How To Get a Job At a Mega-Corp

Barence writes "'With the economic hangover starting to wear off, the technology giants are once again recruiting in earnest. Apple, Google, and Microsoft all have vacancies on their websites, and now could be the perfect time to land a job at one of computing's biggest hitters.' PC Pro talked to people inside Microsoft, Apple, and Google to discover how to track down the best jobs, and what it takes to get through the arduous selection and interview processes." With lots of experience both within and without, what other words of wisdom can be offered to those wishing to break into a mega-corp?

Comments

Other words...

[Anonymous Coward]

don't do it.

Bring rope, lots of rope.

[toppavak]

With lots of experience both within and without, what other words of wisdom can be offered to those wishing to break into a mega-corp?

Black clothes, a ski mask and quiet footwear would probably help.

Re:Bring rope, lots of rope.

[Jeng]

Always have a clear objective and stick to the objective.

If you go in to steal the credit card information from the mainframe do not get distracted by the laptop just left in someones cube. Just leave the laptop alone, its probably loaded with software capable of tracing back to you. Targets of opportunity are just opportunities for you to get busted.

Re:Be persistent

[MightyMartian]

* Don't post those pictures of yourself posing nude next to an inflatable dolphin on Facebook.

Nobody has thought of it

[francium de neobie]

The first page says... to get a job, you need to find a vacancy.wow!

The second page says... to get a job, you need to pay attention to the job description.damn! this is awesome!

The third page says... to get a job, you need to submit your CV and wait.holy shit! it never occurred to me that I need to submit a CV!

The fourth page says... to get a job, you need to talk relevant things during the interview.oh noes! I always talk about movies during interviews!

The fifth page says... to get a job, smart casual is a safe choice.This tip is godlike! Most other applicants dress in bikini and that's why they didn't get a job!

Re:Nobody has thought of it

[sakdoctor]

How to pass any interview

Re:Nobody has thought of it

[Monkeedude1212]

I guess what they are trying to imply that getting a job at a Mega-corp is most like getting a job at anywhere else in the real world.

I suppose most computer nerds might have been confusing it with the tactics they've learned from video games. To work at Microsoft I simply cannot show up that the local bar, find the executives in the far room, and pass THE THREE TRIALS in order to work for them.

Re:Nobody has thought of it

[Hurricane78]

I only hire applicants that wear a bikini,
I only talk about movies during the interview,
I do not require any CV,
I don’t care what they think the job includes,
and I always have a spot for one more,
you insensitive clod!

Yours,
Ron Jeremy

Interview tips at Mega-Corps

[rwwyatt]

• knee pads
• Bring Your own lube
• ???
• YOU ARE HIRED!!!

Re:Interview tips at Mega-Corps

[Opportunist]

I don't want to know what ??? is, I don't want to know what ??? is, I don't want to know what ??? is, I don't want to know what ??? is, ...

Lalalalala, I'm in my happy place.

Re:Why?

[Hatta]

Sure that will work for Nintendo. But what about other corporations?

Re:Freelance decker

[Anonymous Coward]

I thought it was a reference to Achilles' speech in the eleventh book of the Odyssey, in which he says that he'd rather be a hired worker for a poor man than king of all the dead.

Re:Orly?

[ezelkow1]

I thought it was after cutting off a chickens head and letting it run around on a game board

Re:Freelance decker

[Red Flayer]

Working for a large corporation depends less on the corporation as a whole, and more on the people you work with or your manager. In my case, I have four kids (7-3). My boss knows my family comes first.

Thanks for the mathematical explanation of how many kids you have. I'm curious as to why you chose that particular explanation -- why not use the simple four kids (2^2) explanation, it would make it a lot easier for those of used to thinking in binary.

I'm lucky, I have one kid -- I have a variety of ways I can express that:

one kid (1^n)
one kid (3-2)
one kid (lim[x->0]{(ln(1+x))/x)})
Etc.

Wait... did I get bogged down and miss your point?

Re:Get Acquired

[bigdavex]

For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares?"

I literally laughed my butt off.

Re:Freelance decker

[rolfwind]

In my case, I have four kids (7-3).

Did you kill the other three off or was it natural causes?

Re:anyone noticed the snide arrogance?

[chrisbtoo]

I feel the need to congratulate you on your +5, Informative mod.

Re:Freelance decker

[Surt]

I'm guessing he was describing their ages ("four kids between seven and three years of age")... but personally I would have said "ages three to seven" instead of the more cryptic "7-3".

Also... four kids in four years? Seems kinda close together...

Indeed, too close together to be the explanation. Instead, I assume that he had seven kids, and three died, so now he has four.

Re:anyone noticed the snide arrogance?

[Surt]

Thanks, but how do I know you can do the job? We're on our tenth professional recruiter.

Re:I appreciate your position

[Profane MuthaFucka]

Let me guess...you worked for American Express? Good times, good times.

Re:anyone noticed the snide arrogance?

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, those kinds of questions are a great time-saver. I've been in the industry since 1982, and if an interviewer asks me how to describe quicksort, I'll tell him it's in volume 3 of Knuth. If that answer doesn't satisfy him, I'll stop the interview.

I had an interview like this once:

"How to you perform x task?"
"I don't know, but I could look it up fairly quick with google."
"What if the internet is down?"
"I'd look it up using my blackberry."
"What if you're out of coverage?"
"I'd call someone on a land line who had internet access."
"What if the land lines are down?"
"Are we expected to work during a natural disaster?"