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Police Chief Teaches Parents To Keylog Kids

Hugh Pickens writes writes "LiveScience reports that James Batelli, the police chief of Mahwah, NJ, and his detectives conduct seminars that teach parents how to outfit a computer with keystroke logging software, giving them access to the full spectrum of their kids' online activities. Batelli explains that kids put themselves in potentially dangerous situations online every day, especially on Facebook, where they run the risk of coming into contact with child predators who troll the social networking site. 'When it comes down to safety and welfare of your child, I don't think any parent would sacrifice anything to make sure nothing happens to their children,' he says."

63 of 505 comments (clear)

  1. Nope by Anrego · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I don't think any parent would sacrifice anything to make sure nothing happens to their children

    If you are so out of touch with what your kid does online that you need this.. then you forgot to sacrifice something somewhere along the way.

    No, you can't watch your kids all the time .. and at a certain age you can't just say "internet only when I'm around" either.

    You can however educate your child on the risks out there, and have a good understanding of your childs judgment is.

    1. Re:Nope by cheekyjohnson · · Score: 2

      But... I thought that education was bad! They need to be able to happily live in their little bubbles thinking that society has no bad qualities. Banning/censoring/nannying is so much easier...

      --
      Filthy, filthy copyrapists!
    2. Re:Nope by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "In order to save the village, we had to destroy it" comes to mind.

      Or "never time to do it right, always time do fsck it up and try something even worse" perhaps.

      If parents'd done their homework, there'd be no problem. But they haven't, so this guy's "teaching" some half-assed catch-up technique that doesn't scale next to the drawbacks of being highly unethical and is bound to lose the parents their childrens' trust if (inevitably) found out. So the value of teaching this is mostly in how it's eventually self-defeating. The fact that a holder of public trust thinks its acceptable to teach this I find... telling.

      As a parent you can insist that no internet access happens unsupervised ("training wheels") until it's time to take off the training wheels. If you don't understand that, then internet access is the least of your parenting worries.

    3. Re:Nope by louic · · Score: 3, Insightful

      It also reminds me of the story of Perceval. As I remember it, a mother brought up her kid in a forest to protect him, after her husband (a knight) was killed in battle. The only thing she achieved with this was that the first time the young boy accidentally saw a knight in shiny armor wandering in the forest, he first thought it was a god, and from that moment on, all he wanted to do was become a knight.

      Children need to be protected, but not overprotected. They need to be ready for a society where the naive are being used by the not-so-naive.

      Before there were computers and the Big Evil Internet, did parents follow their children everywhere when they were playing outside to make sure they did not accidentally see a porn magazine? (at the time, the older brother of your children's best friend usually had them). Did they rig their kid's Walkman to record everything they said, in order to later check if it was "acceptable"?

    4. Re:Nope by houghi · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Reminds me of a girl in my class. She was not allowed contact with any of the other kids. He parents were very over protective. Then at 18, she was old enough according to her parents and was left loose. In about 3 months she became the school slut, because she had no idea how to correctly interact with others.

      It is also like kid-proofing your house. Don't. The kid will get some bumps and that is how you learn: by failing.

      It is basically the standard: do not take candy from strangers. I was raised in such a way that I would not even take candy from neighbors and if my parents were there and some neighbor wanted to give me candy, I would aks my parents first.

      Education on what to do is the best thing you can give your kid. Not only so he won't get raped (which happens way more with people they know then with people they don't) and murdered, but s they have a basis for the rest of their life on how to handle situations.

      As a parent you are NOT the babysitter and you are NOT their friend. You are the parent and YOU need to see that they learn as much as possible. Putting them in a cocoon will take the ability to learn away.

      Protection is a short term goal. As a parent you need to look at the long term goal. 20+ years from the start.

      --
      Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
    5. Re:Nope by physicsphairy · · Score: 2

      If you are so out of touch with what your kid does online that you need this.. then you forgot to sacrifice something somewhere along the way.

      You *are* that out of touch with what your kid does, and it's not because of a lack of parenting. It's because they are free and sovereign creatures. The child you see and interact with everyday is not the full expanse of your kid--it is the expression of words and actions your kid has learned avoids your ire and keeps the allowance money flowing. You hope there is a good correspondence, but it's not guaranteed. If your kid is up against some dark inclinations, he or she will realize that telling you could have negative results, and that not telling you keeps the situation fully under their control. Will they approach you if you try to always be open and loving? *Maybe.* Who even knows how to raise a kid properly? A kid could have a terrible abusive alcoholic father and follow the same pattern that he sees; he could have a terrible alcoholic father and realize how much he loathes selfishness and violence, becoming the kindest person you would ever meet.

      Besides that, kids are curious. You can teach them something is bad, and have them fully 100% believe you, and they will still wind up seeking it out.

      What it comes down to is teaching your kids to live life in the proper pattern and hope that when they're older the "don't hit your sister because you'll get a spanking" placeholder transmutes into "don't hit your sister because that is fundamentally wrong." Otherwise, all you can do is exemplify those values in a way you think will give them a desire to emulate you.

      On this basis, I think it is entirely appropriate to keep tabs on them: or at least let them know the possibility is there. It's not a matter of questioning their judgment: their judgment is stupid and will continue to be stupid long after they leave the nest. It's about keeping them in the habit of third person perspective (how does my deed look when viewed outside my personal selfishness?) and strongly ingraining good habits so that when they go out and flop (the final lessons always have to be learned by experience) they have a nice deep groove to fall back into.

