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William Shatner Takes On Social Networking
nut writes "Everybody's favourite actor, author and starship captain is bringing some new ideas to the world of social networking. Myouterspace.com is, in the Captain's own words, '...a Sci Fi Social Network for those with a passion for the arts.' Facebook and Myspace should be worried. Sign up now. Go on, you know you want to."
KHAAAAAAN!
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
...Spacebook?
HYPErspace? No, wait, Lucas got that already.
Whatever you call it, as ideas go, it's pure Shat.
Everybody's favourite actor, author and starship captain
Jean-Luc Picard?
But most illogical captain.
Oh come on, be nice...after all, how many other places are there on the Internet where nerds can sit around debating the finer points of Star Trek all day long? Talk about an under-served market!
Amas enough virgins in one place, and one of them is likely to get laid................
Clearly Scotty's expertise does not extend to the realm of dynamic load-balancing :)
The year is 2045 and "tek," a highly addictive computer-based reality drug takes the users of the drug into a fantasy world.
Oh, I see where you're going here, Shatner!
To all you slashdot readers, please heed my words...
"JUST SAY NO!"
It's the first anti-social network.
http://twitter.com/onion2k
If that comment was on any other website besides /. I'd think it was a joke, but I'm not so sure here...
http://twitter.com/onion2k
...that he has been to acting. And music.
Scotty, beam him up, please!
In order to foster his unique style, and to one-up Twitter, the main form of communication on this social networking site are tiny posts, known as "Shats", limited to exactly one word.
The enemies of Democracy are
Paging Captain Obvious to the Starship Whoosh.
Idiot.
I DID plan on talking to her! I even wrote some (pseudo) code for said conversation:
if (!ArmPitsSmell() && CrustinessOfClothes() != OH_MY_GAWD_TOO_CRUSTY) {
var sexytime = Girl.ComplimentTeeth();
if (sexytime) {
FeelBoobs();
CleanPants();
} else {
AssumeFetalPosition();
}
}
Why would God need a social networking site?
[Scotty]
Captain! Captain! The server is Slashdotted! There's fecal antimatter all over the deck! If we don't upgrade soon she'll blow apart!
[/Scotty]
The North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes?
Really?? I mean..."Creatia"? What kind of fucking tin-ear thought up that name? It's ugly on the eyes and hits the ears like a volley of spit. If words could smell, "Creatia" would be a waft of ass. If you're a writer, or a hope-to-be writer, and you see a social network for writers with a name like "Creatia", your best instincts have got to tell you to run for the hills.
God, what an embarrassment. Can you imagine that someone thought up "Creatia" and then pitched it to other people as if it were a real brainstorm - a real stroke of creative genius.
This is one of the problems with the Internet: there's no "farm club" where you can learn your trade in a reasonably supportive atmosphere where you can be criticized and work the shitty ideas out of your system without the entire fucking world seeing them.
Maybe this guy is a wannabe ad-writer or something, and hopes to get a job somewhere, someday. Unfortunately, in some cache, encased in carbonite, there's going to be a permanent record of "Creatia" and he will never, ever be able to live it down. He's going to be looking for a job, maybe in competition with a few other writers, and somebody's going to pull out this turd and say, "Hey, was this your work?" and that's it. Game over, man. Maybe he can write copy for Home Shopping Network or come up with model-names for some Korean auto manufacturer, but even then, he'll know that one day he put "Creatia" on the internet for all the world to see and will know, deep down, that no matter how big he gets, no matter how rich, he'll know that he's not worth shit as a writer, and the first time he had a chance to be creative, in fact, to define creativity with the name of a social network for creative people, the best he could come up with is "Creatia".
And he'll get flop-sweat. And he'll double-down on the anti-depressants and Grey Goose and sometime, somewhere, he'll end up face down in a swimming pool because he shat the bed with the entire Internet watching.
Honestly, he ought to change his name right now, go back to school and get an accounting degree, and never again try to be creative because it will only end badly. If you're the guy who came up with "Creatia" and you're reading this, I hope you understand that I'm only looking out for you. You ought to thank me.
You are welcome on my lawn.
iShat.