Slashdot Mirror
FMRI Shows Man Loves Wife More Than Angelina Jolie
An anonymous reader writes "We've discussed (at length) functional MRI technology as it pertains to marketing and virtual reality, but now Esquire writer A.J. Jacobs has become the first person to go inside the controversial machine to test the science behind his sex drive. As in, he has fMRI experts read his mind as to whether he's actually more turned on by his young wife or Angelina Jolie. The results, unsurprisingly, are both geeky and hilarious. Would you subject yourself to this kind of reality check?"
If it was an honest test, they would have asked him about Kristen Bell.
I don't think I've ever been so bored with a first post - EVER
of his wife.
...his wife is more bangable than Angelina.
No joke, no troll, just one hot lady!
Make SELinux enforcing again!
I thought, Angelina was hot, until I learned, she has a Che Guevara tattoo... Eeeewww...
In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
Well, I can detect lies (with a 100% success rate) - just by staring into the character of the electrons of a slashdotter's post.
And you are lying.
Oh, wait! Sorry, not lying - but self-delusional. The characteristics electron remnants of lying & self-delusion appear similar on occasions.
My pics.
There's also the quadruple blind test, where we don't give give the actual measurements to the statisticians, to remove all possible bias.
Wouldn't blind testing of romantic relationships involve a lot more touching and feeling? ;)
Rampant carbon sequestration destroyed the Dinosaurs' tropical paradise. I'm here to help repair the damage.
I didn't RTFA, but why would you expect Angelina Jolie to love this man's wife more than he does? Have they even met?
sic transit gloria mundi
Well, fuck it. We're going to five blinds.
Imagine the scientist standing outside the fMRI.
Scientist: "Look at the following pictures, please. *Click* Next picture, *Click*, Next picture *Click*"
Patient: *Ding on metal sound*
Scientist: "What was tha--Oh!"
Your prof's a dork. The longer people know me, the less they like me.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
For quintuple blind, everyone involved in the experiment must be 100% visually impaired.
Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
I think it's great you found a wife who shares your interest in reading slashdot. Well Done!
If women hear about this...
Next argument:
"You don't really love me!"
"Baby you know I do!"
"Prove it! You, me and my sister are going down to the machine tomorrow!"
*Uh oh*
This guy is crazy to submit to this test. Here is a (near) pseudo-science test being applied to him with a loaded question that can have only one possible correct and right answer. And the machine is not assured to give him that correct answer. And he does it in a nationally published magazine.
Suppose this machine 'proved' that he was more turned on by a professional sexpot movie star than his own wife. Do you think that she would ...ever... let him live that down? If you say yes, then you don't know anything about women...go fuck your compiler.
Thirty years from now they have some silly disagreement. She says "..but you don't really love me..." He says " but, darling, honey, of course I do..." She says, "no, you really don't, and that machine proved it!".
There are some questions that have only one possible correct answer, regardless of what might be the 'truth'. The most important one is when your wife or girlfriend asks you " do you really love me?". Guys, listen to this, this is important, the only possible thing that you can ever say when this collection of sounds hits your ears is "YES". No hesitation, no ..uh.., no ponderous meaningful silences, just 'yes'. Anything else that you could say or not say would be taken by her to mean 'no, I don't love you'. It just takes one 'no' and she will never believe you next 10 million times that you say "yes, I love you".
Another example of question that has only one possible answer is when someone who has the ability and the inclination to destroy your life asks you: "Have you ever used drugs?" Here the only possible answer is NO!, even if you're standing there with a joint dangling from your lips. Please don't forget this as it may come in useful some day.
A third example is when someone is pointing a gun at you and asks you, "Do you believe in...". Fellas, this is not an occasion for amicable discussion imbued with gentle irony. Chuck it up, smile, and shout 'YES!'. I believe in jumpin' Jehovah, the lizard king, the holy rock, the flying pizza monster, whatever, and add that you're overwhelming glad to find another true believer, and " could you ...uh... maybe ...uh... put down that gun?"
So you or anyone else in the world has nothing to gain by allowing yourselves to hooked up to some machine and be asked one of the questions that have only one possible answer, and gambling that the machine affirms that you actually and truly believe that you are giving the right answer. You have nothing to gain if the machine says 'yes, he's telling the truth' and everything to lose if the machine indicates otherwise.
It's like playing Russian Roulette.
Show him a picture of a pile of green backs, contrasted with a picture of his wife or Angelina Jolie. I suspect that the green backs would win -- sad, greedy gits!
If you want to mess with people who drool over her, tell them to put her picture and one of Jon Voight side by side, then look at their mouths.
From then on whenever they look at her, they'll see him and find it nearly impossible to find her attractive.
But that may only work on right brained people. If any left brainers can confirm, that would be interesting.
And he looks like he might have some of that "book learnin". Get the rope, we can't have no dang smart-mouthed lefties around here making things uncomfortable with them thar "ideas". Muh daddy told me people who think different need killin.
Not true. Many slashdotter wives are "deeply beautiful". ...
You thought there was gonna be a joke here, but you're wrong. I know for sure that there's at least one slashdot user with a gorgeous wife (hi, honey).
[note to young guys: this is how you manage to still get oral on a regular basis after 20 years' marriage]
You are welcome on my lawn.
Not true. Many slashdotter wives are "deeply beautiful". ...
You thought there was gonna be a joke here, but you're wrong. I know for sure that there's at least one slashdot user with a gorgeous wife (hi, honey).
You were doing excellently to this point
[note to young guys: this is how you manage to still get oral on a regular basis after 20 years' marriage]
But this is your rookie mistake, you can't let her know that you know. I learned that in year 5 (of 14 now).
It should also be noted that Bea Arthur beat out Angelina and the wife.
Left-brainers have the opposite effect; after comparing the mouths, they find Jon Voight strangely attractive.
It's not an exclusive or. We are drooling (sometimes) snotty (sometimes) ape like creatures. And since we create gods, we are also divine beings.
You just have to learn to swallow the dilemma.
(Fortunately, we Discordians are trained in dilemma swallowing, as well as proposition juggling, axiom throwing, rebutting on a bed of nails, and all the other arts of the sideshow philosopher.)
Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | my blog
You cannot wash away blood with blood
But what if stupid women are the only ones that say yes? Ummm... was that too much information?
Having to work for a living is the root of all evil.
Outside of a book, a dog is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
I drank what? -- Socrates
I'm not convinced for example that the face of an obese woman would have to have any more lines than that of a thin woman. So it should be beautiful, right? Well, she wouldn't find many boyfriends in today's culture.
I once fucked a fat girl with a cute face.
Uh, what I mean is, um, you could take the most beautiful face in the world, lop it off its neck, impale it on a pointy stick, and there's not a man alive who would want to fuck it.
Erm, actually, wait... that's probably not true. I'm digging myself deeper, I'll just stop now.