    6. Re:Nope by HungryHobo · · Score: 5, Interesting

      I spent most of my free time for a big chunk of my childhood from about age 8 to 12 down at the local river /stream building damns and rafts with some of the neighbourhood kids about a mile from home.

      when going out the door I'd call out "going out for a few hours, if not back avenge death."

      In that time I never put myself in any more danger than I did climbing trees in my parents garden. Some danger but no more than the norm.
      My parents had a fair idea of roughly where I was and had instilled in me the basics of not killing myself.

      When we got an internet connection when I was 12 or 13 they instilled the basics of "don't give out your details online, don't give out your location online" which is really really really easy to follow if you're not an unusually thick child.

      being a 13 year old boy I looked at quite a lot of pornography, went on a lot of forums and a lot of chat rooms but not once did I ever get approached by any kind of child predator or anyone trying to dig my location/details out of me.

      the fear of child predators online is wildly over the top.
      Your children are vastly more likely to run into them in real life than online and it's almost trivial to stay safe.

    7. Re:Nope by PopeRatzo · · Score: 5, Funny

      Reminds me of a girl in my class. She was not allowed contact with any of the other kids. He parents were very over protective. Then at 18, she was old enough according to her parents and was left loose. In about 3 months she became the school slut, because she had no idea how to correctly interact with others.

      And yet she was still able to become the governor of Alaska.

      Shows the resilience of the human spirit.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    8. Re:Nope by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

      On the other hand, I think the internet does for pedophiles who want to find vulnerable children what it does for lonely men sitting at home looking for pictures of boobies.

      Not really, these kinds of arguments always ignore lots of practical problems with this. How many adults, of any age, can successfully pretend to be a teen/tween/kid convincingly when talking to someone that's actually that age? How many kids/tweens/teens are going to be interested in that kind of conversation? (And if your kid is, you have bigger concerns than the Internet.) How many of these supposed child predators are going to manage to find a real kid/tween/teen instead of a vigilante and/or cop instead? Hell, if they exist in any large numbers, they probably end up trolling each other more often than they do real underage people.

      The ones that get caught, and law enforcement parades through the news, are the stupid ones, the ones that really aren't a danger to anyone but themselves. The real dangerous child predators out there aren't trolling Facebook or other social media sites, they're building their own connections on darknets and things like Tor/Freenet. Law enforcement wants you to think otherwise, which is why they trot out the idiots they do manage to catch and make it a big media show. Just remember, whenever you see that, it's probably nothing but a media show ~80% of the time (or more). And law enforcement has an abysmal track record doing stings of the real dangerous predators, they tend to take shortcuts (like that one they did in England where they took over a CP site and then went after all the credit card holders who'd bought access.... and only years later finally realized they'd mostly gotten innocents whose cards were stolen. There were many suicides by innocent people over that one).

    9. Re:Nope by rolfwind · · Score: 3, Interesting

      If you are so out of touch with what your kid does online that you need this.. then you forgot to sacrifice something somewhere along the way.

      I kinda knew this would be the standard /. response. However, kids lie and lie well. Many probably know how to wipe their history. Many won't and don't know how to check for a keylogger. And in the end, honestly, I don't think there is enough hours in the day to know "everything your kid is doing."

      I think I might use something like this. But not to spy on their internet activity. Just when I was in MS/HS, I knew a few kids that went missing or ran away with an older person. Then, such a tool would get you way ahead of the game on might have happened.

      Of course, there will be abuse of the tool. It would be perching on your kid's shoulder, and if they sense you are doing that, they'll just as soon seek another computer, or go to a friend's computer, or from a school computer find out how to bypass it a million different ways (Linux Live CD for one if no BIOS PW). And I know parents who go out of their way to make sure their older HS kids don't look at porn. If they are actively seeking it out, they're old enough to look, imo - though it might signal a talk, not restrictions.

      But I'm sure the likely outcome to the Police Chief's talks is that more than a few people will start spying on their spouses.

    10. Re:Nope by arivanov · · Score: 2

      Doubly wrong: "I don't think any parent would sacrifice anything to make sure nothing happens to their children"

      1. There is something any parent must never sacrifice - it is the children future. If children are not educated in what danger is, what risk is and how to deal with them they will never ever succeed in life. The first really danegerous thing coming their way once they are outside their parents protective envelope and they are done.

      2. "Nothing happens to their children" - most cretinous idea possible. Sorry, I would like stuff to happen to my children so that they learn. I do not stand right next to them in the playground and always keep at least a few paces distance. I let them fall and collect the usual playground bumps and bruises so that they do not grow up stupid uncontrollable delinquents who have no sense of danger. People laugh at the two proverbial parents standing next to a child which is trying to climb a tree in a cycling helmet for safety. Guess what, my son went and put his helment himself the first time he tried to conquer the apple in our back yard. At the age of three. I noticed what he was doing once he was already half the way up.

      It is the parent's obligation to ensure that the children are not exposed to excessive danger or danger which they are not capable of handling just yet. However, limiting it to the point where "nothing happens" is the worst a parent can do.

      --
      Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
      http://www.sigsegv.cx/
    11. Re:Nope by SanityInAnarchy · · Score: 2

      The child you see and interact with everyday is not the full expanse of your kid--it is the expression of words and actions your kid has learned avoids your ire and keeps the allowance money flowing.

      If that's the sort of relationship you have with your kid, you've already lost something important. Rather than teach your child what your values are and why they are your values, you've instead taught them that the only reason to be good is because of the consequences, and if no one finds out, it's ok.

      A key example:

      If your kid is up against some dark inclinations, he or she will realize that telling you could have negative results, and that not telling you keeps the situation fully under their control.

