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ThinkGeek's Best Ever Cease-and-Desist Letter
ThinkGeek, sister company to Slashdot, received a meticulously researched (except on one point) 12-page cease-and-desist letter from the National Pork Board. What had the meat lobbyists up in arms was an April Fools product from the TG catalog: Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat, whose copy included the line "the new white meat." The NPB figured this was confusingly similar to their trademarked "the other white meat" (an advertising slogan the pork industry is considering retiring anyway). Geeknet, parent company of Thinkgeek and Slashdot, issued a press release apologizing for any confusion; you can read it on ThinkGeek's site (PDF), because the newswires refused to distribute it for some reason. Oh, and ThinkGeek has no intention of taking down the protected parody.
Well good. But does this mean I have to give up bacon?
SPAM is a contraction of SPiced hAM; what is the acronym for Canned Unicorn Meat? Have they considered changing the slogan to "Enjoy some tasty CUM today!"?
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
OK, but where is this "12 page C&D letter"?
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
Soylent Green: the other other white meat!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
*facepalm*
...consider that organizations can lose their trademarks if they don't actively defend them against even vague and doubtful potential infringements. If they let this case slip without issuing a token C&D, it could be cited later by an actual competitor as grounds for permitting their own infringement.
That's not to say that the law isn't stupid, but the proper target for complaints about the stupidity of the law is your local congresscritter, not the lawyers who are just dealing with the laws as they are. These lawyers are just writing letters, not trolling for DUI cases on the sides of city buses.
Proud member of the Weirdo-American community.
Would you have known about the $10 off any $40 order if it wasn't on the front page? ;)
Article reading FTW!
How many people has the California Milk Processor Board sued for the literally hundreds of infringements of their "Got ____?" Trademark?
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
I love it. Since this was an april fools joke they are totally protected by parody law. Stupid stupid lawyers... LOL too funny
"We're sorry your lawyers can't tell the difference between real copyright/trademark violations, and protected parody."
Anything else is a waste of bits.
Unicorn meat is murder!
Stop the needless killing of endangered species!
Ha ha! Charade you are.
The Uncoveror: It's the real news.
I think the lawyers at National Pork Board are Googling "actual" work and not searching for porn like at the SEC.
I can't see anything at all gay about naming a parody of SPAM "Canned Unicorn Meat"!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
I thought articles and comedy bits that were clearly satirical were protected under the first amendment. They aren't trying to make money with the white meat phrase except to add to the humor of the article, so what would the damages be?
I hate being bipolar; it's awesome!
That's no meat!
Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
So what are they planning on replacing "Pork: The other white meat" with?
Pork: Hardly anybody gets Trichinosis these days!
Pork: Now with Bacon!
Pork: You know you love to do it!
Pork: If you were a Christian, you could be eating it now!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
Are you deliberately ignoring the fact that Slashdot's audience are rapid unicorn enthusiasts?
my Nick is relevant to a Slashdot story.
ThinkGeek FTW!
--- Generation X: The first generation to have SIG lines inferior to their parents... ---
I think indirectly at least amongst geeks this has raised the national pork board's status in the media. Yes they had to protect it but really when was the last time YOU thought about the national pork board? I don't think I ever did. Free funny publicity for both parties and a good honest chuckle, everyone is happy. This is better than hearing about ecological calamities, luckily we don't have one of those happening right now...
Companies get their panties in a bunch. We laugh at them. Film at 11.
It's actually an interesting insight into the bureaucratic mindset of the average idiot.
Pork Boss: Smith! Get over here now! There is some company using a slogan on some food that's really similar to ours!
Smith: Uhhh, boss, I don't think that Unicorn meat really exis...
Pork Boss: What? Smith! NOW! Get our lawyers on the horn! This can't go ahead!
Smith: Uhhhh, right on it boss.
*ringing phone*
Pork Lawyer: WHAT? Oh my, I will draft a letter IMMEDIATELY, this can't go on, who owns Unicorn Meat anyhow? Do they have a strong lobby group?
