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North Korea Announces Achieving Nuclear Fusion
aftertaf writes "North Korea claims to have achieved nuclear fusion by building what it describes as a 'unique thermo-nuclear reaction device.' This announcement was met by skepticism on just about every news website this side of Saturn. Pyongyang claims its latest scientific breakthrough coincides with the birthday of the country's founder and eternal president Kim Il-sung. This is not the first time it seems that the laws of nature have been bent in his honor. According to official biographies, when his son, Kim Jong-il, was born, a new star appeared in the sky." No doubt the Dear Leader combined the atomic nuclei by hand.
Always impersonating that guy from MAD TV??
It was actually an American spy satellite parked in geosynchronous orbit over North Korea. Wave for the cameras, Kim!
!#@%*)anks for hanging up the phone, dear.
In North Korea, anything is possible.
In other news, power in Pyongyang will only be available from 5:00 - 7:00 PM this week in celebration of the achievement.
Comment of the year
No doubt that he is small enough to have done it.
I figured he would have took credit for creating fusion when that new star appeared when his son was born.
>> This announcement was met by skepticism on just about every news website this side of Saturn.
Sure! Make it sound like we on the other side of Saturn will believe anything. That's planetism sir!
This was my thought--so what if they did? We did it more than 50 years ago, the Teller-Ulam designed warhead dates to 1951. Fusing two atoms is trivial.
Hey, let's not burden the journalists with dry facts.
My God, it's Full of Source!
OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
They'd have to figure out how to grow food first.
Actually, North Korea has already done an amazing job of keeping down energy use. By restricting electricity to a handful of elites and starving everyone else, they've been able to reduce their carbon footprint to almost nothing. Just look at the results. Glorious leader has produced a much more efficient country than that wasteful South Korea!
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Upon consultation with actual Koreans, it turns out that the original press release said that North Korea had "nuked a Frusion".
The BBC apologizes for this error.
Your stupid Earth mind cannot conceive power of Kim Il Sung Juche Physics.
Unless you send FIVE (5) million tonnes of rice, TEN POINT TWO (10.2) million tonnes of kimchi, FIFTY FOUR POINT SIX (54.6) million tonnes of ramen now you will be destroyed by my Solanite bombs.
echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
Actually at the next press announcement they are going to show the actual device, but they have to wait for it to rise first.
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
HELLO
We name is PRINCE WUNDAI, my family is ONE OF the largest farmer in Nigeria. Father was captured by Warlord who is trying to steal our family fortune. To secure our family, decided we are to looking for a country we can trust to help us smuggle the grain to a safe location.
We picked your country, NORTH KOREA, because of your honest reputation. We'd like to offer you 50% (HALF) of the grain for your help in securing the rest against warlords and USA aggression.
The grain is packed on ships, waiting on the name of a port to deliver it to.
We need only small bribes for the Somalian pirates to let our ships pass, and we will be on our way.
Please help us, KIM JONG IL