      While they may not be able to tell you everything, you'd hope there would be some adult in their life they'd be able to talk to. In any case, this is precisely what I'm talking about. My parents brought me up with the attitude that I can tell them anything.

      Besides that, kids are curious. You can teach them something is bad, and have them fully 100% believe you, and they will still wind up seeking it out.

      Especially if you just say "This is bad, mmkay?" No, tell them why it's bad, and be honest. Don't tell them all drugs will kill them instantly, because then the instant they see their friends smoking pot and not dying, why should they believe anything you say about any drugs, and why shouldn't they go ahead and try heroin or cocaine?

      What it comes down to is teaching your kids to live life in the proper pattern and hope that when they're older the "don't hit your sister because you'll get a spanking" placeholder transmutes into "don't hit your sister because that is fundamentally wrong."

      Neither of these is sufficient, but think about it. Why don't you want them to hit their sister? For one, if you can't explain that to me, you're not going to be able to explain it to them, and "because you'll get a spanking" is again going to train them to be exactly what you said -- they'll have a set of behaviors they show you to avoid your ire and keep the money flowing, because after all, being a good person is only important for those reasons. Because that's what you taught them.

      This is akin to suggesting that people can only be moral when they believe there's an omniscient, omnipotent god who sees everything wrong they do and is willing to punish them.

      How about, don't hit your sister because you're a better person than that. Because you made her cry, look at her! And because she might hit you back, not because I will. But mostly because you want to be a good, compassionate person, don't you? What do you think a good person would do? Let's take one of your heroes -- what would Batman do? (Not WWJD because they may not care about that yet -- ask them who their heroes are!)

      I've never actually been a parent, but my parents didn't hit me more than twice in my entire childhood. They very rarely said "because I said so," and I made life difficult for them when they did. They warned me about the Internet, certainly, but they told me the truth about what the dangers were, and far from installing keyloggers, they let me explore -- I switched to Linux when I was 15, and I was playing with programming not long after that, and I have to imagine a parent would need to restrict both of these if they were keylogging me.

      --
      Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
    12. Re:Nope by c6gunner · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'm leaning towards the opposite approach. I figure if you wallpaper your infants room with screen-caps of extreme fetish porn, he/she will probably grow up to be a priest/nun.

    13. Re:Nope by Jurily · · Score: 4, Insightful

      My kids have no privacy, period, end of discussion.

      So you want them to do the "bad" stuff behind your back, then? If you're conditioning your kids to not be honest with you, what exactly do you expect from them later in life?

      Oh, you think they'll stop if you tell them to? I thought you remember those hormones?

    14. Re:Nope by FatdogHaiku · · Score: 2

      ...Besides, if you can throw them into battle it is hard to argue that they don't have the right to make up their own minds.

      As long as they don't decide to have a beer, as that would be illegal until they are 21...
      Oh, don't forget the seemingly random age of sexual consent laws.
      No opportunities for bad choices there.

      --
      You have the right to remain sentient. If you give up the right to remain sentient, you will be elected to public office
    15. Re:Nope by MightyYar · · Score: 4, Funny

      Congratulations on being an asshole who's kids hate you and will want nothing to do with you later in life after they move out.

      I'm a parent, not a friend.

      Your kids in high school are plenty capable of making their own decisions

      Then we should make kids emancipated at 14. Or is that a bad idea?

      the only way you teach them how to be a responsible adult is to TREAT them like one

      I have to keep them safe enough to reach adulthood, and that means (in part) protecting them from their own inexperience, lack of brain development, and hormone imbalances. A kid is, by definition, not an adult and should only be given the responsibility and respect that they earn. Even then, you must stay on top of them because no teenager has the life experience to avoid bad situations.

      Your attitude has nothing to do with the well being of your children and everything to do with your personal desire to lord power over others.

      I'm actually more libertarian-leaning, so I'm not sure where you get off making that assumption. My attitude is 100% driven by my desire to raise healthy, productive adults. Many "good kids" get mixed up in drugs through no fault of parenting - many kids are just not capable of making mature, informed decisions. I'm not talking about sheltering kids - I'm talking about having all the facts to judge and direct your parenting. I'm sorry, but I won't just "trust" that my kids aren't taking drugs or meeting predatory people (online or elsewhere). They will have full privacy when they leave my house.

      --
      W..w..W - Willy Waterloo washes Warren Wiggins who is washing Waldo Woo.
  2. Nonsense by Grapplebeam · · Score: 2

    They will sacrifice all the dignity, freedom, and independence that child once had.

    --
    There is no -1 Disagree.
    1. Re:Nonsense by Man+On+Pink+Corner · · Score: 4, Insightful

      And worst of all, the kid will grow up seeing this state of affairs as perfectly normal.

    2. Re:Nonsense by Billly+Gates · · Score: 3, Insightful

      You do know that if your 14 your old daughter decides to show her boyfriend her tittles for all fun and games on a web cam that she can go to jail for manufacturing and distributing child pornography and be labelled a sex offender for life! That counts for 2 crimes and the cops are asses and do not care.

      I think that is ridiculous but I work for a school district and heard some of these presentations. To me the idea of my kid going to jail for something nearly all teens do now is disturbing. Having a talk or not they are teens and if I own the computers I have a right to keylog. Nearly a third of teenagers get stalked by sexual predators on the net. I have seen men wacking off in cars in front of elementary schools and others following innocent children. It is more common than you think and some parents want to monitor for good reasons.

      I prefer to be honest as my kids are not at that age where I have to worry yet. However, I am not opposed to a parent keylogging their kid. Heck people keylog their spouses and so do your employers.