Smith: Uhhhh, again, I don't think that it's really real, I mean it's unicorn mea...
Pork Lawyer: Nonsense! This is outrageous. I will have them by the balls on this one. The letter will be out in the afternoon mail run! *click* Suzie, send a bill to the Pork Board for a cease and desist. Slap on a few extra hours work too will ya darling? Cheers!
All that can now be heard is the soft sad crying of Common Sense in the corner.
Moved to http://soylentnews.org/. You are invited to join us too!
Note to the moderators: This might look to be offtopic, but then you should remember that slashdot is also owned by Geeknet.
Parent's point is that this is obviously a front page article because it's a slashvertisement for a website owned by the same company that owns slashdot.
"linux is just DOS with a UNIX like syntax" -- Galactic Dominator (944134)
that their IT guys phished them into doing it. . .
We want to take this seriously. Don't downmod ethical posts.
Ironic since:
1) The porkers are abandoning "The Other White Meat" saying;
2) Good pork is pink just like beef. Buy pastured pork. Much better than the CAFO trash.
3) CAFO white pork was an accident, a bug, that they featured. Couldn't fix it.
Are you guys sure this isnt an ad for thinkgeek?
...bent over like a $10 whore the instant the minions of Ron Hubbard made a threat.
http://yro.slashdot.org/yro/01/03/16/1256226.shtml
Before people start praising Taco for standing up to the pork industry, this is like standing up to a child. Stand up to someone who really has muscle, like Scientology or Muslims, then we'll be impressed.
LOLROFL
I'm here for the experience, not the Hyperbole.
Seriously, dude. There are WAY too many lawyers in this country!
I know why Agent Smith snapped in the matrix movie. This is why. His world was filled with the AI version of these two paper pushers.
Bend over? More like a judo toss. Did you even read the subsequent reply Slashdot posted after following them through?
Some people are born stupid, others work at. Lawyers prove you can do both!
Professional Politicians are not the solution, they ARE the problem.
That's worthy to note, however frequently we end up with news from companies making ridiculous abuse of the IP laws. This is just as absurd as a lot of them. They just should've disclosed the tie in.
...its like waterboarding but tastier.
WTF are you bitching about? This is front page material. Heck it should be posted in "Your Rights Online" not in Idle...
I still cannot find the droids I am looking for...
Right now, the very first line of the article reads:
Did the original article neglect to mention this?
It's an important distinction, Sir Lewk, because if it did read this way from the start, then your criticism isn't worthy of you.
You are welcome on my lawn.
Next they'll be suing Mike Myers for Fat Bastard's "Baby: The other, other white meat!"
Homonyms are fun!
You're driving your car, but they're riding their bikes there.
That sequence *is* actually common sense, but for everyone independently: the lawyer wants billable work, the manager wants to get ahead by impressing their higher-ups, and Smith isn't really getting paid enough to object strongly.
Extrapolate to millions of people and you get Corporate America.
... and that lawyers always get easily confused (like confusing the word "new" with the word "other"). Numerous surveys have been conducted and found that less than 2% of the public gets these two words confused, while 44% of those on drugs, and 73% of lawyers, will get these two words confused.
The moral of the story is that lawyers always get confused, so you have to always write all text in legalese.
now we need to go OSS in diesel cars
Domino Sugar sued Domino's Pizza for trademark infringement. For a while, they changed their name to Pizza Dispatch. The courts eventually ruled that the products were so dissimilar that no confusion in the marketplace was likely to occur, therefore no infringement. A vaguely similar phrase describing a fictional product would probably be considered non-infringing as well, but think geek does not have the kind of money to defend itself like Domino's did. It is a shame that frivolous cease and desist letters and lawsuits aren't a criminal offense.
How ya like dat?
... that there are now THREE kinds of white meat. So the NPB's use of "The Other White Meat" now constitutes fraud and falsification of the facts. Maybe they should retire that term.
now we need to go OSS in diesel cars
Companies get their panties in a bunch to gain free publicity. special on Marketing in the 21st Century at 11:30pm.
