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What Are the Best Valentine's Day Stunts?
With the oh-so-dreaded Hallmark holiday on the horizon we are flooded with tips and tricks (mostly designed to sell us things our mates cannot live without) of how to please/capture/sedate the ones we care for. One writer even suggests ways to capture the interest of a geeky girl. That said, what are some of the crazier romantically inspired, geeky V-day stunts or activities that you or someone you know has executed to terrible success or failure?
I know. It's out there, but, contrary to my expectations, she didn't totally humiliate me in front of everyone in the cafeteria.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
I never timed it around V-day, but my wife thinks getting pregnant is romantic. :-)
Terrorist, bomb, al Qaeda, nuclear, yellowcake, kill, assassinate. Carnivore is dead... long live Echelon.
Life is not a romantic comedy. If you're already in a relationship, nice chocolate, flowers, and dinner (or any subset of the above) is plenty celebration. If you're not already in a relationship, don't start one on V-day. Just don't.
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
For the record, I hate Valentine's Day. It's just silly to assign a day of the year to plan something romantic.
Chloroform soaked rags always get me the ladies.
Trolling is a art,
DO A BARREL ROLL!!!
I have noticed that my wife tends to really like surprises.
Like jumping out of the closet with a mask made of beef jerky and a butchers knife with a pigs heart stuck on the end? You could write 'I HEART U' with some of the pig blood drippings for that extra pizazz. That would be pretty surprising.
(See, it's the pigs heart that ties it all together.)
Why are you tormenting us poor slashdot readers? You know we don't have significant others!
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
Nothing says I love you better than "Here, sweetheart, I killed these for you!"
not much, just being forced to manually insert line breaks into my comment
And I pulled off one of those a while ago. Actually its been like 2 years. Anyways. Yeah - its pretty easy to do, once you know your girl well enough to get her to play along - and a car definately helps. The idea is simple, place letters along a path, each one giving clues to the next one. Given todays technology, just about everyone has a web enabled phone, which lets you take things a bit further than just a hunt. I had converted the clues into binary... ascii values... Hex... knowing not to do anything complex like public key encryption, lol, but she can recognize what is what and can look it up if she needs help. She eventually made her way down the street to my car, the previous letter informed her to look under the trunk, where an envelope with a spare car key was taped up. She opened the car to find a subjective question of who would win in a fight, 2 raptors or a t-rex - in a very crowded jungle. (We'll leave that open to debate). One envelope said Raptors, and the other said T-rex. It didn't really have any bearing on the actual hunt, but it kind of goes along with this inside joke that we have. We personally think that -EVERYONE- secretly still loves dinosaurs, just when they get older they are too afraid to admit it. Anyways, so it leads her into this park where I'm sitting there, reading my book, with a nice picnic set up. We both agreed earlier that week that Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwhiches are totally still delicious, it seems odd that you stop eating them completely as soon as you are out of junior high. So we had a picnic with sandwhiches.
Needless to say, she really enjoyed it. However, she told all of her friends, and her friends got jealous and razzed their boyfriends, and they all gave me guff the next time they saw me, saying it made them look bad.
Men have been doing that for their families for millennia.
You can’t bring home the bacon without slaughtering a pig.
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
I cut off my ear and shipped it in a shoebox to a girl I like.
Haven't heard back from her yet.
Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.
So you fingered her till she talked to you? Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? Oh i get it you must live in soviet russia.
I wanted to find a nice middle ground between lovers who like to send affection to one another on Valentine's Day and cynics who just want to dress in black and stab bitches, so a few years ago I started a charity at Swarthmore College called NinjaGram. It's pretty simple. You pay us $3, which goes to some charity or other, and fill out a card with a cute logo, and then shadowy assassins stalk your target on 14 February and surprise them with the card when they least expect it, screaming "NIIIIINJAGRAM!" Classes and events get interrupted a lot on Valentine's Day, but the administrators and faculty and public safety officers buy and receive as many as the students do, and besides who wants to argue with ninjas? This Valentine's Day, black is the new pink.
And that's the way you do it...
"So after all this, you make my case for me. To end this stalemate, you must die..."
I sent my geek girl a box of comic books, calligraphy and knitting supplies and a Supergirl camisole.
She lives a thousand miles away so we don't get to see each other very often, but I know she'll at least be happy with her box of geek goodies.
What a coincedence! My girlfriend just got box of comic books, calligraphy, knitting supplies, and a Supergirl camisole in the mail from a "friend". Wait a minute...
I think you'll find this works better if step 2 is "add 3 months"...
... So kids born in early July were the result of an an April fools joke involving contraception that was tampered with?
All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
You can't beat surprise anal.
Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
Though a well thought-out stunt may work on a rare occasion, they are much more likely to backfire than a traditional gift. Have flowers and chocolate on hand just in case.
You either need a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Gifts, or a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Girlfriends.
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
You know the song "I wonder, wonder who, who wrote the book of love?" Well, it was Ovid. He wrote Ars Amatoria (2 books) and Remedia Amoris (1 book). The first book was on how to get a girl. The second was on how to keep her. And the third was on how to get over it when it's over.
From the second book, there are 2 days a year you avoid like the plague (unless you're rich and can afford not to): Cupid's Day (later renamed by the Catholic Church as St. Valentine's Day) and her birthday. On both days you'll be expected to give gifts. So, if you can't afford that, Ovid's advice was to break up with her before the day arrives and get back together again with her afterwards.
So I guess you could say, given the fact that there are guys who think that way, simply not breaking up with your girlfriend/wife, despite the 2000 years of expectations she's layering on top of your relationship, is pretty romantic in itself. But don't try to convince her of that. She'll probably want to be pampered in some way anyway.
Knowing this DOES give you a conversational edge, however, on the cynical morons who think that Valentines Day was invented by Hallmark. And ladies, if you you're reading this and are pissed that this advice was EVER given, you might take comfort in having this retort handy: A while later, Augustus Caesar exiled Ovid from Rome for the rest of his life. In Ovid's own words, the reason was carmen et error. The carmen is widely believed to be these 3 books, which ticked off the aristocracy no end.
Ovid
where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but fail at basic math ;-P
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Show her the star whose distance in light years is approximately equal to her age. The photons reaching our eyes left that star the year she was born. This revelation is always followed by a moment of silence, misty eyes, or a quiet "wow". After tickling her brain, hugs & kisses come easily...
Here's a cheat sheet to help you select the right star: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nearest_bright_stars and here's a site to help you locate the chosen star: http://www.heavens-above.com/ (use the constellations page & the whole sky chart).
Next year, she'll be a year older, and it will be a different star. We sometimes do this on her birthday.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire
Make sure you use Y2KY jelly. It allows you to fit four digits into your date instead of two.
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.