    3. Re:Nonsense by drinkypoo · · Score: 2

      And worst of all, the kid will grow up seeing this state of affairs as perfectly normal.

      And it is perfectly normal. That doesn't make it right. Public school trains you for a future in which if you are not in the "in" clique your success is limited by others who will keep you down just on general principle. It really is how the whole world works. That doesn't make it right. But you DO need to be trained to operate in that world. Unfortunately, school trained me to be an undercitizen so I've had to forget everything it taught me societally. Even more unfortunately, the only way we're ever going to change it is to stop teaching kids to accept it.

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
  3. Sexting? by MrQuacker · · Score: 4, Funny

    And then he arrests them all when pictures of said kids pop up on the computer. Easy felony busts to fluff up a record.

  4. What a tool by Krakadoom · · Score: 2

    'When it comes down to safety and welfare of your child, I don't think any parent would sacrifice anything to make sure nothing happens to their children,' he says."

    First off, shouldn't that say that he DOES think that any parent would sacrifice anything blah blah? Second, the parents don't actually sacrifice anything themselves, what they do is violate their child's privacy, which doesn't affect themselves in any way.

    1. Re:What a tool by amiga3D · · Score: 2

      It's easy to fix the privacy issue. I told my children in advance that I was monitoring their computer. I gave them non-admin accounts on the box and informed them that I WAS watching everything they did. Thus informed it's not like I"m spying, they know I'm there.

    2. Re:What a tool by Krakadoom · · Score: 2

      Just because you're told you're being watched, doesn't mean it doesn't violate your privacy. If the goverment decided we should have state controlled yet fully disclosed cameras in every home, you would think your privacy was being violated, right? Whether you tell your kids or not, you're still violating their right to privacy. Now whether you think they should be afforded that right in the first place, as I assume you don't from what you wrote, is another matter entirely.

      I just happen to think all human beings are entitled to privacy, regardless of age.

  5. Really want to lose your children's trust?? by mehrotra.akash · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The age when you cannot say "internet only when I'm around" - 10-12 yrs I guess
    The age when the children start maintaining the computers themselves, taking basic precautions against malware,etc -- 12-14 (and then they find out about the parent installed keylogger)
    Would you really want your kids not to trust you after the age of 14?

  6. The real threat is always in the home by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Informative

    Anybody who knows anything about the Internet and Reality knows that the child predator myth is the creation of law enforcement and other agencies wishing to profit.

    Everybody who knows anything about child abuse knows that the vast majority of abuse happens in the home.

    So when a child is on the computer explaining to their friends how they are sexually, physically, or psychologically abused at home by their care givers, then their care givers will be one of the first people to find out what their children are saying about them in supposedly private conversations.

    These activities are an indictment to responsible parenting, and responsible policing (if there is such a thing, and stories like this always seem to validate my doubts).

  7. Re:cue 100% of comments... by Anrego · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I don't so much have a problem with the privacy issue. Up to a certain age, I think a parent should supervise what their child is doing online.

    More the method.

    This seems like a half-ass solution to a problem arising from the sadly typical "both parents work, no one actually raises their own kids any more" society we have now. No, you can't monitor your kids all the time.. and there is an age between the "computer in the living room, only when I'm around" age and the "computer in your bedroom.. I trust you" age.. but this seems like a really bad solution for something that _should_ be solved by actual parenting.

  8. Re:cue 100% of comments... by Dhalka226 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    That was one of the creepiest fucking things I've ever read. Even if that's exactly what parents want, why on Earth should society support it? Living through your children is not psychologically healthy -- not for you, and certainly not for your children. They're not little mini-you's. They share some genetics with you, they'll obviously share a bit of you based on their upbringing, but they are not you.

    If you want to argue you're protecting them... fine. It's a stupid argument and a terrible approach, but at least I can respect the goal. Suggesting you want to keylog your child's computer so you can spy on everything they do and make sure they turn out to be like you in every way instead of just "some ways"... is fucking creepy. There's no other way to put it.

  9. "Simple" solution to raising kids: by migla · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Talk to your kids.

    Make sure there's an open environment at home where the parents take an interest in the kids and talk about what they've been up to and what they're going to do.

    This will (statistically) make the kids want to share what happens in their life, which in turn will make them not do stupid things they'd have to hide.

    --
    Some of my favourite people are from th US; Vonnegut, Chomsky, Bill Hicks.
    1. Re:"Simple" solution to raising kids: by RyuuzakiTetsuya · · Score: 2

      what if your kid's gay? Transgender? What if your kid's being bullied to the extent that they just do not want to talk about it?

      Even if you create a perfectly safe space for your child, they may not open up.

      --
      Non impediti ratione cogitationus.
  10. Re:cue 100% of comments... by FuckingNickName · · Score: 2

    Living through your children is not psychologically healthy -- not for you, and certainly not for your children.

    Living through your children is the very reason for having your own children, by definition: it's what you do when you pass on your genes. If your interest was merely to pass on love and support and promote independence, but you weren't interested in creating a variant of a miniature you, you'd choose to adopt.

  11. "Be Prepared" by davide+marney · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I like the way the Boy Scouts handle this sort of risk. Far better to be prepared for problems and to know what to do in a dicey situation, rather than try to insulate oneself from all harm (which cannot be done, in any event.) I didn't find it very hard hard to teach my kids how to be safe on the Internet. I would not put a blanket prohibition on keylogging, however. If a child deliberately lies about his online activities, is actively seeking out bad things on the Internet, and has been caught in the act more than once, then monitoring is called for. Then, it's really more about the lying than it is about the Internet.

