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Smart Underwear Designed For Military

Posted by samzenpus on from the now-taking-orders dept.

A team of scientists at the University of California San Diego, led by nano-engineering professor Joseph Wang, has designed some high-tech underwear that may save lives. Sensors in the waistband can monitor a person's blood pressure, heart rate, and other vital signs. The designers also hope that one day the underwear can release drugs to relieve pain and treat wounds. From the article: "But the technology's range of application goes beyond the military. 'We envision all the trend of personalized medicine for remote monitoring of the elderly at home, monitoring a wide range of biomedical markers, like cardiac markers, alerting for any potential stroke, diabetic changes, and other changes related to other biomedical scenario,' said Wang. Wearable biosensors can also provide valuable information to athletes or even measure blood alcohol levels."

18 of 169 comments (clear)

  1. Joke by al3 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'll totally mod up the first person who makes a joke about a guy named Wang heading up military underwear research. Doh!

    1. Re:Joke by Forge · · Score: 4, Funny

      I knew they were repealing "Don't ask, Don't tell" but isn't this going a little too far?

      "Printed on the waistband and in constant contact with the skin is an electronic biosensor, designed to measure blood pressure, heart rate and other vital signs."

      Translation: When blood flow to your Wang increases they will know. If you are in a room full of guys, they don't have to ask and you don't have to tell.

      --
      --= Isn't it surprising how badly I spell ?
    2. Re:Joke by cayenne8 · · Score: 2, Funny
      Ok, but if everyone is "going commando"...

      Kinda makes the new tech a moot point, eh?

      --
      Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
  2. Bonus side effects by Monkeedude1212 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Once Smart Underwear catches on in the public, it'll become just a regular technology, like a cell phone.

    Now guys, how many times have you seen girls check out another girl's phone when she buys a new one? How many times have you been able to go, "Hey, can I see your phone?" and they'll whip it out and show it to you.

    One day, it'll be as easy as "Hey, can I see your Smart Underwear?" and she'll be like "Can I see yours too?".

    Trust me, this is going to be awesome.

    1. Re:Bonus side effects by SydShamino · · Score: 2, Funny

      When you're taking a girl home and she asks, "You do have protection, right?", you can respond truthfully that "Yes, I have a firewall in my pants."

      That was awful.

      --
      It doesn't hurt to be nice.
  3. Don't make me use my digital pants! by bluefoxlucid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Digitial paaaants..... ACTIVATE!

    --
    Support my political activism on Patreon.
  4. Gives new meaning to the phrase... by smitty777 · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...I'm here for the debriefing sir.

    --
    "Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish"
    Albert Einstein
  5. Unfortunately by Black+Parrot · · Score: 5, Funny

    These are completely useless for commandos.

    --
    Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    1. Re:Unfortunately by Hognoxious · · Score: 4, Funny

      ... or Scottish Highlanders.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
  6. Lindsay? by CohibaVancouver · · Score: 3, Funny

    or even measure blood alcohol levels

    While one might immediately see value in a product like this for Lindsay Lohan, keep in mind she rarely wears underpants.

  7. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  8. Interesting Distinction by The+Wild+Norseman · · Score: 5, Funny

    Didja read that the officers' version of the Medical Briefs can actually read more vital signs than the enlisted version? Yeah, it's not because officers' lives are more important or anything, it's just that it's easier for the Medical Briefs to read pupil dilation when the officer in question has his head up his ass.

    --
    "A government is a body of people usually -- notably -- ungoverned." -Shepherd Book
  9. Huh Huh, His name is Wang... by zardozap · · Score: 1, Funny

    Obligatory Beavis and Butthead reference....

  10. Re:Great... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Will this new underwear teach you how to spell rudimentary words like "aisle" or is that too much to ask?

  11. Re:Great... by chaodyn · · Score: 5, Funny

    Um, S-Mart is a big store. They don't have aisles, they have isles - you get a small motorboat when you enter instead of a cart to get to all the different isles. Duh.

  12. Re:Great... by spazdor · · Score: 2, Funny

    But as under-underwear gets smarter, we have the same issue and we'll need under-underwear!

    I think the solution here is obvious, guys. How do you keep different layers separate in a way that preserves privacy and access privileges?

    middlewear.

    --
    DRM: Terminator crops for your mind!
  13. Step 2 finally revealed! by ggambett · · Score: 3, Funny

    1. Steal underpants
    2. Upgrade them with high-tech devices and sell them to the military at 10x their original cost
    3. Profit!!!

    --
    My website
  14. Wang has been working on this for years by commodoresloat · · Score: 4, Funny

    He shared his strategic plan with me years ago; it sounds like he has filled in a crucial missing step:

    1. Collect underwear
    2. ???
    3. Profit!