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Artificial Heart Recipient Has No Pulse
laggist writes "A heart patient in Singapore has been implanted with an artificial heart that pumps blood continuously, allowing her to live without a pulse. From the article: '... the petite Madam Salina, who suffers from end-stage heart failure, would not have been able to use the older and bulkier models because they can only be implanted in patients 1.7m or taller. The 30-year-old administrative assistant is the first recipient here to get a new artificial heart that pumps blood continuously, the reason why there are no beats on her wrist.'"
The story is light on details, but an article from last year in MIT's Technology Review explains a bit more about how a pulse-less artificial heart works.
First pulse.
This probably wouldn't happen cause of medical history and all that jazz, but that aside, it'd be priceless to see a nurse unaware of the circumstance trying to take her pulse..
...now I only need to come up with the perfect crime that only a person with no pulse could get away with and I can cash-in on a screenplay for an episode of CSI.
The "cue the foo posts in 3, 2, 1..." posts will commence with no subsequent foo posts in 3, 2, 1...
What are the drawbacks?
That when there's a bug, it's a Blue Screen of Death you wont be booting back from.
What are the drawbacks?
Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
Apparently not a single organ in the body does serial communication by having it clocked in or out on the rising or falling edge of the pulse.
cat
You know,
piston engine go boing boing boing... rotary go mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
No, I am not dead. Because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.
Well, for one thing, they haven't replaced her lungs with continuous, ehm, blood conditioner. :-)
Ezekiel 23:20
Artificial heart + partying? That's a bright idea. Almost as good as smoking through that little hole in your neck.
Reports of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated.
-1, Disagree is not a valid option. Troll, Flamebait and Offtopic are not a substitute.
I shall now have to amend my requirements for women that I will have sex with.
Pulse now optional.
"Was it a millionaire who said 'Imagine No Posessions?'" -- Elvis Costello
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos
I can think of one organ that reacts visibly to blood pulses. Suck your gut in some time and you may see it too.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Snipers have to concentrate to manage their heart rates and time their shots between beats. A little practice and we've now got the world's quickest shot at 1,000 meters.
Agreed. What you would realy need is a hole and a crank handle.
This post contains benzene, nitrosamines, formaldehyde and hydrogen cyanide.
I aint'n't dead!
Brain surgery - it's not rocket science!
Even more than that.. I want to see the eyes of the nurse that doesn't know her condition when she checks her blood pressure...
What are we going to do tonight Brain?
Almost as good as smoking through that little hole in your neck.
Oh damn! I thought that what it was for. A cigarette, after all, fits the hole perfectly.
I just made an appointment with my surgeon to have it fitted for cigars, too.
+1 for necrophiliacs who get the best of both worlds.
Best "String" Ever!
Actually, it means you're a Slashdotter.
Whether that's good or bad is left as an exercise to the reader.
How can I believe you when you tell me what I don't want to hear?
I would be partying all day and nights.
It is better to Rock n Roll all night, and party ev-er-y day.
"But this one goes to 11!"
So you want SNMP monitoring for your heart?
Nothing like getting a page about your heart malfunctioning...
-=JML=-
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.
It's worse than that, she's dead Jim!
No wait.
I am the lawn!
So what does the call center script say?
"If the patient has turned Blue, have them reincarnate and hope that solves the problem."
"If patient is unable to reincarnate, please reintroduce the four noble truths and the eightfold path. Then re-attempt to reincarnate."
This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
How about:
"Paramedics/Doctors: USB port for resuscitation and diagnostics is located under left breast. Use clean power supply when connecting to heart."
Rule of Slashdot #0: You and people like you are not representative of the larger population. - A.C.
Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
No, I am not dead. Because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.
Blasphemy! I should... cast you out, or smite you, or something.
In Soviet Russia jokes are formulaic and decidedly non-humorous.
What are the drawbacks?
Well, I'm going to have to relax my "anything with a pulse" criterion...
Quidnam Latine loqui modo coepi?
And when she moves super-fast with her cyborg powers, she has to make a "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" sound. Otherwise it's not real.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
I can think of one organ that reacts visibly to blood pulses. Suck your gut in some time and you may see it too.
What, my toes? I'd have to move my massive genitals out of the way too to see those.
The enemies of Democracy are
Because I'm sure they would love you laying on their power cord...
https://www.eff.org/https-everywhere
There's Klingons on the starboard bow!
ZuluPad, the wiki notepad on crack