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"Super Monkey" Security Force Used At Commonwealth Games
The New Delhi Municipal Council (NDMC) has increased the strength of its monkey security team for the Commonwelath Games. The large langur monkeys are used to scare away smaller, more troublesome primate species from sporting arenas and food stalls. "From tomorrow onwards we will increase the number of langurs from 28 to 38. The additional langurs will take care of the Games venues and other important areas," an NDMC official told the Press Trust of India news agency. Sounds like a good idea until the monkeys learn how to throw barrels.
New Dehli increases its security snake force to scare away smaller, more troublesome serpent species. Fifty new pythons have been added to the Serpent Sporting Stall Security Services (SSSSS).
Is anyone else disappointed when they read the article and realized that there aren't any "Super Monkeys", just langur monkeys (which are still cool, because they're still monkeys)? I was hoping for some sort of Monkey Super-Soldier project on the part of the New Delhi Municipal Council.
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Jesus, I can see this appearing on Ricky Gervais' Monkey News podcast next year...
Summation 2
If they do learn to throw barrels at least we know the solution to that problem: hire some Italian plumbers.
Did anyone try to add it in facebook share and notice that Obama's picture shows as the image placeholder lol
swallowed a fly. Just wondering what scares away large langur monkeys?
We got the technology. The bankers got our money, we shoot the bankers and then we CAN do it! We can make a 6 million dollar Langur Monkey!
Who is with me gentlemen?
MMO Quests are like orgasms:
You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.
Defending against monkeys using other monkeys is not security. It's animal control; i.e. safety.
Security means separating authorized humans from unauthorized humans.
Could the monkey distinguish a human being who is authorized to be somewhere from one who is not?
Could it verify someone's identity, validate an ID badge, look up a name in a list of names, check tickets, etc?
If not, that monkey is not a security officer in any reasonable sense of the word.
super robot monkey team hyperforce go... :S
I can hear them chanting it from the far future
When winter rolls around, they all freeze to death
I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
Are they trained to make vehicle stops using the Banana In The Tail Pipe Trick?
The article ends suddenly with "In 2007, the deputy mayor of New Delhi died from a fall after being attacked by a group on the terrace of his home." I had to make the assumption (and then track down the article) that it meant "a group of monkeys".
I love how their solution to the monkeys is "to train bands of larger, more ferocious monkeys". WHATCOULDPOSSIBLYGOWRONG?
Fuck them throwing barrels, let's give the pricks shots, tie a flag to their back put them in the shot put and and see if we can get a medal out of them....
Curiosity was framed; ignorance killed the cat. -- Author unknown
Were these monkeys also on the organising committee? It would explain a lot.
Skinner: Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Monkey doing simple tasks. then the plague comes that kills all the dogs and cats. Then epople get monkeyies as pets, then train them to be servants, then they rise up with one Word:
"NO!"
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Because of their devotion to the monkey god Hanuman, Hindus are unwilling to wipe out the monkey population.It's similar to the continuing presence of cows on busy city streets.
I'd prefer not to have monkeys throwing poop while I'm getting tasty treats from concessions.
I want those goddamn monkeys off my property or you guys are out of there!
(ref Sifl and Olly, for the under-30s...)
Will those enforcement monkeys be wearing badges? Or do they just work for peanuts?
Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death. Truly this is the beginning of the end... Damn Dirty Apes
Forget about the story. Next time could we please be warned that we're about to click on a link to the Temple of Doom?
Now now, just because a woman is ugly and fat doesn't quite justify riflemen. Think of the mess! I propose gas chambers at the local McDonalds.
which is totally what she said
they'll take care of the Needle Snakes!
Woot! capes.
Especially if they're flying, screaming guard monkeys.
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
On reading this I thought that this was a deal secured by Steve Ballmer for MS.
Well done! Responded to the wrong post like a genuine Indiot.
The moral of this story is that even if you live in India, your job can always be outsourced to a barely-trained monkey.
This space for rent.
MY GOD! Didn't these people WATCH planet of the apes?!!