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DARPA Builds Smarter Version of Microsoft's Clippy

Posted by samzenpus on from the dead-but-dreaming-of-electric-sheep dept.

holy_calamity writes "Microsoft's animated paperclip may be long dead, but a $150m DARPA project has resurrected the idea of a virtual assistant. AI researchers from more than 60 institutions worked on the project entitled CALO. CALO is designed to help ease the bureaucratic burden of the military. A consumer spinoff, Siri, is coming to the iPhone later this year. It responds to conversational voice commands to take over multi-step tasks like choosing and booking restaurants or cabs."

23 of 140 comments (clear)

  1. Is it time yet... by jamstar7 · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... to say "Oh, shit, there goes the neighborhood!"?

    I for one found Clippy to be annoying as hell, and was DAMNED glad they killed him.

    --
    Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    1. Re:Is it time yet... by mrgiles · · Score: 5, Funny

      I can imagine it now.
      You: "Oh, shit, there go the neighbours!"
      iPhone Clippy (aloud): "I see you are trying to avoid your neighbours. Would you like me to. . . "
      You: "Shut up shutup SHUTUP!"

    2. Re:Is it time yet... by CharlyFoxtrot · · Score: 5, Funny

      I for one found Clippy to be annoying as hell, and was DAMNED glad they killed him.

      Clippy, virtual assistant. A program barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.

      --
      If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
    3. Re:Is it time yet... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      OK but what did they do with the other $144M?

    4. Re:Is it time yet... by Crudely_Indecent · · Score: 5, Funny

      Oh, shit...

      Clippy: I've located several public bathrooms and a large cluster of shrubs nearby. Would you like directions?

      --


      "Lame" - Galaxar
    5. Re:Is it time yet... by fireman+sam · · Score: 2, Funny

      Clippy: "I see you want to go to Hell? May I suggest http://bingmaps.com.au/?action=location&location=hell ?"

      --
      it is only after a long journey that you know the strength of the horse.
    6. Re:Is it time yet... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      It looks like you're trying to hide me. Sorry, but I can't let you do that, Dave.

  2. A consumer version? by gcnaddict · · Score: 4, Funny

    A consumer version of a military app for a widely-used phone?

    Anyone have a spare tin-foil hat?

    --
    Viable Slashdot alternatives: https://pipedot.org/ and http://soylentnews.org/
  3. Hi! It looks like you want to kill insurgents? by NotQuiteReal · · Score: 3, Funny

    Maybe I can help. How much collateral damage can you handle?

    --
    This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
    1. Re:Hi! It looks like you want to kill insurgents? by MaXintosh · · Score: 5, Funny
      I seem to grok that this is more for the brass, to manage day to day things. Obviously, it'd be more like this:

      Hi! It looks like you're writing a justification for an un-winnable war against a nebulous enemy. Would you like help?
      * Get help distancing yourself from the blunders of the previous commander.
      * Just stumble through this conflict alone.

      [] Don't remind me of Vietnam again.

  4. Haven't we done enough to the enemy combatants? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Come on, waterboarding, gitmo, torture, but Clippy? Now you're just being mean.

  5. As long as she looks like Rommie by Snaller · · Score: 2, Funny

    Then I'm interested in your newsletter!

    --
    If Google really cared they would fix Android Chrome to reflow text, instead of discriminating
  6. Killy by Anonymous+CowHardon · · Score: 1, Funny

    "It looks like you're contemplating an unprovoked nuclear assault. Would you like me to start the Launch Sequence Wizard?"

  7. I see you're re-introducing a useless feature by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Would you like me to rename it?
    Make it more complicated?
    Be more intrusive?

  8. Re:"Helpers" by TheSHAD0W · · Score: 4, Funny

    "It seems you want to start a war! Can I help?"

  9. Well... by FlyingSquidStudios · · Score: 5, Funny

    I, for one, refuse to download that App until it has a voice like Douglas Rain and calls me Dave.

    --
    http://twitter.com/OLDTELEGRAM
  10. Re:oblig by techno-vampire · · Score: 2, Funny

    In modern, democratic, capitalist Russia, digital overlords still welcome you!

    --
    Good, inexpensive web hosting
  11. So this is how the world ends. by genner · · Score: 3, Funny

    I always knew MS Office would have somthing to do with it.

  12. This is from 2001, but still brilliant. by FlipperPA · · Score: 3, Funny

    http://randomaxe.comicgenesis.com/d/20010725.html

    That is all.

  13. Presidental Clippy by OrangeTide · · Score: 2, Funny

    It looks like you're drafting a treaty.

    Would you like help?

    • File a complaint in the UN and recommend trade sanctions.
    • Levy trade sanctions until the nation agrees to better terms.
    • Begin a military intervention and write a new constitution for the nation.
    --
    “Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
    1. Re:Presidental Clippy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      This sounds like the plot for The Phantom Menace.

  14. Re:Will it have Apple's blessings? by amicusNYCL · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'm sorry, in order to post in this thread you need to make a Clippy joke, it's a requirement.

    ..would you like me to help you do that?

    It's a good point though, unless Siri is the future functionality.

    --
    "Our two-party system is like a bowl of shit looking at itself in a mirror." - Lewis Black
  15. Re:"Helpers" by Lunzo · · Score: 4, Funny
    Scene: A missile silo in the USA.

    Grunt: Sir, the radars are picking up incoming Russian nukes. We've only got 2 minutes to act!
    Commander: This is the moment we've been training for. Commence launch sequence.
    [The commander and another officer turn keys and the commander presses the red button. On the screen the following appears:]

    Hi. It looks like you're trying to launch an ICBM. Would you like to:
    • Launch a test missile.
    • Participate in M.A.D. [click here to learn more]
    • Remove Clippy and continue working (Note this will detonate your nukes without launching them). It's the only way known to permanently remove Clippy.