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Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers

Posted by samzenpus on from the I-want-to-shoot-like-you-oo-oo dept.

According to a Chinese news publication, soldiers in Afghanistan may soon come up against a deadly new weapon in the war: monkey soldiers. The report claims that the Taliban are training the monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. They also claim to have pictures of monkeys holding AK-47s and Bren light machine guns. From the article: "The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, 'No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.'”

12 of 232 comments (clear)

  1. How to counter.... by AnonymousClown · · Score: 3, Funny
    Grunt: "Sarge, there's a platoon of monkeys coming at us!"

    Sarge: "Alright. Get the fruit truck and the truck loaded with female monkeys in heat."

    The monkeys will then drop their weapons, run for the fruit and then for the females in heat. Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

    --
    RIP America

    July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001

    1. Re:How to counter.... by countertrolling · · Score: 5, Funny

      Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

      Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies

      --
      For justice, we must go to Don Corleone
    2. Re:How to counter.... by AnonymousClown · · Score: 5, Funny

      Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

      Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies

      War is Hell.

      --
      RIP America

      July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001

  2. Best be careful.... by daemonenwind · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you start arming monkeys, you end up with a banana republic.

  3. And so starts by Kitkoan · · Score: 4, Funny

    The real planet of the apes... DAMN YOU

    --
    Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,
  4. I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by ProppaT · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...but this is ridiculous!

    --
    Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
  5. Maybe they are? by elucido · · Score: 4, Funny

    Maybe they are?

    I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.

  6. I came here to... by Sponge+Bath · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...eat bananas and kick some ass, and I'm all out of bananas!

  7. We're way ahead of them. by John+Hasler · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Marines have had guns for centuries.

    --
    Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
  8. Re:Way ahead of you by PPH · · Score: 4, Funny

    A Møøse once bit my sister...

    --
    Have gnu, will travel.
  9. Re:Coo by Binkleyz · · Score: 3, Funny

    Stage a coo? As in a pigeon call?

  10. Really bad translation... by RingDev · · Score: 3, Funny

    The time the cited the Onion on the story about the retractable dome over the capital building was funny, but this has to be the worst translation ever.

    Monkey Soldiers...
    Guerrilla Tactics...

    -Rick

    --
    "Most people in the U.S. wouldn't know they live in a tyrannical state if it walked up and grabbed their junk." - MyFirs