    --
    "We receive as friendly that which agrees with, we resist with dislike that which opposes us" - Faraday
    1. Re:"Be Prepared" by demonlapin · · Score: 2

      What do you mean, "now"? The organization is, and to my knowledge always has been, quite open about its religious underpinnings. All the scout troops where I grew up were associated with churches. The "God and Country" badge... well, that's pretty explicit right there.

  12. Came to say this by Wrexs0ul · · Score: 2

    Happy with your successful first post!

    We're a generation bringing in the first generation born into Facebook, Google, Wikipedia, etc.. I can only assume that on Slashdot our kids will be curious of what their parents do online at an early age, and very quickly figure out what they can do online too.

    It's a little scary to give kids that kind of access to information, but I'm excited by the challenge. I fully intend to have them on my lap in front of the PC at an early age (among other less stationary activities), and when their old enough introduce them to online media, it's power, and teach/learn along the way.

    Until they're teens of course, then that sh*t gets locked-up after sundown :). j/k... maybe...

    -Matt

    --
    --- Need web hosting?
    1. Re:Came to say this by hairyfeet · · Score: 5, Informative

      Hi Matt! You won't have any problems as long as you are honest with your kids and actually know them. With my two boys I had them playing with my hand me down PCs almost from the time they could walk, had them a little LAN set up so they could play each other (no net access of course) at around 6 and gave them timed access to the net (most routers have time based settings) when their schoolwork started requiring research. I finally gave them full access at around the time I was giving them the talk at 15.

      Funny part is I knew damned good and well what was gonna happen when I let them loose. I gave them the whole spiel about how many porn sites have bugs but I knew damned good and well the oldest would think I was full of shit and just saying that to spook him. Sure enough about 3 days later his little brother drags me towards his room laughing his ass off and there is the oldest with his head in his hands as "YOU CAN HAVE A BIGGER DICK!" and "HOT SEX IN YOUR AREA!" pop ups just flooded the screen. I looked at his little brother and we both just died laughing. A month without his PC along with having to learn how to do a spyware removal was a valuable life lesson IMHO.

      So as long as you're honest with them, take it one step at a time, and realize they WILL fuck up occasionally and that ALL teens will eventually want to look at the opposite sex naked, everything will be alright. Now the oldest is in premed and the youngest is deciding whether he wants to be a chef or go into CAD, so I figure I did alright. One thing I got lucky with was dope, as my ex brother in law became a full blown meth addict which gave the kids a really great example of what drugs can do to you close up. I'm just glad I never lied to the boys or covered for him because now neither one wants a damned thing to do with any drug after seeing him fried with holes in his face where he picked himself bloody.

      The world can be a scary place, but as long as you are honest with your kids and actually explain WHY there are rules (other than "because I said so!") then you'll do alright and they turn out just fine. Every friend I went to HS with that had trouble with his/her kids did the "Because I said so" bit and without a better reason the kids just thought they were being asses and pretty much ignored them when they turned teen. But other than the oldest thinking he knew more about computers and the net than me (BWA HA HA HA HA!) I never had a lick of trouble by simply being honest and giving them freedom in slowly larger increments. A little trust goes a long way.

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
    2. Re:Came to say this by lwsimon · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Intelligent kids are so much more difficult to raise - and I'd wager that there is a disproportionate number of highly intelligent kids of parents who read Slashdot.

      I've got a two-year-old, and I always take time to explain why I set boundaries for her, even though she doesn't fully understand all of it yet. "Because I said so" is valid, if and only if you're really setting a boundary only for your own personal preference; that's okay, you're the adult. The same reason shouldn't be given for "why can't I wear my tutu to Walmart?" as "Why can't I put my hand on the top of the stove to see if it's on?".

      --
      Learn about Photography Basics.
  13. Another Substitute for Parenting by OzTech · · Score: 3, Insightful

    It is east to always justify things like this in the name of protection and safety. It is the motherhood and apple-pie argument which Americans use to defend all of their actions.

    Sadly, it is not a substitute for taking care of your children. Explain things to them, teach and guide by example. Make them aware of what they can stumble into and how to get out. Handled correctly and with educated children, you don't need nanny filters, porn filters, or key-loggers. With 3 children connected to the internet since their early to mid teens, two of whom are now in their early 20's, I have actually practiced this method and it works. Show some respect and guidance, you might be surprised to discover that you get the same in return. Children are a reflection on their parents, so kids who grow up with nanny filters and snooping software, think it is normal and won't have any issue in seeing it used elsewhere for any reason whatsoever.

  14. Teach "internet stranger danger" by jonwil · · Score: 2

    If we teach our kids not to trust random people online in the same as we teach our kids not to trust random people in the real world, online pedophiles wont be a problem.

    Kids should be taught that the "Captain Turbo" in that chatroom they like to chat in is not to be trusted in the same way as someone strange who walks up to them in the street.

  15. Beat Summary I Have Seen by tm2b · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "It is better, and easier, to try to worldproof your children than to try to childproof the world."

    --
    "It is our blasphemy which has made us great, and will sustain us, and which the gods secretly admire in us." - Zelazny
  16. The consequences? by Blackajack · · Score: 2

    There will be many, many kids who will never, ever trust their parents again.

  17. Damn straight-I log what my kids do online by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Damn straight I log what my kids do online, but I never admit it or tell them about it. We were all young once and we all made poor decisions. It is part of growing up.

    I also block content at the proxy server and act really dumb when certain websites don't work at our house from the family PC. "I don't know, did you get a virus or a rootkit somewhere?" is my standard answer. It works on my PC.

    Someday they will learn about transparent proxies ... maybe. Until they do, they are "Lusers" and don't need to know anything about our home network security, just like the users inside my company don't need to know. Google and results for proxy are not blocked.

    BTW, I learned this from my excellent parents. They knew I was smoking pot and drinking as a teen. They said nothing, but after a bottle of JD disappeared from my room, we entered the "don't ask, don't tell" parent-interaction-method. About 10 yrs ago, Mom admitted to everything - she was pissed about the pot, but her and Dad decided it was a "phase" and to leave me alone if it didn't impact any other part of my life - which it didn't. I was in sports, held a job, got ok grades (As and Bs) and didn't get into trouble anywhere.

    Talking with your kids is a good thing too.
    Trust, but verify - just like in the business world.

    1. Re:Damn straight-I log what my kids do online by pinguwin · · Score: 2

      But you're not in the business world. You're in a family. If you run your family like a business, I am most pleased to have grown up in the family I did rather than yours.

  18. Good grief - key loggers? Be honest with your kids by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 4, Insightful

    We didn't limit our daughter's online activities - but the computer she used was out in our living room. We explained to her why we felt it mattered, and also explained that it wasn't so much distrust of her as it was concern about a small minority of online denizens she might run into. We didn't spend time looking over her shoulder, but we would on occasion ask her what she was doing at the moment and who she was talking with. And no, we didn't really check - we took her word for it.

    You may or may not agree with this, but really the bottom line is this - be honest with your kids. If you're sneaking around behind their backs, don't be surprised if they turn around and do the same thing to you. If you want them to respect you, show that you respect them. Sure, it's not an equal partnership and you certainly need to look out for them, but the goal of raising them right is you should be able to trust them to do the right thing most of the time.

    --
    #DeleteChrome
  19. Who keylogs whom? by petes_PoV · · Score: 3, Interesting
    Meanwhile, the kids are learning how to install keyloggers on their parents' machines. After, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the goose's parents. Plus you never know when you'll need a little leverage to excuse those bad grades, trade for being grounded or as an "incentive" for that first car.

    The parents have already set the ground rules (that privacy and respect mean nothing) so the kids are only learning fromthat example - oh, and the example from law-enforcement.

    --
    politicians are like babies' nappies: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons
  20. Re:cue 100% of comments... by cheekyjohnson · · Score: 2

    Living through your children is the very reason for having your own children, by definition:

    Whose definition? Yours?

    it's what you do when you pass on your genes.

    Genes don't determine every single aspect of one's behavior. Most of it is learned. However, just because that is what is biologically happening, that absolutely does not mean that the parents are actively and mentally trying to live through their child. They may just like children. They may want them to grow up in their own way. It depends entirely on the person, and there is no absolute truth to this matter as you attempted to let on.

    If your interest was merely to pass on love and support and promote independence, but you weren't interested in creating a variant of a miniature you, you'd choose to adopt.

    As I said above, genes don't entirely determine a person's behavior. I really do believe that people should adopt (not that you can't indoctrinate an adopted child), but to say that all biological parents are attempting to live through their children is quite the generalization.

    --
    Filthy, filthy copyrapists!
  21. Re:cue 100% of comments... by FuckingNickName · · Score: 2

    We have sufficient technology to maintain a population of constant size in comfort with reduced working hours. It just requires us not to continually consume more and to prevent hoarding. But then who can feel like they're a master of the universe?

  22. Turnabout is fairplay by iter8 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Today's lesson is parents keylogging kids with the aid of the police. How long will it be before the computer savvy among the kids keylog their parents or teachers? Kids learn things quickly. Teach them that spying and dishonesty is the way to treat people and they'll learn the lesson and apply it.

  23. Re:cue 100% of comments... by h4rm0ny · · Score: 2

    A bunch of childless geeks and fringe case parents who only want their children to be like them in some ways can whine all they want, but this is what parents want. It's as inevitable as human nature.

    Most parents don't actually want their child to be how they are. They actually want that child to be like how they think they are. For example, most dads may condemn their child for looking at porn on the Internet, but do so themselves. They might not demonstrate trust and put a keylogger on the child's computer, but they'd be pretty freaked if the child showed the same lack of trust and put a keylogger on their computer and spied on them.

    Parents keylogging their children like this are probably hypocrites as they would not want their child to behave in the same way. But children seldom turn out how their parents want them to be and more often how their parents are. The best way to teach a child a behaviour is to behave that way yourself.

    --

    Aide-toi, le Ciel t'aidera - Jeanne D'Arc.
  24. Re:Most kids now! by cheekyjohnson · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Really? Some people keep talking about how kids today are so good with technology, but that's not necessarily true in my experience. Most of them merely know how to access their Facebook accounts, use a proxy, and point and click. That's pretty much it. They don't know the details about anything. They might know slightly more than their parents, but that isn't saying much. Most people just seem to be technologically illiterate.

    --
    Filthy, filthy copyrapists!
  25. Re:cue 100% of comments... by HangingChad · · Score: 5, Insightful

    > But since they did, it means they want to keep an eye on their kid to make sure they turn out as they wish

    My brother is one of those fat, old "the ends justify the means" right wingers. He felt it was okay spying on his kids because the ends justified it. What he didn't know was that my nieces and nephews were way ahead of him. I got a clue when they started asking me about running Ubuntu from a live CD and various ways someone might spy on a cell phone. It got to the point they were running "wild weasel" missions to cover one another. I don't think my brother knows to this day.

    I mark the time we started going downhill as a country as the day those BABY ON BOARD stickers started showing up on cars. The dawn of the overprotective helicopter parents. After that it was locker and backpack searches, drug tests, fences, badges and metal detectors. On the way to the golf course a bunch of us drove past what I thought it was a minimum security prison. One of the other guys corrected me that it was a school. When we raise our children like prisoners, how do we expect them to behave as adults?

    Classes like the one the police chief is teaching do little more than highlight the extent of decay our society has experienced the last 40 years.

    --
    That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
  26. Brilliant Cop.... by EuclideanSilence · · Score: 2

    A group of detectives just talked adults into voluntarily installing keyloggers on their own computer.

    It's like a cop's wet dream, a city full of computers with keyloggers already installed on them. All they needed was a little it's-for-the-children.

    "Your children need to learn how to avoid potentially dangerous situations on a computer.
    Here.
    Install this keylogger."

    Did the detectives have to practice keeping a straight face during the seminars?

  27. Re:cue 100% of comments... by demonlapin · · Score: 2

    I still don't understand why people feel that they must have children.

    Because all the people who didn't have a slightly irrational drive to reproduce died without descendants. Evolution in action.

  28. Re:Things are going to get harder... by betterunixthanunix · · Score: 2

    I know how I will raise my children: they will not get a smartphone, because I am not going to hand a $300 cell phone to a child. When my children get their first jobs, even if it is just walking around the neighborhood mowing lawns, they can save their money and buy their own smartphones if they want.

    --
    Palm trees and 8
  29. Yet Again... by FlyingGuy · · Score: 2

    It never ceases to amaze me how many apparently well educated people ( I am assuming of course that most people on /. are well educated either formally or informally ) just don't get it.

    There is a razor fine line a parent walks between giving a child the freedom to express themselves and explore and grow and protecting both the child and themselves from some of the very ugly bits of reality in this world.

    Could Have, Should Have, Would Have if only I had known

    How many times have we all seen or heard of a situation that we come up against in even our own lives that even the slightest aside to someone would have prevented something very very wrong from happening.

    Call it spying, call it invading their privacy, call it not trusting them call it whatever you like, but there is nothing wrong with key loggers for your 13 year old daughter or son. Absolutely nothing. I state that firmly and without reservation, and the rest of the world be damned.

    I make that statement because in my world it matters what you DO with that information. As we all know information IS vital to being able to guide events. You look at the the data and you see that your kid is trending into a pattern of behavior that you know is going to get their ass in a sling you just might want to start doing things with your kid that will gently guide them away from that. Your daughter and all her little pals are planning an event and in their little chat groups and what not you discover that someone is bringing drugs or there is going to be booze there you just might want to plan an alternate family event that just happens to prevent them being able to attend. Do you get in your kids face and call all their friends losers or do you gently steer them elsewhere, "Sorry kiddo we are going to be out of town that day."

    Since my wife I are the ones that are going to get our asses raked over the coals by CPS / The Police / Family Court if our child does something stupid which, and lets face it if we all remember back to when we were 13 we know that despite our parents best efforts we did some stupid shit, 13 year old's are want to do, then we damn well have the right to use whatever tools that are at our disposal to attempt to prevent said stupid shit from happening.

    It really comes down to how you act on that information. If you see your kid making choices that keep them out of trouble then you keep your mouth shut and let them explore and make the small mistakes and occasionally a few of the larger ones that have consequences that might very well cause you to have to take some kind of punitive measures but that will not endanger their future and or health. BE the invisible hand of guidance and let them grow up and hopefully they will do no harm to themselves and others.

    --
    Hey KID! Yeah you, get the fuck off my lawn!
  30. Re:cue 100% of comments... by suomynonAyletamitlU · · Score: 4, Interesting

    No, you're not living on through your children, you're beginning the process of iterating; you will die and someone else will take your place. Iterative design is all about fixing mistakes in the previous version (you) and trying to find a way to create adult humans who are capable of dealing with any problem that crosses their path (your child).

    If you're trying to create adult humans that are the same as you instead of capable in general, you probably believe one or more of:
    * That you're perfect (in which case you're wrong, especially if you're doing creepy things to your children)
    * That you're not perfect, but they're not going to come across any problems you didn't (in which case you're 99% likely to be wrong, unless you're a fifth-generation coal miner or something)
    * That something you needed to do is left undone (which is a shitty thing to leave your kids burdened with, especially without their consent or approval, and by the way you're not even dead yet)
    * That life doesn't allow people to make any progress anyway so we should all just be shitty people like you
    * Your children don't really have feelings anyway and as long as you play the game of parenting right you can make them into whatever you want
    * That your way of life gives you a unique way of dealing with things that is far superior to all others (a view shared by both too-rich people and scam artists)

    As far as I know, all of those are legitimately unhealthy psychologically.

  31. Re:Good grief - key loggers? Be honest with your k by swillden · · Score: 2

    I'm very glad that worked well for you. You should keep in mind, however, that not all kids are the same. I have four children, all of them raised in the same environment, with the same rules and in basically the same way. With one of them, I'd have no qualms about giving him his own, unmonitored, laptop and letting him use it anywhere he likes (in deference to issues of perceived fairness, I haven't done this -- he has to use the computer in the living room just like the other kids). With another, the approach you mentioned plus some software-enforced time limits (using timeoutd) is adequate. For a third, filtering and basic oversight have proven to be necessary and sufficient; as long as he knows there's a decent chance he'll be caught misbehaving, he doesn't.

