Slashdot Mirror
What If They Turned Off the Internet?
theodp writes "It's the not-too-distant future. They've turned off the Internet. After the riots have settled down and the withdrawal symptoms have faded, how would you cope? Cracked.com asked readers to Photoshop what life would be like in an Internet-addicted society learning to cope without it. Better hope it never happens, or be prepared for dry-erase message boards, carrier pigeon-powered Twitter, block-long lines to get into adult video shops, door-to-door Rickrolling, Lolcats on Broadway, and $199.99 CDs."
I'd probably have to start *buying* DVDs
Isn't this what the Mayan's prophisied for 2012?
If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
Randy: And so what have we learned through this ordeal? The internet went away. It came back. But for how long, we do not know. We cannot take the internet for granted any longer. We, as a country, must stop over logging-on. We must use the internet only when we need it. It's easy for us to think we can just use up all the internet we want. But if we don't treat the internet with the RESPECT (pounds the podium with his fist)...that it deserves, it could one day be gone forever. So let us learn to live with the internet not for it. No more browsing for no apparent reason. No more mindlessly surfing on our laptops while watching television. And finally, we must learn to only use the internet for porn twice a day. Max
I'd probably get some work done... though I'm not sure how since our data is stored in Colorado and I'm in Ohio.
"Action without philosophy is a lethal weapon; philosophy without action is worthless."
But we'd have no more lost carrier jokes, so it might balance out.
You would think so. Whole world would be filled with nerds running all around yelling LOST CARRIER, LOST CARRIER!!
as for forums, obligatory comic: http://theurf.com/2008/07/offline-box-forums/
What would replace the internet?
a)sneaker net
b)ip over avian carriers
c)johnny mnemonic
d)radio killed the itunes store
e)cowboy neal
f)breasts (the live nude version on a real female)
Stay sentient. Don't drink bad milk.
You are mistaken, sir, I plan to do it exactly like they do it in the movies. I even have the little "jumping out of an exploding train" sequence planned out in my head.
Profit!!
would cry out in terror... silently.
Except for the calls to their ISPs...
SB
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
I think that if you actually look into it, you'll find that The Simpsons covered all of the topics even before South Park did.
Uhhh yeah me too
> All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the
> Internet.
Yes but we're discussing the part that would actually be missed.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
Death of the Internet predicted.
MPEG at 11.
So, Slashdot Entertainment, Slashdot Idle, will be gone.(1) lolcats will be exterminated. Twitter will flutter away quietly. 4chan will have imploded. FoxNews will have outfoxed themselves with a false prediction of the collapse of the intertubewebnet (off by 30 days at that!), and the newsroom will spend the following days blaming the liberals, but no one outside the newsroom will know due to the demise of the Internet. (3) :)
New industries will boom. People will rediscover interpersonal interaction. Bars will thrive on singles night (as a million lonely Slashdotters hit the streets in their pathetic attempts to get laid, that will fail on or off the 'net.) (5)
I wouldn't stress too much. The future has already reported in to say the Internet is alive, well, and serving it's designed purpose. (6)
Footnotes:
1) It went poof, and everyone moved on peacefully
2) This space was intentionally left blank.
3) This actually has been happening for 2 weeks, but no one has noticed. Check back in 16 days.
4) 404 - Footnote not found. The FRL you requested was not found. Please check the number and dial again.
5) Who am I to argue with a Slashdot story on the subject?
6) Confirmed report from the relatively distant future
Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
I can tell I've been up just a little too long. I spun through an amazing variety of imagery in my head. It was just enough to make me fall out of my chair.
Cat in a plexiglass box, with a pump pulling 22 in/hg vacuum.
Cat in an upright bagless vacuum cleaner. (even in my imagination, it's a tight fit)
Cat in an airlock on the ISS. Explosive decompression follows.
Cat in an airlock on the ISS. Slow decompression follows, slowly.
Space Cat! Flying through space. Oh, this cat would like a vacuum, wouldn't it?
Ha! Cat in a box!
Sorry. :)
Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
I also wouldn't capitalize my "i"s.
Word of mouth...? You mean... this aperture can be used for communication!? :o
It's what he would have wanted.
The International System of Units has standardized swimsuits? What's the SI unit of swimsuits and how does it fit in with the other units?
Details, man, details!
USE HOT GRITS WITH STATUE OF NATALIE PORTMAN (NAKED AND PETRIFIED)
I'm still resisting.
I used to hit this empty domain, three times a day, before there was ever a slashdot. I hoped someday there's be a website here, and it would be about technology news, and news in the new era. Before that I sent postcards to slash dot oregon, that just said First Post!
For goodness sake, don't let the Discovery Channel read this thread. There'll be weeks of interminable documentaries if they do....
My web domain.
.. Friends?
Oh yeah, another thing I had before the internet.
10 FILL MUG WITH COFFEE
20 DRINK COFFEE
30 GOTO 10