Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

What Does Google Suggest Suggest About Humanity?

Posted by samzenpus on from the fire-makes-things-hot dept.

CNETNate writes "You'll laugh, but mostly you'll cry. Some of the questions Google gets asked to deliver results for is beyond worrying. 'Can you put peroxide in your ear?', 'Why would a pregnancy test be negative?', and 'Why can't I own a Canadian?' being just a selection of the truly baffling — and disturbing — questions Google is regularly forced to answer."

35 of 513 comments (clear)

  1. Really? by crumbz · · Score: 4, Funny

    Now my curiosity is piqued. WHY can't I own a Canadian? Or at least lease one for a year?

    1. Re:Really? by dmmiller2k · · Score: 3, Funny

      You can't possibly be serious. You can rent one for a day at a time if you can find an available one. But, the best I've ever heard of is a 1-week timeshare, but you'll never get the week you want.

      --

      "No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up." -- Lily Tomlin

    2. Re:Really? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      The other one that got me is "why is there a dead pakistani on my couch?"... ROTFL LMFAO.... I mean really really?

    3. Re:Really? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      can I put peroxide in the ear of a Canadian I own?

    4. Re:Really? by Ender+Wiggin+77 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Because we make great pets.

    5. Re:Really? by click2005 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Can you put peroxide in your ear?

      Yes, unless its frozen.

      Why would a pregnancy test be negative?

      Because you're male

      Why can't I own a Canadian?

      You can until the ACTA comes into effect. From then, you must license your Canadian.

      --
      I am a free slashdotter. I will not be modded, blogged, DRM'd, patented, podcasted or RFID'd. My life is my own.
    6. Re:Really? by molnarcs · · Score: 2, Funny

      This is two monumentally stupid articles I've seen from CNET UK in as many days (the other one being the power plugs article from yesterday). If Slashdot continues to post them, I think we should insist on a tag just for that site so we can filter them out.

      You forced me to ask google if it's possible to have an allergy to humour...

    7. Re:Really? by box4831 · · Score: 5, Funny

      common treatment for ear infections, ingrown hairs, cuts and ear infections.

      Does it cure redundancy too?

      --
      Miller Lite tastes like water that's somehow managed to rot.
    8. Re:Really? by Richy_T · · Score: 4, Funny

      Well, some of us do have two ears.

    9. Re:Really? by caluml · · Score: 4, Funny

      /*
      * Old Testament
      * Class for suppressing ignorant people.
      * Implements AngryGod
      */
      @Deprecated
      public OldTestament implements AngryGod {
      .....

      --
      Get your own free personal location tracker
    10. Re:Really? by freeweed · · Score: 2, Funny

      Do not listen to peroxide bubbling with other ear.

      --
      Endless arguments over trivial contradictions in books written by ignorant savages to explain thunder in the dark.
  2. At least wasn't responsible for by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    "How is babby formed?"

    --
    Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
    1. Re:At least wasn't responsible for by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      They need to do way instain mother

  3. Why can't I own Canadians? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    1. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by jimbobborg · · Score: 4, Funny

      Because Canada is the 51st state. Not to mention America's hat.

    2. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by Phrogman · · Score: 4, Funny

      No no, the US is Canada's couch

      --
      "The first time I got drunk, I got married. The second time I bought a chimpanzee, after that I stayed sober" Arian Seid
    3. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by BarryJacobsen · · Score: 3, Funny

      No no, the US is Canada's crotch

      Fixed that for you.

      --
      Track your TV Shows with your iPhone - FREE
    4. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by kimvette · · Score: 2, Funny

      If I learned anything from watching TV, it's that Canada is America, Jr. and therefore there is no reason to visit. Homer Simpson taught me that. ;)

      --
      The Christian Right is Neither (Christian nor right). See: Matthew 23, Matthew 25, Ezekiel 16:48-50
    5. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by ElectricTurtle · · Score: 5, Funny

      That makes sense, since we're all such big dicks.

      --
      I support the Slashcott and will not be reading or commenting from 2/10/14 to 2/17/14. Beta is steaming pile of dog shit
    6. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by j4s0n · · Score: 5, Funny

      It takes balls to admit that...

  4. Obligatory George Carlin Quote by kidblast · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

    1. Re:Obligatory George Carlin Quote by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Makes sense. Psychologists don't take a lot of math, they just make things up.

  5. Wow. just. wow. by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    (No, not World of Warcraft.)

    I just tried the little experiment in TFA with the phrase "What are..."

    Google's #1 suggestion: "...these strawberries doing on my nipples I need them for the fruit salad"

    I boggle. I boggle at google.

    There's an amazing untold story there. I hope it stays that way.

    --
    Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
    1. Re:Wow. just. wow. by captjc · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Why "

      My favorites are: "why is my poop green", "why did I get married", and "why is there a dead pakistani on my couch"

      --
      Slow Down Cowboy! It's been 1 hour, 47 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment
    2. Re:Wow. just. wow. by choongiri · · Score: 3, Funny

      Speaking of untold stories:

      "I like"...

      ...to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur

      WTF?

  6. My own contribution: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Me:
    what is the

    Google:
    date today
    meaning of life
    population of Canada
    name of bo and luke dukes 69 dodge charger in the tv series the dukes of hazzard
    population of the world
    sum of days in a week months in a year hours in a day
    largest city in canada
    canadian dollar worth
    best laptop
    capital of california

    I don't know how their system works, but I don't think it's based on actual searches that people have done. I mean, how many people who google for the name of the Dukes' car would actually type a full sentence like that?

    Another one I just tried:

    Me:
    what's worse than
    Google:
    a pile of dead babies

  7. or yahoo answers by circletimessquare · · Score: 2, Funny

    http://answers.yahoo.com/

    and the end all most awesome/ most depressing question ever asked there:

    "how is babby formed, how girl get pragnent"

    --
    intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
  8. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 5, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  9. Re:Many of these questions are legitimate by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Maybe the writer of the article should have googled the questions first?

  10. The obvious weakness... by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Of this piece is the same issue that plagues the "Dear God, look at Yahoo Answers, and weep for humanity" articles.

    Obviously, the internet is, in fact, filled with fucktards; but it is also full of people searching for jokes, people trolling for the lulz, satire, google bombing, etc. Without reasonably solid statistics munching, you can't really say whether a given query is common because people are searching for it in seriousness, in jest, because they are mocking the people who were searching for it seriously, etc, etc.

  11. Re:I entered by idontgno · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's proof that Google understands the distinction between fact and fiction (let alone blatant impossibility).

    --
    Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
  12. Why you can't pown one... by SuperKendall · · Score: 3, Funny

    Because they got sk1ll5, and you are a n00b.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
  13. Yes. Really. by dazedNconfuzed · · Score: 5, Funny

    I own a Canadian. Cost me everything I have, and everything I ever will have. Worth every penny.

    However, independent observers may conclude she owns me. ...sorry, gotta run, being paged...

    --
    Can we get a "-1 Wrong" moderation option?
  14. Re:'Can I put peroxide in my ear?' by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Actually, maybe I was responsible for that... let me explain: To anonymize my search data, I have a script that regularly posts the following question to google:

    Can I put ... in my ...?

    Then on the blanks, the script will put random nouns, but apparently, the script is broken, since some words come out more often than others.

    Sorry!

  15. Re:Jesus by commodoresloat · · Score: 2, Funny

    If you type in "why is" one of the first suggestions is "why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?"

    I just poked my head in the living room. It's actually a pretty good question.