    For the fourth, I have configured vino on her account so that I can use VNC to watch her screen basically 100% of the time that she's on the computer (without her knowledge), we have full access to her Facebook and other on-line accounts, we read all of her texts and IM logs, etc. All of this very deep and invasive oversight is a condition of her right to use the computer, or the phone. Why? Because it's proven to be necessary. Without such intense oversight and frequent correction she gets herself in trouble. Granted that my daughter isn't a normal case; she struggles with severe clinical depression and an emotion disorder which often leads her to do self-destructive things.

    But the point is that there is no one "right" approach to managing your children's computer use. Children are individuals, every one is unique and must be treated as such. Good parents strive to understand their children's needs and strike the appropriate balance between privacy and freedom on the one hand and oversight and control on the other. This is hard to do. In fact, it is almost certainly the hardest thing any parent EVER ever does in his or her life, and every parent gets it wrong, frequently. But parents who care and who work at it learn from their mistakes and adjust their approach.

    Tools like keyloggers, VNC, chat logs, phone and text logs, etc. are all just tools. Good parents look for good tools and find the appropriate way to employ them. Good parents also weigh the pros and cons of full disclosure to their children of the degree of oversight being applied. In general, honesty and full disclosure is the best approach -- but there are exceptions to every rule.

    The key is to understand your kids, as best you can, and then exercise good judgment, because you know their judgment is lacking. The best definition of wisdom that I've ever heard is "applied experience", and children do not have experience.

    --
    Note to ACs: I usually delete AC replies without reading them. If you want to talk to me, log in.
  32. What cops are/are not good for... by Shoten · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I can understand why parents would turn to police officers for some description of the threats out there. I get why they would want the people who deal with criminals to talk about the nature of the bad guys and how they operate. What I don't get is why parents would accept OPERATIONAL advice on how to behave towards their kids. The police are (duh) charged with the investigation of crimes and criminal suspects. This is a model for behavior which is unbelievably ill-suited for parenting.

    --

    For your security, this post has been encrypted with ROT-13, twice.
  33. Another way of saying by Dishwasha · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Feel free to replace "parents" with "US Government" and "children" with "citizens" in any of those statements. Also feel free to replace "police" with "FBI".

  34. Hogwash! Kids don't have the rights by bussdriver · · Score: 2

    Parents can do almost anything to their kids within the law and even in the criminal situations they rarely get caught and when they do I bet the majority of them do not get a proper response.

    There is nothing wrong with keyloging YOUR kid. The other issues are just that-- OTHER ISSUES. It may prove useful to have a log of the kids messages if something goes wrong later. The only real big related issue is the privacy rights of the child, including the use of such info by police to nail your child for something... we are not intelligently handling children in the legal system anymore.

    1. Re:Hogwash! Kids don't have the rights by JustNilt · · Score: 2

      Parents can do almost anything to their kids within the law and even in the criminal situations they rarely get caught and when they do I bet the majority of them do not get a proper response.

      There is nothing wrong with keyloging YOUR kid. The other issues are just that-- OTHER ISSUES. It may prove useful to have a log of the kids messages if something goes wrong later. The only real big related issue is the privacy rights of the child, including the use of such info by police to nail your child for something... we are not intelligently handling children in the legal system anymore.

      The GP is correct you have th be careful but you can do pretty much anything you wish to a computer you own. Since minors have no property rights, their computers are yours to do as you wish with. I agree there's nothing wrong with keylogging your kid, although there are better ways to deal with most kids. I think keylogging is a last resort, though. My children have been told they have no expectation of privacy; at any time I can and will look at anything and everything on their computers or cell phones. While I rarely do, the fact that they don't ever expect privacy makes them think twice before doing risky things.

      --
      You know the thing about UDP jokes? I don't care if you get it or not.
    2. Re:Hogwash! Kids don't have the rights by penguinchris · · Score: 2

      You might also say it teaches them to hide things properly (they will always find a way), and to keep track of their private information. It's a real-world lesson - the way most people handle their data, there's essentially nothing stopping the government or corporations or identity thieves or whoever from knowing absolutely everything about them. Probably not that poster's kids, though.

      If the kid learns that lesson in a safe way (only the parent finds their incriminating data), then they don't have to learn it the hard way, which is what everyone else will do. And it doesn't have to be super sinister stuff - it will also teach the kids not to be stupid about what they post on facebook or elsewhere online.

      To be clear - I think the fear/respect choice regarding Big Brother is false... you must both fear and respect them, and then you'll be able to subvert them when necessary.

    3. Re:Hogwash! Kids don't have the rights by flowwolf · · Score: 2

      I am serious. The only way they learn respect is if you punish them when they test those lines. I'm not talking about tyranical fear. This is just you taking what I said to an extreme position.

      Consequences are a fact of reality. Without fear of consequence there is no respect. I guess you just want to protect every child from ever once having a bad feeling :( Aww the children. So sad for them.

  35. Don't keylog, secure the computer. by Murdoch5 · · Score: 2

    Key logging software is not the solutions to kids being in danger on the computer. I don't want to make a percentage but I'm sure the number of computers under secured is above 70%. Key logging does not keep kids safe and it does no prevent any issue. What parents need to do is to use high level security firewalls and filters to block kids from being able to get to far on the Internet.

    On more then 1 occasion I've been told by family member that there computer is secure because they have norton. When you end up looking at there setup it's so sloppy and grade 8 hacker could reroute it, which also means that a click kid on a mouse can get around it. What really needs to happen is parent have to be taught about how computer security really works and how to setup security so it's effective. The key logger is just the icing on the cake, but its in no way a prevention method.