrars has no butt-hole. Damn_registrars has no use for a butt-hole.
is what we've been calling it for some months now, here's a couple of recent favourites:
Reconstruct your male friend and you will love the changes.
You won't find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.
More strength, length, and pleasure with less efforts...
He temperate? of But. And fix be identical.
Which in 'we'll glints God. At injury TWISTED, pausing.
insecurity asks the wrong question irritation gives the wrong answer
...but I do NOT want to grow man-boobs!
[and my wife is already properly-shaped]
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire
Throw it to her from the other room.
Here's some from my spam box...
It's better to be hung than to work with your tongue.
Women don't like it tender they need a major member.
The dimensions of your tool will grow to a duel.
The funniest spam message I ever saw had the subject header "Pound her 'til she finishes". I thought that was so funny I went and bought some Viagra from them.
Summation 2
I generally do not get a lot of spam, but one episode recently made me collect some samples and blog about them (/.ed as Giving Your Greytrapping a Helping Hand).
That page also contains references such as the complete listing of subject lines from spammers caught in our blacklists over a few years' time.
Enjoy!
-- That grumpy BSD guy - http://bsdly.blogspot.com/
Thats to funny...
... as you are to people with low SAT Verbal scores?
The best idea I ever saw for spam subject lines was simply using random news headlines. Knowing full well it was spam and that the message body had nothing to do with the headline, I still had to fight the urge to open the message to read what it said. The headline caught my attention (I think a lot of them were political FUD attacks during the election) and I wanted to click on it to see more.
$x='S24;r)>63/* h@<5+oZ)32"5cz';$me='phroggy'x$];
$x=~y+ -xz+\0-Tx+;print$_^chop$me for split'',$x;
I got a spam with a pretty poetic title yesterday: "The magic melody for your flute". I read it to my wife but she said she prefers the trombone... 8-|
Non-Linux Penguins ?
In case you don't want to go bother and look, the others are pretty funny:
1. "Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off."
Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighbourhood showing off the results.
2. "The hard friend in your pants will look up into the sky."
Thanks, but I would prefer it if my friends stayed out of my pants.
3. "Men will see your power in every public shower."
If they did, wouldn't I be arrested?
4. "Who doesn't love a big gun in the pants."
Isn't that what holsters are for?
5. "Make your love torpedo drive all the way to her tanker."
Maybe I missed that SexEd class, but I'm not entirely clear on where I would find a woman's tanker.
6. "Transform from a grass snake to a python."
Have you ever seen a python? Ick!
7. "Make your man's carrot grow."
What the heck are they selling, fertilizer?
8. "To the stars your manhood flies when you are happy with your size."
This writer's a poet and they don't even know it.
9. "We can make your man's volcano erupt like a famous Etna!"
Lava. Fire. Smoke. Thanks, but I can do without those in the bedroom.
10. "Put your doughnut in her oven."
If my 'thing' looks like a doughnut, I should see a doctor.
This iss your penis: 8--o
This iss your penis on drugs: 8=====O
The second one's still well under an inch on my monitor. That's nothing to shout about :-O
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
Yes, I agree. Although that could just be his personal style. I've noticed a lot of my more uptight friends are really horrified by these emails, or simply make believe to misinterpret them.
not news for nerds, nor is it stuff that matters.
Good people go to bed earlier.
There was a stretch where I was getting some spams whose subject lines were obviously being constructed: each consisted of a short phrase followed by a single unrelated (and clearly randomly selecte) word. One of them came out "Girl giving head crash". Ever since, I've had an image of a comely female sucking on a disc drive :-)
Your god may be dead, but mine aren't!
Back in '04, a friend of mine was volunteering for the Kerry campaign, and his email for rallying the troops against Bush and Cheney had the subject line: "Let's Lick Dick and Bush Together".
Needless to say, I remember being annoyed that my spam filter hadn't caught it, and manually deleting it without even checking to see who it was from.
A few weeks later, we were both at a dinner, and he was talking about his efforts, and I asked him to include me in his correspondence so I could help out, and he said he had, that I just hadn't ever responded. After a little back and forth, we figured out where the miscommunication was.
The CB App. What's your 20?
Just got one today titled "Extreme Cat Rape".
I guess that's where you go when normal cat rape just doesn't do it for you anymore.
OMGPONIES!!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines