Students Failing Because of Poor Grammar

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Students Failing Because of Poor Grammar

Posted by timothy on Monday February 1, 2010 @01:13AM from the end-thats-inn-kanada dept.

innocent_white_lamb writes "30% of freshman university students fail a 'simple English test' at Waterloo University (up from 25% a few years ago. Academic papers are riddled with 'cuz' (in place of 'because') and even include little emoticon faces. One professor says that students 'think commas are sort of like parmesan cheese that you sprinkle on your words.' At Simon Fraser University, 10% of students are not qualified to take the mandatory writing courses."

44 of 1,343 comments (clear)

unpossible by MilkyTea · 2010-02-01 01:15 · Score: 5, Funny

Me fail English? That's unpossible.
1. Re:unpossible by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 01:24 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.
2. Re:unpossible by Corporate+Drone · 2010-02-01 01:40 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Some say, that Idiocracy was a documentary sent back from the future
  Other than having electrolytes, you know what the scariest thing about Idiocracy is? Every year that passes since it's release, that future seems not only more possible, but more probable.
  My fiance thinks the future will be a combination of Wall-E and Idiocracy, but whatever...it's not looking good -_-;;
  What's really fun about these two comments is that each contain the sort of error that TFA references: "Some say, that Idiocracy" (parmesan comma) and "since it's release" ('its', the 3rd person singular possessive pronoun, does not require an apostrophe). (I'll overlook the emoticon, since this isn't a formal paper, so I would argue it's less inappropriate here.)
  
  --
  mmm... yeah... You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all TPS reports now before they go out...
3. Re:unpossible by Pojut · 2010-02-01 01:43 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  AUGH! Man...normally I'm such a nazi about "its" and "it's"...I feel horribly stupid for screwing that one up :-(
  (oh noes! emoticon!)
  
  --
  Living With a Nerd
4. Re:unpossible by Kugrian · 2010-02-01 01:54 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Is this why the signs on my lawn don't work?
5. Re:unpossible by rbochan · 2010-02-01 01:55 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  "When teachers are expected to be nannies rather than teachers, do u rly expect students 2 xl @ math, language, & science, & b able 2 sp34k in nything but txt sp35k? ZOMG LOL WTF!"
  
  --
  ...Rob
  The American Dream isn't an SUV and a house in the suburbs; it's Don't Tread On Me.
6. Re:unpossible by mcgrew · 2010-02-01 02:15 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Eye blame spill chuckers. Ewe dew knot half two no hoe too spill tease daze.
  
  --
  Free Martian Whores!
7. Re:unpossible by Custard+Horse · 2010-02-01 02:29 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Utter puppycock!
8. Re:unpossible by Culture20 · 2010-02-01 03:02 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Basically, grammar is less a formal series of rules for better writing, and is more a formal series of rules for petty "one-upmanship" among writers.
  No, grammar is, a formal means of, determining what a set of writing means when you cant ask the writer what it means cuz hes not standing their in front of u i wish people wood rite better use punctuation good. Grammer and spelling well.
  If u write a letter and only way reader has to find out weather you meant "Man eats dog" or "Dog eats man", it helps to half written in formal universally excepted whey.
  
  Syntax Error Line 1
9. Re:unpossible by Lemmeoutada+Collecti · 2010-02-01 04:12 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Wile it's entirely possible that this sets some from of president, the fact of, the matter; it's mostly cauze the parent's emphasise that there precious children are special little bugers that should never be made to feel like the failures that they are. Cause of no child left backside, the professors and principles have no choise but to promote the worst along with the best right intro the next grade level. That being what its, the end result of this profilteration of unskilled and untrained and uneducated leads directly to the results being wined about in the fine article.
  In addition to this; the use of text speak on phones and chats and IMs and other electronic communications mediums combined with the influx of foreign non-native Englisharians combine to decimate the English language further and to reduce the legibility and coherence of complex communications but of course anyone who reads the papers and follows the news knows that there is a general trend toward reduction of complexity in mass media publications and productions, and where these factors combine there is a corollary reduction in the quality of the communications of the populace.
  
  --
  
  You can have it fast, accurate, or pretty. Pick any 2.
10. Re:unpossible by cerberusss · 2010-02-01 04:28 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  The only "skills" required to get a Ph.D are (a) access to enough money [...] (b) the ability to regurgitate [...] (c) the ability to attach oneself to a previous Ph.D recipient [...]
  Talking about generalizations. I had expected more from Slashdot.
  I don't have a Ph.D, but I work for a scientific institute and have worked with some. Just recently, I've met a Ph.D doing climate research. She was bright, able to talk on many subjects, and was beautiful with long red curly hair. And kept insisting she didn't want any of the whiskey I brought for consumption at the end of the day.
  As I said, she was quite clever.
  
  --
  8 of 13 people found this answer helpful. Did you?
Oh, no... by demonlapin · 2010-02-01 01:16 · Score: 5, Funny

I'm usually a grammar and spelling Nazi, but this thread invites the Nerdpocalypse. May God have mercy on our souls.
1. Re:Oh, no... by Critical+Facilities · 2010-02-01 01:32 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  OK, I can't resist, I'll start us off. From TFA:
  
  "Thirty per cent of students who are admitted are not able to pass at a minimum level," says Ann Barrett, managing director of the English language proficiency exam at Waterloo University.
  AHHHH!!!! It's percent not per cent!!
2. Re:Oh, no... by biryokumaru · 2010-02-01 02:08 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  No no no, you misread it. They're lowering the price of the students. Kids like this used to be a dime a dozen, now they're thirty per cent.
  
  --
  When you're afraid to download music illegally in your own home, then the terrorists have won!
I blame the LOLCATs by ACK!! · 2010-02-01 01:17 · Score: 4, Funny

Its a basement cat conspiracy I tell you!

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ACK /ak/ interj. 2. [from the comic strip "Bloom County"] An exclamation of surprised disgust, esp. i
Relevant by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 01:19 · Score: 5, Funny

I once had a freshman student write in a paper, "The bathroom smelled in a way that is not relevant to life."
1. Re:Relevant by widelight · 2010-02-01 01:25 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  That's the funniest thing I've seen in the last five minutes. Thanks.
2. Re:Relevant by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 06:46 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  I had a first year engineering student check over his team's report and he exclaimed, "there is no grammar errors." I started laughing and said, "that's a good one!" The blank look on his face made it seem even funnier.
Re:LOL by oodaloop · 2010-02-01 01:19 · Score: 5, Funny

tl;dr

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Tic-Tac-Toe, Global Thermonuclear War, and relationships all have the same winning move.
there loosers thats whi by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 01:20 · Score: 1, Funny

If the schpelling and granmma on slashhdot is anythyn too go bi
I'm in the middle of, a course rite know by __aaqvdr516 · 2010-02-01 01:23 · Score: 3, Funny

I can confurm, exactly what iz stated, here.
A course I'm currently taking requires frequent posting in threads created by the other students. The grammar is truly a sight to see.
Just out of curiousity... by Jane+Q.+Public · 2010-02-01 01:24 · Score: 3, Funny

What part of speech is "eh?"
1. Re:Just out of curiousity... by smallfries · 2010-02-01 02:00 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Canadian.
  
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  Slashdot: where don knuth is an idiot because he cant grasp the awesome power of php
2. Re:Just out of curiousity... by xep · 2010-02-01 02:02 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  What part of speech is "eh?"
  Punctuation!
term paper on Shakespeare by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 01:26 · Score: 5, Funny

OMG Juliet was like, oh oh, OMG were is my bf Romeo and I was like, so GET OVER IT teh rediculus bitch.
1. Re:term paper on Shakespeare by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 02:59 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  You're about a half a decade+ late on that one:
  Tales for the Leet: http://uninteresting.myby.co.uk/noeffort/romjul.htm
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Strider- · 2010-02-01 01:27 · Score: 5, Funny

To quote the book of the above title:

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
'Well, I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

I've actually noticed myself becoming extremely careful about punctuation. If you get your punctuation wrong when programming, all sorts of bad things happen. English is just a natural extension of this.

--
...si hoc legere nimium eruditionis habes...
1. Re:Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by nigel999 · 2010-02-01 01:56 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Another example of a grammarian joke:
  An office manager has had a bad financial year, and has to make a decision to let someone go. The newest workers are Sandra and Jack. Both have performed very well, and the manager likes them both equally. He decides, on a whim, to fire the first person that visits the water cooler on Monday morning.
  Monday comes around, and the boss watches from his office. Sandra is the first to go up to the cooler. The manager goes over to her.
  "Sandra", he says, "I have a tough decision to make. I have to either lay you or Jack off."
  Sandra sighs as she's pouring her water. "Could you jack off?" she replies. "I feel like shit this morning."
2. Re:Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 03:49 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Sandra sighs as she's pouring her water. "Could you jack off?" she replies. "I feel like shit this morning."
  "I feel like shit, too." And he buggers her.
  FTFY
hai by msclrhd · 2010-02-01 01:32 · Score: 5, Funny

Hai, I can haz degree?
Re:Spell Checking by Sockatume · 2010-02-01 01:38 · Score: 4, Funny

Speaking of uncritical spell checking, from the article:
'Definitely' is always spelled with an 'a' -'definitely'. I don't know why
Uh-huh.

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No kidding!!! What do you say at this point?
Re:And this is how we die by russotto · 2010-02-01 01:41 · Score: 5, Funny

There must be some place in the world that welcomes those Americans who manage to not be complete morons.
Try Australia; they'll welcome anyone who passes their entrance exam, which simply consists of subduing a crocodile with your bare hands.
Re:Oxford comma? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-02-01 01:43 · Score: 1, Funny

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? I've seen those English dramas too, they're cruel So if there's any other way to spell the word It's fine with me, with me Why would you speak to me that way?
Re:It's the parents by Junta · 2010-02-01 01:44 · Score: 5, Funny

Parents claim they want schools with touch academics
I thought teachers get in a lot of trouble over providing that sort of thing?

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Rarely is the questioned asked by atomicxblue · 2010-02-01 01:48 · Score: 5, Funny

Is our children learning?
1. Re:Rarely is the questioned asked by L4t3r4lu5 · 2010-02-01 03:24 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Yeah, they're learned good. You can tell by the marks they get in the tests what they do. Only them ones what are teached proper, though.
  
  --
  Finally had enough. Come see us over at https://soylentnews.org/
sprinkle parmesan? by outsider007 · 2010-02-01 02:01 · Score: 2, Funny

One professor says that students 'think commas are sort of like parmesan cheese that you sprinkle on your words.'
I guess on a professor's salary they can only afford the processed stuff.
In my house we freshly grate our commas directly over our words.

--
If you mod me down the terrorists will have won
Re:And this is how we die by X3J11 · 2010-02-01 02:06 · Score: 3, Funny

Try Australia; they'll welcome anyone who passes their entrance exam, which simply consists of subduing a crocodile with your bare hands.
Last I had heard, they added a new requirement - something involving being able to look both cocksure and manly whilst saying "That's not a knife."
YOU DIDN'T CLOSE YOUR PARENTHESIS! by ClioCJS · 2010-02-01 02:28 · Score: 2, Funny

I think the editor who wrote this summary should be given an F in english for not even being able to close his parenthesis.
Nevermind that this creates a compilation error!

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-Clio
Karma: Bad (mostly from not giving a fuck)
Blog: http://clintjcl.wordpress.com
Re:Language evolves with how people use it... by tekrat · 2010-02-01 02:47 · Score: 2, Funny

---
If I, suddenly decided, that every, second word, should be, separated by, commas then, it would, make this, sentence much, tougher to, use and, understand right?
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Perhaps you're just trying to sound like William Shatner?

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If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
Re:per cent by pjt33 · 2010-02-01 03:09 · Score: 4, Funny

Mod parent off-topic. This thread is about inability to write, not inability to read.
Re:Why is ":)" less valid than "!"? by bdonalds · 2010-02-01 03:27 · Score: 2, Funny

That's how I tried to explain to my prof why I dotted all of my "i"s with little hearts, but he docked me points anyway...

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The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life. -FZ
Re:I noticed this problem almost half a decade ago by TheRaven64 · 2010-02-01 04:12 · Score: 2, Funny

You know what the solution to my problem is? Read to the end of the post before hitting reply.

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I am TheRaven on Soylent News
Re:I noticed this problem almost half a decade ago by DarrenBaker · 2010-02-01 07:44 · Score: 2, Funny

I still blame Kid Rock.