...it includes a coupon code for $10 off a $40+ order good until the 30th.
This (conversation above) is EXACTLY the kind of crap that goes on EVERYDAY at just about EVERY company.
Sad... but true.
My cock is the other white meat. And if you rub it it even makes its own gravy.
Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
That sequence *is* actually common sense, but for everyone independently: the lawyer wants billable work, the manager wants to get ahead by impressing their higher-ups, and Smith isn't really getting paid enough to object strongly.
Extrapolate to millions of people and you get Corporate America.
Or perhaps Mr. Smith is afraid he will stop getting paid for his job... But yeah, (very very) common sense for the win.
It is what it is.
Anyone familiar with any prior actions from the NPB that were of a similar nature?
Austin Powers: "Baby, the other other white meat"
Distributed proteome folding @ WorldCommunityGrid.org
Team Slashdot - Members:#1 Run Time:#1 Points:#1 Results:#1
....... NEWS FLASH .......
Massive WOOSH sound heard in vicinity of the national Pork Board.
They are just trying to protect their newest genetic engineering masterpiece, the pigacorn ("the other flying one horned white meat"!)
http://www.zazzle.com/pigacorn_tshirt-235137265974671836
Ribs taste best when cooked fresh. You want to get the ribs that mornng. Now I prefer to smoke unicorn ribs with a mixture of Red Oak, and Peeper Corns. Buy a quart of Charlie's Unicorn BBQ Sauce, on the second shelf at the Safeway. Cook the ribs at 250 degress for about an hour, else they get to stringy. Apply sause to personal tastes. Bew-Ya, that's a fine father's day fiest!
I think Terry Pratchett's view of unicorns is appropriate for this. If you stick a long, straight, sharp pointy horn on a horse, it's going to be a vicious monster, not a prancing friend.
Ask me about repetitive DNA
Standing Ovation! It highlights the contradiction that the industry are the real pigs, nicely! The acting is a bit weak, though.
CAPTCHA: NPB - The really real other white meat
Wierd, I always thought this was a cock reference...
Never occured to me that someone used it as a slogan.
Why did this make the front page?
You may notice that this is Slashdot. You may also notice that Thinkgeek and Slashdot are owned by the same parent company. (It does say so in the blurb, after all.) You may wonder if that has anything to do with Slashdot's editorializing. You may need to slap yourself on the forehead a few times and exclaim "D'oh!" if the connection does not then become obvious.
I don't believe in time. It's a grand conspiracy designed to sell watches.
Without realizing that unicorn meat does not fucking exist?
Well-researched, yes.
I just invented a new saying:
“It always takes two, for bullshit to get trough.”
What is a crazy person, without the spineless cattle buying into it?
It’s just as much the fault of the second, as it is of the first.
Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
Uuum, you got that logic wrong: Smith isn’t really getting paid enough BECAUSE he does never object strongly.
Also, if you want to go impress others, you’re not much of a leader, are you? Let alone secure in your sense of reality.
Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
Funniest part of this post: Get our lawyers on the horn!
It doesn't matter how much you pay an employee...if it's a public company or institution, the employee won't speak up. The only tangible benefit to speaking up is it saves the company legal fees. But those savings do not pass to the individual employee. What does pass to the individual employee who tries to avoid legal action (i.e. risk mitigation) is that if the risk comes to fruition, that person is humiliated for having decided to take the risk. So the employee has to weigh a potential benefit to the company against the risk of his own personal humiliation.
Unless he's an owner and the legal fees are coming out of his own pocket, he'll [almost always] avoid any possibility of personal humiliation, and instead, allow (or even favor) the company taking legal action, no matter how much he gets paid. (CEOs and other high-paid execs of public companies are often the worst offenders, being most concerned about their personal images.)
You just can't beat the economics of spending other people's money.
Anyone who kills and processes the meat of Unicorn deserves what they get...I mean they shit rainbows for God Sakes...
Windows assumes you are an idiot...Linux demands proof.
Funniest part of this post: Get our lawyers on the horn!
Sorry heh, that's the time I lived in London coming out :)
Moved to http://soylentnews.org/. You are invited to join us too!
You may ask yourself, "Why such a large suit?"
I understand organizations must protect their trademarks however there was not a violation here. The National Pork Board trademarked "The other white meat." They do not have a trademark on "The new white meat." If anything the National Pork Board should go after Thinkgeek for falsely representing their product. Any reasonable person knows that unicorn meat is not white but rather is the color of a beautiful spring rainbow. Free range unicorn meat sparkles in the early morning light. Sparkles are added to farm raised unicorn so remember to buy your unicorn meat in the afternoon. If it sparkles in the afternoon it suffered.
I agree that it is common sense, but not for the reasons you list. A trademark can be lost by insufficient policing of it. That's how Aspirin(TM), Escalator(TM), Thermos(TM), and Zipper(TM) all entered the public domain. Now, if the NPB should ever be accused of insufficient policing of the trademark, they can point to the cease-and-desist letter to show that they have been diligent, one might even say "extremely diligent," in policing it.
~Loyal
I aim to misbehave.
How come nobody's ever sued the everliving bejeebers out of the Pork Board for false advertising? White meat is poultry and fish, meat that's low in cholesterol and triglycerides and stuff. Pork isn't. Pork is red meat, like beef. It's tasty, but if you eat too much of it people will start calling you lardbutt. This point is not in dispute. (In fact, "lard" actually comes from pork, by definition. If you get it from beef it's called "tallow".)
Cut that out, or I will ship you to Norilsk in a box.
Funniest part of this post: Get our lawyers on the horn!
So that wasn't an intentional unicorn reference?
How did this industry ever get away with claiming pork to be white meat (.i.e healthy non-fat food.). I thought they got sued long ago since the ads had mostly disappeared. I hadn't realized they've continued promoting that drivel.
I think the plan is that if we get all 6 billion monkeys slapping their balls against a keyboard, hopefully we will get Shakespeare before we go extinct.
And Unicorn Meat is real! You just have to embark over a "good" forest or shrubland biome. http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/40d:Unicorn - Look for serene, mirthful, or joyous wilds. You too can enjoy Unicorn Tallow Biscuits, Unicorn Meat Stew, Unicorn Chopped Liver Roast...
I use Windows... like a two dollar wh.. why don't I just go ahead and not finish that sentence.
I would just like to thank the NPB for giving all of us the opportunity to respond to this. The response letter and subsequent comments have been absolutely hilarious and have made my day if not my week and perhaps even my month. Thanks again NPB!!!
They did disclose the tie in.
APK likes to ask for responses to the same things over and over. Maybe he just likes the responses?
I'm surprised that Thinkgeek didn't take a leaf out of /. and reply with "Wooooooooooooooosh!"
... wait, what?
All that can now be heard is the soft sad crying of Common Sense in the corner.
How can that be possible, since Common Sense has been dead since last millenia?
... wait, what?
What I do not get from Thinkgeek's outlay of the situation.
NPB owns the trademark "The Other White Meat". However ThinkGeek refers to "The New White Meat".
"The Other White meat sentence are used by Facebook and TheFrisky.
Although parts of his victims have been found, they mostly consisted of extremities (hands, feet and sliced-open heads). It's been revealed that he had ground up some of his victims and mixed them in with pork -- although the press have been very sure to say that none of his 'porked' victims ended up in the general food chain.
Personally, I don't believe these last claims (that his victims never made it into the regular food chain), because -- if they hadn't, then why were hands and feet found, but no limbs or torsos? On the other hand, (if you'll excuse the pun), once extremities had been removed, and the victims cut into reasonably small pieces, their parts would be mostly indistinguishable from pig parts, and probably quite acceptable at most pig plants -- thus relieving Picton of the inconvenience of disposing of his victims bones.
In other words, pork lovers across Canada may have ended up as accidental cannibals.
It makes me feel like watching Soylent Green again.
Sometimes boldness is in fashion. Sometimes only the brave will be bold.